u/Difficult-Fix-5880

Do the horrible things they've done ever really fade? Every few nights or some mornings I'll be relaxing or doing something when the memories of things they've done return. I know the human mind doesn't exactly forget major events like that, but do they ever at least fade a bit? They ruin my night sometimes, to be reminded of things.

My expwBPD near constantly portrayed herself as someone who was constantly satisfied with life. Especially around her mother, who taught her to carry herself this way, as well as in public, school, work, etc. But in private it was obvious she had a large array of problems and was an unhappy person. Now, I know this is common in itself, but it leaked onto me. That being that if I had mundane opinions about certain things or had a slight personal struggle it was seen as weakness or there being something wrong with me​. Life is a blessing, yes, but its simply not that happy. Children and animals are happy with life often, I don't know a single adult who wakes up every day like its Christmas or their birthday, its just odd to me. Does anyone else have experience with this?

One thing regarding the cognitive dissonance that's difficult to let go of, despite being settled with everything, is that when I did eventually explain to my expwBPD that if she continues to insult and try to create arguments, I would- against my best wishes have to leave for my own sake. I was absolutely drained mentally, emotionally, and even physically, I was extremely tired.

Upon hearing this, she definitely panicked and finally agreed to help work with me to repair the relationship. I was very happy to hear that even with my state at the time. From that time forth, she became depressed. She has blood pressure problems and on one ocassion passed out in the shower. She also had trouble eating and really lost her appetite. I never said that I was leaving, I expressed my desire and desperation to make things worse, but I was so drained that I really did not have the energy to fight like I once did. We broke up about a week and a half later with her blaming me for her state, loss of appetite, and distress.

I just feel terrible for it. I wish I could have helped her, but simultaneously, regardless of the relationship, we are two grown adults. We must know how to self-soothe to some degree at least..but furthermore, she would never ​​​have ended up there if I didn't place that boundary for the sake of protecting my mental state. What are you thoughts?

These people never valued you as a person. They valued your traits. They never knew you as a person, as an individual. How many of you were shut down when you approached them for support, yet stuck it out 110% whenever they had an issue? These people never appreciate you for what you give, they just appreciate what it was you gave them. Doesn't matter that it came from you. That it came from love and genuine dedication. I know it seems harsh, but these people ​will not value the next one. They didn't value you when it came down to it, and they didn't value whoever came before you.

I know that those of us affected range from dating for a month to married to decades with kids, as well as family members, but the fact of the matter is that we are people to. It's cliche, but we genuinely live one life. It should absolutely not be spent dedicating so much time, effort, affection, and literal health, to ensuring that these people who cannot even care for themselves in our absence, are happy. When you can no longer provide, you no longer hold worth. There are people out there who will truly appreciate what you can give, and will reciprocate it. Not because they want more from you, but because they love who you are. What you stand for, where you come from, the way you show up for them. Do not settle for people who literally hate you when your actions don't suit their needs.​

I'm almost 3 months out from the discard and admittedly, I'm doing pretty great. She has already replaced me, which doesn't bother me. I've entirely analyzed the situation and thought about things like how no conflict could ever be resolved, the constant demeaning of my character, just all of the drama really. That isn't someone I could ever, nor would ever wish to grow with.

But regardless, I'm still sort of fascinated I guess with the whole concept of her symptoms. Every little thing, it's very interesting to me. I can't tell if its just because I'm too invested or bored or what. But why does it seem like I care more about cracking her puzzle and understanding every little intricacie about her disorder as opposed to actually just focusing on ​solely on healing? Has anyone else found themselves in the same boat?

I do think part of it is logical in that it leaves you with a great cognitive dissonance. Most of us were discarded pretty much out of the blue with no closure while they just blame shifted and moved on instantly. Making it seem and truly feel like we were the issue. But still, it feels so odd. When does this start to fade?

Well, it has been just a bit over 2 months now and my ex pwBPD has a new boyfriend. Please understand everyone, that it doesn't demean your worth, that whether you were enough or not would have fixed things. These people have something deeply wrong internally that many refuse to fix. Mine fails to acknowledge any and nearly all mental health related topics as it is. Just know that it's a cycle. It was my turn, it was your turn, and it will be the current guy/girl's turn also. Just going to keep repeating endlessly. Keep your head up and understand that true love will never require you to fight tooth and nail just to prove you deserve to be treated like a human.

I mean this not to kill anyone's hopes, but depending on the reasoning and severity of your breakup, returning won't reestablish the magic and wonder of love that you once felt in the beginning. I think a lot of us are aware that we cling to a past reality. Even if things were how we wished them to be, it wouldn't feel how it felt the first time. Sometimes it's ok to let that dream go and build yourself back up.​

Just curious if dissociation is part of BPD. In hindsight, so often did it seem like my ex was just not present mentally. She was often deep in thought but with no care to share what. While not uncommon, it just seemed off. It was quite often and even to the point where she would just walk past me with no word or reaction, like a robot in a way. It wasn't odd for her to walk away while mid-conversation on the phone or even just ignore what I'm saying. I'd probably drum it up to neglect, but me beginning to want time to myself and my hobbies towards the end of our relationship was a breaking point for her. So, it was obvious she wanted me present constantly. Thoughts?

One of the few thoughts I can't get out of my head. I think I already know the answer, but pondering it still brings me an odd feeling. With all of the gaslighting and manipulation, they really do make you feel at times as though you're a disaster of a partner. Can't help but remember how absolutely perfect things were in the beginning before the random arguments, ultimatums, and insults. Without treatment, would the next person get it any different?

I've reached the point now, about a month and 3 quarters out from the discard. I've done my research, asked questions, and have spoken to plenty of people to get my understanding of what exactly happened during the relationship as well as the discard and I've honestly got it down. I'm settled with it now. I feel no emotion towards my ex outside of resentment and some pity, but regardless its still on my mind all the time. Does anyone else deal with this?

It's just become exhausting. At first it was a relief to be able to see things for what they were, but at this point I do not miss that person at all. I've got no interest in ever interacting with them again and couldn't care less as to what they do with their life now. Neutrally though, not out of spite. I just am not interested anymore. But I think because the situation was such a whirlwind and the discard left so much confusion-, that it really isn't that easy to let go subconsciously. What do I do?

Hello all! I(M20) was broken up with in the beginning of May by my ex(19F). It was my first real relationship and I didn't know what to expect. It was amazing at the start but quickly turned rocky. We dated for almost 6 months. The breakup was out of the blue and left me very hurt and even more so confused, so I have been doing some research and just want to ask based on a few things that took place, if it may be possible that my ex has undiagnosed BPD or something related?

-Within the first few days of us dating she brought up in a moment of sadness that she "will be lucky if this relationship lasts a year".

-Opened up to me within the first week or so of us talking- about her past relationships, all of which she explained were toxic, manipulative, they just wanted sex from her, etc. As well as family issues, insecurities, and what have you.

-Once had a full breakdown while at work, crying in the bathroom because I had slept in a bit and didn't text her right away. I felt horrible and had to call her and calm things down after.

-She would get very sad/lonely if I wanted to do something like hike with my brother, spend time with family, or had to work on days she didn't work.

-Talked about getting married and having kids before we even started dating.

-Would shut down in sadness if something I said or did(neutral tone) was taken as a negative response to her. It took forever to get her to talk to me about it and almost every time I had to explain what I actually meant and that I didn't hate her or I wasn't annoyed or what have you.

-She would say things like, "do you think I'm mentally stable? - You deserve better than me. - Do you wish I was [insert physical or intellectual quality] - Maybe I don't love myself enough." During the breakup she also said something like, "you won't have to deal with this anymore".

-Arguments became frequent not long into the relationship. She would often become insulting as time went on and commonly gave me ultimatums.

-Towards the end of the relationship, I became very tired of the consistent insulting and the ultimatums. I asked her for months to please work with me so that we can resolve conflicts without causing pain. She always agreed but the cycle kept repeating. My boundary was that if she would not stop, then despite my wishes, I would have to end up leaving. It hurt me immensely to hear the girl I love more than anything, insulting me so comfortably. She ended up breaking up with me 2 weeks later. We had a normal conversation that day which was on the topic of me expressing that I want us to improve, to which she took offense and claimed I was manipulative, abusive, controlling, never apologized, and many other things that she couldn't properly argue. The night before she ordered me a pizza and we made plans for that weekend. Stayed on the phone together until maybe 1 am. Next day, discarded and blocked everywhere.

What are your thoughts? If anyone wants more context on certain things, I am more than happy to help.

Hello all. Does anyone know where I may be able to fine reproduction WW2 era Soviet tanker coveralls and a cap? Interested in making a tanker impression but struggling finding the right stuff.

Have any of you ever been thoroughly betrayed? I don't mean just cheating but like truly betrayed. In my case, my ex met my family and in a matter of 2 weeks afterwards, she absolutely slandered me to everyone she knows. I cannot legally talk to her directly now. How does one cope with not just a heartbreak but an absolute betrayal?​

Hello! I'm trying to put together a German army with the theme of the Eastern Front. While there's tons of great sets to choose from out there, I've noticed that a lot of them don't seem to contain too many bayonets on their K98s, which is a real liking of mine. Would anyone know some sets that contain Germans with a decent number of bayonet K98s?