I am at my limit (vent/seeking advice)
Context: I am 20 weeks pregnant and have a 2.5 year old. I also work with level 3 special needs adults every day. Needless to say, I. Am. Tired.
I am so stressed my chest hurts. I am at my absolute limit; I’m considering checking myself into a psych ward just to get a f*cking break and I truly, genuinely wish I was joking. I think I’m heading towards actual burnout very fast, if I’m not already there.
My daughter WILL NOT STOP whining. About anything, it doesn’t matter. She wants yogurt? She wants me to play? I closed the baby gate instead of letting her do it, even though she’s across the house? Her milk is in the wrong cup? Immediate whine. She knows how to ask for things without whining, she just doesn’t anymore. Or, she won’t acknowledge me AT ALL, even if I’m responding to a request. Just now, her nana told her to ask me for juice: she completely ignored me, went to the fridge and then whined about how she wants juice. She’s also picking at a scab on her chin to the point where it’s bleeding, so I’ve been putting bandaids on it: cried “I don’t want a bandaid” over and over and over again, for at LEAST 10 minutes. I have explained to her even when she’s calm that the bandaid keeps her chin safe, she needs to stop picking, the bandaid can come off in a little bit, or we’re going to go to the doctor instead; again, doesn’t matter, she doesn’t hear me. They’re so soft they slowly peel off by themselves so I know it isn’t a pain issue.
My husband is great when I need him to take over, however he’s causing some of the stress, and I don’t know if it’s being exacerbated by my hormones and my frayed nerves, or if it’s truly as big of an issue as it feels. While he is an empathetic person in general, he’s also a “stop crying” kind of person; tears make him uncomfortable and panicky. I’m strictly against this kind of language concerning anyone but especially my daughter. Scolding her and telling her to stop crying crosses my own parental boundaries and it triggers me, even if she’s “fake crying.” I feel there are other ways of handling it but I digress.
He doesnt put his clean clothes away because he “doesn’t have time” because he’s busy caring for our toddler, which is complete bullshit. I have time to wash, put my own clothes AND our kid’s clothes away. She has swimming lessons tonight and it’s his turn to swim with her, so he asked me to wash his trunks and an outfit for him for afterwards- I have zero idea what’s clean and what’s dirty. I don’t know where all 3 of his swim trunks are. I don’t even know where the towels are, and we split shared items (he does bedsheets/towels and I do our kid’s clothes) so he is the one who has lost ALLLLLL of them.
I can’t take it anymore. Whatever I am doing or saying is clearly incorrect, because nothing is helping or getting better. I just want to yell and cry and sleep all day, I don’t know what else to do. I’ve started stress eating and I dissociate when I’m around others. I don’t know how to relax, it’s constantly being interrupted or overshadowed by mom guilt because my daughter is sad when I’m not around. I grew up with an angry parent and an impatient parent (and both parents weren’t entirely present to some extent), and I know how that has impacted me and made me feel; I don’t want to be the same kind of parent. Any advice would be immensely appreciated.