If you look anxious and someone notices it is it appropriate to keep looking at them. If you like them would you feed off of it or smile?

We looked at each other before this. And then again. they would only look away if I did. I’m afraid i looked at them strangely.

I basically walked into a store and when I headed to the register from the distance my eyes kind of darted at this employee. l then noticed the employee next to them was also staring at me. I couldn’t tell if they were already looking at me to begin with. I became overly nervous so I went around the store again and then when I returned the employee who I initially looked at stares at me at the same time as I stare at them again and they basically just keep looking at me until I look away. I then decide to go to a different register. I can’t tell if they thought I was strange. I was dressed in normal attire.

Due to a conflict between the older relatives my immediate family members and relatives have been separated until a few years ago. One of my other family members began communicating with them which basically granted us the invitation. Our relative offered to pay for our ticket and room for free. I feel guilty having them pay for me despite them being extremely wealthy. they have paid for other things in the past due to feeling bad about aggravating a situation which caused monetary loss. I feel uncomfortable saying that this is pity money to make things right but it’s possible that they would have done this even if we didn’t have this past conflict. I’m also an adult which makes it uncomfortable for them paying for me. I feel by allowing them to pay for me I’d lose my dignity and all that Ive been upset for even though they didn’t personally do anything to me they indirectly did. They emotionally hurt my family member by siding with an older member. I would have to see this older member there at the event.

I’ve also cut communication with virtually all of them for years. Several times they’ve attempted to see me but due to my emotional state I couldn’t. I’ve depression, anxiety and just recovered from an autoimmune disease that has lingering symptoms. I’m not an accomplished person and I’m stuck in life. I feel after all these years they may have come up with excuses about me as a defense mechanism as to why I won’t speak to any of them so it may give a few of them ideas which triggers my anxiety. I’m also not a jolly person like the rest of them. I plan on speaking to them one day as I feel it would be awful to never speak to them. But sometimes I wonder if they even care. I feel indifferent towards the majority of them. I do not dislike them but all I see are past memories. my depression doesn’t really allow me to see a future with people I haven’t interacted with for awhile. But at the same time I’m thinking of why not just use this as an opportunity to see them with the distraction of a joyous occasion?

silly bc yeah I understand body language is different with everyone. silly that I even care but I kind of like this person but im scared of smiling. once they smiled at me and I didn’t smile back. this was from the distance and I looked better that day. then on another occasion when I looked less healthy I smiled and they didn’t. not sure if they were retaliating or if I looked unwell. then again on another occasion when I looked good they looked as though their eyes were melting and like they were smiling with their eyes. I didn’t reciprocate. in another incident we just looked at each other several times (prolonged) at the same time without smiling. not sure if they’re disinterested or if they were waiting for me to smile first?

I get this numbing euphoric sensation that hits my hands and forearms and now it’s hitting my chest and stomach. I imagine them making love to me. Then when I’m around them which is rarely I get horrible palpitations and can’t even look them in the eyes.

The first stare she looked anxious. The second stare she looked down and then slowly to the left with her eyes. I looked at her as well and didn’t look away until she did?

Years ago we stared at each other from the distance and they paused and smiled at me. I didn’t smile back due to fear of rejection. After that I’m not sure if they’d actually gaze at me bc I’d always avoid looking at them bc of my anxiety. Years later I attempted to smile at them but coyly not sure if I ended up looking sarcastic but they just passed by me expressionless. It almost felt like a slap in the face bc they’re sociable and seem nice to all kinds of people, but I just laughed it off. Then months later they gave me the softest look the last time a person looked at me that way they had a crush on me. I didn’t smile back bc it was too much for me and I get overwhelmed easily. I just didn’t expect them to look at me that way. then months later we looked at each other from the distance twice with prolonged stares. Not smiling. Not sure if they only like me or notice me when I look good or if they are subtly retaliating or if this is all accidental...