AMA forced to be sober
I’ve been addicted to ketamine for about a year now and honestly I never thought it would get this bad. I was using constantly and one of the worst habits I developed was obsessively picking at my nose because it always felt blocked and irritated from snorting. A few weeks ago I discovered I had a hole in my septum and I completely spiraled.
I finally went to an ENT because I was terrified my nose was going to collapse or something. He checked everything and told me that my nose should be okay as long as I stop picking it and never snort again. Hearing that was relieving but also really hard because I realized how much damage I’d actually done to myself.
I’m now 3 weeks sober from ketamine. Part of me is proud because I honestly didn’t think I could make it this long, but another part of me feels miserable. The cravings hit randomly and sometimes so hard it feels physical. I miss the numbness and escape even though it ruined my mental health and literally damaged my body. I’ve also been feeling really depressed since stopping. Everything feels flat and emotional and I keep thinking about relapsing even though I know I can’t if I want my nose to heal.
I guess I’m posting because I feel really alone in this and wanted to know if anyone else has gone through something similar. Does the depression/cravings get better after the first few weeks? How do you deal with the guilt and the anxiety after realizing the damage you caused yourself?