r/AskBiBros

I've been with other men, including a couple of them multiple times. It's always been just casual - typically both of us are romantically into women. And then I almost inevitably get ghosted or the guy obviously loses interest. Why is that? I'd love to have a bi regular partner and don't understand what the hang up is. It's not like either of us are looking for a relationship! Curious for perspectives here.

Married. Thought this might be the best place to ask. Whenever I travel for work and get to my hotel I instantly feel the urge to masterbate to bi or gay porn. I will usually look up or research gay bars or grindr while I’m traveling also, but never pulled the trigger on going out or following through. I’ve not shared these thoughts with anyone. Does anyone else experience this?

So my GF and I have had some great discussion about me being Bi and she’s been really non-judgmental , supportive (even went out to Pride with me this year even though I am not out out, just wanted to do it for first time and felt safe to with her) and she has finally told me that she is accepting of me getting my bi needs met where I see fit with solo play with men, as she does not wish to limit experiences I was having before we got together.

I told her I’d rather us find guys we can play with as a couple that way she is in loop and also gets more pleasure sexually with two men. She is not opposed just needs time to work up to the idea of it (never been with two men at once). For now she said she would be fine with me having my “bro time” but she does not need to hear about it and in fact prefers not to, simply has awareness it could be happening but does not want to hear about it in case of jealousy arising.

Fair… but.. I recently finally hooked up with a guy for first time in a long while since committing to this relationship. It was fucking amazing!! The problem came after.. although she gave me the pass and thumbs up to have fun outside of us, I still had this feeling of guilt after with not telling her about it. Idk, maybe that’s weird or I should not feel guilty. But something about not mentioning it feels like a secret and I don’t want to keep secrets from her (even though she technically wants me to in this matter)

Who knows maybe I will feel less of this with more hook ups and get over it, but I just wish I could let her know. Just was awkward feeling after having this amazing time and then talking to her later in the day with her asking how was my day and having to just be vague with a “pretty good” when it was actually amazing.

I have been curious about giving head for so long and can't stop thinking about it. How is best to go about trying?

I'm a very straight acting bi male. I've only dated women. I started playing with males when I was around 19 or 20. Love jerking guys off, giving /receiving oral, phone sex. (Never anal or kissing). I get off on all types of gay porn.

Not long after I started dating my wife (almost 8 years ago) I came out to her as Bi. I've stayed faithful to her. I still watch gay porn. She's 100% straight. She's never had an issue with my past and sexual orientation.

Sometimes I make lighthearted remarks "Hey baby, how about you let your gay husband lay you down?" Or during sex, I'll talk about gay stuff. She's always been cool about it.

The other night, I asked her, seriously, "What do you think of all this? Did you ever think you'd marry a bi-sexual?"

She said "I don't really think you're bi. I think you're hyper-sexual. You do what feels good. You're into feeling the adrenaline along with the pleasure."

I kinda get what she's saying. Receiving a bj is fun no matter who is giving it. But I told her "I'll sit there and get rock hard for an hour while watching gay porn" or "Fondling a guy turns me on."

She said "That's where the adrenaline comes in."

I don't think she's in denial about being married to a bi-sexual. I think she's looking at things objectively from a different angle and really open minded.

So let me explain my situation. It’s a lot, but it’s honest. Please bear with me!

I’m 27 m. I’ve always been into women since I was young. I have been with 80+ women and had a lot of amazing experiences with them. I used to have an issue with premature ejaculation from time to time in my first relationship, and had a hard time getting it up the first time we tried to have sex, but that went away pretty quickly.

I became pretty into porn when I was about 12-13 years old. First it was just women, solo or basic vanilla porn, then it evolved into girls using straps on eachother, then trans/femboy porn, then gay porn. It used to be a mix of both, but as of the past few years, it was probably 60% gay porn, 30% trans, 10% straight. And for the straight porn, it would have to be something taboo or extreme.

When I was young I was sexually abused by an older guy. Never really thought much of it until I got older. Around 19 after obsessing about it for a while, I experimented with a guy who isn’t even remotely attracted to and it sucked but I think the taboo element made me want to try again.

My focus was still on women completely and was still sleeping with women, and dating women, with no issue.

Around 24-25 I started experimenting more with men. I never found any visually attractive to me but I think I developed some sort of fetish to the experience. I topped a few guys, and bottomed for a few as well. 2 of them became kind of consistent. One top and one bottom. I don’t find either of them visually appealing but the experience was pretty good. When bottoming I would like to dress up like a woman (lingerie/wigs). When I would finish however I would immediately (and I mean IMMEDIATELY) lose all interest in them and feel disgusted and leave without saying a word. They didn’t care though as it was just hook ups.

I started getting into sissy hypno porn, and I think it altered my brain chemistry. I would find myself twerking in the mirror and taking pics on a private Snapchat account and sending to random men. Showing my ass to men on video chat rooms and such. I would buy women’s panties and put them on and grind on my pillow or use a dildo stuck on the wall, cum, then throw it all out, and repeat months later. It would give me a rush.

About a year and a half ago I had a few short “relationships” with a couple beautiful girls. The sex was great and I was always rock hard around them. But they ended badly with a lot of explosive emotions from them that scarred me a bit. After these failed relationships, a friend jokingly said to me “hey man that’s your fourth failed relationship, if you’re gay you can just tell me!” And I laughed but I kept playing it over and over in my head and stared to spiral.

After that, my attraction to women started to dwindle. I more and more fantasized about bottoming again. I tried it once or twice again and it sucked, and hurt. I would get hard but still nothing about the men did I find appealing except the experience they could provide for me.

I met another beautiful girl and we started dating. I had a hard time getting it up for her. Just about every time we had sex. I took viagra a few times without her knowing though and we had mind blowing sex. But without it, I can rarely seem to stay hard for her. We had broken up a few times and I had seen the femboy bottom I was hooking up with in the past, and nothing about him is very attractive to me nor do I want to kiss/cuddle him. But I got rock hard for him to give me a bj. I don’t feel any pressure there because it’s just a hook up and he wouldn’t give a fuck either way.

I don’t know what to do. I never see men in real life and feel any attraction to them. I work in a restaurant and see men and women every day and I constantly check the men with an open mind to see if I feel any attraction, but I’ve never once experienced any remote attraction to any of them. Not a single crush, no desire for them, or anything. And as for women, I’m able to see how beautiful or sexy they are, but I don’t feel the burning desire to sleep with them like I used to. After having the experiences with ED with this girl, I’ve had a hard time visualizing myself getting hard and dominating women like I used to, without the use of viagra.

We broke up for a few months and I saw a few women. When I am with a new girl with no feelings or potential relationship, I get rock hard. When it’s something a little deeper then just sex, it seems to effect me.

I’m so confused. I’m open to being Bi and my family is chill and would absolutely accept me if I were bi or gay. I live in NYC and could absolutely live comfortably in the queer community if I so chose to. But I don’t feel that life really suits me. I feel like porn/hypnosis and experimentation has warped my brain and given me sexual ocd which is ruining my ability to have calm experiences with women without the help of dick pills.

There was a time where I would get hard at the thought of bottoming for a very dominant masculine man, but after I stopped watching porn, that desire seems to have just disappeared.

My gf is extremely sexual and when I struggled to get hard for her at times she began saying she thinks I’m not attracted to her which made the problem 10x worse. I then opened up to her about my childhood abuse, and excessive porn use, and this helped a bit. I stopped watching porn and started working out more, but I’m still obsessing about everything. She is so beautiful but I don’t really get very turned on by her at the moment, without the use of pills. I don’t know what the hell to do. I’ve been struggling so much trying yo figure out if I’m just in some sort of denial or if it’s just OCD. Someone help!

I’m a pretty straight guy, but I constantly think about sucking dick. I’m not attracted to men though in general, just dicks. What does that make me

Hey guys! Lemme explain this story I have…

So basically I am attracted to girls and guys. However, I can only see myself dating a girl(idk why). I guess this makes me “bi” but I don’t really go by a label IRL because I feel like it forces me to act a certain way by what society sees it as. I kinda just like girls and like guys and do my own thing, kinda who I wanna be. i figured people in here may have similar experiences and might be able to help me:)

But basically I’ve been chatting and hanging out (twice) with this girl who I really like (she’s bi too) and we both like each other. But at the same time, I met this gay guy at a party becuase I was friendly with him because I’m nice, and we have mutual friends . I think he’s attractive. And at the party he asked his friends if I was gay, and they said no. (Mind you, others don’t know besides some of my close friends that I’m “bi”, because I’ve never actually done anything with a guy). And he wanted to hookup with me but I didn’t say anything that night .

But since then we’ve been chatting casually, sending snaps back and forth , I’m being friendly. But sometimes I find myself “flirting “ with him… for example I’d send him a snap without my shirt or something like that(yes sounds corny). And like I can tell he’s been flirting with me as well, he’s been like “wyd” and hinting he wants to pick me up. Like today he literally was like “I’d love to crash at your living room rn” and I folded and was like “haha, that’s funny”. I do not find this guy attractive romantically but I would so experiment with him. I just want it to be lowkey because of the girl, and I know this is so fucked up but my mind is torn and that’s why I’m asking for help. Idk if he’s reaching out romantically or just wants to hookup, and I’m just confused because I really like the girl but wanna get with the guy.

If you understand of can help me in any way that would be great. I’m just confused as hell!

Thanks

I’m 19 DL and bi or pan(idk the difference)(important for later) and i have fucked a couple of guys and done typical gay sex things. However when i tell these dudes that i have fucked that i’m bi they often act weird towards me and often dismiss that i like woman. They like to undermine me and i find it very annoying because the dudes i fuck are more “stereotypically” gay and they are very misogynistic towards me weirdly.

Also idk if people say this a lot i feel disconnected from the LGBTQ+ community. I think being DL has a factor is this but some of the gay people i have meet have been “weird” at least to me, on things such as my race, my sexuality (epically the straight into bi curious thing), me being 19 so just legal. This has pushed me away from interacting with posts and things of that nature due to these negative experiences. Even will no sexual things my interests don’t align most of the time with taste in music, games, shows etc. I have meant people in the community that have been nice and understanding of me especially trans people for some reason.

So i just want to get advice on either i’m unlucky with people in the community and is it normal to feel disconnected from “mainstream” gay culture.

Also if you advice has to with me coming out i’m not gonna; please respect my wishes

I'm a straight curious guy who loves playing with my ass and I've been wondering what it feels like to have a real dick cum in your ass. What's the difference between a real cock and a silicone dildo? But mainly can you actually feel a load of cum squirting into your ass?

Im 20 and have labelled myself as bi for the last ~7 years. I started having romantic fantasies about guys around age 13 but I’ve never dated, had sex with, or even kissed another guy. Sometimes I feel like I cant truly call myself bisexual since I dont even know what its like to be intimate with another guy. Does anyone else ever feel like this?

I did purchase one for myself a few years back. I felt a lot of shame about it. I feel like there is a stigma associated with men using sex toys on themselves that doesn’t really exist with women. But man, they can be quite enjoyable.

Have you ever owned one? Did you like it? Did you feel shame around it? What are your thoughts? How old are you? Feel like younger folks might feel less shame about this than older generations.

When hooking up w a stranger to swap oral, how much of a jerk does either guy have to be...to be anything other than "shower fresh"?

I’m hoping you guys can help me put some language around something I’m still figuring out.

My wife and I have been married a long time and have had a consensual female-led relationship for many years. Before I met her, I was about as sexually conventional as you could get. I grew up with a pretty narrow definition of masculinity and heterosexuality, and I never really questioned any of it. I was very much a square.

My wife is much more adventurous than I was, and over the years our relationship has opened a lot of doors for me. Within boundaries we’ve negotiated and genuinely enjoy, she’s pushed me into exploring things I never would have imagined myself being interested in. Pegging, submission, humiliation/degradation, gay porn, fantasies involving other men, etc. I sincerely have become much more open to the world. Experiences. And letting myself relax and have fun in life.

And somewhere along the way, what started partly as her fantasy and part of our power dynamic became something I’m genuinely curious about myself.

One of her long-running fantasies is seeing me with another man. I’ve realized that I’m increasingly interested in actually exploring that.

Here’s where I’m struggling.

I don’t necessarily know what label fits me, and I’m not currently looking for a romantic relationship with a man. I love my wife and our dynamic. But I am sexually curious about men and would like the opportunity to explore that honestly.

At the same time, I really don’t want to approach bisexual or gay men as though they’re just interchangeable characters in a kink scene for my wife and me. Whoever we meet is an actual person with his own desires, boundaries, feelings, and reasons for being there. I want to be upfront about what our dynamic is without making someone feel fetishized or used.

Ideally, honestly, we’d love to meet people we actually like as people. Friends we could hang out with normally, who understand that we’re private about our sex life because we have a family, but where there might also be mutual chemistry and the possibility of things becoming sexual when everyone wants that. Friendship-with-benefits is probably closer to what I mean than dating.

My wife also has her own interests and freedom within our FLR, while my sexual exploration happens within the boundaries she and I have agreed on. Part of the appeal for both of us is definitely the power dynamic—her directing things, watching, teasing/degrading me, etc.—but I would never want to spring that dynamic on another guy or assume he wants to participate in it.

So for the bi guys here, especially anyone who has been approached by married couples or curious married men:

What would make an approach like this feel respectful and appealing rather than fetishizing or uncomfortable?

Are there particular ways you’d want someone like me to explain what he’s looking for?

Is “I’m married, sexually curious about men, not looking for romance, and interested in friendship plus consensual play” a reasonable thing to be looking for?

And are there any red flags, assumptions, or etiquette mistakes that guys like me commonly make that I should know about before putting myself out there?

I’m not trying to claim an identity or experience I haven’t lived. I’m just trying to understand this part of myself, enjoy it with my wife, and make sure that if another man becomes part of that exploration, he feels like a wanted participant—not a prop. Who knows maybe I'm overthinking it.

I have tried apps like Grindr or Sniffies, but most men are so extreme and want much more, which makes it hard for me to actually trust the guy. This is the main reason I never really dared to meet a man. Dutch guy- mid 20s

Came out as bi to my girlfriend and she was really supportive but naturally a little worried that I was telling her I didn’t like her anymore. She then asked if I wanted to bring in a guy for myself or if I wanted her to peg me. Any advice on what I should do?

I always thought I was bi because I like the idea of being naked around other guys but I have never really been attracted to guys at all. I never look at a guy and think he’s attractive and I’ve never wanted to hook up with a guy but the idea of being naked around friends and stuff is appealing to me. I’m realizing it’s not about the guys themselves but just the taboo/voyuer part of it. I guess this is my coming out as straight lol.

I’ve been finding it hard to find another married bi/curious guy to befriend and chat with/flirt/tease each other throught the day . It’s usually 1 or 2 things said back and forth and it seems like the person doesn’t want to hold a conversation. Anyone else have this problem ?

Mine would be being caught jerking off by my partner. Was actually the first time someone ever caught me. I enjoyed the thrill and she ordered me to cum while she watched. Amazing feeling.