u/Dry_Nose_8566

M35 here.

I met this girl three weeks ago through a mutual friend. I was really drawn to her from the start. What stood out to me was that the attraction was initially more mental than physical, and I value that a lot.

By coincidence, we ended up having a coffee together, and later spent an afternoon planning a school activity that she herself suggested we work on together. The vibe felt good, and I came away thinking she was quite interested in me as well.

At one point I invited her to join a hike I had already planned, but she was busy. I genuinely believe that was true. However, she didn't suggest an alternative date or activity.

A few days ago I wished her a happy birthday. The funny thing is that my birthday was the next day, so she wished me a happy birthday as well. I tried to keep the conversation going over text, but her replies felt pretty weak and didn't give me much to work with.

At that point I decided to stop pursuing her and just wait for the school event we already have scheduled in two weeks.

My question is: am I giving up too early?

Part of me thinks she may simply not be the type of person who enjoys texting. At the same time, I would expect some kind of sign of interest from her side if she were genuinely interested.

What makes this difficult is that it's been a long time since I felt this kind of gut feeling about someone. Dating has felt pretty messy for a while, and I rarely come across someone who makes me think, "There might actually be something here."

Would you step back and let things unfold naturally, or make one more effort before moving on?

M. Saranno 35 tra pochi giorni... e per me il compleanno è sempre un po' l'occasione per tirare le somme. Un anno e mezzo dopo una rottura, dopo un periodo caratterizzato anche da fasi depressive, finalmente sento di non pensare più alla mia ex, e, anzi, sento una nuova voglia di rimettermi in gioco. E casualmente, tramite un'amica, conosco questa ragazza due/tre settimane fa, che mi smuove qualcosa. Sento una certa affinità mentale che onestamente ho trovato pochissime volte.

Riusciamo a vederci due volte, prima un caffè, poi un pomeriggio per preparare una giornata con la scuola, che mi ha proposto lei stessa. A me sembra ci siano anche dei segnali di interesse da parte sua. In tutto ciò ci scriviamo ben poco… una settimana fa le chiedo se voleva unirsi ad un l’escursione che già avevo in programma. Già mi diceva di essere piuttosto full, ma si fa sentire, e mi dice essere impegnata (e le credo su questo), ma ringrazia per averla pensata. Poi più nulla, non propone altro, io rispondo che ci sarà magari un’altra occasione. Fine, torno sul pianeta terra. 

E qui la sensazione di sconforto è totale. Mi rivedo "condannato" a restare solo. Sento che il tempo stringe, che l'idea di costruire qualcosa insieme ad un'altra persona svanisce. Per una volta che sento una certa affinità, cosa difficilissima per me, piombo in una delusione. Sono conscio che la mia felicità non debba essere costruita su un'altra persona, ne ho parlato anche con il mio terapeuta, però avverto questo desiderio di condivisione, e vedere un'altra occasione sfumare mi demoralizza. Il terapeuta dice di non arrendersi così, che per raggiungere la vettà la strada è ardua, magari bisogna tentare più volte. Ci sono altre vette, avevo risposto... La realtà è che questa ragazza ha smosso qualcosa in me, ho sentito nuovamente un'energia che era sopita da tanto tempo, e purtroppo ora sta scemando nella disillusione.

M34. Conosco questa ragazza due settimane fa. Era da tanto (!) che non sentivo una certa attrazione, sul piano mentale oltretutto. Riusciamo a vederci due volte, prima un caffè, poi un pomeriggio di perlustrazione per preparare una giornata con la scuola, che mi ha proposto lei stessa. A me sembra ci siano anche dei segnali di interesse da parte sua. In tutto ciò ci scriviamo ben poco… le propongo una settimana fa se voleva unirsi ad un l’escursione che già avevo in programma. Già mi diceva di essere piuttosto full, ma si fa sentire, e mi dice essere impegnata (e le credo su questo), ma ringrazia per averla pensata. Poi più nulla, non propone altro, io dico che ci sarà un’altra occasione. Fine, torno sul pianeta terra. Domani so che compirà gli anni, cosa fareste?

Scatenate l’inferno 😅

M34, single for almost 2 years, and only in the last few months can I finally say that I’ve gotten over the breakup with my ex. I’m looking forward now.

By chance, I meet a girl through a mutual friend. On top of that, I had actually already seen her a year ago, and somehow I had left an impression on her.

We manage to meet for a coffee, and there she suggests organizing a day together for the school. In the meantime, I’m getting very good feelings about her. A few days later, I tell her I’ve thought about it and that I’m available. She suggests that we go do a site inspection together, just the two of us. My enthusiasm goes through the roof. We meet up and spend two or three hours together, mostly talking about this and that in the end, jumping from one topic to another, with the feeling that time is far too short.

I definitely feel a certain affinity with her. I start getting my hopes up. It even seems to me that there might be some interest on her side as well.

A few days later, I tell her that I’m thinking of going for a hike and ask if she’d like to come. She says she’ll let me know because she’s quite busy during the week. She gets back to me, and, as expected, tells me she can’t make it, but thanks me for thinking of her. Through all of this, though, I sense a certain distance. She doesn’t suggest the following week or another time in the future. I simply reply that maybe there will be another opportunity. End of conversation.

Her birthday is coming up soon. And we still have that day together for the school planned.

In the meantime, however, I’ve become disillusioned. I don’t doubt that she’s genuinely busy. I’ve told myself that I won’t write to her anymore, except perhaps to wish her a happy birthday. It discourages me, because it’s been a long time since I met a woman who stirred something inside me, someone I felt an affinity with.

Should I still believe in it? I really like her and had a great attraction, not just physical but more mental.

M34, single for almost 2 years, and only in the last few months can I finally say that I’ve gotten over the breakup with my ex. I’m looking forward now.

By chance, I meet a girl through a mutual friend. On top of that, I had actually already seen her a year ago, and somehow I had left an impression on her.

We manage to meet for a coffee, and there she suggests organizing a day together for the school. In the meantime, I’m getting very good feelings about her. A few days later, I tell her I’ve thought about it and that I’m available. She suggests that we go do a site inspection together, just the two of us. My enthusiasm goes through the roof. We meet up and spend two or three hours together, mostly talking about this and that in the end, jumping from one topic to another, with the feeling that time is far too short.

I definitely feel a certain affinity with her. I start getting my hopes up. It even seems to me that there might be some interest on her side as well.

A few days later, I tell her that I’m thinking of going for a hike and ask if she’d like to come. She says she’ll let me know because she’s quite busy during the week. She gets back to me, and, as expected, tells me she can’t make it, but thanks me for thinking of her. Through all of this, though, I sense a certain distance. She doesn’t suggest the following week or another time in the future. I simply reply that maybe there will be another opportunity. End of conversation.

Her birthday is coming up soon. And we still have that day together for the school planned.

In the meantime, however, I’ve become disillusioned. I don’t doubt that she’s genuinely busy. I’ve told myself that I won’t write to her anymore, except perhaps to wish her a happy birthday. It discourages me, because it’s been a long time since I met a woman who stirred something inside me, someone I felt an affinity with.

Should I still believe in it? I really like her and had a great attraction, not just physical but more mental.

TL;DR:
After finally getting over a long-term breakup, I met a woman through mutual friends and felt a strong connection. We had coffee and later spent a few hours together on a school-related outing, and I came away feeling there might be some mutual interest. Encouraged, I invited her on a hike, but she declined due to being busy and didn’t suggest an alternative date. Although I believe her reason is genuine, her lack of initiative made me feel she may not be interested. We still have a school-related day together planned, and her birthday is coming up, but I’ve decided not to pursue things further for now. It’s disappointing because she’s the first woman in a long time who has genuinely excited me and felt compatible. I’m wondering whether I simply got my hopes up too much and what others would do in my situation.

M34, single da quasi 2 anni, finalmente da qualche mese posso dire di aver superato la rottura con la mia ex, guardo avanti.

Casualmente conosco una ragazza amica di amica, che oltretutto avevo già visto un anno fa, e le ero rimasto impresso in qualche modo.

Riusciamo a trovarci per un caffé, lì mi propone di organizzare una giornata insieme per la scuola. Nel frattempo ho delle ottime sensazioni su di lei. Qualche giorno dopo le dico di averci pensato ed essere disponibile. Mi propone di andare a fare un sopralluogo insieme, io e lei. Entusiasmo a mille. Ci troviamo, passiamo due tre ore insieme, parlando del più e del meno alla fine, saltando di qua e di là, con l'impressione che il tempo sia fin troppo poco.

Sento sicuramente una certa affinità, inizio ad illudermi, mi sembra anche ci sia un qualche interesse da parte sua.

Qualche giorno dopo le dico che pensavo di andare a fare un giro, le propongo quindi se vuole venire. Dice che mi fa sapere perché è piuttosto impegnata in settimana... mi ricontatta, come c'era da aspettarsi mi dice essere impossibilitata, ma mi ringrazia per averla pensata. In tutto ciò però avverto un certo distacco, non propone per la prossima settimana o più avanti. Le rispondo semplicemente che magari ci sarà un'altra occasione. Stop.

A breve ci sarà il suo compleanno. E abbiamo ancora in ballo quella data insieme con la scuola. Io però nel frattempo mi sono disilluso. Non metto in dubbio il fatto che sia davvero impegnata. Mi sono detto di non scriverle più, magari le scriverò giusto gli auguri. Mi sconforta la cosa, era da tanto che non trovavo una ragazza che smuovesse qualcosa dentro di me, che sentissi affine... devo crederci ancora?