I ache when my neighbours converse
because they do it so naturally. I can see them being more at ease with each other than with me. It’s a special kind of pain to know that I could be like that if I didn’t come across as uncomfortable all the time with anti-social cues, like stumbling over my words, avoiding eye contact and just manifesting poor self-esteem.
Happened just tonight outside my townhouse window. All the kids playing. The moms talking, but not me. I would only make things awkward… so I just stayed inside. Grieving a wholeness I fear I’ll never have and a closeness I’ll never have.
Not sure what I need tonight. You can offer what helped you in similar situations. You can commiserate with your own experiences and vent with me. Anything helps. Thank you all for a safe place here.