u/DubnoBass34

I recently saw my LO after a year of no contact due to him blocking me per my request because his avoidance triggered my anxiety. I regret showing my emotions to him. Just because you have sex with someone for years, once feelings get involved or hurt it’s generally over. I expect him to unblock me after seeing me but I made a fool of myself today. I joined chat on discord I knew he was in just so I could message him and tell him how sorry I am for everything. He was nice to me when we saw each other but it was clear he didn’t want to see me. And I feel crazy now that I did all this after one year no contact. I am struggling with hating myself for being so emotional, for still caring and for not being better (looking and successful). I just want to disappear.🫠

He was a “lover” for about 6-7 years. In the last few years of our time, we blocked each other a few times because I have anxious attachment and I got feelings and put him on a pedestal.

Last year (to the day June 28) I told him to block me because I was obsessed with him and his push and pull made me anxious. He had no problem walking away. This past year has been hell for me… I thought about him every morning, day and night. I would text him knowing I’m blocked. I tried emailing him to make amends and didn’t get a response. I almost wrote a letter, I was in so much pain and remorse from losing control of my emotions that I just wanted to give up and remove my brain. He occupied my thoughts daily.

I went to an event he was at on Sunday with some mutual friends. He arrived and I got nervous… we basically avoided each other for a while. I didn’t want to approach him but seeing him was weird. It felt like, I just saw him recently, that’s how much I thought about him. But another weird thing that happened was I felt comfortable, safe like nothing had happened in the past. We spoke briefly. I told him I owed him an apology; he said it was fine, I felt the way I felt. Then we got interrupted.

Later we stood a group with 2 other people and were talking like normal friends. He made eye contact but it still felt like he was guarded. To say the least, he was polite.

When we left, we happened to leave at the same time but didn’t say much of goodbye or anything.

We ended up next to each other in traffic. I made a friendly honk to get his attention and smiled and waved. Kind of a last goodbye. He smiled but it just didn’t feel the same. He felt sad or something. I tried to be friendly and to remind him how much I care about him no matter what happens.

Somehow seeing him quieted the Limerance, made him a real person and I remember he had his own story. I don’t expect to be unblocked; I don’t plan on going to another event where he might be again.

If he felt something or wants to accept being friend again, he will reach out or unblock me but I don’t expect it and it’s ok. He doesn’t feel the same anymore. And maybe I don’t either.

I find him to be genuine and pretty empathetic. He is intuitive and honest. I don’t think anything he says comes from a bad place. I remember his first time on the show he sparked my interest because of how he looks; I haven’t followed him on most of the spin offs but I get snippets here and there. In this season of the last resort, I see him as a leader. I don’t see him as much as a boyfriend/husband type though. Like today’s episode, he spoke his mind and joked about Rrrrebggah (which she totally deserved) but then later apologized to her and her husband. (Even if he doesn’t mean it, he didn’t care enough to keep making her mad. That’s maturity.) Later he tells Shekinah she shouldn’t have said that but also protects her when Guillermo comes out provoking them. I find him to be level headed and I actually think Sarper is one of the most interesting and normal people in this entire franchise. He seems to have put his past away, changed gears to do comedy- it’s impressive considering I know a lot of men who can’t even apologize let alone admit fault etc. Doesn’t hurt that he’s attractive. I think he was raised well and is just doing what he can looking the way he does. (Shekinah sucks. She’s an LA fake type person and he can do better. She’s too uptight.)