They're Copying My Life
There is a Person in my life, lets call them Tori. My (fake) name is also Tori and my last name is (not) Pear. I am a very first name last name person to all of my friends. "Tori Pear" always, never just Tori, and a combination of my first and last name together. It's occurred naturally my entire life. (the actual combo of names makes a real word when put together)
One night Tori came over a few years ago before they moved into our neighborhood from another state (they are friends with my best friend) and noticed me being called Firstname Lastname. They said out loud how much they liked it, how it was so cute everyone called me Tori Pear. Months later I come to find out they are now going by their first and middle name, which is (not) Care. So now they're Tori Care. They also tied it into their transgender identity, so being called Tori Care is a requirement for addressing them. Sounds good! I didn't think anything of it until I started noticing other things.
I have been strange since i was a little child and I have a few passions in my life that i care about deeply and will share them with anyone who's interested in listening, and they're very special to me.
lets say the relevant ones are "monsters" and fish conservation with a specific interest in indigenous species.
When Tori Care finally moved to our neighborhood I decided to make the effort to become friendly with them and invited them to sanctuary for fish conservancy since they were new to town and didnt know many people. On the way we were chatting and I was sharing an idea I've been working on for a work of art. I saw them writing things down in their notebook while i was driving and talking, but they are a writer so I didn't think anything of it. A week or so later they asked me if i "planned on doing anything with [the idea]" because they wanted to use it for a writing. I said yes, of course I planned on doing something with it, I've been ideating and researching and drafting for months. I was sort of shocked they would say it straight to me, but I just figured it was weird and moved on.
I love "monsters". So much. I had an entire "monster" themed party where I dressed up, made crazy themed drinks, apps, dinner, and dessert with lots of decorations and even designed, printed, and assembled fake magazines for a photoshoot at the party. Tori Care was invited, they are very much part of the friend group and I was happy to have them because I knew they would go hard on the costume/makeup.
Months later I found out they were doing an entire short film about "monsters" which involved production and art assistance from the rest of our friend group. I was never informed or invited. I only found out because they said something in front of me to another person, and then when the day of the shoot came the extras they'd asked to be in it decided not to show up, their partner posted publicly on instagram asking anyone to come down and participate.
It was extremely hurtful to have to find out that everyone else who was at that party was hired to help with it and appear in the video except for me, and they were all working on it for months. I spoke to my best friend who was heavily involved in the production and told them how hurt i was to find out I had been excluded, but never spoke to Tori Care because I no longer considered them a "safe" person to share ideas with, let alone feelings. I was feeling very vulnerable and also deeply confused by the fact that nobody said anything to me, and I have no interest in opening myself up to a person who clearly doesn't respect me.
After that I decided NO MORE sharing ideas or art project with Tori Care. (who, by the way, people in our friend group decided to start calling a bastardization of my nickname because "haha your names are so similar!" ) I knew they would still be around and in the friend group and I respect the relationships they have with other people in my life, my defenses are simply up!
The final straw is this: Tori Care is now working for a fish conservancy, specifically centering their work around native fish populations, a thing they have never previously shown interest in but I am thrilled to infodump to anyone around me. They even asked me if i had any reading recommendations, but never told me about the job, again i found out through instagram.
I can't block them on insta, that would be too obvious and start drama, but they're really starting to piss me off. I feel like have no choice but to avoid them in social situations or just shut down when they're around because I don't feel safe talking about my interest or ideas with them in earshot. I hate the way this makes me feel. I feel foolish and ugly and like a mark for a conman.
Spaghetti and a beer I split with my dad.
EDIT: to those offering genuine consolation and understanding, thank you. this has been weird and difficult for me and nobody else really knows the situation so I was hoping this would be a place to safely share it. To the people making fun of me because im "scared" to block someone ....... thats obviously not the case. I care about my friendships that have become intertwined with this person, im not afraid of them finding out if i block them. not helpful and mean for no reason, girls.
i just unfollowed them, the "mute" function on insta still doesn't hide theirs or your stories from the other, or seeing if they viewed them.