u/Electric_Lettuce_4_U

Ableism and internalized ableism:

One time I was in a bar enchanting these 3 guys (I know, I could have had my pick!) and then I had to use the restroom before we were to leave and the minute I picked my cane and then came back, they were all gone (they did pay the bill in full with money thrown on the table)

That shattered my confidence a little. I mean, for me, I fought so hard to be able to walk again cuz there was no way I was going to be “stuck a foot below other people’s faces and have people forget that I’m there”

Here is where my internalize ableism popped up against the lives of wheelchair users.

I made such a big deal out of finally getting out of that chair (and able to walk again; although with a cane) that it again showed my internalized ableism that all the work I had done to “defeat that potential state in life” showed me how much shame I would feel (and had felt at one point when I was paralyzed) if I wasn’t able to walk again — especially after all those painful hours I put into rehab, desperate to not have that as my fate.

Somehow in my mind, I was better off dead than living in a wheelchair. Being “trapped” in one was incompatible with life.

I felt the same pull of ableism when I was discharged from the hospital last year but refused to use a walker — cuz that for me was too visible a disability item.

Needing a walker meant in my mind that I was weak. I failed to see it as a beautiful aid that allowed people who were once stuck inside their house to leave, regain some pride and independence (not that there is anything inherently wrong with not being able to leave; their lives are worth as much. I’m working on that internalized ableism right now, too. )

It will take some mental work to reach and deal with people’s internalized ableism but you’ll get there and your mind won’t be so anxious about having a publicly visible disability.

I remember at one activist orientation meeting where there was a physically active ice breaker activity. I spoke up meekly to the organizers but aware that 50 people just wanted to start it.

I sat in the sidelines and quietly cried - until someone noticed and the game suddenly stopped.

I know the organizers were humbled by the fact that they had discriminated against me and my right to participation.

I humbled myself for not advocating for myself, but it’s hard against so much peer pressure.

And my friends were humbled that no one had noticed that the game was only for the able bodied and they had completely forgotten about their friends need. And they had started playing the game without noticing me in the sidelines (which is never like me)

There were some tears of sadness, of shame, but we worked through it together.

The point is, is that these were my people who had left me behind. Not some strangers or even neighbours, but my friends.

I realized then that we all had work to do about our ableism, from strangers to society to my closest friends and even me.

What helped me then was when

I realized, my cane was an extension of me, so I started to decorate it as such — different bracelets for different moods)

Then I realized I was pimpin’ around with this great accessory.

My handle on my cane right now is made of antler because I’m Deer Clan and my people literally hold me up!

That made it easier in my 25 year old brain, that my life will not be normal but that is ok cuz I’m still participating in it. In my own way.

Ableism and internalized ableism:

One time I was in a bar enchanting these 3 guys (I know, I could have had my pick!) and then I had to use the restroom before we were to leave and the minute I picked my cane and then came back, they were all gone (they did pay the bill in full with money thrown on the table)

That shattered my confidence a little. I mean, for me, I fought so hard to be able to walk again cuz there was no way I was going to be “stuck a foot below other people’s faces and have people forget that I’m there”

Here is where my internalize ableism popped up against the lives of wheelchair users.

I made such a big deal out of finally getting out of that chair (and able to walk again; although with a cane) that it again showed my internalized ableism that all the work I had done to “defeat that potential state in life” showed me how much shame I would feel (and had felt at one point when I was paralyzed) if I wasn’t able to walk again — especially after all those painful hours I put into rehab, desperate to not have that as my fate.

Somehow in my mind, I was better off dead than living in a wheelchair. Being “trapped” in one was incompatible with life.

I felt the same pull of ableism when I was discharged from the hospital last year but refused to use a walker — cuz that for me was too visible a disability item.

Needing a walker meant in my mind that I was weak. I failed to see it as a beautiful aid that allowed people who were once stuck inside their house to leave, regain some pride and independence (not that there is anything inherently wrong with not being able to leave; their lives are worth as much. I’m working on that internalized ableism right now, too. )

It will take some mental work to reach and deal with people’s internalized ableism but you’ll get there and your mind won’t be so anxious about having a publicly visible disability.

I remember at one activist orientation meeting where there was a physically active ice breaker activity. I spoke up meekly to the organizers but aware that 50 people just wanted to start it.

I sat in the sidelines and quietly cried - until someone noticed and the game suddenly stopped.

I know the organizers were humbled by the fact that they had discriminated against me and my right to participation.

I humbled myself for not advocating for myself, but it’s hard against so much peer pressure.

And my friends were humbled that no one had noticed that the game was only for the able bodied and they had completely forgotten about their friends need. And they had started playing the game without noticing me in the sidelines (which is never like me)

There were some tears of sadness, of shame, but we worked through it together.

The point is, is that these were my people who had left me behind. Not some strangers or even neighbours, but my friends.

I realized then that we all had work to do about our ableism, from strangers to society to my closest friends and even me.

What helped me then was when

I realized, my cane was an extension of me, so I started to decorate it as such — different bracelets for different moods)

Then I realized I was pimpin’ around with this great accessory.

My handle on my cane right now is made of antler because I’m Deer Clan and my people literally hold me up!

That made it easier in my 25 year old brain, that my life will not be normal but that is ok cuz I’m still participating in it. In my own way.

Ableism and internalized ableism:

One time I was in a bar enchanting these 3 guys (I know, I could have had my pick!) and then I had to use the restroom before we were to leave and the minute I picked my cane and then came back, they were all gone (they did pay the bill in full with money thrown on the table)

That shattered my confidence a little. I mean, for me, I fought so hard to be able to walk again cuz there was no way I was going to be “stuck a foot below other people’s faces and have people forget that I’m there”

Here is where my internalize ableism popped up against the lives of wheelchair users.

I made such a big deal out of finally getting out of that chair (and able to walk again; although with a cane) that it again showed my internalized ableism that all the work I had done to “defeat that potential state in life” showed me how much shame I would feel (and had felt at one point when I was paralyzed) if I wasn’t able to walk again — especially after all those painful hours I put into rehab, desperate to not have that as my fate.

Somehow in my mind, I was better off dead than living in a wheelchair. Being “trapped” in one was incompatible with life.

I felt the same pull of ableism when I was discharged from the hospital last year but refused to use a walker — cuz that for me was too visible a disability item.

Needing a walker meant in my mind that I was weak. I failed to see it as a beautiful aid that allowed people who were once stuck inside their house to leave, regain some pride and independence (not that there is anything inherently wrong with not being able to leave; their lives are worth as much. I’m working on that internalized ableism right now, too. )

It will take some mental work to reach and deal with people’s internalized ableism but you’ll get there and your mind won’t be so anxious about having a publicly visible disability.

I remember at one activist orientation meeting where there was a physically active ice breaker activity. I spoke up meekly to the organizers but aware that 50 people just wanted to start it.

I sat in the sidelines and quietly cried - until someone noticed and the game suddenly stopped.

I know the organizers were humbled by the fact that they had discriminated against me and my right to participation.

I humbled myself for not advocating for myself, but it’s hard against so much peer pressure.

And my friends were humbled that no one had noticed that the game was only for the able bodied and they had completely forgotten about their friends need. And they had started playing the game without noticing me in the sidelines (which is never like me)

There were some tears of sadness, of shame, but we worked through it together.

The point is, is that these were my people who had left me behind. Not some strangers or even neighbours, but my friends.

I realized then that we all had work to do about our ableism, from strangers to society to my closest friends and even me.

What helped me then was when

I realized, my cane was an extension of me, so I started to decorate it as such — different bracelets for different moods)

Then I realized I was pimpin’ around with this great accessory.

My handle on my cane right now is made of antler because I’m Deer Clan and my people literally hold me up!

That made it easier in my 25 year old brain, that my life will not be normal but that is ok cuz I’m still participating in it. In my own way.

Ableism and internalized ableism:

One time I was in a bar enchanting these 3 guys (I know, I could have had my pick!) and then I had to use the restroom before we were to leave and the minute I picked my cane and then came back, they were all gone (they did pay the bill in full with money thrown on the table)

That shattered my confidence a little. I mean, for me, I fought so hard to be able to walk again cuz there was no way I was going to be “stuck a foot below other people’s faces and have people forget that I’m there”

Here is where my internalize ableism popped up against the lives of wheelchair users.

I made such a big deal out of finally getting out of that chair (and able to walk again; although with a cane) that it again showed my internalized ableism that all the work I had done to “defeat that potential state in life” showed me how much shame I would feel (and had felt at one point when I was paralyzed) if I wasn’t able to walk again — especially after all those painful hours I put into rehab, desperate to not have that as my fate.

Somehow in my mind, I was better off dead than living in a wheelchair. Being “trapped” in one was incompatible with life.

I felt the same pull of ableism when I was discharged from the hospital last year but refused to use a walker — cuz that for me was too visible a disability item.

Needing a walker meant in my mind that I was weak. I failed to see it as a beautiful aid that allowed people who were once stuck inside their house to leave, regain some pride and independence (not that there is anything inherently wrong with not being able to leave; their lives are worth as much. I’m working on that internalized ableism right now, too. )

It will take some mental work to reach and deal with people’s internalized ableism but you’ll get there and your mind won’t be so anxious about having a publicly visible disability.

I remember at one activist orientation meeting where there was a physically active ice breaker activity. I spoke up meekly to the organizers but aware that 50 people just wanted to start it.

I sat in the sidelines and quietly cried - until someone noticed and the game suddenly stopped.

I know the organizers were humbled by the fact that they had discriminated against me and my right to participation.

I humbled myself for not advocating for myself, but it’s hard against so much peer pressure.

And my friends were humbled that no one had noticed that the game was only for the able bodied and they had completely forgotten about their friends need. And they had started playing the game without noticing me in the sidelines (which is never like me)

There were some tears of sadness, of shame, but we worked through it together.

The point is, is that these were my people who had left me behind. Not some strangers or even neighbours, but my friends.

I realized then that we all had work to do about our ableism, from strangers to society to my closest friends and even me.

What helped me then was when

I realized, my cane was an extension of me, so I started to decorate it as such — different bracelets for different moods)

Then I realized I was pimpin’ around with this great accessory.

My handle on my cane right now is made of antler because I’m Deer Clan and my people literally hold me up!

That made it easier in my 25 year old brain, that my life will not be normal but that is ok cuz I’m still participating in it. In my own way.

Hey all,

so my husband has surgery today (we just found out yesterday that they found a spot for him)

They will most likely be opening his whole torso up.

I did as you suggested — THANK YOU ALL - and asked who would be responsible for post-op pain.

I’m just nervous for him.

Has anyone faced a surgical solution for the pain they were in?

Did it help?

What happens when it doesn’t help?

I know the surgeon mentioned that it might not help, but I’m not sure how much of that he actually absorbed

He is just so damn happy that they (think) they found the cause after 2 years.

Wish us luck!!

Hey all,

so I’ve read on here that some of you are prescribed Suboxone for pain?

How does that work? Compared to other opioids; cuz I thot that was a med to keep people from taking opioids, so does it actually do anything for pain?

I also heard never allow yourself to be switched to it since any following medical care/practitioner you have will automatically think you’re an addict cuz you were prescribed it and no amount of talking will get you out of that stigma!

I had a dr once tell me my type of pain could be well controlled using methadone, but for the same reason, I declined cuz I was unfortunately too afraid of the stigma to try it - in case it didn’t work and I had to keep trying (if it did work, then no probs, but I just couldn’t risk it)

Plus you have to be well enough to go to the pharmacy every day to get your dose; which can be tough on some of us if our pain keeps up bedbound.

How the heck are you supposed to want something that you don’t think you deserve?

I mean, how am I supposed to want to quit when I don’t think I deserve the positive things that would come along with this radical change in lifestyle?

How do you motivate yourself to do something other than just laying in bed, strapped to the bed by bands of cowardice, worthlessness and isolation?

How are you supposed to want something you don’t think you deserve?

How the heck are you supposed to want something that you don’t think you deserve?

I mean, how am I supposed to want to quit when I don’t think I deserve the positive things that would come along with this radical change in lifestyle?

How do you motivate yourself to do something other than just laying in bed, strapped to the bed by bands of cowardice, worthlessness and isolation?

How are you supposed to want something you don’t think you deserve?

How the heck are you supposed to want something that you don’t think you deserve?

I mean, how am I supposed to want to quit when I don’t think I deserve the positive things that would come along with this radical change in lifestyle?

How do you motivate yourself to do something other than just laying in bed, strapped to the bed by bands of cowardice, worthlessness and isolation?

How are you supposed to want something you don’t think you deserve?

How the heck are you supposed to want something that you don’t think you deserve?

I mean, how am I supposed to want to quit when I don’t think I deserve the positive things that would come along with this radical change in lifestyle?

How do you motivate yourself to do something other than just laying in bed, strapped down to the bed by bands of cowardice, worthlessness and isolation?

How are you supposed to want something you don’t think you deserve?

Hey all,

I miss the days where - because of the swirl that drugs put you in - you don’t notice time passing - I wasn’t just counting a clock and letting the hours pass.

Now that I have so much free time, I know I should: pick up a hobby so all that free time is not wasted.

So I’m not just wasting away the hours being unproductive (I mean, working on your addiction by staying sober is not nothing, but…)

I have a few different options at my disposal. And they are awesome!!!

But I, for the life of me, can’t seem to get motivated enough to start anything.

This is also true for the cleaning on my apartment. My partner has put a lot of my stuff, including my hobbies, into boxes that I need to go through.

But I have no motivation for this. It’s starting to really annoy him.

And this feeling goes well beyond simple procrastination, as it feels like something to do with my self-worth and the hollow pit I discovered inside me.

It’s better to not even try, just lay in bed and let my brain rot on YouTube (I’m trying to change the content, so at least I’m learning something).

What the hell is wrong with me?

What kind of person is afraid of (facing) free time!!!

Hey all,

my husband is seeing a surgeon today to discuss a gallbladder removal.

He has been in pain and undiagnosed for 2 years until I sat him down and said him being passive is getting nowhere - you need to fight!

I learned this from my own chronic pain journey! Thanks everyone!!!!

Now he is already on a low dose of morphine that was prescribed like a year ago, long before they knew what his issue was.

The pain meds are no longer covering his pain and he is miserable.

His regular GP up and left the practice so he has now only a temp nurse practitioner named Megan.

She refuses to even listen to my husband’s complaint of rising pain levels.

I know surgeons don’t prescribe pain meds to chronic pain patients, but is it ok to ask that she advocate on his behalf to Megan so that she might have a change of heart and prescribe something stronger just until this gallbladder issue is resolved?

He was on stronger pain meds before but his GP was all over the place recently and was really changing all his meds around so my husband doesn’t even really remember what excuse he got from his provider for lowering his dose.

Does her being only a nurse practitioner somehow restrict what meds she is able to prescribe.

He has tried everything offered to him, NSAIDs, physio,acupuncture, heat:ice therapy, sing us willing to try soothing. So why can’t he try a higher dose of pain meds, or a different pain med? He was once prescribed 1 mg of Hydromorphone and that helped.

We’re in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

Hello there, I was wondering is there are anyone y places where I can find job postings together all in one place; all of them are so scattered about.

Miigwetch!

I’m just wondering if there is anywhere on line where addiction workers gather to vent, ask for advice, share a story, post a job - outside of Reddit

Hey all, I’m just wondering if there is any site where treatment workers gather to vent, to answer each others questions, has a job board - outside of Reddit?

Miigwetch!!

I mean, there must be some collective where people can chat around the water cooler and find job postings?

Hey all,

does anyone know of a specific job board or online site that collects jobs in rehab Centers, drug treatment Center at street level, drop in, residential and emotional/social care for people addicted to substances?

Please help me. I’m looking in the field for work, but every job opportunity seems scattered, I was hoping there was one central place orgs post their job wanted posters.

Miigwetch for your help!

Hey there,

Sometimes I feel I just want to escape Toronto and apply to work in some Northern community.

How would that even work? Where would I start even looking?

I’m Indigenous myself but I know there will be some grind between my beliefs and the beliefs of Inuit and Northern First Nations and Métis communities, but I’m willing to learn.

And I follow the 7 grandfather teachings, which includes the Wolf as Humility, so I would understand my place as an outsider (generations ago, my kin come from above the Arctic Circle, so I’m drawn to this kind of environment).

Is it hard to get such a position?

Where do I even begin looking?

I can get by on a 4 wheeler and a snowbile.

Miigwetch for reading this.