u/EmergencySet1481

Hiya, it’s been a few months, my last post had some requests for updates so I thought I’d give a little one.

After the last stag do, he came home grovelling I think he knew he had really crossed a line with this behaviour, after this we had a really good talk.

He told me he had felt very controlled and under appreciated by the constant falling out about all the stag do’s he knew that him not coming home when he said he would and ignoring me was out of line but he knew I was going to pissed either way, so just decided to delay it.

I explained how insecure his actions had made me feel not just in this stag do but in all of them by the poor communication, the route of the issue wasn’t how much he had been away, but how little he seemed to care when he was. he said he was also feeling very insecure and that he wasn’t good enough for me, no matter how hard he tries it’s never enough.

So we decided to try some online couples therapy, just some generic stuff to see if we could communicate better, one of the suggestions was actually to limit communication whilst he is away and set clear times on when we can talk so no one is waiting around for a response, expectation are set before hand and are clear.

It’s kind of the opposite of everything I’d been moaning about but I decided to give it ago, my husband had an out of town business trip so we have this a trial run, and to my surprise I felt great, much less anxious, I wasn’t constantly checking my phone to see if he had replied. Ironically enough my husband hated it, he said he was constantly watching his phone waiting for when he was allowed to talk to me, and he began to understand how I had felt being the one who was ‘left waiting around’.

He said he didn’t want to be restricted to when he can speak to his wife and I said that’s how I feel when you’ve e been away, so we made some new rules ones that work for us.

He hasn’t been away with friends since this happened but has been on a few business trips and things have been so much better, because we haven’t been arguing we’re both feeling much more secure and in turn less anxious when separated.

He hasn’t a trip in a few weeks to visit his friend ( the stag do friend) he hasn’t seen him since their wedding, we can’t get childcare for that weekend so I told him to go alone, he said that in itself shows much of a better place we are in because rather than asking him not to go I told him to see his friends. He’s told him he’s a maybe and will decide that week, he will see what kind of week we have had with the kids and work ect, and if its been a tough week he won’t go, I appreciate that he came to that decision on his own without being asked. Just being more considerate of each other’s needs has completely changed everything.

This happened a few years ago now, and the dust has settled, but I still can’t get over bizarre the whole situation was, it was almost creepy, so I felt like getting it off my chest.

This will be a long one, I included a lot of background detail as it is all relevant.

I (35f) work in generic corporate sales, at the time this happened I worked for a small family run company who dealt with large accounts and sub contracted work out, a middle man as such.

I joined the company in my early 20’s as an administrator and quickly worked my way up to office manager, I worked as office manager for 6 years, I hated it, the politics and everything else the came along with the job, I wanted to work in field sales(more money).

As the company grew I began recruiting for more admins for my team and I interviewed a girl who was working in a coffee shop, she didn’t really have much experience but she lived local and was very keen, she interviewed very well so I gave her a shot. She quickly because the most efficient and best performing employee and picked everything up very fast.

6 months later I found out I was pregnant, I was stressed about taking an extended mat leave, but I’d been saving for years for this, everything was approved and I was asked by my bosses to take a step back and see how the team handled things without me.

New hire, Bianca (fake name) excelled and she became the go to for the rest of the team for problems, I was so relieved I could go off and not have to worry.

Then covid hit and I had to make most of my team redundant, but I had put everything in place for my mat leave and I wasn’t going to give that up because my company decided to use Covid as an excuse to trim the fat.

During my whole pregnancy everyone who was left was furloughed and I worked by myself, covering 5 jobs, although it was very quiet it was hard especially heavily pregnant, as thank you from my company they gave me a bonus and allowed me to take all my holiday(I hadn’t taken any due to everyone being furloughed) ahead of my mat leave, giving me a longer paid time off, great!

Things started to seem off, everyone at my company chipped in and got me baby presents, except my team, not that I expected anything but still odd. I got wind that some of my team were a bit begrudged they got furloughed and I didn’t, they got to stay at home while being paid?? While I had to work on my own, I don’t know what they were mad about, and my extended mat leave.

But anyway, I went off had my baby, got lots of lovely messages once he was born expecting from my team, I was upset they were clearly still annoyed but I didn’t really have the time or energy to think about it, a whole year went by and I never heard a thing from any of them.

When I returned I put in a request for flexible working hours, the law in my country is the company have to consider it but don’t have to accept it, my company came back with a counter offer, I could reduce my hours, but not in my current position but in the sales team, working as a junior account manager, this was actually a higher paid position, which meant reducing my hours would be much more manageable financially, and I wanted to work in sales all along, my company were happy because they were gaining someone experienced with the accounts in the sales team, it was a win, win, win.

When I returned back I was met with a lot of hostility, my old team barely spoke to me, even the sales team were off with me, no one asked how my baby was, a few people would come and speak to me but only alone as if it was a secret, I didn’t really understand what happened, my return to work was awful.

I later found out that Bianca had been bad mouthing me to everyone whilst I was off, she has carried the whole department in my absence and done it a lot better than me, I was always being favoured even though I was terrible at my job, that’s why I got extend mat leave, I did no work before going on ML, and she had uncovered endless mistakes of mine while I was off and that’s why I got ‘demoted’. I didn’t get demoted I took a step side ways at my request. I was p*ssed off to say the least, I hired her, I trained her, I helped her grow as much as possible, out side of work I didn’t know her, what the hell I have I done for her to hate me so much??

In the coming months things went from bad to worse, the company advertised for a new office manager and low and behold, Bianca got the job, now she wasn’t my direct line manager but she was more senior than me, and she used this to try and get me sacked.

She brought forward the ‘endless’ mistakes I had made prior to my mat leave she had uncovered and used this to convince my boss to put me on a PDP, a sure fire way to lead to dismissal. Upon having meetings with HR I asked for proof of these mistakes and said I would use them as a learning opportunity to improve my work.

Well wouldn’t you believe it, there were 3, and after a little digging 2 of the 3 weren’t my errors, one was after I had gone on mat leave, which was actually Bianca’s, one was a purchasing error, and one was mine but it was something very minor which required of small credit, but the error Bianca made was much larger and had cost the company thousands, I asked HR if my small error warranted a PDP, doesn’t Bianca’s much larger error also require one? The next day I got a email from HR informing me my PDP had been removed due to lack of evidence.

Things carried on quiet hostile for about a year but they did get better, everyone outside of my old team stopped giving me the cold shoulder, but the admin team were still very cold towards me, but I just kept out their way as much as possible. I was doing very well in my new role and had been top performer many times.

Then things got much worse, the company decided to restructure, they were going to combine the sales and admin team together to take off some of the admin responsibilities from junior account managers and allow of to do more sales, it was sold to me as a step forward into field sales.

But during this process, and I still to this day don’t know how she did it, Bianca convinced the owners that the combined team needed one manager, and they gave her the role of department head, dispute the fact she was a horrible person, she was very good at her job. she was now my boss, I was dreading this. I just tried to keep my head down and get on with my work, as long I was still performing well, what could she do.

She started questioning all of my sales, this doesn’t count, that doesn’t count, I’m not making enough cold calls, for context I dealt with the larger accounts, so my numbers were often low, but the monetary value was high, very high. So she changed the report to show quantity rather than value, I went from being top performer to lowest, she changed our targets, basically making them impossible for me to hit with the types of companies I dealt with, most of the sales team dealt with large volume of smaller local accounts, where as I dealt with large multinational accounts there wasn’t a huge amount of them, but I would be dealing with multiple branches and these accounts made up 50% of the companies turn over.

Individual branches didn’t count, 1 company 1 sale, the multi million pound projects I was working on 1 quote. She was singling me about because my role was different. My role was different because it was created for me, but the company had a need for someone to solely look after big accounts, as when they were mixed in with the rest of the team they didn’t have the time to work on large projects.

It was hell, I became so demotivated, I just started looking for small little wins to boost my numbers, and then the were ‘fake’. she would shout at me across the office for anything and everything, typing too loud, speaking on the phone too loud, she once berated me whilst I was on the phone so loud a customer who over heard everything and complained about her.

Other members of staff started to notice including other managers, and suddenly the tone shifted, my old team started being nicer, people started opening up to me again and that’s when the sh*t really hit the fan, she hated that people started including me and she really kicked up a notch, started complaining about to the owners that I was ‘unmanageable’ that’s when a colleague came to me with a confession that changed everything.

I knew this woman hated me for whatever reason, but I never knew the level of this, it was borderline obsession.

My boss decided to step down from role as sales director, he wanted me to take over, I wouldn’t be a director but I would because a senior account manager and I would work in the field, this was my dream job, what I had been working towards and an added bonus, Bianca wouldn’t be my boss the field team reported in directly to the directors, the were classed at same level as managers. But Bianca was involved in this decision making, as it directly impacted her department. Of course she showed them my failing figures, and ‘fake’ leads and they decided to pass me over for the role.

At this point I had enough, so I started compiling evidence, all the things people had been telling me about her.

She had 2/3 women in the office she thought she could trust, but they had seen her true colours and betrayed her. She was calling them every night of the week, for hours, all she would take about was me, she was constantly texting them, all day long, about me. Posting snapchats whilst at work about me.

There was the usual I’m bad at my job, I’m not a nice person, I get favoured, but then things got weird.

She was constant talking about me and my partner, she knew him, he was a s3x offender, a dr*g addict, he’d got me hooked on meth, I allow all his friends to use in my house around my child, my house is a crack house. I don’t own my house (I do), I’ve declared myself bankrupt, my dad is actually a secret Arab prince and he’s disowned me, wtf??? That last one made me giggle.

She admitted to falsifying my figures so I wouldn’t get promoted, she said she kill her before she saw me get ahead of her.

But it got ugly and violent, she said she could find my address on the system, she was going to send people round to me house and beat me up, this is at the point my colleagues became concerned, and came to me they were genuinely worried she could put me and my child in harms way.

One of the field team didn’t live locally, but was attending an event and I offered for her to stay with me, we got in very well, then Bianca messaged her and told her not to stay at mine because I keep telling everyone I want a threesome and me and my partner would dr*g and r@pe her, what the actual hell, why would you make something like that up about someone.

The screen shots kept rolling in, 1000’s of messages, some just ridiculous, but other violent and sexually aggressive, call logs off 3/4 honour long calls, with statements of what was discussed on the calls.

All this was going on for months behind her back while she continued adding to evidence, I compiled everything together to hand in to HT and my directors.

But I was heart broken, how could the people I was worked with for so long ever believe any of this stuff about me, be so cold to me for years, I was denied a promotion because my bosses believed her?? These people weren’t who I thought they was, even the ones who came forward and helped me, knew for years the torture I was going through before coming forward.

So I handed the 100’s of pages of evidence I had against her along with my notice, no matter the out come of Bianca, nothing would change what happened the way I was treated, how everyone was just turned their back and allowed it to continue.

There was months and months of legal stuff, after this, she threatens to sue the company for false accusations, and denied the whole thing. Some how she got away without being sacked, but she did get demoted and she took my old position as junior account manager. Ironic really.

I blocked her on everything, left the company and never looked back, but why was she so obsessed with me?

Sorry this could be a long one,

My (35f) husband (36m) has a lot of friends, he’s a a very loyal and caring person and very easy to get along with, traits that attracted me to him in the first place, because of this he has lots of friends, not just one large friend group, but multiple groups of 5/6 people.

Because of that, this year he’s has been best man twice, and a groomsman twice, as well as being invited as a guest the other weddings. Well with weddings come all the stag dos and that’s where the problem started. He’s been invited to 7 stag dos this year, one of which he couldn’t make because they were at the same time, but he’s attended the rest, but the issue has been they’ve all been in a 3 month period.

All of these stag dos have been multi day trips away, a few have been abroad, and 3 of them were consecutive.

It’s been rough, and it has caused issues in our relationship, I’ve spent back to back weekends at home looking after the kids, while he’s off having fun, I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted and to be honest it’s been lonely.

We’ve argued and talked about it multiple times, and he’s been sympathetic that this has been tough on me, but his POV is that these are close friends, he doesn’t want to miss out on a special event with them and it’s not his fault they’ve all been so close together. He planned 2 of them being the best man, but they were planned a year in advance and he didn’t know about the other stag dos at the time.

His most recent one was a 5 day trip abroad, apart from being extremely expensive, I wasn’t happy that it was for so long, and he’s used up all his annual leave, I’m again left looking after the kids/ house/ day to day life on my own.

We’ve argued a lot while he’s been away, I’ve felt his communication hasn’t been great in general as well as periods of him not being contactable at all, I felt if there was an emergency with the kids or something along those lines he can’t be uncontactable?? But he’s always had an explanation or excuse.

He’s given me incorrect flight times, told me the wrong days when he’s leaving ect, but he’s said that with so much going on he keeps getting things mixed up, it’s worth noting he has ADHD, so he does struggle with this kind of stuff in general.

Basically it’s just been stressful from start to finish.

So he came back from his last stag do and I won’t lie I was relieved it was over, to which he tells me, he’s going away again this weekend, the groom of the stag do he just attended has arranged a local stag as not many people could attend a 5 day trip aboard, go figure? To which my husband is attending, I was so upset, and I asked him could he not just give this one a miss, he’s been on so many and has just been away with this group for 5 days.

He said he’s not going to miss it because it’s important to his friend, but he did admit he’s known about this for weeks and didn’t want to tell me because he knew I’d be mad.

In the end we compromised and he’s going to get the train rather than drive which means he won’t need to stay over night, he will just be gone for the day, we agreed that’s what he would do.

I’ll admit I’m still not happy with this, I’d prefer him not to go, but I understand his POV and appreciate that he’s compromised to make things easier for me.

My best friend thinks he’s walking all over me and said most women wouldn’t put up with this crap and that he’s being extremely selfish.

I understand that he can’t help the timings, he’s even said himself he wish that it hadn’t been all in the same year, and that he didn’t want to be away as long as he has been, but I don’t feel his prioritising our family and he’s always putting his friends first. And this has highlighted some deeper issues in a relationship, this isn’t the first time we’ve fell out because I’ve felt his priorities his friends over family, before we were together he was single for 10 years and his friends were all he had, he’s so close with them, I don’t want to come I between that but at the same time I’m sick of being brushed aside for whatever social event comes next.

My best friend thinks I should start considering divorce, I’m not sure if this is just a rough patch or if he’s shown me who he really is.

AIO, or is my husband really walking all over me?

Sorry this could be a long one,

My (35f) husband (36m) has a lot of friends, he’s a a very loyal and caring person and very easy to get along with, traits that attracted me to him in the first place, because of this he has lots of friends, not just one large friend group, but multiple groups of 5/6 people.

Because of that, this year he’s has been best man twice, and a groomsman twice, as well as being invited as a guest the other weddings. Well with weddings come all the stag dos and that’s where the problem started. He’s been invited to 7 stag dos this year, one of which he couldn’t make because they were at the same time, but he’s attended the rest, but the issue has been they’ve all been in a 3 month period.

All of these stag dos have been multi day trips away, a few have been abroad, and 3 of them were consecutive.

It’s been rough, and it has caused issues in our relationship, I’ve spent back to back weekends at home looking after the kids, while he’s off having fun, I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted and to be honest it’s been lonely.

We’ve argued and talked about it multiple times, and he’s been sympathetic that this has been tough on me, but his POV is that these are close friends, he doesn’t want to miss out on a special event with them and it’s not his fault they’ve all been so close together. He planned 2 of them being the best man, but they were planned a year in advance and he didn’t know about the other stag dos at the time.

His most recent one was a 5 day trip abroad, apart from being extremely expensive, I wasn’t happy that it was for so long, and he’s used up all his annual leave, I’m again left looking after the kids/ house/ day to day life on my own.

We’ve argued a lot while he’s been away, I’ve felt his communication hasn’t been great in general as well as periods of him not being contactable at all, I felt if there was an emergency with the kids or something along those lines he can’t be uncontactable?? But he’s always had an explanation or excuse.

He’s given me incorrect flight times, told me the wrong days when he’s leaving ect, but he’s said that with so much going on he keeps getting things mixed up, it’s worth noting he has ADHD, so he does struggle with this kind of stuff in general.

Basically it’s just been stressful from start to finish.

So he came back from his last stag do and I won’t lie I was relieved it was over, to which he tells me, he’s going away again this weekend, the groom of the stag do he just attended has arranged a local stag as not many people could attend a 5 day trip aboard, go figure? To which my husband is attending, I was so upset, and I asked him could he not just give this one a miss, he’s been on so many and has just been away with this group for 5 days.

He said he’s not going to miss it because it’s important to his friend, but he did admit he’s known about this for weeks and didn’t want to tell me because he knew I’d be mad.

In the end we compromised and he’s going to get the train rather than drive which means he won’t need to stay over night, he will just be gone for the day, we agreed that’s what he would do.

I’ll admit I’m still not happy with this, I’d prefer him not to go, but I understand his POV and appreciate that he’s compromised to make things easier for me.

My best friend thinks he’s walking all over me and said most women wouldn’t put up with this crap and that he’s being extremely selfish.

I understand that he can’t help the timings, he’s even said himself he wish that it hadn’t been all in the same year, and that he didn’t want to be away as long as he has been, but I don’t feel his prioritising our family and he’s always putting his friends first. And this has highlighted some deeper issues in a relationship, this isn’t the first time we’ve fell out because I’ve felt his priorities his friends over family, before we were together he was single for 10 years and his friends were all he had, he’s so close with them, I don’t want to come I between that but at the same time I’m sick of being brushed aside for whatever social event comes next.

My best friend thinks I should start considering divorce, I’m not sure if this is just a rough patch or if he’s shown me who he really is.

AIO, or is my husband really walking all over me?

Sorry this could be a long one,

My (35f) husband (36m) has a lot of friends, he’s a a very loyal and caring person and very easy to get along with, traits that attracted me to him in the first place, because of this he has lots of friends, not just one large friend group, but multiple groups of 5/6 people.

Because of that, this year he’s has been best man twice, and a groomsman twice, as well as being invited as a guest the other weddings. Well with weddings come all the stag dos and that’s where the problem started. He’s been invited to 7 stag dos this year, one of which he couldn’t make because they were at the same time, but he’s attended the rest, but the issue has been they’ve all been in a 3 month period.

All of these stag dos have been multi day trips away, a few have been abroad, and 3 of them were consecutive.

It’s been rough, and it has caused issues in our relationship, I’ve spent back to back weekends at home looking after the kids, while he’s off having fun, I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted and to be honest it’s been lonely.

We’ve argued and talked about it multiple times, and he’s been sympathetic that this has been tough on me, but his POV is that these are close friends, he doesn’t want to miss out on a special event with them and it’s not his fault they’ve all been so close together. He planned 2 of them being the best man, but they were planned a year in advance and he didn’t know about the other stag dos at the time.

His most recent one was a 5 day trip abroad, apart from being extremely expensive, I wasn’t happy that it was for so long, and he’s used up all his annual leave, I’m again left looking after the kids/ house/ day to day life on my own.

We’ve argued a lot while he’s been away, I’ve felt his communication hasn’t been great in general as well as periods of him not being contactable at all, I felt if there was an emergency with the kids or something along those lines he can’t be uncontactable?? But he’s always had an explanation or excuse.

He’s given me incorrect flight times, told me the wrong days when he’s leaving ect, but he’s said that with so much going on he keeps getting things mixed up, it’s worth noting he has ADHD, so he does struggle with this kind of stuff in general.

Basically it’s just been stressful from start to finish.

So he came back from his last stag do and I won’t lie I was relieved it was over, to which he tells me, he’s going away again this weekend, the groom of the stag do he just attended has arranged a local stag as not many people could attend a 5 day trip aboard, go figure? To which my husband is attending, I was so upset, and I asked him could he not just give this one a miss, he’s been on so many and has just been away with this group for 5 days.

He said he’s not going to miss it because it’s important to his friend, but he did admit he’s known about this for weeks and didn’t want to tell me because he knew I’d be mad.

In the end we compromised and he’s going to get the train rather than drive which means he won’t need to stay over night, he will just be gone for the day, we agreed that’s what he would do.

I’ll admit I’m still not happy with this, I’d prefer him not to go, but I understand his POV and appreciate that he’s compromised to make things easier for me.

My best friend thinks he’s walking all over me and said most women wouldn’t put up with this crap and that he’s being extremely selfish.

I understand that he can’t help the timings, he’s even said himself he wish that it hadn’t been all in the same year, and that he didn’t want to be away as long as he has been, but I don’t feel his prioritising our family and he’s always putting his friends first. And this has highlighted some deeper issues in a relationship, this isn’t the first time we’ve fell out because I’ve felt his priorities his friends over family, before we were together he was single for 10 years and his friends were all he had, he’s so close with them, I don’t want to come I between that but at the same time I’m sick of being brushed aside for whatever social event comes next.

My best friend thinks I should start considering divorce, I’m not sure if this is just a rough patch or if he’s shown me who he really is.

AIO, or is my husband really walking all over me?

I (35f) recently got into a massive argument with my husband (36m) over him potentially making plans with his friends, in the end he decided not to go, but the reason why he isn’t going is what has made me so upset.

For some background I have a son from a previous relationship, I have 50/50 custody and we do a week on a week off.

We have recently just moved about an hour drive from our old house, my sons Dad lived 20/30 minutes away previously and still does now, we moved the other side of the town he lives in. It’s one of the reasons we moved, we are closer to my husbands work and for me it’s about the same but I have to drive past my ex’s to get to work so it makes hand overs of our son a lot easier.

This town is my home town and I am now a lot closer to my family and friends, the previous town we lived was my husband’s home town, I moved there after uni for work.

Both myself and my husband travel for work, my work are flexible with me and I plan my travel days around my child, but my husbands aren’t as flexible and he has to go where and when he is told. Neither of us travel all week, 2-3 days and not every week, but between our travel and my son, we basically have every other weekend together, maybe an odd night in the week here and there.

The last few months of our lives has been hectic, we moved and the house needed some work, then came wedding season, for some reason all our close friends decided to get married in the same year and we had 4 weddings in 3 weeks( we still have more to come later in the year) Prior to all the weddings were all the stag dos, all of which my husband attended, he had 4 weeks of back to back stag dos, one he had been working overseas and flew home the next morning flew abroad for a stag do.

It wasn’t ideal but it was intentional and my husband didn’t really have much say in when and where he needed to be, yes he had the option of saying no, but these are all very close friends who he has know most of his life.

So now to the argument, this week I have been away with work, next week he is away, my son is at his dads this weekend, and this is the first time in 3 months we have had a weekend at home just the 2 of us, I had been really looking forward to it, we had planned and doing some work in the garden and there is an Italian restaurant around the corner from our new house I had been wanting to try.

Friday evening he got a phone call from his friend, inviting my husband to go out Saturday night, I overheard my husband on the phone and he said he would think about it. When he got off the phone I questioned what his plans were and he said he’d been invited out Saturday night but he doesn’t think he’s going to go, I asked think? Or you’re not going, he replied I would like to go but I don’t want to drive and it would be too expensive in a taxi ( it was to go out in our old town), he said if we still lived at our old house he would go.

I said you would really go? To which he replied yes, if we still lived local. Even though we haven’t seen each other all week and won’t see each other next week, we haven’t had a weekend together just the 2 of us for months?? He replied yes I would if it was local it would only be for the evening not the whole weekend. I started crying and he was confused as to why I was upset.

I explained that I’m upset because I have been looking forward to us going out and doing something and if it was more convenient you would just blow me off and go out with your friends, but he just keeps saying but I’m not going so why does it matter.

He said I’m being as asshole for getting upset over a hypothetical situation.

One of the remarks he made during the argument is we see each other all the time, we live together, but I feel that existing your day to day life and actually going for date nights together and 2 very different things.

We argued about this all evening, and the next morning weren’t speaking to each other, I still feel very upset knowing that if it was more convenient for him he would go, I just want him to choose me, he has had so much going on all of which he hasn’t had much control over, but in a situation where he can freely choose, I want him to choose to spend that time with me.

Everything I do, even my work schedule I shape around my son and him, it often leaves me with very little time for myself, but I always put them first, they are my world.

He cannot understand why I’m upset because he isn’t actually going.

So AIO for getting upset over a hypothetical situation?

UPDATES:

Thank you for everyone’s comment, very mixed bag, didn’t really help 😂 I also spoke with some friends regarding this and interestingly all the men said I was overreacting and all the women said I wasn’t and they would also be upset, I think men and women’s emotional needs are very different.

Some context I didn’t put in the original post, my husband goes out regularly, minimum once a week but usually multiple time, last week he went out 3 nights and that’s without going out on Saturday. A lot of people were saying in the comments it’s crazy to get upset about 1 night out but it wasn’t just 1 night. I did explain we both travel a fair bit for work, and my husband has a very active social life, so we don’t spend a huge amount of time together, yes we see each other in the morning before work and at night before bed, but I wouldn’t call that quality time together, you have to work at a marriage, neglecting a relationship is why so many drift apart.

We did sit down and talk things through, he told me that if we had been living at the old house he would have wanted to go but if I had said I’d like us to do something together he would had done thing with me or brought me along with him to see his friends and then us peel off in the night to be alone. Which did make me feel better, but I still feel he is missing the point, I don’t want to put him in a situation where he feels he has to choose between me or his friends, but I would like to see a bit more willingness from him on prioritising our relationship.

When we first started dating he would only make plans when I had my son, so when my son was at his dads he was free to see me, at this point I hadn’t introduced him to my son, but he explained that he now try’s to make plans around my son, so he can spend more time with him, this isn’t something he had ever mentioned to me before, but he said he doesn’t think of us and just him and I anymore but that the 3 of us are a family and that’s the time he prioritises now. This really took me by surprise, but a nice surprise and I actually think I missed this shift in our relationship, and I’m going to be more mindful of that.

He said that this year has been crazy, but we also knew it would be with work, moving and a ridiculous amount of weddings and wedding parties, that’s it hard to find time to fit it all in, but I said I feel our time is what has took a back seat for all of this, and I know a lot of that is circumstances but I’d like us to make a more concision effort to do things together, I never want us to stop dating each other just because we got comfortable. He agreed and said that’s fair, and agreed that at least once a month we should go on a date, it doesn’t have to be something fancy it could even just be a picnic in the park, but we will make sure we spend the day together just the 2 of us.

We have kind of spent the last couple of years in the ‘honey moon’ phase and we’re starting to navigate that not quiet newly wed normal phase in our relationship, but we’ve both agreed to more effort into doing something special for each other.

He also noted that I don’t get anytime for myself, when my son is with me I I prioritise him and when he isn’t I focus on work and my husband, he wants me to make more time for myself, and has said he’s happy to start taking on more responsibilities with my son to give me some more time, I’m currently looking for some clubs in my local area I can go to once or twice a week in the evenings.