u/EmiDidact

All my life despite enjoying Disney Princess films and going through puberty, I have never had the desire to date someone or marry. In 9th grade I did try getting into a relationship but the physical affection was too much for me so I broke it off and I've been single ever since.

After that very short relationship, I committed my time to focusing on my studies, and forming friendships with people that I was able to easily befriend (some of them were on the spectrum too!) Once I graduated I've been focused on my career and personal wellbeing such as self-care and hobbies. The only relationships I nurture are friends and family.

Many times in my life, I have been asked out by other guys who were crushing on me and I've turned all of them down. Some of them were even persistant or upset by my response and they started making presumptions that I'm some broken and abused person when none of that is true.

I just love being single and the autonomy it gives me. Plus I enjoy being alone, I've never felt lonely because I've learned to enjoy my own company. The mere thought of getting into a serious relationship makes me cringe due to how much physical intimacy is involved and I've never been a cuddly-wuddly type of person, plus being held by someone makes me feel restrained rather than loved. Thankfully my parents don't pressure me to find a partner either. Not to mention the emotional distress if a romantic relationship fails can be significant. I have also held the strong belief that feeling happy, established and complete can be achieve in multiple ways, not just by having a partner. So yeah, I love being single and if anyone else feels that way, then I send you a virtual fist-bump.

I didn't get a chance to watch the season 3 finale on Sunday so now I'm eager to watch it, but when I boot up Crave through our On Demand via Cogeco cable and locate the show, the eighth episode is missing. It's been three days and it's still not there. The seventh episode is missing as well, but I already watched it when it first aired.

Anyone else experiencing this issue, or is there some kind of technical problem on the service's end that I have no control over? I just want to watch the finale and hate having this feeling of being locked out so it's not spoiled for me, and not everyone can stay up late every week when a new episode airs.

This morning my dad and I were both having oatmeal bowls for breakfast. I wake up at 5am and leave for work at 6. He on the other hand is retired and doesn't need to be anywhere and yet he wakes up around the same time as me anyway, sometimes even before me.

When I came downstairs I suggested to him

"Hey maybe uh... I should heat up my bowl first since I'm leaving in less than an hour."

and instead of him saying "Sure pumpkin, go ahead."

instead he got defensive like "Fine whatever makes you less anxious."

I don't know who peed in his cheerios this morning but I responded assertively and said I was not anxious. He always seems to presume I am anxious when I ask or suggest a modification of routine like it has something to do with my rituals. Maybe it is about rituals but it's also about common sense where like I said, I've got to be somewhere, he doesn't and not to mention when he warms up his breakfast bowl he puts it in the microwave for three and a half minutes, four if you count thawing out the frozen blueberries. Mine takes half of that time to warm up so it would make sense for me to go first.

Later when I tried to clarify things with him that I was not anxious and was just trying to make things easier for both of us, he didn't let me finish explaining and said my tone should have been better and I should have asked the statement instead. He said I should have asked to go first instead and maybe that did occur to me but I was tired and didn't think. Then he said to look up a metaphor about people's tones and we would talk about it later but what he always wants to do is give a lecture because he used to be a teacher.

When I finally had a chance to speak, I told him using "I" statements like I've been taught that he always has encouraged me to presume positive intent but he was not practicing what he was preaching. But he kept coming back to that I am not doing my part either in this two way street despite me trying hard everyday. When I tried to tell him that I was never meant to be rude and felt like he was making me the bad guy when he has problems of his own that he seems to refuse to fix (partly due to him having trouble hearing lately) he interrupts me saying I'm just being defensive and not making any changes even though I am doing my best. I ask him not to interrupt me and he just leaves the table to eat somewhere else. I struggled to drive to work without crying later. I hate when this happens, I should have just let it go after telling him I was not anxious and get on with my day but a part of me always feels the need to patch things up because he's my dad but every time I try to, this happens.

I keep getting notifications from subs that I've briefly participated in but haven't joined. I no longer wish to receive these notifications, so how do I turn them off?

I don't hate my name, in fact I love the name I've been given. But the issue all my life is I hate when I'm engrossed in something like a book, game, movie, music or just being deep in thought and then one of my parents calls my name because they need my help with something or have a question. It's an interruption that has always vexed me as I don't like my thoughts or activity to be disturbed and calling my name seems to be the number one way to break it.

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I do my best to not show it via body language or facial expression but if something slips through the cracks my parents get upset. My mom gets dramatic and declares her day is ruined (even if it's first thing in the morning) and my dad just does the task himself despite my attempt to fix it when I can't.

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My parents get so frustrated they expect me to fix this even it means getting a therapist or taking medication. At this point it's like they're done helping me. I've reached a point where I often delay doing any activity in the house that requires focus because I don't want to be interrupted with my name being called. Anyone else have this problem and how do you manage it?

Sometimes I get anxious when my routines are disrupted or I make a mistake and yet my dad refuses to understand how to handle my anxiety if he gets caught in the middle. A few days ago when a package for me arrived, I was in the bathroom and he kept calling for me because the courier needed my signature. I come rushing downstairs with my face all wet and smeared makeup everywhere and do you know what he says?

"Calm down"

Do you have any idea how infuriating this is? You can't just tell someone with anxiety to calm down. Anxiety is involuntary, and it's not something that can be turned off as quickly and easily. You wouldn't tell someone with depression to cheer up. Nor would you tell someone with Alzheimers to stop forgetting things.

Every time I try to tell my dad to stop and explain to him that anxiety doesn't operate like a light switch, he refuses to listen. My mom is also aware of this issue and doesn't like it either. But my dad often refuses to learn and often uses his aging as an excuse. He could try saying things instead like "it's okay just go get your package" or ask if I'm okay or just simply remind me to slow down and breathe. It's not that hard, seriously.

I find myself doing this all the time everyday. Even if it seems like the conversation went fine, I always find myself replaying it in my head and overthinking it like "did I share too much?" or did I talk too much about my favourite subjects?

Or perhaps I think to myself that I shouldn't have said X, Y or Z. It just is constant and I wish I didn't do it and I wish there weren't so many rules in conversations that NT people get with ease and I do not.