u/EnthusiasmNice9593

I’m trying to understand something about serial cheating and whether real change is actually possible, or whether some people just become better at rebuilding their image after consequences hit.

A guy I was involved with cheated repeatedly throughout his relationship with his fiancée. From what he told me, there were multiple women over the years, someone from tennis, someone from work, me (a neighbor at the time), etc. It wasn’t one isolated mistake. It was a pattern. Everything he told me was a lie, he also was a pathological liar and is a fearful avoidant.

What confuses me is that he wasn’t some cartoon villain who felt nothing. After getting caught, he seemed genuinely shattered. His engagement collapsed. His wedding broke off. His reputation took a hit. He started therapy almost immediately. He spoke about shame, guilt, identity collapse, wanting to become a better man, wanting accountability, wanting to rebuild his life properly.

For a short period, I really believed I was witnessing an actual transformation.

He emotionally opened up in a way I hadn’t seen before. Vulnerable, reflective, self aware. It felt like the consequences finally broke through whatever emotional walls he had. I genuinely thought: “Maybe this is the point where someone changes.”

But then things became confusing again.

He started rebuilding fast. New job, new routine, gym, football, friends, structure, therapy, momentum. Meanwhile with me, it became push-pull, emotional inconsistency, distancing, ghosting, blaming me for parts of his collapse, acting overwhelmed whenever things became emotionally heavy.

And now I sit here wondering:

\- Was the “change” real, or was it just panic and damage control after losing everything?
\- Can serial cheaters genuinely transform long term?
\- Why do some cheaters seem capable of remorse, yet still emotionally discard the people who stood beside them afterward?
\- Why cheat repeatedly in the first place if they supposedly loved their partner?
\- Is cheating like this usually about validation, emotional immaturity, inability to regulate anger, avoidance, entitlement, self-destruction… what actually drives it psychologically?
\- And why does it feel like they sometimes become a “better man” for the next woman, while the person who stayed through the collapse gets pushed away?

Part of me believes people can change if they genuinely confront themselves deeply enough.

But another part of me wonders if some people simply adapt to consequences, build new scaffolding around themselves (therapy, gym, routine, work, self improvement identity), and move forward without truly addressing the deeper emotional patterns underneath.

Especially when the behavior afterward still includes avoidance, emotional inconsistency, distancing, blame shifting, and inability to tolerate difficult emotions.

I’d really appreciate insight from:
\- former serial cheaters who genuinely changed,
\- therapists,
\- people who stayed after infidelity,
\- or people who realized the “change” they saw was temporary survival mode rather than deep transformation.

I’m trying to understand the psychology behind this more than just getting comfort.

He wants to find his lifelong partner, and is emotionally available to date now.

I’m trying to understand something about serial cheating and whether real change is actually possible, or whether some people just become better at rebuilding their image after consequences hit.

A guy I was involved with cheated repeatedly throughout his relationship with his fiancée. From what he told me, there were multiple women over the years, someone from tennis, someone from work, me (a neighbor at the time), etc. It wasn’t one isolated mistake. It was a pattern. Everything he told me was a lie, he also was a pathological liar and is a fearful avoidant.

What confuses me is that he wasn’t some cartoon villain who felt nothing. After getting caught, he seemed genuinely shattered. His engagement collapsed. His wedding broke off. His reputation took a hit. He started therapy almost immediately. He spoke about shame, guilt, identity collapse, wanting to become a better man, wanting accountability, wanting to rebuild his life properly.

For a short period, I really believed I was witnessing an actual transformation.

He emotionally opened up in a way I hadn’t seen before. Vulnerable, reflective, self aware. It felt like the consequences finally broke through whatever emotional walls he had. I genuinely thought: “Maybe this is the point where someone changes.”

But then things became confusing again.

He started rebuilding fast. New job, new routine, gym, football, friends, structure, therapy, momentum. Meanwhile with me, it became push-pull, emotional inconsistency, distancing, ghosting, blaming me for parts of his collapse, acting overwhelmed whenever things became emotionally heavy.

And now I sit here wondering:

\- Was the “change” real, or was it just panic and damage control after losing everything?
\- Can serial cheaters genuinely transform long term?
\- Why do some cheaters seem capable of remorse, yet still emotionally discard the people who stood beside them afterward?
\- Why cheat repeatedly in the first place if they supposedly loved their partner?
\- Is cheating like this usually about validation, emotional immaturity, inability to regulate anger, avoidance, entitlement, self-destruction… what actually drives it psychologically?
\- And why does it feel like they sometimes become a “better man” for the next woman, while the person who stayed through the collapse gets pushed away?

Part of me believes people can change if they genuinely confront themselves deeply enough.

But another part of me wonders if some people simply adapt to consequences, build new scaffolding around themselves (therapy, gym, routine, work, self improvement identity), and move forward without truly addressing the deeper emotional patterns underneath.

Especially when the behavior afterward still includes avoidance, emotional inconsistency, distancing, blame shifting, and inability to tolerate difficult emotions.

I’d really appreciate insight from:
\- former serial cheaters who genuinely changed,
\- therapists,
\- people who stayed after infidelity,
\- or people who realized the “change” they saw was temporary survival mode rather than deep transformation.

I’m trying to understand the psychology behind this more than just getting comfort.

He wants to find his lifelong partner, and is emotionally available to date now.

I’ve been seeing this guy for the last 4 months. We live literally next door to each other and got extremely close emotionally. He opened up to me about deeply personal things, was vulnerable with me, and I genuinely felt like we had a real connection. I honestly thought we could build something together because with me, he didn’t seem like he had to perform or act.

But it was also confusing the entire time. He kept telling me he “didn’t like me like that,” while also calling me attractive, cute, adorable, being emotionally intimate with me, spending a lot of time with me, etc. We were basically in a situationship with constant mixed signals.

Recently he started working at a new office, meeting new people, talking about girls he wanted to date, and I could feel him emotionally pulling away.

This past week, we mutually agreed we’d spend one last week together happily before ending contact. Yesterday was supposed to be our final day.

He came home from work at 10 PM, then woke up at 4:45 AM to go to the gym/PT. For some reason it completely triggered me. I got upset because it felt like spending time with me was just something he was squeezing in out of obligation. Like I was a chore before the gym. I called him angry and yelled at him for leaving.

All he said was:
“I can’t miss PT and I’m sorry you’re angry.”

We were supposed to meet later that evening, but he never messaged me again. Never made plans. Never checked in. And now… that was just it. Silence.

I hate that this became our ending. It feels unfinished and cold and unresolved in the exact way I didn’t want.

What hurts even more is how normal he seems. He lives one door away and somehow continues his life like everything is fine while I feel like I’m going through attachment withdrawal.

Part of me keeps thinking: if he cared, wouldn’t he have tried harder to reconcile? Wouldn’t he have wanted to see me one last time? Wouldn’t he have said something more?

I know we weren’t officially together, but this genuinely feels like heartbreak to me.

Me and him sat down negotiated that we’d both spend a week together happily, and then Thursday night he comes late from work like 10pm and then wakes up at 4:45 am to leave to the gym. I get so upset, because it felt like he doesn’t care about me at all or that today was our last day. It felt like he was doing me a favor by spending time with me.

Anyway I got mad, called him up, yelled at him for leaving and all he said was “I can’t miss PT and I am sorry you’re angry”

We were supposed to meet the same evening. But he never even messaged or asked me or made any plans. Today was the last day we told each other we’d be in contact. And basically we’re not talking and it was not how I expected it to go.

It feels like such an unfinished ending. I hate it. This is exactly what I didn’t want.

We’ve been seeing each other for the last four months and I have known him really closely. He has told me so many things he was really emotionally vulnerable with me as well, and I felt like we had a connection. I genuinely thought we could build something together, because I felt like I am the one person he does not need to put up an illusion or act in front of, but then when he started going to his new office, he found new girls that he wanted to go out and date. We were just a situationship. He also kept giving me mixed signals because he kept telling me that he does not like me, but also at the same time, he would call me attractive, and he would tell me. I am adorable or cute, I am genuinely a very physically affectionate person, so I would also get very cuddly with him and he didn’t like it as much.

I’m just sad that it was the last day, and I don’t know why I got mad, but he didn’t even try to reconcile or just try to tell me something else or try to tell me that he’s sorry and that he would spend time with me in the evening. And now things are becoming so difficult because I miss him so much and he lives next-door. I am planning to call this guy to hook up tonight because I genuinely want to get over him like how he has gotten over me so quickly.

I’m spiralling. The withdrawals of attachment is high, but I also. I am genuinely in love with him. This sucks

Why would he do this? Does he really have no feelings for me? Like how can he live one door away and act like everything is okay and continue his life.

TLDR

I take my supplements, go to the gym, I take iron tablets, I eat healthy, I take protein powder, I have done a blood work a couple months ago. Nothing serious.

But I just can’t figure out why I am feeling so so sleepy, that I can’t do anything at all. I wake up, eat, and then sleep for 4 hours, like passed OUT kind of sleep state.

I can’t keep my eyes open and I can easily fall asleep even in the night. I have been feeling this sleepy from the past few weeks and I don’t know what the reason is.

I don’t know if it’s neurological or psychological?