M18 I’m navigating my feelings with two people
I (18M) just graduated from high school. This time exactly last year, I started talking to a girl 18F (who I, at the time, was fresh out of a 3 year relationship). It ended up feeling like the best summer of my life. Every day I saw her was better and better. I truly started to love this girl. She went off to college to play soccer about two hours away, and as time went on, we slowly stopped talking as much. I even asked her out but she said it was not the right time. Two months later we stopped talking completely. It broke me. For many many months I could not stop thinking about her, waiting to see her again, waiting for that chance to get her back. Well around march-April I started casually talking to a new girl but it went as far as taking her on a date. To then hanging out with her. To then asking her to prom. To then locking her in. Keep in mind she lives nearly 2 hours away and is going to a college 2.5 hours from mine. I really really like her but I feel like deep down I know with college around it will be tough to continue and even though don’t treat her like a summer fling. The one thing she always says is don’t lead me on and jt built a lot of trust from her considering I’m her first bf. Well the old girl recently started texting me but I thought nothing of it. I ran into her at a bonfire then at a grad party and it’s clear her and her friends want us back together. I even went to her house (invited in the group chat) and she sat next to me. I feel awful, like I’m a cheater, even though I’ve never come close to as much as brushing up against her. I just know deep down I still care so much about her and have always been waiting to talk to her again but now that the chance is here I feel locked in and can’t wrap my head around what to do. Am I an awful person for this or is this more common than I realize?