u/Equivalent-Ad-2373

TL;DR: Met a girl on Hinge, two amazing dates, genuine connection, messed up at the end of the second date, she went cold, I ended it before our third date happened. She responded warmly and mentioned her travelling plans as a reason it wouldn't work. Now I can't stop wondering if I gave up too soon on something real.

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We matched at the end of March and from the very first date I knew this girl was different.

I don't say that lightly. I genuinely struggle to catch feelings. I've questioned whether I even really experience them properly sometimes. But from the moment I met this girl in person something just clicked immediately. The chemistry was instant, conversation never stopped, everything felt completely natural. I left that first date genuinely excited about someone for the first time in a long time.

Second date was even better. Drinks and bowling. We made out, the chemistry was undeniable, we were taking pictures and videos all night just to remember it. It felt like something real was building.

Then I messed up at the end of the night.

Without going into too much detail I'd driven to the date because I was running late due to bad traffic and arrived about thirty minutes late. Because we were going for drinks I hadn't mentioned I'd driven. As the night went on I started feeling really tired and knew I wanted to head home. I couldn't leave my car in town but I also didn't want her thinking I was drink driving so when my sister offered to pick me up I used that as my reason for leaving. The problem was I'd already told her earlier we'd share an Uber home, and she had the impression the night was going to go on much longer than it did. She was visibly annoyed when she left. I waited until she was safely in her Uber before I left and apologised there and then. She accepted it in the moment but I could feel something had shifted.

I apologised properly the next morning. She accepted it and said I had things to make up for, which I took as her leaving the door open.

But after that everything changed. Replies slowed down massively. She stopped asking questions entirely. I was carrying every conversation. Asked to FaceTime twice, both times she had an excuse. It was just weeks of hot and cold with no real explanation.

At the same time though, it wasn't completely dead either, which is part of why I'm struggling so much with this. Sometimes she still took initiative. If I asked to meet up and she genuinely couldn't do that day, she wouldn't just brush me off immediately, she'd sometimes suggest another date instead. She'd randomly send me memes or videos on different social media platforms about things we'd spoken about before. There were still moments where it felt like she was thinking about me and wanted to keep some kind of connection going, which made the mixed signals even harder to read.

Everything had been going absolutely amazingly until that night. And I just can't shake the feeling that one bad moment at the end of an otherwise perfect date derailed something that could have been genuinely special.

As Sunday got closer she still hadn't confirmed our plans. I double texted, she left it on delivered for a day, came back with a long explanation about being busy and still didn't confirm. Just said she'd let me know.

I ended it. Told her it didn't feel like it was progressing, that we had different communication styles, that it was probably best to leave it there.

She responded warmly. Said she'd been thinking about bringing it up herself and that she felt our life plans didn't align given that she wants to travel and live abroad. Said she agreed with everything I said and that it was nice getting to know me.

And here's what I can't get past. The travelling thing was never an issue before. It never came up as a barrier. Everything was pointing forward until that second date ended the way it did. So was that the real reason? Or was it just a convenient exit after something shifted between us that night?

Now I'm sitting here wondering if I jumped the gun. Should I have waited until Sunday actually happened? Should I reach out again and just be honest about how I feel? I had a genuine connection with this girl, the kind I rarely feel, and it just feels like a massive missed opportunity of something real slipping away because of one bad moment.

Part of me wants to just pour my heart out to her. Tell her that I think what we had was rare and worth another shot. But I also don't know if that's just me being naive and emotional about something that was already over.

Did I end it too soon? And is reaching back out ever worth it or does it just make things worse?

I just need some closure and I don't know how to get it.

TL;DR: Met a girl I genuinely liked, things started really well, then her energy slowly faded and I ended it. But I think what’s affecting me more is the feeling that I can never seem to hold someone’s interest for long.

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I (23M) matched a girl (21F) on Hinge at the end of March and for the first time in a while I felt genuinely excited about someone. The first two dates were great. Easy chemistry, loads of attraction, loads of talking. It felt very natural very quickly.

I don’t catch feelings easily at all, to the point where I’ve genuinely questioned whether I even really experience them properly sometimes, but something about her got to me almost immediately.

At the end of the second date I handled something badly and left earlier than she expected. She was annoyed, understandably. I apologised properly and she accepted it, so I thought we’d move past it.

But after that her energy completely changed.

Replies slowed down massively, conversations became one-sided, and making plans started feeling like pulling teeth. I kept trying to give her the benefit of the doubt because she was busy with uni stuff, travelling soon, and still replying, just inconsistently. But deep down I could feel the shift happening.

As this Sunday got closer she still hadn’t properly confirmed plans with me, and after weeks of this hot and cold dynamic I just hit a point where I couldn’t keep sitting in uncertainty anymore.

So I ended it.

I basically told her that it didn’t feel like this was progressing, that our communication styles seemed very different, and that it was probably best to leave things there.

She responded well. Said she’d actually been thinking about bringing it up herself, and that she didn’t think what we both wanted really aligned given her plans to travel and live abroad. She agreed with what I said and said she enjoyed getting to know me.

So realistically I know I probably made the right decision, but part of me still wonders whether I acted too emotionally or too rash by ending it before seeing her again one last time. Do you think I was right to end it when I did?

But if I’m being honest, what’s stayed with me isn’t even really losing her specifically. It’s the feeling underneath it.

Every time something like this happens it chips away at my confidence a bit more because I never fully understand why it changed.

I know I’m not ugly. I know I’m not a bad person. I know I can hold conversations and make good first impressions. But somewhere between the initial excitement and something becoming real, things seem to fall apart, and I never fully know what I’m doing wrong.

That’s the part that messes with my head.

Because when you can’t pinpoint the problem, eventually you start picking apart everything about yourself instead.

I find myself constantly wondering what other guys seem to have that I don’t. I’ll see girls move on from situations like this and end up in proper relationships not long after, and I can’t help comparing myself and wondering what those guys are giving them that I seem unable to.

I’ve even tried putting on different personas before because I thought maybe I needed to act differently to keep someone interested. But I can’t sustain that long term, and I don’t want a relationship where I can’t even be myself properly.

But then when I am myself and it still doesn’t work, it’s hard not to internalise that too.

And honestly, this is the kind of thing I find weirdly embarrassing to talk about in real life because logically I know this wasn’t even a long relationship. It was only a couple of dates. But emotionally it still affected me more than I expected it to.

I think what scares me most is not struggling to attract people initially, but struggling to maintain emotional momentum once the novelty wears off.

Has anyone else gone through this kind of cycle where each failed talking stage starts affecting your self-worth more than the actual rejection itself?

TL;DR: Matched on Hinge at the end of March. Two dates, both went really well, made out on the second one but ended it badly. Apologised, she accepted it and offered Sunday as a third date. But her energy through text has been inconsistent ever since and I'm carrying every conversation. Don't actually want to end it but starting to wonder if I'm just prolonging the inevitable.

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Me 23, her 21. We matched on Hinge on the 30th of March. It's now mid May and we've only met twice, which in itself is starting to feel like a sign.

First date was April 19th. We went for food, caught some of the football, did daytime drinks at a nice place. It went really well. From the moment I met her in person the touch barrier was never awkward, conversation flowed, and I left genuinely excited. I'm not someone who catches feelings easily. I've genuinely questioned whether I'm even capable of it sometimes. But something about this girl got to me from day one. Physically, personality wise, energy wise, she just ticked every box.

We had to wait two weeks before the second date because she had university finals. Second date was May 1st. Drinks and bowling. Even better than the first. We made out, the chemistry was obvious, we were taking pictures and videos throughout the whole night just to remember it.

Here's where I messed up. I'd driven to the date because I was running late. Traffic hit me badly and I ended up arriving about thirty minutes late, even though without it I would have made it on time. Because we were going for drinks I hadn't mentioned to her that I'd driven, and as the night went on I started feeling really tired and knew I wanted to head home. I couldn't leave my car in town, but I also didn't want her thinking I was drink driving, so when my sister offered to pick me up I used that as my reason for leaving. The problem is I'd already told her earlier we'd share an Uber home together, and she had the impression the night was going to go on much longer. We'd been together from 7:30 till midnight but she thought it was going to be an all-nighter. When I told her I was getting picked up she was visibly irritated. I waited until she got in her Uber safely before I left and apologised to her there and then. She accepted it in the moment but immediately seemed off.

I apologised again properly the next morning. She accepted it and said I had things to make up for, which I actually took as a positive sign because it meant she was leaving the door open rather than closing it.

But since that second date her energy has just been different. Response times went from normal to sometimes a full day. She stopped asking questions. I'll say something and she'll respond but never turn it back on me. It genuinely feels like I'm the only one keeping the conversation alive. I've asked to FaceTime twice and both times she had an excuse. She never initiates a call, and that's the thing that gets to me most. I don't just want to keep texting back and forth indefinitely. I want to actually build something with this girl. See each other more regularly, talk more, get to know each other on a deeper level. Six weeks in and we've met twice and barely called. I keep asking myself whether I'm just another guy or whether this is actually going somewhere.

What makes it harder to read is how she handles the idea of meeting up. When I suggested going somewhere near her for the third date she kind of dodged it and didn't really respond. But then when I asked about this weekend she said she couldn't do Saturday and immediately offered Sunday herself. So she's not shutting it down, but she's not exactly making it easy either.

The confusing part is it's not consistently cold. There are moments where she's enthusiastic, responds with energy, seems engaged. When I got frustrated and started mirroring her behaviour for a couple of days, giving short replies, not asking questions, she actually seemed to notice and became more attentive. The moment I went back to normal it drifted again.

Her friends who she met abroad came to visit for a week and her responses were awful during that period. I told myself it was just because of that. But they've left now and while it's picked up slightly it's still not what it was before the second date. Now she's saying she's got ill from being around her friends, and part of me wonders if that's genuine or if she's quietly laying the groundwork for an excuse to bail on Sunday. I genuinely can't tell and that uncertainty is its own kind of torture.

I really like this girl more than I've liked anyone in a long time and I don't actually want to walk away. But I'm exhausted from carrying this and the hot and cold is messing with my head. Do I hold out for Sunday and see what happens, or am I delaying the obvious?

TL;DR: Matched on Hinge at the end of March. Two dates, both went really well, made out on the second one but ended it badly. Apologised, she accepted it and offered Sunday as a third date. But her energy through text has been inconsistent ever since and I'm carrying every conversation. Don't actually want to end it but starting to wonder if I'm just prolonging the inevitable.

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Me 23, her 21. We matched on Hinge on the 30th of March. It's now mid May and we've only met twice, which in itself is starting to feel like a sign.

First date was April 19th. We went for food, caught some of the football, did daytime drinks at a nice place. It went really well. From the moment I met her in person the touch barrier was never awkward, conversation flowed, and I left genuinely excited. I'm not someone who catches feelings easily. I've genuinely questioned whether I'm even capable of it sometimes. But something about this girl got to me from day one. Physically, personality wise, energy wise, she just ticked every box.

We had to wait two weeks before the second date because she had university finals. Second date was May 1st. Drinks and bowling. Even better than the first. We made out, the chemistry was obvious, we were taking pictures and videos throughout the whole night just to remember it.

Here's where I messed up. I'd driven to the date because I was running late. Traffic hit me badly and I ended up arriving about thirty minutes late, even though without it I would have made it on time. Because we were going for drinks I hadn't mentioned to her that I'd driven, and as the night went on I started feeling really tired and knew I wanted to head home. I couldn't leave my car in town, but I also didn't want her thinking I was drink driving even though I was sober, so when my sister offered to pick me up I used that as my reason for leaving. The problem is I'd already told her earlier we'd share an Uber home together, and she had the impression the night was going to go on much longer. We'd been together from 7:30 till midnight but she thought it was going to be an all-nighter. When I told her I was getting picked up she was visibly irritated. I waited until she got in her Uber safely before I left and apologised to her there and then. She accepted it in the moment but immediately seemed off.

I apologised again properly the next morning. She accepted it and said I had things to make up for, which I actually took as a positive sign because it meant she was leaving the door open rather than closing it.

But since that second date her energy has just been different. Response times went from normal to sometimes a full day. She stopped asking questions. I'll say something and she'll respond but never turn it back on me. It genuinely feels like I'm the only one keeping the conversation alive. I've asked to FaceTime twice and both times she had an excuse. She never initiates a call, and that's the thing that gets to me most. I don't just want to keep texting back and forth indefinitely. I want to actually build something with this girl. See each other more regularly, talk more, get to know each other on a deeper level. Six weeks in and we've met twice and barely called. I keep asking myself whether I'm just another guy or whether this is actually going somewhere.

What makes it harder to read is how she handles the idea of meeting up. When I suggested going somewhere near her for the third date she kind of dodged it and didn't really respond. But then when I asked about this weekend she said she couldn't do Saturday and immediately offered Sunday herself. So she's not shutting it down, but she's not exactly making it easy either.

The confusing part is it's not consistently cold. There are moments where she's enthusiastic, responds with energy, seems engaged. When I got frustrated and started mirroring her behaviour for a couple of days, giving short replies, not asking questions, she actually seemed to notice and became more attentive. The moment I went back to normal it drifted again.

Her friends who she met abroad came to visit for a week and her responses were awful during that period. I told myself it was just because of that. But they've left now and while it's picked up slightly it's still not what it was before the second date. Now she's saying she's got ill from being around her friends, and part of me wonders if that's genuine or if she's quietly laying the groundwork for an excuse to bail on Sunday. I genuinely can't tell and that uncertainty is its own kind of torture.

I've told my closest friends and family about her, which I never do. That alone tells you where my head is at. I really like this girl more than I've liked anyone in a long time and I don't actually want to walk away. But I'm exhausted from carrying this and the hot and cold is messing with my head. Do I hold out for Sunday and see what happens in person, or am I just delaying the inevitable?

Been speaking to a girl for about 5 weeks and we’ve been on 2 dates. I genuinely thought the chemistry was really strong. We made out on the second date, flirted a lot, and it felt very natural in person.

The only awkward thing was I ended the second date earlier than she probably expected because I was tired/drunk and my social battery died. Since then, her energy has changed a lot. Replies got slower, she stopped initiating, rarely asks questions, and I feel like I’m carrying conversations.

What confused me is that she previously suggested alternative days to meet, so I thought she was still interested. But now I suggested meeting again and she hasn’t replied for 22 hours despite being active on Instagram, so I’m assuming she’s lost interest.

I know this stuff happens, but I’m struggling with how sudden it feels because I honestly thought we had a strong connection.

One thing also messing with my head is that she does vlogs, and during our second date she kissed me while the camera was still recording, so now I feel weird knowing there’s a video of that

Do I just leave this alone and move on, send one final message, or ask her to delete the video?

TL;DR: I’ve been speaking to a girl for about 5 weeks and we’ve been on two dates. We live fairly close but barely meet because she says she’s busy with exams and work. The dates seemed good, but after the second one I’m worried she may have lost interest. She replies to me, but rarely asks questions, doesn’t initiate, and mostly just responds. Is that a sign she’s not into me, or am I overthinking?

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I’ve been speaking to this girl for about 5 weeks now and we’ve been on two dates. We live in the same city, not too far from each other, but we’ve only managed to meet twice.

She says she’s busy with exams, work, and other stuff, which I do understand. But at the same time, I feel like people make time when they really want to. I’m quite busy too, probably busier than her in some ways, but I would still make time to see her.

The dates themselves felt like they went well. On the second date though, there was a bit of an awkward situation. I got there late because of traffic, and I also ended the date earlier than she seemed to expect. I think she was under the impression it would be a longer date, so I’m wondering if that maybe affected things.

Since then, I’ve been finding her really hard to read. Sometimes I think she’s interested, and other times I feel like she’s just being polite and replying because I’m messaging her.

Based on our messages, she does reply and she does keep the conversation going to some extent, but I feel like I’m the one doing most of the work. She rarely asks me questions back, doesn’t really initiate conversations, and doesn’t seem to make much effort to move things forward. It feels like she mostly just responds to whatever I say.

The confusing part is that she hasn’t completely shut things down either. For example, when she couldn’t do Saturday, she suggested Sunday instead, so that makes me think there is still some interest. But then the general lack of initiative makes me wonder if she’s just being nice.

I also recently suggested meeting closer to where she lives this time, partly because she had mentioned that idea before. She hasn’t replied to that message for a few hours, even though she responded to something I sent on Instagram, which is making me overthink whether she’s avoiding the actual plan.

Are lack of questions, lack of initiating, and only replying to me usually telltale signs that someone isn’t that into you? Or could this just be her texting style / her being busy?

I don’t want to overthink it, but I also don’t want to ignore obvious signs if she’s losing interest.

Feels like most conversations about the UK lately are pretty negative - cost of living, the political situation, general mood, all that.

But that can’t be the whole story. There must be things people genuinely enjoy or feel proud of.

With the rising cost of living it feels like a "good salary" means something different to everyone, especially depending on where you live. What's the minimum that comes to mind for you?

I went on a first date with a girl recently and it went really well. We’ve been talking consistently since and planned to meet again about two weeks later because she had exams.

Now she wants to change those plans because she’s decided to cover someone else’s shift at work, even though we already had that day set. She’s suggested other times (which I genuinely can’t do) or another day. I could technically do the other day, but I’m travelling very early the next morning, so it would mean a lot of extra back and forth and be pretty inconvenient for me.

I can’t tell if I’m overthinking this, but it’s made me feel like she’s not really respecting my time, especially since the work thing came up after we’d already made plans.

Am I being too stubborn here or does this seem off?I've explained to her that I can't do those days, but she's also being pretty stubborn.