u/Euphoric-Emotion-133

I have a 7 month old son and when I went back to work when he was 3 months old, my MIL was watching him full time. She was seeming overwhelmed so we hired a nanny who watches him for 3.5 hrs in the morning 3 days a week so my MIL can get some errands done. She’s been with us for almost 6 weeks now. I see the nanny when she arrives, but at the end of her shift my MIL is the one letting her go.

My son’s nap time (typically contact naps still) is about halfway through her shift. Apparently, sometimes when my MIL arrives she’s still sleeping and my son seems to be stirring awake. One time my mother in law had to shake her awake while my son was still sleeping on her. Nanny also reports to me that he naps for almost 1.5 hrs when he usually only takes 35-45 minutes naps with me, dad, or grandma for his first nap of the day.

Honestly if she was lightly resting her eyes while he’s asleep, this wouldn’t bother me but if she’s sleeping so hard that she doesn’t wake up when someone enters the room or when he is stirring this concerns me greatly.

Other than this she seems very sweet and is receptive to what we ask of her. My son seems very comfortable with her. However I’ve noticed that she sometimes tells me stories that don’t line up to what she’s told me previously -small things unrelated to my son (weekend plans, her class schedule etc). Anyways I’m just noticing a few red flags. I feel like I should let her go on one hand, but on the other I feel bad since I haven’t had a “warning” convo related to the unsafe sleep. But yet my top priority is protecting my son. Anyways, how would you handle this?

Edit: editing to add that when she first started I requested contact naps. However over the last month he has gotten much better at crib naps and I showed her that routine and encouraged her to start trying. The day she tried it I was able to come and relieve her rather than MIL and during the she stayed in the nursery while he was asleep. I was watching him on my monitor app and he woke up (not crying but definitely awake and making noise) and when I got home she was asleep in the recliner in the nursery. I didn’t address it because I didn’t realize how much of a pattern it was at the time and I wasn’t as concerned about safety since she wasn’t holding him. That has been the only day she’s done a crib nap, all others have been contact. However, if she is sleeping that hard that him waking up doesn’t wake her up I do have an issue with that and I need to address is with either a convo (crib naps only and stay in living room/no sleeping or letting her go) That’s what I’m torn on.

Advice/ input WANTED. I went back to work when my son was 3 months olds old. He is now 4.5 months and has been staying with my MIL ( age 62, if it matters). She lives close to my office so I am able to go feed and snuggle him during lunch which I LOVE. I love that he is staying with someone who loves him so much, but sometimes I worry about her judgment. She is in good health and is very active so I don’t worry so much about her stamina. But sometimes she does things that I would never do- ex. Today she called me really upset and asked me to come over because she laid him on their very large kitchen island (???) while she was heating a bottle and he rolled over and scratched the top of his head on a serving tray. Thank God he didn’t roll off BUT STILL. She has suggested I turn on the tv for him when I express that it’s sometimes difficult to get ready if he’s fussy/not wanting to be laid down. We have expressed we are not comfortable with any amount of screen time and she told me that she turns it on when she gets his bottles ready.

Okay- rant over but you get the point. Should we consider hiring a nanny? I don’t want to do daycare (I know it’s a good option for some, but doesn’t feel like the right fit for our family) I know 1:1 care is more expensive and it’s hard for me to stomach paying anyone to watch my son, when I wish it could be me. We aren’t paying my MIL but I’m just struggling with the dynamic and feeling super uncomfortable. Granted I don’t know that I would be 100% comfortable with anyone but me/husband watching him which isn’t in the cards for us right now.

My son is only 4 months old and I have posted in here when I was early postpartum. I have enjoyed this community and it is giving me lots of great perspectives. As time goes on, I start feeling more confident in being OAD (even though I know I don’t have to choose now,- I like having a plan and thinking though BC options)

ANYWAYS- I have already started getting comments regarding when we want to have another. I usually follow it up with “I think we are one and done” and I almost ALWAYS get some kind of a comment like “oh give it some time” (I really don’t think I will change my mind) or “oh you have to give him a sibling (this came from someone with an only child???) and I’m always just taken aback and not sure how to respond.

I am pretty certain at this point. So far, all the good moments with my son make me think” I don’t want to share this time with another baby. I just to give all my attention to him.” And the hard moments make me think “imagine doing this again, but with a toddler. No thanks”. Despite my strong feelings about being OAD, I don’t know how to respond to comments.

What do you pay for a biweekly housekeeping service? Please include your home sq. for a little context. We have a newborn and are looking to outsource but I’m a bit shocked by some of the quotes I’ve gotten for our ~2,100 sq ft home with no pets. Any recommendations for the McKinney area would be great too!

I am 13 weeks postpartum. I have had anxiety since the beginning (before getting pregnant too, if I’m being honest). I am in therapy and have discussed most of these things. Wondering if you had these kind of thoughts…what actually helped?

At the beginning (week 1-8 probably) I was having a lot of very unpleasant thoughts about my baby’s physical safety:

-bathtime
-sleeping
-that I would drop him or hit his head when walking through doorways…things like that
-dressing him and hurting his fingers when putting on sleeves

I think that as the weeks have gone on I am less worried about catastrophic accidents like those, but now I feel like my brain never shuts off about his development (physical safety concerns still popping up, mainly about germs/illness)

Now I mainly get worried about these things:
-unless for tummy time or nighttime sleep, I hate setting him down. If I give him to a family member while I do something (bathroom, shower, quick errand), I get really upset when they aren’t holding him
-I can’t stop mentally calculating his wake windows
-if he has been in the car seat too long, I’m worried about his hips and his breathing/airway
-if I go a few minutes without talking to him, I feel awful and try to talk a lot to him ”make up for it”
??
-I went back to work this week but even before, I feel really guilty whenever I’m not with him, like he thinks I’ve abandoned him
-he’s a good sleeper but sometimes I worry that he sleeps too much
-I’m always worried that he’s too hot

I just feel like I can barely focus on the world around me. I took him to brunch with some of my friends last week and I feel like I didn’t hear a word either of them said.

Is this just motherhood or should I consider getting medicated?

Tomorrow is my first day back after a 12 week maternity leave. My baby is still so little. I can’t imagine going back to work and pretending to care about my job anymore. It all seems so meaningless now…Please send me good vibes. :(

I have an 8 week old and I will be retuning to work after 12 weeks. My son will be staying with my mother in law (who lives about 3 minutes from my office) which I am thankful for but I can still just cry thinking about not being with him everyday. I am not a person who is super passionate about my career but I have a decent job that pays well enough. I have a pretty good work situation and financially it just doesn’t make sense for us for me to stay home but I’m still dreading being apart from him for most of the day. I will be going to see him on my lunch and will try to go over there to feed him (rather than pumping) and just hope that no one says anything about me leaving so often.

I’m thankful that he will be staying with family, that me working allows me to save for his future and give him opportunities that I didn’t have growing up but I’m still sad. Please share anything positive about being a working mom.

I am 8 weeks postpartum (so take all of this with a grain of salt, I know I am very fresh into motherhood) and so thankful to have a healthy and happy baby. I feel like I could be OAD but have small moments wondering if I would regret it. My husband wants more but ultimately he would honor my decision. I know I don’t have to decide right now but thinking through birth control options and family planning

Reasons I could be OAD:

-I had relatively normal pregnancy and delivery but it makes me sad to think of me missing out on almost a whole year of my sons life because I can’t operate at 100%

-I am a high stress person and when I see people with any more than 2 kids their lives seem so chaotic and stressful (even 2 seems stressful to me sometimes)

-I want my son to get our full attention. Rocking him to sleep the other night I got sad thinking about if he ever had to share us with another baby (although I know I would love them the same- I hope this makes sense)

-I want to spend time with my husband and the more kids you have it seems the more you have to “divide and conquer” kid and household duties

-my son has been a very easy baby so far, what are the odds I get this lucky twice??

Reasons I’m afraid I would regret it:

-I think sibling relationships can add a lot of richness to a persons life and wouldn’t want my son to miss out on that

-thinking of my son grieving by himself one day makes me sad

I’d love to hear other peoples perspectives and experiences!