How do make my mother 55F realise the emotional dependency on her secretary 29M?
My mother (55F) runs a family-owned firm. Around 2 years ago, her secretary (29M) gradually became deeply integrated into both the hospital and our household. He currently lives in our family home and is involved in many day-to-day matters.
My concern is not that he is stealing, cheating, or openly malicious. In fact, he has genuinely helped my mother through a difficult period and has been a source of emotional support for her. I acknowledge that.
The problem is that the relationship seems to have crossed from a normal employer-employee relationship into something much more emotionally intertwined.
Over time, I’ve noticed several things:
My mother becomes extremely protective of him.
She often prioritizes his emotional needs over those of family members.
She is willing to make decisions for his benefit that she would not make for others.
She has considered giving him symbolic rewards (housing, title changes, etc.) largely out of gratitude rather than institutional necessity.
When he becomes upset, it creates significant emotional upheaval in the household.
A recent incident made this very clear. During a family function, I asked that a family photograph be taken with just immediate family members. He was later included in another photo, became upset, left, and the entire household became focused on reassuring him and getting him back. What struck me was not his reaction, but how much emotional energy from my mother was immediately redirected toward managing his feelings.
My biggest concern is not him personally. It is that my mother’s attachment to him seems to be affecting her judgment. I worry that emotional loyalty is starting to influence decisions that should be based on family priorities or institutional needs.
At the same time, I recognize that I’m not a neutral observer. I may have my own biasesas I have felt he is in my personal space and influencing company decisions , and I don’t want to come across as someone trying to remove a loyal employee simply because I dislike him.