u/Extension_Cake_7810

34 weeks, so close to the end, have been feeling okay for a while and now things have changed again. I got gd and haven't been placed on insulin as I was just above borderline so they had me on a 24hr monitor which showed I have bouts of low blood sugar as well. Tomorrow I expect to be on insulin or medication. Between that diagnosis and hg I started having contractions the other night and went in, they gave me fluids and I worked hard on relaxing and the contractions thankfully stopped, but now I struggle with practically every move bc I can feel my body tense and I still struggle with fluids. More than I had been the past few months. Today I am just so mentally wiped out and irritable. I hate this. When I have do t have health issues I am really relaxed and easy going, but now school is out and with worsening nausea I am just exhausted and agitated. I had hoped that I'd get the nursery painted and that I'd be able to get caught up on things hg makes us set aside-so I am very frustrated to be struggling more and having to sit back even more so now than I did before as literally my body just wants to push baby out and baby is willing. But I want him in just two-three weeks. I'm scared that my body is signaling something is wrong and he needs to be born but when we stayed hospitalized they said everything appears normal, and he has been active and I have an OB appointment tomorrow to figure out more. I just feel horrible with my daughter and very lack of patience between her and my husband and my husband is full blown annoying me. With our first born he didn't even know I was laboring-tbh I didn't either but was like if this isn't labor idk what is 😅 and the nurses hadn't thought I was either until they checked and found me over have way done. So his reaction is pretty fair with him thinking well if she is contracting I may have a newborn son by the end of the night-it just felt like he flipped from one edge things to another even though I know it is within reason. So now he is on a kick about getting prepared for baby earlier than what we had thought which I am very much not. I told him he won't be born until I get my nursery painted (it just needs to be painted-it's the only thing left to be done) which I think my mom will get done now this weekend since I obviously cannot. While I was in the hospital there was a cold night and my flowers were left outside and my husband got on me today about how my flowers needed to be planted into a different pot and this was just annoying because if I could keep up with this stuff I would, I would have had the flowers inside if I had been home and now my flowers are struggling. It's minor I'm just not having anything today. I need a nap 😅 but I probably won't get one

Husband and I have been together for over 8 years, before our marriage-5 years ago, there was minimal red flags to my husbands personal family (mom/dad/brother) I was warned by friends/coworkers to be cautious as they know my mil sister and she's chaotic and very hard to deal with. She used to work at my job but was fired and not allowed on the premise anymore bc she was an alcoholic and drinking at work constantly. It had to be pretty bad because we have some employees I wouldn't recommend but have never been booted.
When we got engaged is around the same time period my sil moved back into the area. My first red flag was that she demanded I sit inbetween her and her obsessive uncle who also is an alcoholic. I'm not talking yes they drink everyday type alcoholic I mean like they had .4 blood and near death often and have duis and have beaten their wives alcoholic.
And this is who sil pushed me to sit next to.
Next red flag was our engagement she got offended when she asked what our plans were that I had said "I don't know-It could go in many directions-I know *husbands name* wants to put up a pig barn so maybe we will work the farm" she was pissed off "well no body considered me in this?" Her parents paid for her college... the only child they paid for.

And they also were currently paying on some things on her house.

I told my husband I was no way in hell ever going to live on that property or be part of his families business after that conversation. That was hard on my husband but we moved into a different direction.

Sil refused to be responsible with an aggressive dog and tried the "I'll show you" method with me with our baby and risked our babies life by having her aggressive dog face to face with her. Sil rehomed said dog after she had kids and then admitted the dog was aggressive.

Both sil and mil would lie to my husbands face and do things in front of me behind his back. Same with our child.

Sil wrecked my life and so did mil for years. they wrecked my marriage and my mother daughter relationship with lies and manipulation and really it fucking broke me.

They know I struggle with pregnancy and act like everything is okay when it's not like I can be on deaths door in pregnancy but the second the baby is born I am treated like every choice I make I am a shit parent
Trying to endanger my child or a vicious animal who is going to attack when they literally are putting vicious animals face to face with my baby!

This all crashed and burned in my second pregnancy because it's hard enough that your mil/sil don't care about your living child, but when you are sitting there for a month and told your baby will grow throughout the pregnancy but will die immediately after birth as sil is in her second pregnancy and everyone is telling you how she doesn't need added stress (second healthy pregnancy) and that she is stressed out-all while trying to make you be put in your place in their shit which is allowing your children to be neglected and abused- well that shit permanently changes a person. Sil NEVER reached out to her brother or myself about our loss-but we told them CLEARLY if they couldn't follow our common boundaries with our daughter we would be done with them and they didn't- yet they reach out to us about going to their babies baptism? Over a family group text? Which is their power move the mil and sil send a group text and then you either feel pressure to say yes or if you say no they personally message you a shit storm of "your a piece of shit and I'm so great and you are lying and or anything in your life isn't important so fix this so that you are going because you are going" which I have had plenty of. I have both mil and sil blocked because of this. My husband does too. We also have his dad and bil blocked. We do not however have my other sil/bil blocked.

I feel like throwing up because here I had thought things were at a decent
Level of calm, because several months ago my mil and fil came over unnanounced (I assume they didn't think my husband was home)
And mil was going off about how is our daughter (wtf she's safe AWAY FROM YOU BITCH) and that we didn't answer our phones which is why she was there?! I called the cops. This is the FOURTH time they have done this. I specifically told them not to come over one day and they did. They have more comfort in trying when my husband is gone for work. I told the cops about it and I called a lawyer, they both think it best to wait until mil/fil cross physical boundaries again. I sent a text (as told to by the police) stating they will be trespassed if they are at our house ever again, and that this is harassment and if they harass my family or myself or my friends I will be notifying the police about it (she had called my mom twice prior)
Since mil has had some minor offenses-first she was tagging sil in my friends photography business (which she only knows this person because this persons daughter is my daughters friend) (sil also has a weird husband who has done odd things such as stuck his fingers in an infant (not his and against the will of the parents) mouth to "check for teeth" as sil held back the mother. He chased me from one side of an event center to another all in my space about how he should be able to do certain things with my daughter even though we had stated clearly in a text prior to this event under no conditions was that going to be tolerated. He also followed a family member and her child into the bathroom and just stood watching behind her-she hadn't known he was in there. He watches when my husband leaves my side and comes up to me. He tried dancing more with me than his wife at a wedding. He also constantly was asking to change my daughter's diaper which we told him no and to stop asking.

Mil knows these issues it's why we stopped going to their events and why she isn't allowed to babysit, because she lied about sil/bil being around while babysitting and knowing that they were not following our boundaries. And this is who she was tagging in my friend's business. She also tagged the other sil. This was a petty thing but the risk to my friend over this weird bil which is why we disconnected from the family and her just shoving the issue further into our lives was bitchy imo. But nothing I'm saying that should be done aside from me telling my friend hey sorry my mil and sil are wackos so if you don't have an interest in these types of behaviors I'd stay tf away.
I told sil (that we do have contact with) that mil was aware that she really in all technicality was not supposed to be doing that as it was stated my friends and that association had zero to do with her or my husband but everything with me and my mom friend whose daughter is also my daughters friend.
I told sil we do get along with that I don't know what to do about the whole situation respectfully with everyone involved. That I was drawing back and trying to figure it out. This I think kind of set off my sil and she is trying hard to manage her stress bc she struggles with fertility. Which I support her on that but god I am really tired of NOT A ONE PERSON looking at me-WHOSE BABY ACTUALLY DIED and is pregnant again, that I deserve space and sensitivity. It really feels like they don't give a damn if I have a dead baby.. because they don't. They have clearly shown how they care about every other pregnant person. I've had to juggle mom issues/husband issues/house issues/extra kiddos/baby loss/ AND all their bullshit plus a plethora of health issues. My husband is gone the majority of the time with his jobs.
I was told they may have to remove my dying baby to save my life and my mil had anxiety over herself and was calling everyone as if it was her last day on earth when I REALLY DIDNT KNOW if I would see my beautiful daughters face the next day.
Mil was going off about how grandparents need to see their grandbabies when we had opened communication ONLY to let her know of our son's memorial, she literally said nothing about him and went off as if she was important to my daughter and tried fabricating a relationship with her and my daughter was SCARED and UNCOMFORTABLE. Literally doesn't know her grandma and I can't do anything about that without risking the crazy chick parking behind me in my driveway blocking me in and telling me I am the fucking devil and her husband going for the grab of my child.

Last week my sil (that I get along with) had asked what we had been doing this weekend so I had thought that things were going well, that if she had felt comfortable to ask and that if we were getting together, that mil probably wasn't harassing her about us.
I had told sil when mil tagged her and other sil with my friends stuff that mil was told to not do that and police were involved with mil behaviors. So I am shocked to see that today since sil isn't blocked-and sil liked what mil said-mil has been obviously including us in group texts that we have her blocked out of. This bothers me because like I said-mils actions and sil actions on group text, and I think she is downplaying the severity of the situation to sil we do get along with, and I had thought that there was more of a split to it than their obviously is-I had thought mil was calming down.

Mil also a few months ago tried sending our 4yo a Valentine's Day card

She sent us a sympathy card for when we had our anniversary of loss (which I thought was slightly touching but for the most part it's just her at the bottom and reaching for anything-and also it's "what you do" for anniversaries-not the actual death though ig

And she sent one for our anniversary, which also is annoying because because of these people I never got that special day. I chose peace over the said day and thought the peace I gave them was enough for them, apparently not. And also this was not fully on me either, my husband didn't trust his parents and didnt want their involvement.

Idk what to think honestly, my husbands dad is for some reason-nice to his sister who isn't always nice from what I have been told, his brother is a druggy, but really his wife has driven both of his siblings away. Last I saw his brother my mil was freaking out to her children over him taking a Mountain Dew for the road.. the Mountain Dew that she literally offers to everyone. It's not a surprise husbands dad is overly nice to his daughter and has this sort of expectation with his son-he isn't completely demanding on it but it's just how he thinks.

My mil seeing that she does still try and contact us gives me anxiety, bc like I said she showed up when I told her not to messages me bitching me out personally after inviting us in text, demonizes me to my husband-like she's told him to take our child and leave my selfish ass behind for a family get together-one I already had plans for!

I'm always the blame, both mil and sil have literally freaked out on me saying crazy shit like I am trying to get money out of them or told me
That I am too poor to be buying shit or that I don't care about my baby or that I starve my baby, like I don't have any wiggle room to ACTUALLY be the problem when I'm so damned when I am not even doing those things. We didn't have a wedding bc we refused to use finances from my husbands parents. We have never borrowed any money from anyone in his family. I have covered a lot of shit for his sister financially.
When mil and sil were saying I was too poor to be spending money, both of them were pissed off at me for not going out for drinking. I didn't go to sil Bach party and if I wasn't going out to drink mil didn't get to babysit. I had my babies feet in my hands to warm them up and got up for sil to see baby and she was down my throat about my babies feet being neglected when it was over 70degrees and I was just trying to let her see my baby like she had asked. My baby was never starved by me! They had shut me down on feeding her a few times so I quit breast feeding.

These people are out of our lives permanently because how do you live amongst people who put your child in unsafe situations and treated you as if your child does it doesn't matter? They don't treat the other grand kids like that!

I feel guilt enough that my baby didn't live. I don't need to feel like the problem for everything and I don't need to be reminded or worry about my living child like that.

I think it's time that I block my husbands brother and his wife (the ones we get along with) I feel miserable in this as they have been supportive of us but I think it hurts us more that they live a different reality.

I have been getting bad leg cramps (yes I have let my doctors know) and am now thinking about asking for a decent massage gun for Mother's Day/for giving birth. Anyone take one to the hospital? Was it worthwhile? I may be induced-the hope is I go into labor early and deliver vaginally

I am 6-8 weeks away from delivery and I have a 4yo and will be mostly on my own prior to birth unless I am induced. While this is stressful it's not horrid and I do have support from my family and once baby is on way my husband will be on a trip home (he will b 4hrs away) I am more so nervous about other things, like I am nervous my baby may have t21 (lost a baby last year with t21) (was told I either have a <10% possibility of conception of t21 babies/baby with congenital abnormality or that was the lightinging strike of the t21 conception odds [1/800] and I am at a decreased risk since I was that odd-or they give a generic answer if you don't do testing that you may be at a 1% increased risk of having another t21) that's just the things I was told. The <10% chance was redacted based on not sufficient evidence. Our baby had a low NIPT score and accurate amount of sample- gender is correct- and we do have a non t21 older child so this helps my anxiety. Knowing we were having a child with disability was better than worrying about if we were or were not though and I don't feel it right to poke and pester my baby in the womb for more "possible" answers on this, so we are thinking we will have a healthy baby aside from some common health issues.
I struggle through my pregnancies, I should have been ng tubed in my first, I was picc lined and ng tubed in my second and I was ng tubed in this pregnancy. All of my pregnancies I have had to utilize medications and ivs to stabilize my vomiting/dehydration. In my first pregnancy we had not expected this, so I had lost my job and my husband had gotten a few promotions and bc of him being the provider and changing jobs and my poor health, he took off time in the pregnancy to get me to the hospital and could not take any time off after our baby was born. Now my husband has a stable job and has practically unlimited time off once baby is born which is really reassuring but we have two children now and we don't use daycare as our first born is in preschool most of the time.

What really bothers me though is I have a ptsd diagnosis that in the first pregnancy was treated with Zoloft. Our daughter was born and she was healthy but she was quiet and that did not bother me too much but she was very difficult to keep awake or get awake to nurse and I was severely worried about that. She also jaundiced a few days after which only got treated by the fact that we had several sunny days and a sun room-the pediatrician she had was very not interested and ready to retire. She was constipated and I had believed it was either bc I took zofran the whole pregnancy around the clock or bc of some allergy issue (which could of been the cause with why I was so sick with her in partial) no one was taking me seriously on this. I was exhausted and they were giving me meds like Benadryl to combat my "anxiety" and this created more anxiety bc I was scared she wasn't eating enough and that I was so tired I was not feeding her enough (which was true) and not receiving any help instead they were making things worse and I just shut up and took it. Years later we have had nieces and nephews born who jaundiced and also who were constipated and their assumption was allergies. Everything I said was going on with my baby was validly said to have happen to her cousins and they got treatment-mine didn't.

Since those times I had switched which health care company we utilize and now go to our local (we moved when our first was born) and I feel very comfortable with our pediatrician and receiving help from other staff. And I have had to receive a lot of help.
I started remeron (can't spell it right) bc it is like zofran and it is an antihistamine (which I have severe allergies and need anyways) it has helped immensely. I also was switched to Effexor for mental health instead of Zoloft. Effexor definitely doesn't numb me like Zoloft (which is great) I feel Effexor has been a game changer for me. I am on the lowest dose of both of these medications. The plan is for me to go off of remeron after birth bc I only need it for the pregnancy reasons, but to stay on Effexor. What I am nervous about is my baby being "lazy" from one or both of these meds. However with these meds I do not have to worry about baby having constipation issues, thankfully, and thanks to the remeron I am not taking boat loads of knock me out drugs every 4-6 hrs to keep my vomiting in check and so baby does not have that either, so I am expecting a more active baby at birth than my first but I don't know how active and I am expecting myself to not be drugged down as well, but there is exhaustion no matter what.

I did buy the nipple flow shield which soothes my anxiety and I got a few bottles that I will bring with immediately and so I'm not going to stress and I will make it clear to staff that they will not stress me on bf either, baby just needs to get to a stable point and if that means formula it means formula, or I can pump, I did fine with pumping supply and I have a cousin and a friend who I would trust who oversupply and pump and would lend me some.
If I colostrum collect this does mean it will have the remeron possibly in it, idk what to think about that, other than I can collect when it's lowest in my system.

Anyone else have had to be on these medications? What was your experience?

I just feel staff and doctors really underestimate issues with medications and that moms are not taking seriously enough.

I should also mention I didn't know any better with my first and they let us go home after one night. This time I am more than likely going to be in more need of physical recovery as my first was born within 5 hrs and was fairly easy to birth. This time I may be induced or c sectioned and baby is bigger. I plan on staying a full stay.

My father had Mother's Day as more of a "for your own mother" type of thing and apparently my mother felt the same way that she spent it with her own mother-my mom is getting old and her parents did not make it long into their 60s. I have always tried to celebrate Mother's Day but my mom's life choices don't really mix with my own. Her and my dad divorced years ago. She has remarried since. I am the only child of hers that stayed in the area that we children grew up in. She moved 1 1-2 hrs away. My siblings are all 45 min away from her. 2/4 siblings have kids and are married. She doesn't go to church (not shaming) so it's not like we all have a common denominator or location to all share Mother's Day/aside from her house which she would have to bring a meal anyways, so either we skip church and go over or we go to church and go over and then the day is practically over. My mom was slightly upset with me because even though I am planning on spending some time with her, I told her I felt it was more a holiday that my siblings without kids should make a priority while they can, and she apparently isn't happy that her oldest child does not do much with her on Mother's Day. I know my oldest sibling finds a decent gift with his wife and I imagine they spend the day doing what she wants which is probably spending time with her family or reading and he cooks for her.
I understand where my mom is coming from as her parents didn't live long in grandparent age and she is worried about this herself.
But like I said I never shook anything up and moved away, if she attended church I'd be going with her to said church and have a pleasant meal and move on with the day.
I really have lack of empathy towards this because my husbands mom felt we needed church and a whole picnic and these are people I detest as she is crazy and has lied to my husband and about caused a divorce with her lies-etc. she gladly would have the whole day if we talk to her but we don't and so I just don't push myself for other people anymore. Besides we can't actually make it work to celebrate a mil/my mom/and myself.

So much to unload
First pregnancy-diclegis/reflux/zofran/reglan-healthy baby girl
Second pregnancy-baby had t21/two other conditions/was expected to pass away immediately at birth-gtubed/hospitalized/picc lined
Third/current-remeron at 9 weeks/gtubed for a while.
I am 32 weeks and drained. My blood sugars have been high for a bit now and since I now have to switch from local care to another different Obgyn-I took the first available bc I just want to get my sugars managed. They might take me off the remeron which would give me either the option to get back on zofran/reglan/atarax which I felt caused me a great deal of exhaustion and I am already overly exhausted some days/also I feel caused my daughters constipation as newborn and she was really exhausted as well. I also take reflux med and an allergy med now. I just don't want the same struggles as before that I had with the constipation and her being to tired to latch.
I have prepared practically in any and all ways I possibly can-this area really stresses breast feeding and I also had to go through the formula shortage with our first so I do feel a want to breastfeed. I have the munchkin flow nipple which I think will help my anxiety a lot-I will actually colostrum collect and utilize it. I have reliable breast pumps and am going to get my breast pump through insurance stuff covered tomorrow, my husband will actually have time off this time around. My sister as well-my mom some. It sounds like whichever direction things go with the medication I still will likely be unfortunately induced which I mean I had been in a way induced with our baby we lost (second pregnancy-lost in second tri) and so I think I can handle it but I hear lots of women saying they hate it. This wasn't something we had imagined as our first was born within 4 hrs and a couple days of her due date. I just really hate this odd taste in my mouth-dealing with the stuffy head feeling-and definately hate the exhaustion and strain.

I think my body simply handled my first pregnancy weight gain better-yes she was smaller but even at the end I hadn't noticed pain and or discomfort.
This pregnancy has been uncomfortable in so many ways, I had terrible night sweats until mid second tri-and my rib cage area on both sides has always been strained and painful. We have had so many colds too which has just added into it. When my baby rolls or makes movement my blood pressure rises a little as it's an anterior placenta.

I feel the only safe space I can ever talk about motherhood/pregnancy is here
Hg has taken so much of my life and my spark and my dreams away from me and it feels like I am either a weenie/whiner/complainer or I simply just am living a completely different experience. I'm so tired of being around family that have children and it's getting unhealthy.
When we got pregnant with our first I had a job I had felt was probably the best I could do-it paid well, I worked there for over 5 years. I never imagined pregnancy would take me completely away from my job. My in laws were rude to me and life completely flipped on me when my daughter was born. A random doctor denied me the care I had been told to recieve (which was illegal) and somehow I ended up being not diagnosed but diagnosed with bipolar-the doctor refused to right it on my chart but kept telling me that was my diagnosis and she threw me on bipolar meds and added anxiety meds like atarax/lorezapam as well. Months later I recieved an actual diagnosis of ptsd and through extensive testing was found to have zero bipolar tendencies or connection. I think the reason for any assumptions towards it was because my mil and husband were the people I had in pp and there are a few people diagnosed with bipolar in their family and I believe either one or both have bipolar. My husband isn't as bad but my mil and sil flip on me in the blink of an eye. They are really intense about their own lives-my husband has called his mom a narcissist and we have had to permanently remove ourselves from their lives. They still harass us though. Mil sent us an anniversary card which stung because a month ago was the anniversary of our second babies death and you'd think the lady who still sends mail to our daughter (without including her name on it) and asks about her as if we mistreat her, has control issues and would like to believe that she raised our daughter when it's far from the truth-it was just us being kind to her and her unmanaged anxiety an control issues-who the last time we actually talked to her was a year ago about the death of our son-who hasn't asked us or bothered talking to us about anything for a year-would have sent us a sympathy card-she treats us as if he never existed. I was offered tmfr for him bc of his conditions and being sick with hg.

Her daughter and her and my other sil/anyone in my husbands family, pretty much have only dealt with infertility. I am treated like I over exaggerate and all of them have crapped on my husband and I-lied-twisted our lives around and we had hg on top of it. I just hurt so much about it

Now I am diagnosed with GD and I am almost done with this pregnancy. Today I couldn't do much because my legs cramped up so bad this morning. I know hg isn't to blame for this and it's more just my body fails me as a whole because I am petite and carrying a heavy baby.

Today I got in this mood bc a friend of mine posted her workout with her friends which is half of the community I live in. I feel like I am trapped in my own head. She lost her baby at full te a few months ago, I lost my second in second tri last year and I tried to save breast milk for nicu and I was bleeding out for a month and had to have an a and e for left over placental material. That pregnancy was the furthest in a pregnancy I have gone without having hg hit. I made it to 8 weeks. 8 weeks of a normal pregnancy and then bam picc lined and g tubed and blood pressure giving out... hospitalizations and the baby was never going to live.

I knew I was never going to