u/Fantastic-Ad9200

J E S U S christ. I drove home from Georgia today, all the way up 75 north bound. It’s as if people push the start button or turn the ignition and lose every brain cell.

Look, it’s 4th of July, we’re all trying to get home. And yeah, cops are everywhere. But there are a few stretches in Georgia, Tennessee and Kentucky that you wanna take advantage of.

I was doing about 80-85mph in the high speed lane near Lexington, KY, legitimately moving with traffic. The fast lane was moving. Obviously, being in a large SUV myself I allowed distance from the SUV in front of me just in case. And god damn, I’m glad I did. The expedition in the middle lane behind the camper decided to just scootch on in doing 60mph. I was inches away from that rear bumper, and the truck behind me was nearly in the backseat. Dropping 20mph on a dime doesn’t work like that. And no, your shitty blue expedition fully loaded doesn’t just go 60 to 80 by pressing the gas.

Also thank you for the middle finger. May your karma find you quickly today.

Writing this quite literally in the middle of this vacation. I’m doing my best to make the most of it, but looking for other’s suggestions. Beware, it’s a long post.

I (36 M) and my wife are on a family vacation with extended family. This includes: cousins, their kids, uncles, aunts, my parents, and of course my grandparents in their late 80’s. Fairly, they are both very happy but recognizing life is changing quickly, both with mobility (falling, muscle atrophy, not being able to walk far distances) and mental challenges (directionally lost, forgetting names, saying things over and over again). It’s been a quick decline.

I should have known this was going to be a trip from hell when my mother started talking to me about planning in early 2026. I had originally had hoped to get in front of things so they wouldn’t explode on this trip and we could make it slightly enjoyable. Every time I brought up the trip, she would start with “this will be the last vacation we’ll ever have with your grandparents”, which, sure *could* be true, but she does a great job at leveraging her anxiety to get ME to do the things she doesn’t want to do. Example: “do you think we should make a reservation at [restaurant] for 12?” In which, I’ll respond “Can you not call?” And she’ll say “I guess I could”… and then I’ll do it anyway so she doesn’t hold it over my head. It’s really fun.

However, here is where the pressure and problems persist: my grandparents, albeit slowing down quickly, are typically resilient, independent people. Of course, they need help, but they like to try and then ask. I’ve been alone with them and it’s not a problem to help, but they’re also adults. My mother treats them like children: “Where you going, dad?” “Mom, what are you looking for?”… she will stop all conversation or anything she’s doing to go and help. I.e. we were in the middle of playing cards, and my grandpa was walking with his cane to his room. She stops mid turn and goes “let me walk with you to the room, do you need anything?” And he goes “what? No, go play your game”. She overbearing even to them.

However, last night at dinner was the real straw for me. This - full circle - is the original reservation I made and mentioned above. We arrive at the restaurant, of course the table is not ready instantly when we check in. She is in SHAMBLES. “dad, just, come sit here” on this shitty park bench. The hostess says to us “there’s plenty of seating on our rooftop bar”, I walk up with a couple cousins, we block off an entire area of couches, and I go back down, hold the elevator and walk out to my grandparents and my mom: “we have space above while we wait”, in which she responds “well, they just sat down”, and my grandparents says “actually… we’d like to see the roof”… she’s LIVID with me. Nothing is wrong. I get them up to the space and it’s totally fine. You can tell she’s fuming.

So I’m getting them situated and my wife had gotten me a good cocktail. I try to liven up the mood and show how my mom would like this, “yes get me one” she said, so I go back over to my cousins and join the conversation waiting at the barstools. As I do this, my grandpa wants to join, which is totally fine. He pops up into the bar seat, no problem, cane and all. My mom then jumps up and goes “dad that’s really high”, I try to ignore it because frankly, he’s already sitting down and he sat there because he wanted to. I’m still in the middle of conversation with my cousins mind you, when my mom blurts right in with: “did you order my drink yet? Grandpa wants one too. What was it called again?” I looked at her, as we all did, and I calmly said “we’re waiting for the bartender, and the drink is called ____”. The bartender heard this so he looked directly at my grandpa and mom and said “hi! How can I help?” My mom looks at him like a deer in headlights, then looks me and says “what was the drink again?” Are you fucking kidding me.

Well, as our table is ready, of course we are split into two tables: my parents, wife and I at one table and all the cousins, uncles and aunts, babies and grandparents at another. My mom can’t even hold a conversation with us. “What are they ordering…” “what’s mom looking at”, “do you think grandpa knows what to order?” She couldn’t get eyes off their table. And then, somehow, it got worse.

Im casually talking about how good this seafood stew looks, mentioning it’s what I’m going to order. I start to say something about the restaurants’ atmosphere just to start conversation, because it looked like my mom was actually listening to me. Out of nowhere she directly interrupts me and says “Oh grandpa is turning this way… ‘Dad, I think you’d like this stew… [my name] tell him what it is”. With every ounce of patience in my body, I reset again and begin talking him though the menu. In the middle of THAT conversation she blatantly whispers in my ear, “he doesn’t know what that ingredient is, explain it to him”.

I stopped. I glared at her. I looked back at my grandpa and said “be right back”. I went into the bathroom, grabbed about 500 paper towels and screamed into the void. What the actual fuck is happening? How can both be true, that I am coping with aging grandparents, trying to be responsible, as well as the pressure of enjoying this trip, while my mother is absolutely relentless. It’s unbearable. I cannot do this for the rest of the week. Here I am in the middle of the night talking to Reddit because I have tried everything, and I mean everything my therapist has encouraged me to do. I have tried to be supportive, I’ve been proactive in making reservations, I don’t know how else to appease my mother (nor do l want to give in), AND have any type of relationship with her. There is none. She just helicopters her parents and coaches me like I’m some monster of a son.

I’m at a complete loss of what to do or how to get through the rest of this week. If you read this far, sorry for such a long write up, sorry for brining you into my family’s vacation from hell, and thanks for listening.