i think i became borderline blackpilled around November of 2024 and i just wouldn't admit it. i remember crying that christmas alone and again in 2025. It'll happen this year too.

i've stopped even planning to move out for the forseeable future, because if the collapse is coming whats the point? Its pointless, Just like the many years i've wasted being hopeful of a future that will never come... its only poetic to let it eventually end while i'm a worthless NEET. I couldn't transition. I'll never physically be a woman. I'll never leave this goddamn state full of degenerates who worship a false idol.

There is no point, I will die a statistic anyways, an unknown.

Fuck all of you, I've only really encountered a few people on this site that are even worthy to discuss whats occuring to me with.

the rest were all the type of NPCs to reply "GET HELP!" or "Seek Therapy." instead of having anything truly worthy to add.

Fuck Therapy so goddamn much, It really is just like a more officially recognized form of Scientology. Its a fucking cult that was specifically created just to convince people that they are wrong. It never worked for me.

Fuck Cops, Why would we be so incompetent as to let fucking heavily armed thugs in blue guard our own neighborhoods instead of ourselves?

Fuck abrahamic religions, If god existed why would he be dogmatic and hate a few of his own creations because they happened to not be "Perfect"?

Fuck the government, Why do we have to allow ourselves to be lead by old pedophiles when we should be leading ourselves?

Fuck Gun Control, Its fucking dumb how incompetent we are that we can't handle owning guns and expect mommy government to take them to prevent us from doing harm.

Fuck atheism, Why believe in nothing? There's too much proof to sugest there's something going on. (its just so far from what the abrahamists claim it is)

Fuck it all.

I'm tired of being paranoid all the time and living in fear of christians, It seems like anytime something happens they always attempt at searching for a way to scapegoat me into it and paint anti-theists are terrorists.

i live in a state of constant anxiety and preparation.

I said something idiotic i regret and broke something that was already non functioning in front of her, Because i felt cornered.

Idk how to control my meltdowns.

How is even possible, i've tried the sterotypical methods my therapist gave me and they don't work.

It was never technology, music, or porn.

Its the people irl, its the fucking neurotypicals who pigeonhole us as unstable psychopaths. Maybe being neurotypical is actually mentally ill to begin with. Maybe it's them being brainwashed into their neurotypical privilege they have over us that causes all of them.

Loneliness plagued me the worst way before tech entered my life in a massive way because I was always the outlier and the outsider irl. (I WAS HAVING THESE THOUGHTS AND EXPERIENCES LONG BEFORE I USED THE INTERNET OR EVEN A COMPUTER!) Kids would mock me at school from kindergarten to senior year of high school. (I only had one friend group and that was the other outcasts in high school!) and after high school i self isolated because i learned how TRULY FUCKED UP our real world is. (parents made false promises to me that everything would be fine but it wasn't)

No Jobs available besides neurotypical led slave labor at fast food or retail, "Girlfriend" is mad at me because we can't get married and have kids like a normal couple, i live in a Car dependent rural spaced area, Everything is too damn expensive (I couldn't even afford a car if i could drive) and finally the people here love an orange pedophile more than me.

I feel nothing but rage and despondence towards law enforcement due to how they handled Patti Wilson's case on June 19th, Even if i live nowhere in Grand Junction CO. (she was an online friend)

They corrupt and kill everything/everyone i love and i'll never forgive them.

I hope all officers burn in the Ninth Circle of Hell (if there is one)

I have been shunned and ostracized from my own tribe. I even feel like my coworkers and the police are plotting against my life.

I knew deeply somebody online who got killed by the police recently (June 19th) who was trans and that occuring has really gotten me (loosely) convinced that it was a setup by a MAGA connected branch of US Law Enforcement.

The NSPM-7 talk online has only amplified and solidified my theories/fears...

I don't know whats real anymore because people tell me not to worry but then i see shit like what happened to her and all the rhetoric surrounding NSPM-7 and my brain goes into overdrive.

Should i be afraid? No bias. No left wing or right wing bias. No Bias in general.

I'm not even trans anymore and i still fear these people.

but i really don't

Some people just want to try getting a rise out of me because its funny to them. I'm so rational that it scares them.

My therapist hasn't even diagnosed me as either one (The only diagnoses on my Chart are: Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 1 and Depression.)

So i have no idea what my therapists are missing if (according to people online) i do have a disorder in the Schizo Category. (I'm always open and honest to my therapist)

The fact R/MtF ignores and rejects people stuck im circumstances (such as what i'm in) just continous angers me.

Its not fair and its an absolute injustice.

When i was trans all i wanted was to be welcomed and accepted for who i was regardless of my circumstances but they all ruined that with the trans community's elitism and transmedicalism.

Hope the trans community are happy that they lost somebody from their movement who by all means is regarded as the kindest person.

I went detrans because i'm sick of being mistreated, Go ahead call me a fascist (even if i'm absolutely not) i really don't care anymore.

EDIT: My circumstances are that i'm stuck in a red state and cannot leave due to various disorders i have. People wrongfully assume i'm lazy but thats not the case.

Both parties deserve freedom of speech and expression. It is essential to the constitution and liberty in itself, I may have disagreed with what some of Charlie Kirk expressed but i believe he had the right to say it without the fear of being killed like he was. I respected his right to exercise his freedoms even if i disagreed with some points he had and thats what ALL americans need to come to terms with.

Tyranny always follows false promises of so called "Safety"

The People should have the LIBERTY to govern themselves and their own affairs (Thats what this country was founded under and i will die on that hill if i have to.)