u/Federal-Regret-7188

Hi everyone,
I’m wondering if anyone here has experienced symptoms similar to mine, especially before developing any motor symptoms.
About five years ago, I started having problems with my sense of smell, blurred vision, and difficulty reading in low light. I also developed issues with the skin on my fingers, which started peeling and looked somewhat like dermatitis.
In January of this year, I developed severe constipation that hasn’t improved even with laxatives. I’m also experiencing drops in blood pressure when I stand up, a lot of sadness, and extremely vivid dreams — sometimes they feel so real that it’s almost like I’m living a parallel life while asleep.
More recently, I’ve also developed urinary incontinence and have been needing to use the bathroom approximately every 20 minutes.
I haven’t developed any motor symptoms such as tremor, rigidity, or slowness of movement, but I’m worried that these symptoms could potentially be related to Parkinson’s disease or another neurological condition.
I had anorectal manometry, which showed pelvic floor hypotonia. People have also been commenting that I look thinner, even though I haven’t been dieting or exercising.
More recently, I’ve noticed some difficulty forming certain basic sentences, which is also concerning me.
Has anyone here experienced a similar combination of symptoms before developing motor symptoms? Could these kinds of non-motor symptoms occur years before Parkinson’s becomes apparent?
I understand that these symptoms can have many different causes, and I’m not looking for a diagnosis — I’d just really appreciate hearing about other people’s experiences.
Thank you!

I’ve been thinking about this because I notice a strange paradox in myself: I have a strong desire to be the most attractive and desirable person in the room—or even in the city.
At the same time, if I’m not objectively exceptionally attractive, I sometimes find myself being attracted to people I consider less attractive than me. And then I start questioning what beauty even means. Am I actually attractive, or am I just living in an illusion where I perceive myself that way?
The deeper issue is that whether I’m in a group of friends or in a romantic relationship, if I don’t feel like I’m the “best” or most impressive person there, it eats away at me and I start spiraling.
I think this is part of why I find large social situations so difficult—dinners, parties, galas, etc. Inevitably, there will be people who are more beautiful, more successful, more charismatic, or simply more impressive than me, and I become painfully aware of it.
Sometimes I think the ideal would be to find someone as similar to me as possible. This might explain why I’ve been so drawn to people with borderline traits: they can mirror and reflect me so intensely that, for a while, it feels almost like falling in love with myself. But it doesn’t seem to last.
Another thing I’ve started to suspect is that maybe I’m more attracted to the idea of being able to attract someone than I am to the person themselves.
I also wonder if the opposite dynamic happens with people with strong borderline traits. Do they sometimes seek out environments filled with extremely attractive or successful people because they don’t experience the same discomfort I do when someone in the room seems “better” than them? Or perhaps because feeling vulnerable or weaker feels more familiar to them, they may be more comfortable seeking someone stronger to guide or validate them?
Obviously, I’m generalizing here, and I’m not saying this applies to everyone with BPD.
What do you guys think?
Do you think it’s healthier to be with someone you feel is “below” you in attractiveness/status, someone you perceive as superior to you, or someone you see as roughly equal?
And has anyone else noticed that they may be more invested in being desired than in actually desiring someone?

Does anyone else feel completely out of place and awkward in social interactions?
The fact that I spend almost all of my time inside my own head, barely aware of my surroundings or reality, makes me feel genuinely embarrassed. Sometimes I just want to escape from the real world and live alone inside my mind with my thoughts.
I watch how effortlessly other people seem to navigate society, while I feel like an alien. Today I sat in a café just observing people—even the baristas and waitstaff. I noticed how naturally they move, how coordinated they are, how easily they interact with others. And then there’s me, this alien who’s constantly living inside my own mind.
I also have incredibly low self-esteem. People have always told me I’m intelligent and good-looking, but I can’t see any of that in myself. It’s as if I’m constantly apologizing for existing.
I see myself as very clumsy. I bump into things, trip over stuff, and my head is always in the clouds. It’s honestly so embarrassing.

For those of you who are currently single (so excluding romantic relationships):

Do you still have friends from childhood, high school, or university? Or do you find yourself having to build a new social circle every few years?

Are your relationships only turbulent when it comes to romantic partners, or does the same pattern happen with friends and family too?

Do you often feel lonely, especially on weekends, wishing you had people to go out with? Have you noticed that, over time, people stop inviting you to social events?

I’m curious whether this is something others with NPD experience, or if it’s more of an individual thing.

Does anyone else feel like an alien in social situations?
I spend almost all of my time inside my own head, and I barely notice what’s going on around me. Because of that, I often feel completely out of place in social situations. It’s honestly embarrassing.

Sometimes I just want to escape reality and live alone inside my mind with my thoughts. It’s the only place I feel safe.

I watch how naturally other people move through the world, and I can’t relate at all. Today I sat in a café just observing people, including the baristas and waitstaff. I noticed how effortlessly they moved, how coordinated they were, and how naturally they interacted with everyone around them. Meanwhile, I felt like an alien pretending to be human.

I also struggle with really low self-esteem. People have always told me I’m intelligent and attractive, but I can’t see either of those things. It’s like I’m constantly apologizing for taking up space or even existing.

I’m incredibly clumsy. I bump into things, trip over nothing, and my head is always in the clouds. I feel disconnected from the present moment most of the time.

Seeing everyone else function so naturally while I feel so detached makes me wonder if anyone else experiences life this way. Can anyone relate?

I'm creating a plan to leave the digital world and imerse myself in the real one.

I'm an INFP and I love the INTP and ENTP one. So I want to know where I can find them, the places they frequent.

I've noticed that, as I've gotten older, I've started to feel more comfortable with the Si and Te functions.

I'm 38 now, and I don't know why, but sometimes I get an urge to clean the house. I've started to procrastinate on mental or intellectual activities—the ones I usually enjoy—and instead spend time cleaning the house or washing the dishes. After I finish cleaning, I feel satisfied and accomplished.

What about you guys?

Si comes more naturally to me than Te.

I've also started listening to Synthwave or video game music as ambient music to help me focus on my tasks.