u/Few-Beautiful-8252

EVERYTHING is making me so mad

I’m about to change the entire course of my life that I’ve planned for 4 years and start completely over with a clean slate. I’m terrified and scared and I also have no friends so I don’t even have anyone to talk to about this.

I have a 6m old puppy. It’s been good so far with his training and bonding. I’ve been going through a bad spot and idk if I should keep this puppy or not.

I’ve been struggling to get leveled out and finally they gave me one week script of seroquel 200mg. When I say I have PEACE today after just one night using it it’s a fucking miracle. I am going to ask my dr to put me on this indefinitely. Is it a fight to do so? I feel I’m constantly having to fight drs to help me.

Not sleeping need sleep need fix no one’s helped me so far fingers crossed I get some relief and someone listens now I’m at the point of no sleep and I don’t want to sleep

I’ve been on an upswing the last two weeks. My regular psychiatrist sent me hydroxyzine that worked for a few days then my symptoms overcame that and my dr can’t see me until June 12, so SHE SAYS. So I go to the psych ER yesterday because I’m getting out of hand and I don’t want to go into a manic episode so they prescribe me additional latuda (AP) and now my fucking pharmacy doesn’t want to fill the prescription because they say they don’t understand why she prescribed 20 instead of 60 and I said it’s bc I already have 40 so she’s just adding on and they STILL won’t until they talk to her. Guess what. It’s her fucking DAY OFF. I’m going to lose my absolute shit.

I’m officially in the phase of wanting to spend money so badly. I’ve gotten two small little loans one for 120 and one for 300 and I’m spending on my credit card. I feel like butterflies are in my chest. I don’t believe I seem manic or hypo on the outside I did regular yard work this morning but that’s part of me deciding to landscape and entirely change my yard which is part of the things I’m spending money on. I’m waking up with racing thoughts as well.

Is anyone else in the “high functioning” or “unrecognizable” manic category?

Also I did contact my provider who sent me over hydroxyzine that did help for a few days but is no longer holding me down.

I’m having symptoms of an episode and they can’t get me in until mid June. (Dr is very good ppl wait for her for years). They sent hydroxyzine to hold me over until i can go In and be evaluated but I hate it and I just want to feel better. Thinking about just increasing my lithium and praying it works

Is being happy something that people actually achieve or is it just something you see on tv? Like for marketing? I don’t think I’ve ever just been happy and idk if I should even try or just accept life for what it is.

I’m 31f diagnosed at 11. I’m thinking back to all my different doctors, therapists, hospitalizations etc and not one of them talked to me about what it felt like to have bipolar disorder. Like what’s normal and what symptoms would be etc. just recognized my depression episodes and manic episodes.

So these are my questions for those who have bipolar disorder (please ONLY ANSWER if you have been DIAGNOSED by a real doctor) :

1. What’s your daily life feel like?

2. Can you tell when you’re about to have an episode?

3. How often do you have an episode?

4. Are you able to mask during your episodes?

5. Can you tell when your medication is wrong?

6. Do you feel like you have imposter syndrome?

7. Please add anything else you’d like to discuss with fellow humans who have diagnosed bipolar disorder!

My dr sent hydroxyzine to my pharmacy, I feel like I need more bc hydrox has never been more than allergy meds for me. I told her I have read about others doing a PRN med adjustment and was hoping she’d be able to suggest I do something to get through the weekend so it doesn’t escalate. She said wait til I can see her again which won’t be til 3 weeks. I have an interview next week and I don’t want to fuck up this opportunity because I’m not stable.

Am I dumb? Is it not normal to realize you’re escalating and call your dr to get an adjustment? Does the dr think I’m faking it? Now I think what if my dr is giving me fake meds that are just placebo and tells me I’m bipolar because I’m really that thing that just wants to be sick so she’s really treating me for that WHAT IF I REALLY HAVE DOWN SYNDROME

I have one 5month old boy. I’m absolutely loving the training and work and adventures. I’ve been contemplating getting another dog for a month and similar breed if not the same. Has anyone else had 2 young mals at the same time? What was your experience?

What do I do? I’m medicated and it’s been good for months. Do I need a med adjustment? I’m doing my coping skills when it happens but it keeps happening which is interfering with my sleep

When we are “working” intense play and he gives me the ball back, he will put his mouth on my leg, but he doesn’t bite and then he’ll sit and wait for me to throw the ball again. Is this normal? He is 5 months old and extremely smart. I am wondering if this is something to train out or it’s just a thing they do. He’s my first maligator. 🫶

I applied for one of these jobs today. I’m actually really excited and hoping I get a call back. Does anyone here do this work? What’s it like for you?

I talked to my psych today. I told her about my paranoia about a coworker and my fantasy about following them home and causing harm. (This happened at my last job and I was fired for making a threat). I told her I work part time and I started talking a day off now and then for mental health because I feel the more time I spend there the more paranoid and weird I get about this coworker. She said to do my coping skills and deescalation skills, which of course I do. But I don’t think I’ll ever be able to work more than I do now. I think spending too much time somewhere with people makes me have episodes and symptoms. I live alone and truly don’t think I’ll ever be able to live with another person. It’s just a difficult realization for me.