u/Few-Papaya-7360

so I just started seeing this guy two weeks ago. we had a great date and really clicked. he told me a few times he couldn’t wait to see me again and we made another date for this weekend.

he texted me Friday to say he hoped I was having a good day and I’m way to pretty to be stuck inside in the beautiful weather. I responded that I couldn’t wait to see him and I hoped he was too. then two hours later, he told me he wasn’t over someone else and we shouldn’t see eachother again. it hurt but I told him i understood and thanked him for being honest and wished him well.

the following day I received nasty messages from his ex degrading me and claiming he used me to make her angry. I showed him and asked him to please keep me out of their drama. he then told me he lied, that he didn’t have feelings for someone else-that he really liked me but thought this scenerio might happen. I asked why he couldn’t have just been honest-I could’ve handled that. he said he “had to to protect me” that he ”did it for me” which felt like bs to be honest, he had a choice to be transparent and warn me. then he sent me a screenshot of a conversation with a “friend” of them discussing a naked video of her that was sent to her by the ex too. this is a video he had of her that she foun. I felt very uncomfortable that he shared that, even if his intentions were to prove the ex was unhinged. I didn’t need a sexualized screenshot.

after all this, he said if I wanted to try for another date he’d love to see me. but understood if not. at that point I decided to say no because of the shifting stories (he also just had a liver transplant after achieving sobriety-told me he doesn’t drink-then drank on our date) and that honesty is a non negotiable for me. he said he understood and if I ever wanted a friend to text him.

i continued to receive messages from his ex (through different avenues) and decided to walk away for good. my question is-did I walk away too soon? was he really being noble and I’m being unfair or are these red flags after two weeks in? i always struggle to trust my instincts.

I met a guy online who was attentive, curious and consistently in communication with me for five weeks. He had told me he still lives with his soon to be ex wife and that she’ll be out of the house hopefully by June 1st. they share a daughter. He told me she now has a full time job and that he has no interest in her due to cheating and years of trouble. We went on a date a couple weeks ago, he kissed me, and he told me that he wants to see where this goes because he really likes me. he also said he’s not closed off to a relationship when I told him I’m dating with intent. the next day he said he’s fell asleep on the couch and I asked where he normally sleeps and found out he still shares a bed with his ex. he assured me he keeps his distance but it felt off to me. I agreed to keep talking but over the next few days, his communication became more inconsistent and I felt more anxious. I told him given his situation I needed to step back and that if and when it changes, to reach out. he said he’s understood and I’ll be the first person he contacts when he’s free. was i overreacting? or foolish for sticking around? I’m scared that I let a good thing go that could have progressed. I removed him from social media for my own healing (I didn’t block him) and I’m scared he may take that as immaturity but I couldn’t bring myself to see his daily posts. I’m just feeling sad and lost right now.

I met a guy online who was attentive, curious and consistently in communication with me for five weeks. He had told me he still lives with his soon to be ex wife and that she’ll be out of the house hopefully by June 1st. they share a daughter. He told me she now has a full time job and that he has no interest in her due to cheating and years of trouble. We went on a date a couple weeks ago, he kissed me, and he told me that he wants to see where this goes because he really likes me. he also said he’s not closed off to a relationship when I told him I’m dating with intent. the next day he said he’s fell asleep on the couch and I asked where he normally sleeps and found out he still shares a bed with his ex. he assured me he keeps his distance but it felt off to me. I agreed to keep talking but over the next few days, his communication became more inconsistent and I felt more anxious. I told him given his situation I needed to step back and that if and when it changes, to reach out. he said he’s understood and I’ll be the first person he contacts when he’s free. was i overreacting? or foolish for sticking around? I’m scared that I let a good thing go that could have progressed. I removed him from social media for my own healing (I didn’t block him) and I’m scared he may take that as immaturity but I couldn’t bring myself to see his daily posts. I’m just feeling sad and lost right now.

My boyfriend broke up with me after asking for reassurance.

A year prior, before our relationship, we had been in an exclusive agreement. we professed our feelings to eachother and while neither of us was ready for a relationship yet, we decided to only sleep with eachother.

three months into it, o found out he slept with his ex. he told me “if that’s enough for you to walk away from this then idk what to say. shame on you for not saying you wanted a commited relationship or nothing else.” he didn’t regret what he did but did tell me he should never have agreed to our set up. A year later he told me he regretted blowing the oppurtunity to be with me and apologized for disrespecting me. He never acknowledged my feelings or the pain it caused but I decided to give him a chance because after all, he said sorry. that should be enough, right? In the following weeks I felt anxiety rising and asked if we could discuss his mindset when the incident happened. He agreed. When we sat down together he told me it was ridiculous, that we werent an actual couple, and he hadn’t owed it to me to tell me he strayed. Needless to say, the conversation made me feel worse and I ended up in tears.

In the next three months, I lost my father, my pca job ended because my client passed, my son had a mental health crisis and my car died. I was scared and he offered little reassurance even telling me “well it’s good you weren’t close to your dad then.”

I continued to ask for reassurance as my anxiety spiked and he became stressed and told me he didn’t think he could continue then ended it. I still blame myself for asking for reassurance (including around other women and my parenting) and having anxiety. would you have felt the same way though? I have blamed myself for the end of this relationship a lot and I don’t don’t if I’m being to hard on myself or if there is something I need to learn from this. Thank you in advance.

I’m currently dating someone who lives with their ex still. He assured me she’s moving out soon and they keep things separate (other than their bed) but then he made an odd comment the other day about the babysitter and followed by distance for three days. the comment is as follows: “I had a little girl, who i used to live next to , offer to watch her. I’ve know the little girl since she was 10 I think she’s 21 now. 😂 it’s actually messing with my head that she is going to babysit." 

given the messy arrangement, the comment about the babysitters age and it messing with his head (idk why this felt off) then the distance, is it smart to walk away from this? Am I overthinking the situation?