u/Few_Relationship_517

Okay this is a long post.

My mother is a narcissist and I feel like my sister is going down the same path.

We both grew up around addicts, no food, and saw a lot of things we should have never saw. My mother was physically abusive as well as verbally abusive. Threw me down steps, would punch the crap out of me any second she got, her boyfriends would lay their hands on me, etc. My take on life is you can’t choose the way your cards were dealt but you can choose how you play them.

I am 25 now and I have worked very hard to get out of poverty. I have a great job, own a home with my fiancé as well as land, we work very hard for the things we have. And I got my bachelors degree. The only thing I can thank my mother for since she made no money, I got paid to go to school which was a blessing.

I moved out of my mother’s house at 16 when she took me to the ground and punched me in the face multiple times for waking her up. I moved in with my father for about 6 months and then he starting drinking heavily and stopped paying the bills leaving us evicted and me forking out 3k which was a lot for me at the time considering I only made $8 an hour at the time.

My sister is 7 years younger than me and has a different father (my stepdad) who spoiled her all the time. When she was 13, my mother signed over custody to my grandparents and we both moved into my grandparents.

She was a very troubled teen. Smoking weed everyday, hanging out with the wrong crowd, drinking, physically fighting with my elderly grandmother, sneaking out of the house, etc. No matter how many times I talked to her nothing ever worked. No matter how many therapist she got, nothing worked.

In high school, I kept my head down, graduated with a 3.5 GPA and graduated a year early due to everything that was going on in my life. I then went to college and moved out when I was 22.

Anyways, my sister was a handful for my grandparents. My sister caused a lot of stress on my grandparents.

The first year I moved out, I learned how to cook and bake. Something my mother never taught me how to do. I learned it so well that I accidentally screwed myself over and am now in charge of most of the meal at thanksgiving and Christmas lol.

That year, my grandparents needed a break from my sister for Christmas. My girlfriend (fiancé now) and I offered to take her for Christmas and since my grandparents were passing through the state I lived in they were going to drop her off. We felt bad for her as no child should have to be alone on Christmas. It ended up being the worst mistake.

She was only here for 3 days. Christmas Eve, I was making multiple things for Christmas dinner. She knew that I was busy, I asked her if she wanted to learn or help, she declined no big deal.

She then asked me to make her spaghetti which I then said can you eat something else we have here. Mind you, we had about every food, snack, junk food, etc you could think of. Something we never had as kids. She said no and that she wanted spaghetti. I then dropped everything I was doing that night to go to the store to get sausage and make her spaghetti. It took me an hour to check out since the store was closing and it’s always so busy on a holiday because there’s things people forget to buy. I did it with a smile on my face even though deep down I was annoyed.

I made her spaghetti and went back to making and prepping everything else. She started complaining because the spaghetti had mushrooms in it (there was sauce left over in my fridge and I don’t waste food. But, it was mushrooms you could push to the side) she ate all of the spaghetti.

She later fell asleep on the couch and my girlfriend (fiancé now) blew up the air mattress for her to sleep on.

The next day was Christmas and we traveled to my girlfriend’s families house. I introduced her to the family (they had never met her before) and she didn’t say much to them. I was prepping more food in the kitchen and then my girlfriends brothers comes up to me and says she is smoking weed in that bathroom and sprayed a whole can of poopuri to cover the smell. I told her that we don’t do that in this house and to not do that again. We went on with the night. My girlfriend’s family even went as far as getting her gifts for Christmas because they felt so bad for her. When we got back home, she took a shower and had some type of red lotion on and backed into the wall so there was a butt cheek mark on the wall. She told my girlfriend about it because she knew I would have been upset (rightfully so since this was an apartment we were renting and we ended up having to talk the maintenance guy into painting over it)

We head home and the next day we have to take our dog to the vet. We just got a puppy and had some time off work and wanted to get his shots before the new year and before we went back to work. It was a vet that had a waiting list. Everyone else had the same idea so we had to wait for a while until our dog was seen which was no problem. She slept in the car the whole 7 hours we were there with me periodically going to check on her in the car. We couldn’t figure out why she was sleeping so much but it turns out she never took her medication for bpd and depression while she was at our house. We get out of the vet and my grandparents call me via Bluetooth since I was driving and say that they are thankful that I was able to watch her and that they wanted to take us out to eat for watching her. She immediately woke up and started yelling that she wanted spaghetti and demanding that I take her to a restaurant that has spaghetti (she was 16 at this time). She told my grandparents that she was going to call them because she didn’t like that I chose a steakhouse and wanted spaghetti instead and how I shouldn’t “get what I want”

Since this whole thing happened I figured it would have been miserable for everyone and canceled dinner and told them that they can just come pick her up and apologized that we couldn’t go to dinner. When we got back home, while waiting for my grandparents to pick her up all I asked her to do was to let the air out of the air mattress and fold it up. Mind you, it’s an air mattress that has a plug built in so all you have to do is turn a knob and it deflates. She tells me no that she doesn’t know how to do it that she’s not going to do it etc. We went back and fourth for a bit and she kept saying no. I practically begged her to just deflate the air mattress. That’s all I asked. I got so upset, I started crying. My girlfriend didn’t like that she made me so upset to the point I started crying. My girlfriend goes off on her and tells her how we didn’t have to host her at our house and how her family got her gifts and how she’s acting like a spoiled ungrateful b!tch. (Which is exactly how she was acting in that moment) and how she was never welcomed in our home again. She stormed off crying and my grandparents picked her up.

This was 3 years ago, since then we have seen my sister and she does talk to my girlfriend but nothing was ever mentioned about that argument. My fiancé has moved her out of my grandparents house and packed up all her things, taken apart her bed and put it back together, hosted her at our house again (and she even messed up our walls then, cussed me out because I didn’t give her steak from our freezer, made our electricity bill go up $100 while she was here for 3 days, etc…). Mind you, my fiancé has never even received a thank you from my sister for doing all of this. But that’s besides the point.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago when my sister posted this TikTok (screenshot below). I think she solely posted this for attention and views since her whole page is her half naked to get men to send her money and buy her things she refuses to get an actual job but again besides the point. I confronted her about this TikTok and her response is in the screenshots below.

I’ve had such a hard time dealing with this because I do want to have a relationship with her but she seems to just not give a crap and it’s her way or the highway. I also will not tolerate wild accusations that are not true especially about my fiancé and especially online due to the nature of our jobs.

We had a family wedding this past weekend and I didn’t speak to her once. Everyone enabled her and gave her alcohol all night underage and the things she posted on TikTok were concerning. I also think that since my fiancé doesn’t smoke weed (we cannot due to the nature of the work we do) like my ex did (who used to smoke with her and I found this out after we broke up) she hates my fiancé because she doesn’t enable her.

I just feel like she is going down the same path as my mom. I know there is nothing I can do. But, it stings.

Okay this is a long post.

My mother is a narcissist and I feel like my sister is going down the same path.

We both grew up around addicts, no food, and saw a lot of things we should have never saw. My mother was physically abusive as well as verbally abusive. Threw me down steps, would punch the crap out of me any second she got, her boyfriends would lay their hands on me, etc. My take on life is you can’t choose the way your cards were dealt but you can choose how you play them.

I am 25 now and I have worked very hard to get out of poverty. I have a great job, own a home with my fiancé as well as land, we work very hard for the things we have. And I got my bachelors degree. The only thing I can thank my mother for since she made no money, I got paid to go to school which was a blessing.

I moved out of my mother’s house at 16 when she took me to the ground and punched me in the face multiple times for waking her up. I moved in with my father for about 6 months and then he starting drinking heavily and stopped paying the bills leaving us evicted and me forking out 3k which was a lot for me at the time considering I only made $8 an hour at the time.

My sister is 7 years younger than me and has a different father (my stepdad) who spoiled her all the time. When she was 13, my mother signed over custody to my grandparents and we both moved into my grandparents.

She was a very troubled teen. Smoking weed everyday, hanging out with the wrong crowd, drinking, physically fighting with my elderly grandmother, sneaking out of the house, etc. No matter how many times I talked to her nothing ever worked. No matter how many therapist she got, nothing worked.

In high school, I kept my head down, graduated with a 3.5 GPA and graduated a year early due to everything that was going on in my life. I then went to college and moved out when I was 22.

Anyways, my sister was a handful for my grandparents. My sister caused a lot of stress on my grandparents.

The first year I moved out, I learned how to cook and bake. Something my mother never taught me how to do. I learned it so well that I accidentally screwed myself over and am now in charge of most of the meal at thanksgiving and Christmas lol.

That year, my grandparents needed a break from my sister for Christmas. My girlfriend (fiancé now) and I offered to take her for Christmas and since my grandparents were passing through the state I lived in they were going to drop her off. We felt bad for her as no child should have to be alone on Christmas. It ended up being the worst mistake.

She was only here for 3 days. Christmas Eve, I was making multiple things for Christmas dinner. She knew that I was busy, I asked her if she wanted to learn or help, she declined no big deal.

She then asked me to make her spaghetti which I then said can you eat something else we have here. Mind you, we had about every food, snack, junk food, etc you could think of. Something we never had as kids. She said no and that she wanted spaghetti. I then dropped everything I was doing that night to go to the store to get sausage and make her spaghetti. It took me an hour to check out since the store was closing and it’s always so busy on a holiday because there’s things people forget to buy. I did it with a smile on my face even though deep down I was annoyed.

I made her spaghetti and went back to making and prepping everything else. She started complaining because the spaghetti had mushrooms in it (there was sauce left over in my fridge and I don’t waste food. But, it was mushrooms you could push to the side) she ate all of the spaghetti.

She later fell asleep on the couch and my girlfriend (fiancé now) blew up the air mattress for her to sleep on.

The next day was Christmas and we traveled to my girlfriend’s families house. I introduced her to the family (they had never met her before) and she didn’t say much to them. I was prepping more food in the kitchen and then my girlfriends brothers comes up to me and says she is smoking weed in that bathroom and sprayed a whole can of poopuri to cover the smell. I told her that we don’t do that in this house and to not do that again. We went on with the night. My girlfriend’s family even went as far as getting her gifts for Christmas because they felt so bad for her. When we got back home, she took a shower and had some type of red lotion on and backed into the wall so there was a butt cheek mark on the wall. She told my girlfriend about it because she knew I would have been upset (rightfully so since this was an apartment we were renting and we ended up having to talk the maintenance guy into painting over it)

We head home and the next day we have to take our dog to the vet. We just got a puppy and had some time off work and wanted to get his shots before the new year and before we went back to work. It was a vet that had a waiting list. Everyone else had the same idea so we had to wait for a while until our dog was seen which was no problem. She slept in the car the whole 7 hours we were there with me periodically going to check on her in the car. We couldn’t figure out why she was sleeping so much but it turns out she never took her medication for bpd and depression while she was at our house. We get out of the vet and my grandparents call me via Bluetooth since I was driving and say that they are thankful that I was able to watch her and that they wanted to take us out to eat for watching her. She immediately woke up and started yelling that she wanted spaghetti and demanding that I take her to a restaurant that has spaghetti (she was 16 at this time). She told my grandparents that she was going to call them because she didn’t like that I chose a steakhouse and wanted spaghetti instead and how I shouldn’t “get what I want”

Since this whole thing happened I figured it would have been miserable for everyone and canceled dinner and told them that they can just come pick her up and apologized that we couldn’t go to dinner. When we got back home, while waiting for my grandparents to pick her up all I asked her to do was to let the air out of the air mattress and fold it up. Mind you, it’s an air mattress that has a plug built in so all you have to do is turn a knob and it deflates. She tells me no that she doesn’t know how to do it that she’s not going to do it etc. We went back and fourth for a bit and she kept saying no. I practically begged her to just deflate the air mattress. That’s all I asked. I got so upset, I started crying. My girlfriend didn’t like that she made me so upset to the point I started crying. My girlfriend goes off on her and tells her how we didn’t have to host her at our house and how her family got her gifts and how she’s acting like a spoiled ungrateful b!tch. (Which is exactly how she was acting in that moment) and how she was never welcomed in our home again. She stormed off crying and my grandparents picked her up.

This was 3 years ago, since then we have seen my sister and she does talk to my girlfriend but nothing was ever mentioned about that argument. My fiancé has moved her out of my grandparents house and packed up all her things, taken apart her bed and put it back together, hosted her at our house again (and she even messed up our walls then, cussed me out because I didn’t give her steak from our freezer, made our electricity bill go up $100 while she was here for 3 days, etc…). Mind you, my fiancé has never even received a thank you from my sister for doing all of this. But that’s besides the point.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago when my sister posted this TikTok (screenshot below). I think she solely posted this for attention and views since her whole page is her half naked to get men to send her money and buy her things she refuses to get an actual job but again besides the point. I confronted her about this TikTok and her response is in the screenshots below.

I’ve had such a hard time dealing with this because I do want to have a relationship with her but she seems to just not give a crap and it’s her way or the highway. I also will not tolerate wild accusations that are not true especially about my fiancé and especially online due to the nature of our jobs.

We had a family wedding this past weekend and I didn’t speak to her once. Everyone enabled her and gave her alcohol all night underage and the things she posted on TikTok were concerning. I also think that since my fiancé doesn’t smoke weed (we cannot due to the nature of the work we do) like my ex did (who used to smoke with her and I found this out after we broke up) she hates my fiancé because she doesn’t enable her.

I just feel like she is going down the same path as my mom. I know there is nothing I can do. But, it stings.