u/Fickle_Wrangler_7439

Hitting proper middle age does make me realize that some doors really are closing. There's still plenty of life to be lived, but it's not quite the "limitless possibilities" of youth.

I dunno. It all could have been worse for sure, but I'm not particularly satisfied with my life either. Never managed to buy a house, probably renting for life. Career has always been just a job to me, just something that wastes my time. Minimal contact with remaining family. I never wanted kids, still don't, but I never managed to find anything else to do either. Some friends... sorta. Some hobbies I'm just ok at.

I'm independent, but some days I feel like a real loser. I feel like I kinda drifted through life.

I did finally finish all my old SNES games though. I had to use a guide for Jurassic Park. What the hell, man, that game was so nonsensical. I guess that's going on my gravestone, lol. "Here lies [redacted]. They finished all their SNES games."

What do you think? Are you satisfied with how your life turned out?

I have a career that actually helps people. I try to talk to people and go out. I have cats. I clean my apartment. I try to eat healthy and work out. I read books whenever I have time.

I have lists and alarms and routines. All the things you're supposed to do when you're depressed.

This has actually been a problem when seeking therapy. They all say "well, you're functional though, what more do you want?"

And like... I don't know? More than this? Why am I tired all the time? Why am I sad all the time? Why do I go to sleep hoping I'll never wake up every night?

"Maybe you should try the opposite? See what happens when you don't have a schedule?"

I'm 40 years old. You think I haven’t tried being an unemployed alcoholic who laid around in bed all day before?

I don't know. What's the point of any of this?