r/RedditForGrownups

My wife and I are doing better financially than our friend group. We're putting a lot away for retirement. Our dream is to have our friend group all get to quit our jobs and enjoy the last couple decades together. But it's looking more and more like they'll need to continue working, maybe forever. What's it been like for you to be at a different place from your friends/family as you get older?

When they are either lonely and/or searching for deep meaning. Especially for individuals that were previously more thrill seeking (partying, drinking) or lone wolfs.

Some examples:

Church

Community group

Volunteer associations

Adult education classes

Sports rec leagues

TBH, I'm thinking in particular of the tendency these days to overshare. OFC--and for many reasons--it's just not a good idea.

I didn’t know which subreddit to post in for this kind of question but I have a Chromebook Lenovo 300 E and its touchscreen. I was wondering, what type of pen do I get with this type of laptop? I’ve been looking up different kinds to see which is more compatible, but I’m reluctant to get it and fear that they won’t work and that I’ve wasted my money

I really need help because I’m fairly new to dating as someone in her late 20s. I saw a guy for 6 dates from the apps. Around date 4 I began getting a bit worried that we’re both still on the apps but we didn’t talk dating wants or needs between the two of us. He’s also late 20s, has an established career, and lives on his own. I went back to school but I work and I live with my grandparents currently.

I’ve felt that we go from talking about everyday stuff to kissing, mid date, then at the end. It almost goes from casual conversation to suddenly kissing or holding onto one another. It’s not a very natural progression. But we’ve become formulaic in the sense that we make our next plans during the current one. Last time we didn’t.

recently we went to a bar and he said ok wanna kiss in that corner?

So we did. And then after we said bye, it felt different like I brought up plans and he said alrighty! So after that I just felt the gap growing, I feel I’m getting closer physically with him but emotionally I have no idea. His profile said he’s looking for what I’m looking for, which is to have a relationship. But we didn’t talk that. So I text him about that.

I also did mention to him over text that i feel closer physically but I need to know where we’re headed because emotionally there’s been not much. He said his goals align with his profile. That he can discuss this more with me.

But then I asked to make plans. He said ok what do you want to do? We are seemingly planning this but I have no idea what to say or ask him. After about 6 dates I assume people know where they want things to progress and since neither of us have communicated I’m not sure how to broach this in person. I don’t want it to be like an interrogation. At the same time I’m not sure if I just never asked for plans if we’d had never met again given his shift in asking about plans

Usually because you have a personal connection with the proprietor or long term staff. Where you have been welcomed to hang out and shoot the breeze when you are bored. Where you might bring a coffee or donuts as a gesture. Or been a pseudo bodyguard/companion if it was in a rough neighborhood.

Some examples:

Hair salon

Auto body shop

Independent boutique

Dojos / Boxing gyms

Cannabis/vape store

Repair shops

Art supplies store /gallery

Alternative wellness clinic

Tattoo parlor

Hobby store

Food take out joint

Something I’ve noticed over the past few years is that many women around my age seem far more comfortable simply being themselves rather than trying to fit an idea of how they’re supposed to behave.

When I was younger, there seemed to be endless expectations about how a woman should dress speak date or carry herself at certain ages. Now in my sixties I find confidence often comes from letting go of that pressure a bit.

I’m curious whether others here have experienced the same shift. Did getting older make you more comfortable in your own personality and style, or do you still feel society expects people our age to behave a certain way. What are your thoughts and experiences?

i’m a woman in my 20s. i have a masters degree and am abt to move to switzerland. my life is good and there is no need to change anything immediately, but i’m reflecting rn on which life i want for my future and i don’t seem to be able to decide. i have two different life ideas which cannot be mixed!! would love if you could share YOUR perspectives on those two different lifestyles. it is not about me- it is about the pros and cons.

in both i am equally wealthy.

life 1: in my 40s

i have a secure job and an even more secure relationship. everything is set, very balanced and “normal” life.

everything is secure, almost boring at times.

highlights are hiking w my partner/friends or going an relaxing trips. or a job promotion.

i collect special experiences 3x a year

life 2: also in my 40s

i have a good job but gotta put more effort in projects and prioritise things, more self reliance.

i life in a non-monogamous relationship, my partner and i are often on trips for work and spend only half of the time together. i party a lot, do the one or other drug and hook ups.

many good friends. i have everything but still want more. very dopamine driven.

i collect special experiences weekly.

ask away if there are open questions, i have both lifestyle as a finished picture in my head.

I mean I knw most dogs will eat anything but...

I was at the house of a friend of a friend the other day. I love dogs so a pretty big one climbed up into my lap. I'm blind. So sitting there, there was this 'plop' on the couch next to me. When I reached over to feel around to learn what it was--and sniffed it LOL, it was evident that it was a cupcake.

OFC, the dog jumped down and barked, probably like WTF; leave my food alone. But it's weird and really did put me in mind of pets having so many diseases now that people have, maybe because we're giving them too many people foods.

Decided to put this 'here' because a lot more of us were maybe around 'before' this was a thing.

Even in the 80s when I was born, the kids got to the extra sweets before any dog did.

From the 70s to 2000s. Back when you actually had to invest active time by getting their books, listening to their audio seminars, buying the VHS series or attending their workshops.

In either your or your close circle's lives (friends, family, colleagues).

Likely in key areas:

Addiction

Trauma

Codependency

Self esteem /Acceptance

Anxiety

Depression

Goal setting

Self Discipline & Execution

Due to life circumstances bringing you back such as:

• Illness
• Job loss
• Divorce
• Widowed parent

But then you remembered all the reasons you left in the first place.

• Close minded
• Provincial
• Lack of jobs
• Unaffordable

Leading you to want to bounce again, even to the place you just left.

For some reason you can't fully explain.

You will watch the series every couple years.

Stop and watch any YouTube short clips you stumble upon.

Listen to any interviews with the actors, writers, producers.

Visit the subreddit dedicated to it.

More than adult. He's close to 65 years old. Guy lives on a pretty nice boat with his wife, both retired years ago. He's a hardcore republican/trumper, yet wife has been collecting disability for 'depression' for 20 years. Has a new truck, and a couple smaller nice boats.

He pretends to be friendly, but in group texts with 10 other people tries to tell them what to do, when I respond with a question about something else he says "what does that have to do with xxxx" (the thing he told us that I completely ignored, because he has no say in that). Last week he went and wet his thumb with sweat and rubbed it on the part of my car where the camera is (it's a tesla). In the past he has talked about his hate for democrats and the North East. I'm not a super left person, he knows I think Donald and Elon are terrible people, I'm also not on the right at all.

I just don't understand why a retired dude with plenty of money is sitting there starting shit with a younger (40's) dude who works hard everyday and just wants the weekends at the marina free of bullshit. He fails to be able to, or just doesn't care to, understand anyone else's perspective but his own.

Edit: This is where I keep my boat on the weekends. It was a marina wide group text with boat owners. I also forgot to include that he will say "I just mess with you because I like you" which of course I've always viewed as a bunch of bullshit when people have said this to me over the years.

I had my 6th date with a guy from the dating apps. We didn’t kiss till our 4th date. He kissed me so quick and out of nowhere. Like he walked off after. Or should I say he ran away. He went to his car and not a word to me. I felt so confused. Before then he made plan with me for the next date. Then 5th date goes good. We kiss and it was actually good. We hold hands and he holds me waist. When he grabs me he squishes me a bit. And it feels like a bit different or awkward.hes always kind of squishing me when he holds on.

But 6th date. Goes good. We talk. We get food together. Then we go and take our cars to this beach area. Then we both get out and walk. We talk and then halfway through he holds me. We sit down. The area is more secluded. We hold for a bit then he asks me: so you wanna do this? I say what? He said you know. So I ask if he knows how to do this. He said: um ofc I do… gets so defensive.

And then he starts kissing my neck. Then actually kissing me. he’s giving me a hickey at this point. He got really defensive when I asked if he knows what to do. The actual kissing was the longest we did. And he didnt tilt his head, so like our first kiss we hit our faces a bit. But I tilted more. I didn’t tell him this is my first experience. He put my leg over his. And was touching me. And then when we went back to our cars he kissed me then hugged me then went back in but he was hardly kissing my lips more just my face. And we still didn’t talk about being exclusive. Hes still on the dating apps ofc so am I. But I just don’t get this. Idk what is going on. And when we were by our cars he didn’t ask me to do anything again, so I did. And he said: sure I guess why not.

We both expressed wanting a long term relationship so idk. I’m not sure if this is all he wanted. Idk if I should follow up or leave this situation alone. Is this normal for dating? I feel so confused because I’ve never dated. He didn’t ask me to meet again after this, I’m the one who did. And I feel like maybe he got all he wanted out of this or he sees me as casual, I’m so confused. I should know by my age. But I need advice, I’ve never gotten to this place with a guy. I really did like him but now I’m confused how he sees me

We are a family of 5 (mom + dad + three kids under 10). Our current home of 10 years is too small- about 1600sqft, with a lot of things we don't really like. The yard is huge (almost an acre) and requires a ton of yard work and money due to tons of trees and water drainage issues. I just paid 4000 dollars to get a dead ash tree taken out (it was a hazard). While the contractors were here he pointed out another huge tree that is hollowing out and will need removed before long- 5000+. Our retaining wall has been damaged over the years by the aforementioned water issues and needs replaced (more thousands). The list goes on and on. The one-car garage isn't enough for our yard tools, not to mention our vehicles. The roof is double shingled and over 30 years old. At some point, someone fired a gun and put a bullet hole in our siding that shows daylight through the attic. Our "charming older home with character" is turning into a real pain in the ass.

1600sqft is not crazy small, but we both work from home and need separate office spaces that can be clean and quiet. As a result the rest of our house is just packed with stuff. We have been downsizing, donating, taking stuff to the dump, but there are still bags and boxes in every room.

We want to move to a bigger home with more space and a smaller yard. I think a 2500+ sqft house with a couple of nice walk-in closets would allow us to store everything nicely. Much of our daily stress and frustration would decrease if we had room to breathe and less house problems to deal with. We have a good income on paper, and our current home's zestimate has doubled since we moved in.

Here's the hard part: we don't have a ton of cash on hand for repairs or inspections or movers. We are busy, we have three kids to drive around, we have 4-5 hours of yard work a week to keep up on, and we have no idea how much our house is actually worth. We recently had to buy a new bed and a new (used) vehicle so we drained a year's worth of cash savings. We want to avoid doing anything crazy like pulling from our 401k.

We want to move, but we don't know what "step 1" is. We don't know what we can (or can't) afford because our houses' true value is a mystery- and with all of the repairs that a home inspector will require, we dread listing it and facing 50k in home repairs to get it sold. We MUST sell if we are going to afford a down payment on another home.

I feel like we are wasting the best years of our family life in a house that we hate. What would you do in my shoes?

I have two. First, I use a height-adjustable stool while washing dishes which helps both my lower back and a knee that got damaged when I fell and it hit a speedbump thing.

The other thing is I used to hate brushing my teeth because the bathroom sink always seems so low and you have to hunch over it. So now, I have a specific plastic basin I use that allows me to both get the job done and stand straight. Seems to help a lot actually which I found kinda surprising.

What about you; what are some hacks for your back?

any irish ppl in here? I wanted to ask what curse words do you use for when you’re in trouble? I’m American, but I always catch myself using random cuss words in different languages but I wanna make sure I’m using each one properly.

what cuss words do you guys use for when you’re in trouble? Like for example. “oh f*ck” “dagnabbit” “fksake” is some common ones my family uses

Before technology became relatively foolproof as it is today. In the wild west of digital technology in the 90s.

Like when landline wireless phones used to cross with your neighbors in close quarters (apartments, townhouses, dorms) and you would hear their calls.

Getting an electronic call from a modem or fax and hearing the garbled screechy sound.

When the visual adult content scrambler on cable channels used to drop, exposing all.

Tricking the satellite box to get free boxing and wrestling PPVs.

Your transistor radio picking up chatter from truckers, emergency services and other hobbyists.

I’d love some thoughts and opinions My roommate and I moved to Portland OR from Sacramento CA almost 5 years ago and it’s been extremely hard. Neither of us have really met many consistent friends nor joined any communities, it’s been discouraging as I’m a very social person. We’ve both began wonderful relationships and while my roommate’s partner would gladly move back with her, my partner wouldn’t want to move away from his family. Which is completely fair. Having said that, I miss my family and hometown friends deeply. I miss the friendliness of the people. I miss the weather. I miss almost everything.

I’ve made one extremely close friend since moving here, and the idea of moving away from them is gut wrenching. They’re the first and only adult close friendship that I’ve made and the idea of not being around them regularly is heart breaking. The idea of my partner and I splitting up so I can move back is also extremely sickening to think about.

On the other hand, my parents are getting older, my nieces and nephews will soon forget me as I don’t see them nearly as often, my friends that still live out here excite me so much with the idea of moving back. It’s all a lot to think about, and it’s been constantly on my mind for the past few months.

I’d love some advice and opinions especially from people who have experienced the same situation!