r/RedditForGrownups

said he’s serious and wants a relationship. And I believed it. From the start he told me he’s moving in with a few female friends and then it was just one. Some stories didn’t add up. He never walked me home after we met up or texted goodnight he more so just sent me reels or jokes pertaining to past conversations. He wasn’t quick to ask me to be exclusive or to be in a relationship.

I had to ask about where he’s at with that. And he went from kissing me and being shy with that to suddenly just doing more. he later told me he didn’t ask me to be his gf because he went on so many dates in the past and women reject him.

He also had a roadtrip. He went on it with a friend who he later said he was attracted to initially. He got me a souvenir and kept saying how little it cost him. He will forget places we went to, and this happened even recently. He forgot my peanut allergy and he also forgot what my major was in grad school.

Recently I had to ask him why he doesn’t text me much. Or why there feels to be a disconnect where he’s physically pushing things forward but emotionally he’s not. In the moments I’m with him he’s hugging me or very affectionate but when we’re away it’s like nothing is there.

Well he keeps cutting things short with us when I see him. And asking me to his place. I told him I don’t like that. We’re 2.5 months in and I’ve told him I don’t do stuff unless I’m in a relationship. So I worry I gave him the “playbook”. And I told him to be transparent with me. Yet he keeps nudging me to come over.

We’re in our late 20s and he’s saying he wants a relationship or him spending so much time with me shows he likes me. And he invited me to stuff with friends. And he has dealt with rejection before. But I feel like my friends are telling me I’m either a side piece or he sees I’m not very experienced and will use me then discard me. Everyone’s telling me to break this off?

He said he connects deeper if it’s physical. I don’t think we align at best. At worst I think I’m getting played by him. I need help with what to do because it’s hard for me to accept I don’t know why

don't just mean turning off work notifications, but genuinely leaving your phone in the hotel room or at the bottom of a bag and not checking news, social media, or non-urgent group chats for days.

I have some time off coming up in a couple of weeks, and I've been feeling pretty burnt out lately. I’m seriously considering doing a proper digital detox this time, but part of me feels weirdly anxious about it, like I'm going to miss something important or just struggle with the habit of reaching into my pocket every five minutes.

Have any of you tried a full disconnect recently? Did it actually help recharge your batteries, or did the isolation just end up creating a different kind of stress?

IMO, good propaganda seeks to undermine critical thinking skills but again, that's hardly possible when fewer people seem to have them in the first place.

I need creative gift ideas for a guy turning 45. He loves psychology , loves his beer, and he’s a dedicated family man.

He also loves traveling and hosting friends for quality time. Looking for something memorable, experiential!

I am 33, male. I weigh around 58. Before I come to my problem, I'll tell you something about my previous medical history.

I am pre-diabetic. I don't take any meds. I try to avoid sugar when I can.

When I was a kid,(about 7 months old) I had a seizure. It kinda came and went 4-5 times until I was 7-8 years old. Doctors stated it'll go away. And it did.

Until just about a year ago, I was immensely stressed on this particular day. There were lot of things on my plate. I was crying heavily, and going out of breath. Felt like a vertigo. And then it happened. The good thing was that I wasn't driving at that time. But I fell to the ground, and started having a seizure. Because of the fall, I had a pinched nerve and went for a physio. It got better in 2-3 months. Also did an MRI for my brain. It was normal.

Now coming to my real problem, 6-8 months after my fall, I started having this stomach ache, and it wouldn't go. At first, I thought it was just a digestive problem. Something that I had eaten probably. Just a few days ago, mom was treated for Typhoid. And I also decided to test myself for it, the Widal test confirmed it, but I didn't have any other symptoms of typhoid. Kept taking the medicine, but the pain didn't go. Did the Typhidot test, and it came out negative.

The pain persisted for 2-3 months, until I decided to consult a gastroenterologist. The pain that I felt was between lower to central abdomen. Wouldn't call it a sharp one, also not an intermittent, but just a constant dull pain.

Did the sonograohy, and it showed Fatty Lever Grade 1.

Started taking the medicine. It took about another 3-4 months for the pain to go away. I've changed my lifestyle. Wasn't eating wheat. Started taking leafy vegetables. And I am a runner at heart, so I was doing that.

Fast forward 3-4 months, another tragedy. I fell from my two wheeler, and had two fractures on my left leg. Lower Tibia + Lower Fibula. Had to undergo a surgery. They placed an intramedullary nail. It's been more than 2 months to my operation, and I am doing physio. I am recovering. Started just walking with walker and a brace.

Here's the main issue now. For the last 3 days, I've been having stomach ache. It doesn't go away. I am afraid it is back. It is incredibly frustrating. Because I am also trying to recover from my accident and on top of it, the stomach ache is back.

What could it be? What should I do? If you need any reports, let me know. Please help.

And will stop the minute your professional career is over!

Like staying sharp on your golf game including the accessories (bag, clubs, clothes etc).

Being mindful of what food you order at company events (no hoagie sandwiches, nachos or spaghetti 😋).

Trading in for a new car every five years so you aren't driving up in the modern equivalent of a Pinto to your company lot.

Having a passing knowledge of new fashions to not fall behind visually.

Trying to stay in shape and trim.

Refreshing your wine knowledge if you aren't a connoisseur.

Reading various papers every morning to stay informed on the general economy.

Only disclosing vacations/holidays to semi luxurious places (Hawaii, Europe, Carribean, Aspen). Staying low key on things like camping, going to the local quaint town, attending comic con etc.

Not sharing that you enjoy watching pro wrestling, MMA, monster truck, comic book movies, reading fantasy books etc.

Ensuring your kids are being cultivated like their peers (specialized hobbies, high quality education, worldly experiences).

Having at least one discipline fitness related hobby (golf, running, hiking, climbing, skiing, cross fit, swimming) that is part of your professional brand.

Somewhere after 30, I realized the people I enjoy talking to aren't necessarily the loudest or the most exciting. They're the ones who can have a conversation that goes from football to books, from work frustrations to the universe, and somehow make two hours disappear.

Life gets busy. Careers, responsibilities, family, routines. Making new friends becomes surprisingly difficult, even though most of us probably wouldn't mind having a few more people to talk to.

I'm curious how many others have found the same thing.

What has friendship looked like for you after 30? Do you still make new friends, or has your circle mostly stayed the same? Have online friendships ever turned into real ones, or do you think they're different?

No agenda here. Just interested in hearing different perspectives from people who've lived a little.

Throughout the last I wanna say 10 years of my life, Ive always been extremely centered around my conscience. I try my hardest to be as quiet and out of the way as possible because I want to avoid conflict. I've also been through so much in my life, to the point where I've had the mindset of "I absolutely cannot do anything bad because if I do, life will kick me in the dick all over again" and "I'm going to feel like a piece of shit if I even begin to be selfish about anything, I have to feel good about myself at all costs, and have everyone like me at all costs"

Fast forward to this year. After some homelessness I got myself a job at a gas station. Job pays like shit but at least I finally got an apartment. Life aint great but its better than it was before. But remember: I feel as though I NEED to be liked by other people, and as such I try to break my back making other people happy. But about a month ago, one karen customer happens and something inside me just snaps

After that incident, I've completely lost the ability to have empathy. I've lost ALL sympathy for anyone who isn't my mom. And it's gotten to the point where even at work, I outright refuse to accommodate anyone who's even the slightest rude to me, and I've come super close to losing my job a couple times arguing with these motherfuckers. I don't help my coworkers anymore, especially because they don't help me. I just do my job and get the fuck out cause I don't get paid enough for this shit

But even that's small potatoes to the things I've been doing in my personal life. I really don't want to go into detail about these things, but theyre really shitty things that I promised to myself that I would never do. Things I've outright applauded myself for never doing to people. Because I've just lost the ability to care

I'm making this post because my aforementioned mom has noticed this and pointed it out. And me, I didnt even NOTICE this until she told me. I just kinda went along with this change in behavior. And now I'm wondering what you guys think about all this? How should I approach this? Cause I don't want to be an asshole. I dont want to be that despicable piece of shit that makes everyone miserable. But I can no longer feel sorry for people

I’m 40, single, no children, and trying to figure out what the next chapter of life looks like.
I’m not looking for people to tell me “there’s still time” or “you’ll find someone.” I’m more interested in hearing from people who have actually lived this.
How do you deal with:
The loneliness when friends are busy with spouses and kids?
The feeling that you may never have children?
Dating in your 40s—has it been worth the emotional effort?
Watching your parents age while not having a family of your own?
Finding purpose outside of a relationship?
I’m financially stable and have a good career, so this isn’t about money. It’s more about the emotional side of life and wondering what gives people joy and meaning when life hasn’t followed the traditional path.
I’d especially love to hear from people who are now in their late 40s, 50s or older. Looking back, what helped? What do you wish you’d known at 40?
Please be honest—even if your answer isn’t particularly positive. I’d rather hear real experiences than motivational quotes.

Considering moving in with my parents and working from home. 41 years old. History of chrons, autoimmune problems and considering selling most of my furniture and moving in with them to focus on regaining both my physical and mental health. I have no kids or spouse. Just me. Thoughts?

​

That guy that is like a bloodhound for finding places providing free food and meals. That he does the research to find them and has a calendar to remind him. Especially now in the summer with many free BBQs provided by community associations, churches and retailers. Also, free full breakfasts provided during county fair season in the Heartland. And he will try and recruit others (friends, family, co-workers) to join him.

So did you join him or did the old adage ring in your head 😋?

Hi. I will probably sound petty but I don’t feel valued by my brother and I want some outside opinions.
I’ve gone above and beyond for my brother and his 2 kids. On Christmas I bought my brother a really nice watch. I wanted to be extra generous because he was going through a divorce with his ex wife so I got him something nice.
Then I also helped him move when he left the marital home.

His birthday was in March and I personally went to visit him and bought pizza to eat dinner with him and his kids. I gave him a present too and that day he asked me if I could go to a toy store to get toys for the kids and that he’ll pay me back. He gave me an excuse that he had to wait for his next paycheck to pay me and he ended up not paying me. I let it go but I spent a lot of money that day.

My birthday was yesterday but we celebrated with my parents on Sunday. We went out for breast and instead of celebrating with me, my brother decided to take his kids to the beach. He could’ve gone to the beach another day since it’s summer vacation but he chose my birthday weekend. Last year he did something similar he went away somewhere instead of celebrating as a family.
I thought he was going to at least wish me a Happy Birthday yesterday but he didn’t. He texted me today saying he was busy working and got home late and that’s why he couldn’t text me Happy Birthday.
Should I believe this or I’m just not important to him? I just feel bad because I never miss any of his birthdays or the kid’s birthday and he can’t take a few minutes of his day to send a quick text.
What are your thoughts?

The guy that always knows a guy.

Not to that level obviously but a seemingly regular person that has a network and a bank of favours that beggars belief. That seems to never pays retail price for anything, skips the lineup at a popular nightspots, can get instant resos at popular restaurants, can always hook up someone up with a job, business owners will come over and almost pay homage to them, seems to know local public figures for no discernible reason.

Someone very well connected and that people want to please far beyond what you would expect.

Guys long story sliced short. I’m an adult with gender dysphoria, i have been trying to push the thoughts away but im miserable and constantly triggered daily, my mother and me argue a lot, and my bad attitude, always being sad and depressed , and believe me, its a deep sadness depression, i was on i think 5mg for years, for bullying trauma, ive gad anxiety for years, tones and tones of angry against the world, against why ive had to be cursed with the life i have, its stopping me from living and at times the anger is so much i get like mania thoughts, my mind goes super dark, i am in control of my actions, i try mostly being alone , and i dont want to affect her , she wants me to open up and its like i keep hinting at how one day we will not speak again, how i need therapy but cant whilst living with her, it would destroy her…

My mother is in her 60s, she had a tough life, but if i even had the courage to come out as trans, holy ham, she would crumble, id be bombarded withbquestions some i cant even answer, but believe me this isnt a choice, its in the brain and for years is like knowing , feeling you have to conform to how you look on the outside, if the gender doesnt align, you get dysphoria and its a curse for me, i do need to talk but i cant to her, and its causing us to drift apart, my mother has trauma from stuff she has been through, she is a good person but she always lamented trans people as if to say “its such a shame they this person is articulate etc but dresses like this” , fml i hate that i cant just switch the thoughts off, i dont think / know how to go through with any of this…fml…I’m in hell

I dont want my mother to suffer, i dont , i hate suffering but i rather take the pain except im crumbling and she cant find out, its like only if she dies can i explore openly my gender and even then id regret and just feel awful having hid it whilst hiding it is the safest thing and id regret telling her, both me and my mother want to find love but she is working with a bad back at 65 cause the awful country has a tiny salary it’s embarrassing, and i try masking as much as i can , whilst being triggered by so many things including seeing hapoy young couples, knowing i wont get that, fkind hate pretty girls cause of their privilege fml…

I saw this guy from a dating app, maybe my first mistake as a woman in her mid 20s who’s never dated. But I consumed enough advice content thinking I know some signs. I met him, he’s late 20s turning 30. His profile said he wants a relationship. First few dates were fine. But really slow to make the next plans. He’d forget stuff I’d say, sometimes talk a lot about himself. He mentioned flatmates. I thought he had many. Turns out it is just one lady he met while on a flight to australia?

They roadtrip together, do stuff, like hang out 1:1, and so many other things. I didn’t care about this until the other things all seemed to catch up to me. At the start texting was never frequent but now he’ll go a day without replyin. Says he isn’t on his phone but when we meet up he’s on the phone. Texting.

I asked where he sees this going or what is going on. He then says we can be in a relationship. I feel I’m always pushing things. He goes from just chatting to me to wanting to kiss. And overtime there’s no romantic escalation. It’s just sudden and I feel like his make out buddy.

He went on a cruise with a female friend. And when he got back he gave me something and kept saying how little it cost. Or he kept mentioning what he got for the female friends he lived with. And he keeps talking about this woman he lives with. I don’t know why I’m feeling so insecure about the whole thing. Then he asked me to come back to his place. But he also said he has to hit the gym or do stuff at home hence why he’s gonna cut the time we were together short. But he said I could come back with him, which made no sense.

We never got intimate and we’ve been seeing each other a total of 4 months and only in a relationship for a few weeks. But it’s like the effort I already saw as nonchalant is way more of that.. when I didn’t go back with him he left pretty early. Yet he keeps asking me to meet up. It’s like he doesn’t even try to make it comfortable for me. When he first kissed me he turned to me, grabbed my face and kissed me then walked away. It was so confusing. I tried to explain it away as him being shy but each time after I’ve felt more confused and sad.

We act like friends who kiss. I have yet to meet anyone in his life and he keeps telling me how much money things cost or tells me these details or stories I wouldn’t tell someone, let alone someone I’m dating? What do I do here I’m seriously at such a loss but I still like him??

I think some part of being well mentally has like a sell-by date. In other words, it's not infinite. How do you protect or preserve it so it's there to rely on later in life?

I first met her like 7-8 months ago and she was like "Oh you're [Name]? I'm Sally (not her real name). I'm on your weekly emails."

Well, there's like 350 people on my weekly email so that narrows it down. I laughed it off at the time, mentioning there were a lot of people on my distro list and she has me at an advantage.

Then came the company holiday party. I said something like "Oh hey, Sally!" Blank stare. Later in the elevator, its "Oh hi, Sally" with a quick stare and then a turnaround. Then in the cafeteria at lunch it was an "After you, Sally..." with a complete ignore.

All right, this young woman just doesn't like me, that's fine. I'm really not trying to impress her in any way.

But then last week in the cafeteria is what really creeped me out. I was there to get a sandwich, pay, and walk out and I just felt some eyes on me. I glanced over from across the cafeteria dining area and she's sitting with about three other women her age, she's the only one not taking. She's just blankly staring at me as I walk out of the place.

I'm guessing that it's not an office crush thing, unless she's into guys shorter than her, who are also twice her age and weigh twice as much as her. My only conclusion is that someone in my family wronged someone in hers and that she will have her revenge or something.

The guy I have been seeing for a while became my bf when I asked him how he feels and he said he’d wanna be in a relationship. When I met him on bumble he said he wants a long term relationship and eventually marriage. But he’s seemingly very nonchalant with me. Like we see each other twice a week maybe once at times. We have awkward physical escalation. And we go from talking like friends to kissing or making out. I recently had him to my friends bday dinner and he does this thing where he goes early. He said last time he had to go home bc he has work in some hours but asked me to his. I didn’t come bc the story seemed contradictory. But he continues to ask me to meet up.

So after my friends bday he left early too. And he hugged me and we usually kiss but this time we didn’t. He asked if I’m free before he goes on this vacation so we made plans? But my friends all say he seems to be very nonchalant. Idk if he’s just nonchalant about me or what. I want something romantic. I’m in my mid 20s he’s turning 30 soon. And my friends asked what he wants from relationships or marriage and he just seemed to joke.

Last time I saw him he drove to my bus and said he’s happy we can talk and kiss before I go. But the second I missed that bus and was waiting for the next he said wanna just come over (after saying he’s busy and has to go home early) and I said um no. And he said ok bye. And left me there: I felt really confused. At my friends bday he only stayed a bit. Idk if he likes me or he’s indifferent towards me or what.

My friends said he’s charasmatic and friendly but he doesn’t seem to think long term as he said he did. Idk if it’s just with me or generally. But I’ve told him things that bug me before and he seem to not fix it. We don’t call, we barely text. We don’t flirt. I feel I want more. And he just goes from my friend to kissing me?? this relationship worth it for?

The guy I have been seeing for a while became my bf when I asked him how he feels and he said he’d wanna be in a relationship. When I met him on bumble he said he wants a long term relationship and eventually marriage. But he’s seemingly very nonchalant with me. Like we see each other twice a week maybe once at times. We have awkward physical escalation. And we go from talking like friends to kissing or making out. I recently had him to my friends bday dinner and he does this thing where he goes early. He said last time he had to go home bc he has work in some hours but asked me to his. I didn’t come bc the story seemed contradictory. But he continues to ask me to meet up.

So after my friends bday he left early too. And he hugged me and we usually kiss but this time we didn’t. He asked if I’m free before he goes on this vacation so we made plans? But my friends all say he seems to be very nonchalant. Idk if he’s just nonchalant about me or what. I want something romantic. I’m in my mid 20s he’s turning 30 soon. And my friends asked what he wants from relationships or marriage and he just seemed to joke.

Last time I saw him he drove to my bus and said he’s happy we can talk and kiss before I go. But the second I missed that bus and was waiting for the next he said wanna just come over (after saying he’s busy and has to go home early) and I said um no. And he said ok bye. And left me there: I felt really confused. At my friends bday he only stayed a bit. Idk if he likes me or he’s indifferent towards me or what.

My friends said he’s charasmatic and friendly but he doesn’t seem to think long term as he said he did. Idk if it’s just with me or generally. But I’ve told him things that bug me before and he seem to not fix it. We don’t call, we barely text. We don’t flirt. I feel I want more. And he just goes from my friend to kissing me??

been dating this guy 3 months, pretty busy so i see him once a week and twice a week more recently. Well when we became „official” I feel I had to ask him. And he said he wanted a LTR, but none of our conversations seemed to point in that direction. But he did agree to a relationship when I sort of asked if we’re on the same page. Since then, I have had to ask him if he can text me more or just communicate. He really hasn’t. Said he gets distracted. Yet he was texting more at the start.

I feel he’s really pushing for me to come over these days and has less effort in plans. He tells me he gets easily forgetful at times. But at the start it felt he remembers more. He mainly would like to talk about himself, joke, and then kiss me. And he presses himself against me etc. I’m pretty new to this but I try to be more flirty or romantic and I feel like he just hugs me and then wants to go straight to making out. He’s turning 30 in July. I’m in my mid 20s.

I told him when our plans are vague it makes me feel he doesn’t wanna talk. He said he’d get better at confirming. But he did not. Anyway he has been asking me to his house a lot. I haven’t met his friends or anyone in his life. What I don’t like is he’ll have a excuse for why he has to leave early. But then says I can just come back with him home, I never did because if he asked me in a different way ok...but hell try to cut things short or say his dog walker can’t stay. Or that he has to go fix a plumbing thing. Or he has to nap.

He has a female flatmate. And he seems to invite me over when she’s not there. But he’ll say things like: I went to this restaurant with (female flatmate) or this event with (female flatmate). On her social media she posts only herself and not with him but it’s clear the 2 of them are hanging out and she always has flowers. I hate to sound crazy but there are too many things I’m just confused about.

The fact that he cuts our time short when we already spend so little time together feels like he just wants to sleep with me. Especially since he’s gotten less willing to plan, he’s constantly trying to get me to pay for when we go out even though I don’t get as much as he does, and I feel like we’re in a situation not a relationship. He doesn’t say anything sweet to me or really treat me romantically. How do I go about this,

That you have been around the block enough to know that new friendships usually end in disappointment at best and nastiness isn't uncommon. That they will do or say something that shows their true colors and forces you to either argue or activate the slow fade. And that it breaks you heart each time to the point of cynicism.

So now, you just knowingly enjoy the initial honeymoon phase expecting that it's very temporary.