u/Final-Minute-998

US based

Started divorce process in 2024 and got really depressed. Lost my job also and it was a tough year. I thought I filed my taxes, went through most of the process it seems, but didn’t. I know I was in a haze for quite a few months.

2025, started a new job close to the end of the year. I had withdrawn from my 401k around $10k to cover expenses until then.

This year, the realization of not filing last year freaked me out and I stuck my head in the sand. Like father like son. He did the same thing so many times and it screwed us as a family over. I’m really angry with myself and it just made it worse and I haven’t done anything about it.

How do I handle this so that I have the least risk exposure and minimal cost? What do I even do? I’m pretty lost on the best course of action.

My plan: visit a CPA immediately
Collect the appropriate tax docs
File for 2024 and 2025, set up an installment plan if I do owe taxes
Use the first time Abatement (though I don’t completely understand, I do meet the requirements)

I’m so humbled right now. I’m smart and I know what I should be doing, but doing it is the problem. I’d trade my smarts for consistency any day of the week.

I’ve been (starting, but not finishing) adult ADHD books lately and I’m startled at how I knew I had ADHD but didn’t know how BADLY it was sabotaging me. It’s like a misaligned tire forcing me to constantly apply pressure on the steering wheel just to stay on the road. If I don’t maintain that pressure, I’m in a ditch. It’s exhausting, it doesn’t feel sustainable, and when I do make progress there are way too many moments where the structure melts and I’m back to square one.

I just want to live to my ability. I’m accepting the hand I was dealt. But it feels like I’m constantly fighting myself to do that. It’s heartbreaking, it dissolves my confidence and self-trust, it’s isolating and embarrassing. I’m lost and just trying my best.

Here’s what my days actually look like:

Go to bed at 1 or 2am. Wake up late and groggy. Jump on my phone immediately to drown out the critical inner voice. Bring my phone to the bathroom. Get back in bed even though all I want is to start my day. Do that until around 4, eat snack food, maybe clean the kitchen, sometimes shower before my partner gets home. Eat, watch a show, go to bed. Partner falls asleep and I stay up on my phone. On days I have my kids, I can’t even be present with them because I’m so aware of everything else falling apart.

I don’t want any of this.

I was laid off a few months ago and have been getting worse despite how much internal pressure I put on myself. Savings are almost wiped out. Everything I try helps briefly then falls off. New planners, systems, routines, therapy, medication. I can’t control the impulses that sabotage all of it.

My job search is completely stalled. I know who to contact. I open the list, write nothing, close it. No calls, no applications. The moment something feels hard or inconvenient I’m back on my phone.

When I do have a job, bosses have told me I’m brilliant, that I take over a room and make amazing things happen, that when I’m on I am ON. But it’s not consistent. And corporate rewards consistency. And so I’ve had a lackluster career of failing upwards, where I get hired and loved then distrusted.

I feel broken. Like the life I’m capable of having is slipping away.

What do I do to get unstuck? What do I do to build consistency that doesn’t wipe out? And honestly, if corporate has always been this hard, how do I find a way to support my family without constantly fighting myself? How do I structure my career to reduce this downside/risk?

Some of my kids have adhd. I want to be an example of what to do, not what not to do.

If you’ve been here and found something that actually worked in your brain, I need to hear it kindly. I’m feeling broken.

TL;DR Laid off a few months ago, savings almost gone, job search frozen. Days are a phone-distraction loop from morning to night. Every system I build collapses. I know what I need to do and can’t make myself do it. Not looking for theory. What actually worked for you?

I’m so humbled right now and I don’t know where else to bring this.

I’ve known I have ADHD my whole life but I’m only now realizing how bad it’s been sabotaging me. It’s like a misaligned tire forcing me to constantly apply pressure on the steering wheel just to stay on the road. The moment I let up, I veer off. That pressure is exhausting and I’m not sure it’s sustainable long term.

Here’s my corporate reality: bosses have told me I’m brilliant. That I take over a room, make amazing things happen, and when I’m on I am ON. But I’m not consistent. And corporate rewards consistency above almost everything else. So no matter how good my ceiling is, the floor keeps costing me.

I was laid off a few months ago and it’s exposed how much the structure of a job was doing for me. Without it I’m in freefall. Savings almost wiped out. Job search completely frozen. I know who to contact, but I’m afraid to fail again. The moment something feels hard I’m back on my phone. Days disappear.

I’ve tried everything. New systems, routines, planners, therapy, medication. Things help briefly then fall off. It’s not that I don’t know what to do. It’s that I can’t control the impulses that sabotage all of it.

What I’m actually wrestling with is whether corporate is even the right arena for a brain like mine. I’m creative, I think differently, I do my best work in bursts of intensity not sustained compliance. But I have a family to support and I don’t fully trust myself to make something unconventional actually work either.

For those of you who left corporate with a brain that struggled inside it, how did you make that call? Did you find something that fit better, or did you just find better ways to survive the system? And for those still in it, how do you manage the consistency gap without burning yourself out just trying to keep up? I feel like I have to hurt myself to provide for my family.

I feel like the life I’m capable of having is slipping away. Looking for people who’ve navigated this.

TL;DR ADHD makes corporate brutal. High ceiling, inconsistent floor, and the structure of a job was masking how bad things actually were. Now laid off, frozen, and genuinely questioning whether to keep trying to fit the mold or find a different path. How did you navigate this?

I’m so humbled right now. I’m smart and I know what I should be doing, but doing it is the problem. I’d trade my smarts for consistency any day of the week.

I’ve been (starting, but not finishing) adult ADHD books lately and I’m startled at how I knew I had ADHD but didn’t know how BADLY it was sabotaging me. It’s like a misaligned tire forcing me to constantly apply pressure on the steering wheel just to stay on the road. If I don’t maintain that pressure, I’m in a ditch. It’s exhausting, it doesn’t feel sustainable, and when I do make progress there are way too many moments where the structure melts and I’m back to square one.

I just want to live to my ability. I’m accepting the hand I was dealt. But it feels like I’m constantly fighting myself to do that. It’s heartbreaking, it dissolves my confidence and self-trust, it’s isolating and embarrassing. I’m lost and just trying my best.

Here’s what my days actually look like:

Go to bed at 1 or 2am. Wake up late and groggy. Jump on my phone immediately to drown out the critical inner voice. Bring my phone to the bathroom. Get back in bed even though all I want is to start my day. Do that until around 4, eat snack food, maybe clean the kitchen, sometimes shower before my partner gets home. Eat, watch a show, go to bed. Partner falls asleep and I stay up on my phone. On days I have my kids, I can’t even be present with them because I’m so aware of everything else falling apart.

I don’t want any of this.

I was laid off a few months ago and have been getting worse despite how much internal pressure I put on myself. Savings are almost wiped out. Everything I try helps briefly then falls off. New planners, systems, routines, therapy, medication. I can’t control the impulses that sabotage all of it.

My job search is completely stalled. I know who to contact. I open the list, write nothing, close it. No calls, no applications. The moment something feels hard or inconvenient I’m back on my phone.

When I do have a job, bosses have told me I’m brilliant, that I take over a room and make amazing things happen, that when I’m on I am ON. But it’s not consistent. And corporate rewards consistency. And so I’ve had a lackluster career of failing upwards, where I get hired and loved then distrusted.

I feel broken. Like the life I’m capable of having is slipping away.

What do I do to get unstuck? What do I do to build consistency that doesn’t wipe out? And honestly, if corporate has always been this hard, how do I find a way to support my family without constantly fighting myself? How do I structure my career to reduce this downside/risk?

Some of my kids have adhd. I want to be an example of what to do, not what not to do.

If you’ve been here and found something that actually worked in your brain, I need to hear it kindly. I’m feeling broken.

TL;DR Laid off a few months ago, savings almost gone, job search frozen. Days are a phone-distraction loop from morning to night. Every system I build collapses. I know what I need to do and can’t make myself do it. Not looking for theory. What actually worked for you?

I’m so humbled right now. I’m smart and I know what I should be doing, but doing it is the problem. I’d trade my smarts for consistency any day of the week.

I’ve been (starting, but not finishing) adult ADHD books lately and I’m startled at how I knew I had ADHD but didn’t know how BADLY it was sabotaging me. It’s like a misaligned tire forcing me to constantly apply pressure on the steering wheel just to stay on the road. If I don’t maintain that pressure, I’m in a ditch. It’s exhausting, it doesn’t feel sustainable, and when I do make progress there are way too many moments where the structure melts and I’m back to square one.

I just want to live to my ability. I’m accepting the hand I was dealt. But it feels like I’m constantly fighting myself to do that. It’s heartbreaking, it dissolves my confidence and self-trust, it’s isolating and embarrassing. I’m lost and just trying my best.

Here’s what my days actually look like:

Go to bed at 1 or 2am. Wake up late and groggy. Jump on my phone immediately to drown out the critical inner voice. Bring my phone to the bathroom. Get back in bed even though all I want is to start my day. Do that until around 4, eat snack food, maybe clean the kitchen, sometimes shower before my partner gets home. Eat, watch a show, go to bed. Partner falls asleep and I stay up on my phone. On days I have my kids, I can’t even be present with them because I’m so aware of everything else falling apart.

I don’t want any of this.

I was laid off a few months ago and have been getting worse despite how much internal pressure I put on myself. Savings are almost wiped out. Everything I try helps briefly then falls off. New planners, systems, routines, therapy, medication. I can’t control the impulses that sabotage all of it.

My job search is completely stalled. I know who to contact. I open the list, write nothing, close it. No calls, no applications. The moment something feels hard or inconvenient I’m back on my phone.

When I do have a job, bosses have told me I’m brilliant, that I take over a room and make amazing things happen, that when I’m on I am ON. But it’s not consistent. And corporate rewards consistency. And so I’ve had a lackluster career of failing upwards, where I get hired and loved then distrusted.

I feel broken. Like the life I’m capable of having is slipping away.

What do I do to get unstuck? What do I do to build consistency that doesn’t wipe out? And honestly, if corporate has always been this hard, how do I find a way to support my family without constantly fighting myself? How do I structure my career to reduce this downside/risk?

Some of my kids have adhd. I want to be an example of what to do, not what not to do.

If you’ve been here and found something that actually worked in your brain, I need to hear it kindly. I’m feeling broken.

TL;DR Laid off a few months ago, savings almost gone, job search frozen. Days are a phone-distraction loop from morning to night. Every system I build collapses. I know what I need to do and can’t make myself do it. Not looking for theory. What actually worked for you?

I’m so humbled right now. I’m smart and I know what I should be doing, but doing it is the problem. I’d trade my smarts for consistency any day of the week.

I’ve been (starting, but not finishing) adult ADHD books lately and I’m startled at how I knew I had ADHD but didn’t know how BADLY it was sabotaging me. It’s like a misaligned tire forcing me to constantly apply pressure on the steering wheel just to stay on the road. If I don’t maintain that pressure, I’m in a ditch. It’s exhausting, it doesn’t feel sustainable, and when I do make progress there are way too many moments where the structure melts and I’m back to square one.

I just want to live to my ability. I’m accepting the hand I was dealt. But it feels like I’m constantly fighting myself to do that. It’s heartbreaking, it dissolves my confidence and self-trust, it’s isolating and embarrassing. I’m lost and just trying my best.

Here’s what my days actually look like:

Go to bed at 1 or 2am. Wake up late and groggy. Jump on my phone immediately to drown out the critical inner voice. Bring my phone to the bathroom. Get back in bed even though all I want is to start my day. Do that until around 4, eat snack food, maybe clean the kitchen, sometimes shower before my partner gets home. Eat, watch a show, go to bed. Partner falls asleep and I stay up on my phone. On days I have my kids, I can’t even be present with them because I’m so aware of everything else falling apart.

I don’t want any of this.

I was laid off a few months ago and have been getting worse despite how much internal pressure I put on myself. Savings are almost wiped out. Everything I try helps briefly then falls off. New planners, systems, routines, therapy, medication. I can’t control the impulses that sabotage all of it.

My job search is completely stalled. I know who to contact. I open the list, write nothing, close it. No calls, no applications. The moment something feels hard or inconvenient I’m back on my phone.

When I do have a job, bosses have told me I’m brilliant, that I take over a room and make amazing things happen, that when I’m on I am ON. But it’s not consistent. And corporate rewards consistency. And so I’ve had a lackluster career of failing upwards, where I get hired and loved then distrusted.

I feel broken. Like the life I’m capable of having is slipping away.

What do I do to get unstuck? What do I do to build consistency that doesn’t wipe out? And honestly, if corporate has always been this hard, how do I find a way to support my family without constantly fighting myself? How do I structure my career to reduce this downside/risk?

Some of my kids have adhd. I want to be an example of what to do, not what not to do.

If you’ve been here and found something that actually worked in your brain, I need to hear it kindly. I’m feeling broken.

TL;DR Laid off a few months ago, savings almost gone, job search frozen. Days are a phone-distraction loop from morning to night. Every system I build collapses. I know what I need to do and can’t make myself do it. Not looking for theory. What actually worked for you?