u/Financial_Sweet_689

I’ll go first.

I sleep with my dog’s urn in bed, in the velvet bag they provided and wrapped up in his blanket. It’s right next to me and sometimes I cuddle/hold it in my sleep. I have night terrors and waking up seeing him always made me feel better and go back to sleep, hugging his urn gives me a little relief at least.

I have a small stuffed dog I bring in my mini backpack every time I go anywhere. My dog came with me anywhere he could and he’d always go on car rides with me. Sometimes I put the stuffed dog in the bed so it feels like he’s there. I’ll talk to it and I’ve even been crazy enough to pretend to wipe its paws because I was coping so badly. I kiss it and talk to it like it’s my dog.

It’s been a month and a half and I haven’t cleaned up his pee pads, with pee on them. We didn’t know he had diabetes and he was just peeing constantly.

I also haven’t washed the sheets where he slept. He was peeing in his sleep, there are stains and I can’t change them yet (I have a large bed, it was on “his” side of the bed even though he was tiny lol).

I still change out his water and fill his bowl when the water gets cloudy. It breaks my heart.

I was giving him a LOT of non-rawhide bones in the end, he didn’t play with toys but he loved carrying his bones around and putting them all around him when he slept. They’re still all over the place.

Admittedly I was also just dumped so I’m a bit in my feelings.

It’s just so hard to find people willing to go through the process of being monogamous and committed and I don’t get it. It’s not even that I’m encountering poly people, just so many people who want to hook up, who want dates and physical affection without commitment, who want attention and affection and social media attention, who want to text back and forth forever. As a woman, it feels like every single man wants to still have internet porn at his fingertips 24/7. It’s just everywhere. It’s so unsettling trying to date in a world where I have to navigate if this person is a casual porn addict (and women do it too, I’m bi). Or if they’re just following thirst traps online, or if they’re secretly liking every story they see of members of the opposite sex.

I’m not even saying this out of jealousy. I’m saying this because I have blocked married men with children who were obsessively looking through and liking my stories where his wife/girlfriend couldn’t see. It makes me cringe. It makes me embarrassed for her and feel sad for her. A married “friend” with a child recently crossed boundaries with me. How am I supposed to trust monogamy still exists in this world?? People don’t seem to comprehend what it means to commit and that terrifies me.

It takes me a lot to feel anything for anyone. Me having a crush is a huge deal. Those feelings mean a lot to me, and for others it feels like too much. Or they accept it while lying about their level of commitment to me. And I’m not just talking about men, I’ve felt a lot of this while trying to date women too. Idk I’m just looking for some solidarity, I can’t believe this is the world we have to keep pretending love exists in. It feels so hopeless.

I wake up feeling so sick without my baby I cry. If I can’t cry my chest and head hurt so much because my boy is gone. My dog was 12 years old, a chihuahua terrier mix he was my baby and he went where I went. At night I need medication to help me sleep, it feels wrong without him here. I can get out of the apartment for a little to forget but as soon as I walk back in without my sniffing and getting his pee spots I break down.

What’s the worst for you? I realized these are the 3 moments are undeniably hell each time. Also that sad morning moment where I have to get out of bed without my baby following me.

What hit me the hardest coming home was just how so much of my dog was still everywhere- his toys, his bones, his outside gear. And his fur. He was a shedder and his fur is still in my corners, on my clothes, on my bed. It’s only been 2 days but I can’t bring myself to sweep up dust with his fur. I want it around as long as possible. I found a black pair of pants he had been cuddling and it’s just covered in his fur. I don’t want to wash anything😞I’m going to be so devastated knowing that his fur will eventually completely wash or be swept away. So many pieces of him are still here. It’s gross but I can’t even bring myself to bring out a trash bag full of soiled dog pads. His death was so sudden and it just feels so final. I hate it. I’ve lived with his fur everywhere for 9 beautiful years

My dog Jones passed unexpectedly yesterday, June 20. He was a beautiful chihuahua terrier mix, almost 12 years old. He had big brown eyes, a beautiful fur pattern of brown, black and white. And he was just the best boy, my ESA and my little sidekick. We haven’t spent more than 2 days apart.

I woke up and my whole morning is just turned upside down. He’s usually in his spot at the end of the bed by his stairs, or snuggled as close to me as possible. My bed is full of stuffed animals that he would snuggle. His favorite were my childhood plushies I’ve had since I was a baby- he knew they were special. He also loved cuddling all of my clothes. I can’t believe there’s going to be a point where they’re not covered in his fur.

I got up to pee and realized my dog wouldn’t be following me. He was having unexplained peeing issues (sadly now I know, it was undetected diabetes) and I don’t need to check his pads anymore, there’s no pee (and for the first time I’m sad about that). I turned the hallway light off like I usually do in the morning, for my dog so the light doesn’t bother him. I heard the birds chirping outside and realized I won’t be taking Jones out this morning to hear them.

His water bowl is still full because he’s not here to drink it. I got some water for myself, and had the instinctive thought to make sure there’s enough water filled for Jones. I got so sad realizing the water is just for me now. He had gotten very thirsty and dehydrated…and now I know why😞

His toys were all over the floor around his beds, he was always making a mess with them. I picked them up and put them back like I usually do. I recently did laundry and saw a dryer sheet on the floor- I instinctively picked it up so Jones doesn’t get to it.

I walked back to my bed and looked at my work computer, realizing he won’t be cuddled by my feet as a I work from home. That broke me.

I got back into bed and for once Jones didn’t follow me up his stairs onto the bed. His bones are all over, he loved them and they made him happy so I was always giving him non rawhides to hide and play with.

Such a short part of my morning and I already realized how much of my life has been affected by my sweet boy. I’m overthinking and beating myself up thinking I should have gotten his dental clean sooner, maybe I overmedicated him on Trazadone or meloxicam (his teeth were very bad since I got him at 3, and it helped his arthritis). I should have realized the signs earlier, even though they were missed by his vet and he wasn’t showing signs of diabetes at all. I was told he went into a diabetic comatose, he was spasming and seizing each time he was touched. His blood sugar levels had been fine and suddenly spiked. I knew something was wrong. I should have known. I hate myself so much.

The vets knew he was going but could see I was holding onto hope for dear life. She let me have some time with him in a private room. For 2 hours we lied on the floor together in blankets. He was seizing around in a circle. At one point I was on the floor with him, my face to his, and his body was seizing on me. I kept telling him I loved him, over and over and over. I looked into his huge brown eyes where I could usually see my whole reflection- they were so cloudy. I knew in my heart and soul. But I held onto that hope.

I asked if I could have some time to go charge my phone and maybe get some food. They agreed, took my dog and I got into the elevator. As soon as I walked in I was stopped and told to come back. The vet was feeling his heart. And said he was leaving. He let go the moment I left😞😞😞

But I was still there and they told me I could talk to him. I told him how much I loved him forever and how loved he is. I told him over and over and over and over. And then he was just gone.

I didn’t expect to write all this, thank you if you’re still reading. I thought I had so many more years with him. I knew in the back of my head something was very wrong but I kept holding on. And now I just feel so broken. I love you so much Jones.

Hi everyone. I recently had another new trauma (hooray!) and am absolutely dealing with trauma brain once again- I’ve been spacing out, forgetting where I am or what I’m doing. I live alone and I have a dog, my biggest concern is forgetting whether or not I’ve fed him.

I’m going to get a dry erase board to keep track of his feedings and whether or not I’ve done it for the day, and my meds- I’m always forgetting if I’ve taken my meds or not. Just wondering if anyone here has any other suggestions for managing day-to-day tasks that require memory skills my brain doesn’t have right now. I take an SSRI for anxiety which helps a lot but my brain is still in the mode of trying to forget or escape and it’s causing much fog.

I was in an abusive relationship 3 years ago. He was violent to me all the time.

I tried dating again. Within a week I’m in a hostage situation where he won’t let me leave and hid my keys. I escaped because I found my spare car key he didn’t hide well enough.

I just feel so fucking stupid. The first time I try dating again and I’m IMMEDIATELY met with violence and abuse. I just need to vent somewhere, I feel so stupid and ridiculous having to get ANOTHER restraining order against a guy. At this point I’m heavily victim blaming myself because I know better than to be love bombed and I let it happen again. I gave all my power away and put me and my dog in a dangerous situation.

I’m safe and reported him to the police. But ffs why do we have to live like this? Why can’t we find healthy love, just why.