u/Firm_Unit_4808

29F. The stress of 30 is setting in no matter how much I tell people societal standards about age don't matter.

​

I am unhappy in my job. My boss does not hear my concerns at all and I don't see that much room for growth. It's a toxic organization and unfortunately it's been so detrimental to my mental health that I'm not sleeping well, very irritable, and not performing to my full potential. I'm not on a PIP or getting formal warnings or anything but I have argued with my boss a lot so fear he may try to strategically push me out. I am applying elsewhere but afraid the issues I have are with the 9-5 work culture as a whole and if I change jobs I will have the same frustrations in a different building. I fear I'll be fired for looking elsewhere, or just cut with budget cuts etc. I have a lot of debt and not a lot of savings. The market is terrible. I'm really scared. I even tried to be a manager at one point thinking the career woman path was the way to go. Thank God that didn't happen but also, it's very depressing to have once been so ambitious and to have fallen to where I am now, just getting by.

​

I am single and haven't done much to change this. I keep falling for the wrong people and I know that is rooted in trauma and psychological issues that I am working on in therapy but still not really "healed" yet. A lot of it is family stuff that wasn't just childhood, it continues to happen even now. Every time I think I'm making progress some new shit goes down. The older I get the weirder I feel about starting to get out there and I fear my life is too messy for a relationship but also no one is perfect so may as well try.

​

My closer friends are geographically far. I am making new connections near me but in late 20s it's so hard.

​

I don't sleep well. I don't eat great. Between 2023-5 I gained 30 pounds and have lost some but have a long way to go.

​

Don't even get me started on the political climate. The world is terrible and there is nothing I can do about it. I know which way I lean but things got more complicated recently. I have friends and peers who I believe have taken certain topics too far and we've had those difficult conversations that of course have been insanely emotionally draining but needed to happen. I'm trying to back away from those *very* tough topics though because if people haven't been able to agree for thousands of years, we certainly won't in this lifetime.

​

Everything feels terrible but oddly calm? Like the calm before the storm. I anticipate I am going to completely lose it soon.

I'm not happy at my current company, my boss does not listen to my concerns at all. We have mandatory 3 days in office and I saw a role come up for basically exactly the job I have done and succeeded at but at our competitor and remote!!! Yay!!! At least it SAID remote. Then I add a resume and answer the questions and it says mandatory 3 days in office. Wtf??

​

Does remote ever actually mean remote? Where do you guys find remote jobs? Even just MOSTLY remote would be great for me like one office day is fine. 3 I find has been quite annoying.

​

Should I still apply to this job because I just generally need a change and need to grow financially so apply and if given an offer, only accept if it's a *significant* raise?

​

TIA!

I want to start this by being honest and saying at times I haven't had the best spending habits. Having said that, I've done the math multiple times now, and even while following a budget, here's what life costs per month,

Rent: $2000 (and that's on the low end)

Groceries: $430 (also a stretch)

Transit: $300

Phone, internet etc: $250

Subscriptions/other: $100

Gym (a cheap one): $50

Debt (if you have probably the average amount of student OR credit card debt, not even counting both here, minimums): $200

\\\^\\\^\\\^ This scenario is very minimal and assumes no travel, fun, retirement and/or savings, or car. Round up slightly - $3400/month. This would require a $55k salary.

If you want to save a few hundred dollars a month for retirement (if you ever want to retire!) - You now need $65k+.

If you want to ever have fun, go out once a week OR have hobbies that cost anything - You now need $71k+.

If you want to travel, not extensively but one decent sized vacation or 2 small ones per year - You now need $81k+.

If you have more debt, which the average person does, that's another few hundred $ because it's the payment to actually pay it down AND the interest payments - You now need $89k-$106k.

If you want a car - You now need $120k+.

If you want to save for an emergency fund - You now need $140k+.

If you want to go to therapy, even if your work gives you insurance it will likely cover barely any and you will have to pay out of pocket - Let's assume only a biweekly session on the low end - $250/month - You now need $144k+.

This also assumes child free. I am 29 and will likely never have kids even if I really wanted to because the average person cannot afford them.

So many young adults are averaging $60K a year salaries. That leaves almost NO room for anything other than just bills, paycheck to paycheck, no savings, nothing fun to actually do with your life. And even for those of us who worked our way up a BIT (I'm now about $82K), we probably started our careers (I did) at 50somethingK so spent years making way less than is comfortable and are still playing catchup.

I apologize if this is a bit ranty but I am so tired of some boomer bosses telling us to just stop buying lattes. Yes there are always ways to be more frugal but knowing this is what life costs and we'll probably never retire even though we did everything right (got the insanely hard degree, work our 9-5s and put up with the office politics and games while now under the threat of being replaced by AI), do you really blame people for just giving up?

Please don't tell me "You'd be fine with dual income" because people are allowed to be single and shouldn't be bankrupt because of it. If you want a relationship it should be for love, not because it's the only avenue to financial security.

People say you should invest ... and I can see how if you're smart about that it can pay off but doesn't it take several years, even decades? I don't think that fixes majority of our salaries not keeping up with cost of living.

Please let me know your thoughts - How much do you make, are you comfortable at that salary, what is your situation etc. TIA!

I want to start this by being honest and saying at times I haven't had the best spending habits. Having said that, I've done the math multiple times now, and even while following a budget, here's what life costs per month,

Rent: $2000 (and that's on the low end)

Groceries: $430 (also a stretch)

Transit: $300

Phone, internet etc: $250

Subscriptions/other: $100

Gym (a cheap one): $50

Debt (if you have probably the average amount of student OR credit card debt, not even counting both here, minimums): $200

\\\^\\\^\\\^ This scenario is very minimal and assumes no travel, fun, retirement and/or savings, or car. Round up slightly - $3400/month. This would require a $55k salary.

If you want to save a few hundred dollars a month for retirement (if you ever want to retire!) - You now need $65k+.

If you want to ever have fun, go out once a week OR have hobbies that cost anything - You now need $71k+.

If you want to travel, not extensively but one decent sized vacation or 2 small ones per year - You now need $81k+.

If you have more debt, which the average person does, that's another few hundred $ because it's the payment to actually pay it down AND the interest payments - You now need $89k-$106k.

If you want a car - You now need $120k+.

If you want to save for an emergency fund - You now need $140k+.

If you want to go to therapy, even if your work gives you insurance it will likely cover barely any and you will have to pay out of pocket - Let's assume only a biweekly session on the low end - $250/month - You now need $144k+.

This also assumes child free. I am 29 and will likely never have kids even if I really wanted to because the average person cannot afford them.

So many young adults are averaging $60K a year salaries. That leaves almost NO room for anything other than just bills, paycheck to paycheck, no savings, nothing fun to actually do with your life. And even for those of us who worked our way up a BIT (I'm now about $82K), we probably started our careers (I did) at 50somethingK so spent years making way less than is comfortable and are still playing catchup.

I apologize if this is a bit ranty but I am so tired of some boomer bosses telling us to just stop buying lattes. Yes there are always ways to be more frugal but knowing this is what life costs and we'll probably never retire even though we did everything right (got the insanely hard degree, work our 9-5s and put up with the office politics and games while now under the threat of being replaced by AI), do you really blame people for just giving up?

Please don't tell me "You'd be fine with dual income" because people are allowed to be single and shouldn't be bankrupt because of it. If you want a relationship it should be for love, not because it's the only avenue to financial security.

People say you should invest ... and I can see how if you're smart about that it can pay off but doesn't it take several years, even decades? I don't think that fixes majority of our salaries not keeping up with cost of living.

Please let me know your thoughts - How much do you make, are you comfortable at that salary, what is your situation etc. TIA!

I want to start this by being honest and saying at times I haven't had the best spending habits. Having said that, I've done the math multiple times now, and even while following a budget, here's what life costs per month,

Rent: $2000 (and that's on the low end)

Groceries: $430 (also a stretch)

Transit: $300

Phone, internet etc: $250

Subscriptions/other: $100

Gym (a cheap one): $50

Debt (if you have probably the average amount of student OR credit card debt, not even counting both here, minimums): $200

\\\^\\\^\\\^ This scenario is very minimal and assumes no travel, fun, retirement and/or savings, or car. Round up slightly - $3400/month. This would require a $55k salary.

If you want to save a few hundred dollars a month for retirement (if you ever want to retire!) - You now need $65k+.

If you want to ever have fun, go out once a week OR have hobbies that cost anything - You now need $71k+.

If you want to travel, not extensively but one decent sized vacation or 2 small ones per year - You now need $81k+.

If you have more debt, which the average person does, that's another few hundred $ because it's the payment to actually pay it down AND the interest payments - You now need $89k-$106k.

If you want a car - You now need $120k+.

If you want to save for an emergency fund - You now need $140k+.

If you want to go to therapy, even if your work gives you insurance it will likely cover barely any and you will have to pay out of pocket - Let's assume only a biweekly session on the low end - $250/month - You now need $144k+.

This also assumes child free. I am 29 and will likely never have kids even if I really wanted to because the average person cannot afford them.

So many young adults are averaging $60K a year salaries. That leaves almost NO room for anything other than just bills, paycheck to paycheck, no savings, nothing fun to actually do with your life. And even for those of us who worked our way up a BIT (I'm now about $82K), we probably started our careers (I did) at 50somethingK so spent years making way less than is comfortable and are still playing catchup.

I apologize if this is a bit ranty but I am so tired of some boomer bosses telling us to just stop buying lattes. Yes there are always ways to be more frugal but knowing this is what life costs and we'll probably never retire even though we did everything right (got the insanely hard degree, work our 9-5s and put up with the office politics and games while now under the threat of being replaced by AI), do you really blame people for just giving up?

Please don't tell me "You'd be fine with dual income" because people are allowed to be single and shouldn't be bankrupt because of it. If you want a relationship it should be for love, not because it's the only avenue to financial security.

People say you should invest ... and I can see how if you're smart about that it can pay off but doesn't it take several years, even decades? I don't think that fixes majority of our salaries not keeping up with cost of living.

Please let me know your thoughts - How much do you make, are you comfortable at that salary, what is your situation etc. TIA!

Edit: Thank you for the thoughtful responses so far. No, I do not think someone with a degree and a full time salaried job should have to live with roommates. That should not be normalized. A full time job should pay for someone to have a place to live. Even if someone saves $500-$1000 a month, the salary required to be comfortable and do the things we're expected to do is still more than DOUBLE what the average young person's salary actually is. How are people not actively fighting in the streets about this.

Edit 2: Some people are just saying don't complain. To those people can you actually give more specifics if you do have a comfortable salary and tell me what your job is etc? I want examples of people who are doing ok because most people I know are not.

I want to start this by being honest and saying at times I haven't had the best spending habits. Having said that, I've done the math multiple times now, and even while following a budget, here's what life costs per month,

Rent: $2000 (and that's on the low end)

Groceries: $430 (also a stretch)

Transit: $300

Phone, internet etc: $250

Subscriptions/other: $100

Gym (a cheap one): $50

Debt (if you have probably the average amount of student OR credit card debt, not even counting both here, minimums): $200

\^\^\^ This scenario is very minimal and assumes no travel, fun, retirement and/or savings, or car. Round up slightly - $3400/month. This would require a $55k salary.

If you want to save a few hundred dollars a month for retirement (if you ever want to retire!) - You now need $65k+.

If you want to ever have fun, go out once a week OR have hobbies that cost anything - You now need $71k+.

If you want to travel, not extensively but one decent sized vacation or 2 small ones per year - You now need $81k+.

If you have more debt, which the average person does, that's another few hundred $ because it's the payment to actually pay it down AND the interest payments - You now need $89k-$106k.

If you want a car - You now need $120k+.

If you want to save for an emergency fund - You now need $140k+.

If you want to go to therapy, even if your work gives you insurance it will likely cover barely any and you will have to pay out of pocket - Let's assume only a biweekly session on the low end - $250/month - You now need $144k+.

This also assumes child free. I am 29 and will likely never have kids even if I really wanted to because the average person cannot afford them.

So many young adults are averaging $60K a year salaries. That leaves almost NO room for anything other than just bills, paycheck to paycheck, no savings, nothing fun to actually do with your life. And even for those of us who worked our way up a BIT (I'm now about $82K), we probably started our careers (I did) at 50somethingK so spent years making way less than is comfortable and are still playing catchup.

I apologize if this is a bit ranty but I am so tired of some boomer bosses telling us to just stop buying lattes. Yes there are always ways to be more frugal but knowing this is what life costs and we'll probably never retire even though we did everything right (got the insanely hard degree, work our 9-5s and put up with the office politics and games while now under the threat of being replaced by AI), do you really blame people for just giving up?

Please don't tell me "You'd be fine with dual income" because people are allowed to be single and shouldn't be bankrupt because of it. If you want a relationship it should be for love, not because it's the only avenue to financial security.

People say you should invest ... and I can see how if you're smart about that it can pay off but doesn't it take several years, even decades? I don't think that fixes majority of our salaries not keeping up with cost of living.

Please let me know your thoughts - How much do you make, are you comfortable at that salary, what is your situation etc. TIA!