u/Fit-Comedian3612

Quit 6 days ago, was doing prob about 1000 mg a day and quit cold turkey. Caved on the night of day 3, did 60 mg and instantly realized how stupid it was and felt nothing from it.

But now here on day 6, and I feel like I’m losing control. The restlessness, aches, and inability to regulate my body temperature is almost as intolerable as 24 hours in. It’s really making me want to cave I don’t even mentally want to like it’s different than the other times I’ve relapsed I’m just exhausted from the agony. Plowed through the gabapentin, chewed through a months supply of Ativan in the first 3 days, I’ve already taken an unhealthy amount of Tylenol, ate all my Kratom, even if I could get a refill on anything I don’t think I could convince myself to drive. Just took some chlonidine I hope that helps. I feel like an idiot for not saving any gabapentin or Ativan for now. I really thought I’d only be facing mental issues right now.

Will it be over soon? I wonder if it’s because I caved. I wonder if it’s because of taking SR. I didn’t even take the SR more than 2x a day for a few days bc I just gave up since it felt like it was barely doing anything. I know I have some nasty ass shit somewhere that I don’t even believe really has 7-oh in it but I’m almost desperate enough for relief that I’m about to find it and take it. But then I’m scared relapsing is why I feel this way on day 6. I just can’t believe a 60mg relapse would cause this much agony? I don’t have a bathtub to take a nice bath. My shower head is stupid and I can’t even lay under the hot water without holding the handle and I regretted it the other day from how sore my arms were from holding it. Please tell me any minute now this suffering will end. I don’t know if I can last much longer. It’s been all day. I can’t take it.

My team has had a new manager for about 6 months. Everyone despises her. She came from another department and really doesn’t understand what her own team does, but majority of days are us arguing with her because she gets angry when she doesn’t understand things and only ever believes she is correct. She will argue with me about anything, it seems her absolute goal is to ensure she never agrees with anything I say. My team has about 10 people people: a couple nearly as new as her who are starting to slowly see that she is the problem and not them, but too afraid to speak up; a couple that are miserable but prefer to be quiet and suffer silently rather than deal with confrontation or difficult conversations; a few that do speak up and push back but are at their wits end; and one who regularly cries in the bathroom because they’re constantly berated and they’re on the edge of losing their job only because she is jealous this person is more qualified than her and should have her position.

She seems to have really poor social awareness so it’s difficult to tell if she knows she’s being mean and just thinks we’re below her, or if she really believes she’s the smartest person in the room and glitches out when someone has a better idea than her. She’s also very forgetful, so we often get yelled at for things that don’t make sense and it’s very confusing. Example: I asked to do something requiring approval but she didn’t trust me and wouldn’t let me do it and this led to a huge problem that escalated to the site president where the resolution was for me to do the thing, I again asked for approval even though it was technically already granted and made sure there was a paper trail, and when I did it after approval, she yelled at me in front of everyone saying she didn’t approve it. When I reminded her of her approval email, instead of admitting she was wrong, she then decided to yell at me and tell me I needed to follow the proper escalation procedure. When I pulled up the documentation system to show that I did actually follow the procedure, she yelled at me for not entering the correct things. When I scrolled over to show her the correct things were entered, she yelled at me for not reminding her the documentation system existed. When I told her I thought she was familiar with the system we go through daily and it was unnecessary to remind her of its existence, she angrily said “whatever” and moved on. It’s stuff like this, all day every day.

I can’t decide if I should confront her privately, with HR present, if I should just go to HR, or her boss, I don’t know. She’s withholding opportunities from me because she hates me. When I tried getting feedback to figure out why she hates me, she told me “sometimes when people feel like they’re not heard enough and no one listens to them, they get too loud. You just have a high volume.” And referenced a situation where I was extremely professional but just stood my ground and she didn’t like that I didn’t stand down to her when I felt like she was coercing someone to do the wrong thing that could get them in a lot of trouble. I want to leave, but the money is too good and because I’ve missed opportunities I should have at this stage in my career I’m afraid to move on until I can say I have these skills otherwise I look incompetent even though it’s sabotage.

We have tried to get together and have team discussions with her about issues to ensure we’re all witnesses to whatever she says to each of us, she refuses to have a conversation that’s not 1:1. If we try to get a paper trail of anything, she insists on an in person meeting. I am going to get out as soon as I can, but it won’t be soon enough. A part of me feels like there’s a small chance shes just very autistic and if someone explains her behavior to her, she might receive it well, she’s just very oblivious. She’s a very intelligent person other than her social awareness.

I need to do something. I’m miserable. I wish the quieter ones in the team were willing to stand up more, but they’re too afraid. There aren’t enough people on the team who aren’t afraid. Even if a few of us escalated things, the quiet ones would definitely save themselves and separate themselves from the situation rather than do the right thing.

I’ve also debated just being petty, and the next time she’s acting insane and yelling at me or anyone else in front of the whole team, just asking her if she’s okay and if she needs to step away for a moment. I could just publicly and professionally antagonize her and hopefully push her to make a fool of herself in front of the wrong person. I’m just exhausted and it would be nice to rip the bandaid off. It’s scary because I have seen HR and upper management side with bad managers to avoid a ruckus and fire people just to quiet things down.

The most insane part is… she thinks she is extremely charismatic and influential. She thinks we do our jobs because she is so great at getting us to do whatever she wants (she has admitted this out loud). She thinks she’s a big people person. She somehow cannot see that we all absolutely hate her and we only listen to her because she directly controls how much our paychecks are.

I will leave eventually but it’s not looking like great opportunities are near. A lot of lay offs happening in my field and I am at one of the best companies. I’d love to stay at my company but get a new manager and I am waiting for an opening and so is everyone else.

What do we do? What do I do?

I am 28 with 75k in my 401k, but I have 20k worth of credit card debt. The debts killing me, the interest is killing me. I stupidly got addicted to a substance last year, that’s the main source of the debt. I am trying to get sober, but a part of me doesn’t even want to because I have to face the consequences of my actions and they’re going to haunt me for so long. I don’t know how I am going to get out of this hole. I used to have spending money, but now my student loans just kicked in at $700 a month. I just switched to a different repayment plan and brought it down to $450, but it unfortunately that means I’ll pay more interest later. But hoping to put the extra towards my credit card debt (I mean I have no choice, I’m net negative each month at this point). I was putting $600 in my 401k each month but just dropped it to $400, trying to put more money into credit debt without impacting my employer match. I am afraid of this being my life for the next few years though. I was almost out of credit debt before I slipped and ruined my life.

Would it be a dumb decision to take a hardship loan from my 401k and pay off all the credit cards? Or maybe some? I hate that I was really trying to be wise with my 401k so I could have a good retirement, but I’m 28 with no house or anything and it seems like if I don’t get a solid plan down to pay this credit debt off, it’s hard to even keep track of. A few years ago I had to climb my way out of 10k in debt, and I was so close… down to 3k. That was so difficult but now my bills are twice as much with my student loans, living alone (and I’d rather die than not live alone, so please don’t bother, this isn’t an option for me).

Should I just be doing the “snowball?” It sucks though because I feel like without momentum, I don’t see myself keeping it up. It feels like it could be easier to just pay it off in one big lump sum and then have it come out of my paycheck to pay myself back. But I wonder if the 401k loses Id take from that would really be worse than the interest I’m likely going to pay…

I’m also terrified I’ll keep the same spending habits I have now regardless if I fix my addiction issues. I really pray this side gig works out but it’s tough getting started when I don’t have the funds for it. It would be great if I could make an extra $500-$1000 a month and pay it off super fast but I just don’t feel very hopeful about it with how things are starting out. I do get a bonus check every year that’s typically around 5k after taxes, but it sucks to just be doing the minimum payment and desperately waiting for that one check a year and it won’t all be paid off for at least 4 years.

At least if it came from my 401k, my credit score would likely be saved from paying off all the cards. If I somehow manage to ever wanna buy a house, it hopefully will look less risky since I won’t have 14 credit cards with several maxed out.

Please don’t judge, I barely wanna go on as it is. I can’t believe I ruined my life like this. I thought I’d have it all figured out by now. Not be at rock bottom with zero hope for the future.

I’ve tried quitting a few times, made it to 4 days once. It’s officially been a year since this shit took over my life. I’ve spent about $15k on it. Just before this, I almost had my life in order. I was on the right path to finally being okay. I can’t believe I destroyed it all.

The times I have tried to quit, it was mostly money and maybe a little bit of hope for a better life. I am now at a point where I have no hope at all. Nothing brings me joy. I have no hopes and dreams. I don’t want anything. I don’t care to see people. This is one of the few things in life that I look forward to.

I think it would be easier to quit if there was no withdrawal. The fact that I have to suffer just to reach a goal I don’t even care to get to, it’s impossible. But the $120 a day has caught up with me. All credit cards maxed out, can’t afford my bills. I really have to quit now. I can’t afford not to. But I am terrified of how it’s going to impact my mental health, I don’t feel much hope that I’ll be successful. I’ll also finally really have to face the reality of the financial damage I’ve done. I feel like I’ve ruined my life.

I don’t know a life without some sort of crutch. I’ve been addicted to some substance since I was 12. I don’t really know sobriety too well. Actually, just before the 7-oh, I had finally overcome a bad alcohol problem. I was sober for a good two months, sort of. Just for this to take over my life so fast. At this point I wish I stuck with the alcohol. I never thought it would come down to opioids.

I have some SR. I’ve tried it, but every time I start to preload, I give up and never even make it longer than 12 hours without the 7-oh.

How do I find a reason in myself to quit? I don’t value life enough to find a reason other than I can’t afford it.

I’m sure some of you will say it’ll get better once I successfully quit and I am past it, but I really can’t recall a time in life when I was ever truly happy. I also kind of hate my life as it is right now. My job sucks. My friends suck. I am at the age where I planned to be buying a house and having kids, I can’t afford that nor do I even want that anymore. Relationships exhaust me. I try to find enjoyment in my hobbies, but it’s difficult to find the motivation to commit to them. I wish I could convince myself to believe in God or something. Maybe that’s what I need. Some faith. Idk.

I’m terrified to try and quit again. I cannot handle withdrawal at all. I know the SR, the vitamin C, the gabapentin, the clonidine… I am too afraid to experience bad feelings. I feel bad enough physically and mentally when I am not in withdrawal, I don’t know how I will get through this when I honestly don’t even really care to. I just know that I have to. Better to quit on my own accord now than to start having to beg people for money which is already right around the corner.

I am supposed to change into my second set of trays in two days. Welp, I learned the hard way sucking on some red candy that these stain BAD. I’ve tried soaking them in 100% hydrogen peroxide for 30 minutes, I tried sonicating them, I tried UV, I tried denture tablets… I’m at a loss and I CANNOT wear these to work. Like it is very bad. I didn’t know they could stain this bad and to make it worse I fell asleep with a red piece of candy in my mouth overnight. I thought sucking on something wouldn’t be an issue because I’m not chewing. But I never thought they’d stain this terribly. I just tried putting in the second set and they’re definitely tight, but they fit better than my old retainer I stopped wearing (which lead me to getting Invisalign bc obvi my teeth shifted bad after braces, my retainer literally filled with blood when I tried putting it in so I stopped wearing it). The previous retainer didn’t feel tight at all, so I am hoping my teeth have shifted enough to where switching now won’t cause too much damage. Lesson learned I will not do that again and all candy is in the trash. Just one time, 2 days early, is it ok?

I can’t take it. I’m going on vacation and I was telling myself I’d switch to SR before the trip so I’d be stuck without any for 7 days and I literally couldn’t fail at quitting. But I can’t deal with this nausea. Im actually debating just going back to the 7-oh so I don’t ruin my vacation. Im only about 80% cut back from 7oh, haven’t jumped yet but its crazy it’s actually sort of had an impact on my mental cravings which I didn’t expect at all. If I stop the SR, how long will the nausea linger? Any idea what the best med is? I’ve tried pepto, tums, zofran, promethazine, and sadly just took a Dramamine which I pray doesn’t make me tired for this long drive.

I made the mistake of ordering EVERYTHING from shein for a very large event, 40 people. I’m talking table cloths, cups, linens, plates, table runners, so much more. It’s coming in like 10-15 separate shipments and I assume it’ll all be very large boxes. Welp, I thought they’d make it here in time because the ETA was April 20-May 4. Event is May 16. Everything is delayed and not expected until May 20, so I had to reorder absolutely everything from somewhere else. $600 worth of stuff. How am I going to manage this with their return policy that it must all fit in one box under one label?!?! I am not paying money for the stress and misery they have caused me. They waited two weeks from the order date to even box everything and ship it out.