u/FoolishMortal-1000

My 4 month old daughter is growing and changing so quickly that I feel myself constantly grieving versions of her that I loved so deeply but do not exist anymore. She's not a squishy little newborn anymore and I can never get that version of her back ever again. She's getting her first tooth as we speak - no more gummy smile. Things like that.

The hardest part about being a parent for me is that I can't hold onto any of these versions of her that I love except the adult one. And by then, she'll have moved out and moved on and started a family of her own. It feels like near constant loss and I'm having an extremely hard time grappling with this. Any advice would be appreciated.

I'm nearly 30 (F) and for as long as I can remember I have always hated endings. I thought for the longest time that I was just averse to change but I actually quite enjoy change, so long as I can always go back to what I had before at some point.

For example, if I want to go on vacation to the mountains this summer instead of my usual beach trip, that sounds exciting to me! And I can always go back to the beach that will still be there the following year. But I hated​​ moving from my apartment to my new house because I can never go back to that apartment now. Someone else lives there and it wouldn't look like my home anyway. I wanted the house I now live in so badly, but I cried like hell for WEEKS while we were closing on it because I simply could not handle the end of our apartment chapter.

Now that I have a child, I cannot bear the thought of her getting older and moving out. Or even just getting older and not being a baby anymore like she is now. Once she's 5, 10, 13, etc. I can never go back to baby her, that version simply will not exist anymore and I can never ever get it back. I can't handle this. But why?

I have a pretty crippling fear of death (myself or my loved ones) and I'm not sure of I fear death because it's the ultimate ending or if I fear endings because it reminds me that I'm getting older and will die one day. Chicken or the egg.

How do I reconcile with this? Endings are an inevitable part of life, but the paralyze me in panic and dread and misery. I find myself even grieving the end of something while it's still happening because I know it'll have to end at some point and that takes all my enjoyment away from the current moment. I don't know what to do or how to reframe my thinking around this. Any tips?

I just made a post about how I did t experience any PPD/PPA 3 months postpartum and I think I mightve spoken too soon. I just got my period back 4 months postpartum and I have been in a pit of despair ever since out of NOWHERE. I felt remarkably good the entire newborn phase and my husband and I were actually shocked that I made it out feeling as good as I did and "dodged a bullet" because we thought it was essentially guaranteed with the mental health issues I've had in the past (severe ocd, anxiety).

Well.

The day I got my period I was looking at old photos and videos of my daughter and BAM, all of a sudden I felt a rollercoaster drop in my stomach and started shaking and crying because she'll never be that little again. I couldn't handle how utterly sad that made me feel. It felt like grief. Then the next day all day I was crying hard at absolutely everything, especially thoughts of how my daughter is going to grow up and move out one day (Mind you she is only 4 months old). And this thought of her getting older and the baby/kid/teen versions of her inevitably passing and leaving me forever made me sick to my stomach, shaky, and jusy overall filled with dread.

I can't shake this feeling and I keep finding myself wondering "how on earth do other parents also feel this way about their kids growing up and just... move on with their day?! FOR YEARS?!" And then it hit me, because this probably isn't normal and most parents don't feel like this every single day for their kids' entire childhood.

So I ask you, did anyone experience PPD/PPA or even PPOCD later than expected or perhaps triggered by their period coming back? It's sucking all the joy I once had in abundance out of spending time with my daughter. Every time I look at her now I just feel dread and sadness that she's getting older and thus so am I.

TLDR - can PPD/PPA or PPOCD hit you later when your period comes back? I had a wonderful, blissful time with my daughter the first 4 months and now all of a sudden I'm crying everyday and feeling deep feelings of grief and anxiety over her getting older too quickly. it's taking up my entire day ruminating amd crying over it and I no longer have joy when spending time with my daughter. Just a deep sorrow that she's changing too quickly.

I've been bleeding off and on pretty much my entire time pp, but for the most part after 8 weeks of heavy, continuous bleeding, it would stop completely for a week or 2 and come back a little spotty to moderately spotty. Yesterday I had another spotty day but I just woke up to more blood than I've had since the first month. It's a normal "period amount," but I don't have a single cramp. My cramps are normally blindingly, debilitatingly bad. Does that mean this isn't my period then and it's just more pp bleeding? Or did anyone else have virtually no cramping for their first period returning?

For reference, I did not breast feed and I just had my first baby.

I had my first child almost 4 months ago and I thought I'd leave an encouraging note to all the first time moms out there who are panicking about their new life ahead of them. Please keep in mind that this is *my* experience and every experience is different, but I truly thought that positive experiences like mine just didn't exist, so I feel the need to share:

1. The newborn stage was a breeze. Newborns sleep all day. Like... ALL day. She was only ever up for feeds, diaper changes, and may a few minutes of looking around time, but all in all she was sleeping the entire day. My baby didn't cry uncontrollably, didn't have a witching hour, never PURPLE cried, nothing. The only thing she would ever cry about was putting her in the bassinet, so my husband and I took shifts (7pm-1am I slept and he stayed up holding the sleeping baby, then we switched from 1am-7am). Quite a few times I told my husband I was waiting for the shoe to drop and for it all to get way worse, but it just... never did. So if you're having a good time with baby, don't wait for it to get worse. It may never happen!
2. I never got baby blues, PPD/PPA, etc. I never even cried, honestly. Sometimes I'd get teary eyed watching her sleep because j felt so lucky to be a mom, but other than that I literally felt exactly the same as I always do. Better, even, because I had more happy moments because of my daughter. This was another thing I thought was inevitable because something like 80% of women have intense mood swings or sadness along with the horomone drop after birth, but I didn't notice the changing horomones at all whatsoever. And my best friend had the same experience with both of her kids! While of course it CAN happen, I expected that it WOULD happen and braced myself for an impact that, again, never came.
3. Physically, I healed from birth incredibly well and quickly. And I had a ROUGH one. 3 day long failed induction, 3 failed epidirals that had a complication no doctor in the hospital had ever seen before, emergency c-section under general anesthesia (because of the complication), etc. So it's not because I had it easy. I just got up and walked around as soon as I was able to and listened to my body when things hurt too much or bleeding was heavier. My scar is basically invisible and the first 2 weeks were definitely difficult, (because I also had severe postpartum preeclampsia) but it wasn't anything g I couldn't manage with just ibuprofen and Tylenol. I had my birth described to me as "traumatic" when I tell others the story, but I GENUINELY do not feel that way. So even of your birth is rough, it may not linger with you like everyone says it will.
4. My husband and I are just as close as we were before. No I don't hate him now (didn't while I was pregnant either), no we don't feel like roommates, not the baby hasn't strained our relationship. I have no idea why people love to tell pregnant women that "they're going to resent their husbands when the baby comes" because that never happened. We started fooling around again 3 weeks after I delivered (without penetration obviously) because we were still so in love and he helps with diaper changes, feeds, soothing baby, baths, all of it. He's a true teammate in our marriage. AND we still went out to eat and saw friends and went to church with a newborn. Which reminds me...
5. My life really didn't change all that much. Like I said, my husband and I still do all the things we did before just with a baby in tow. We adapt her to our lifestyle, not the other way around. And she's a happy girl who sleeps and eats well and has never seemed to mind much. I did not "die and become someone entirely different" like I was warned about, I can still cook and clean my house (with a few interruptions from baby now, but nevertheless), amd overall I feel exactly the same as I did before only happier and with a little mini me on my hip.

There's so much I can say but I'll stop here for now. I really wish people would stop scaring women or spewing their unsolicited misery onto soon to be moms who are already scared out of their minds. This is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I praise God every day that it's gone as well as it has. The newborn trenches weren't trenches at all. I'm actually sad to see them go. Trust me, you're going to be fine, girl. And even if you aren't, it won't be earth-shatteringly bad. You'll adapt. You'll grow. You'll overcome. And you'll do it well. Good luck ❤

My daughter (3m) just started sucking her thumb to go to sleep. Now I know it's early yet, but I sucked my thumb until I was, no joke, 23 years old. I simply could not break the habit no matter how hard I tried until I burned the absolute crap out of my thumb and literally couldn't suck it for a week because of the raw skin. Then I just didn't do it anymore. But otherwise NOTHING worked for me. I don't want my girl to wind up like me. Did anything work for your kids that I can keep in my back pocket for later? Is this a hereditary thing?