u/Fragrant_Advice_4906

"Run fast like me" - Mind

"I can only crawl right now" - Body

"Stop giving excuses" - Mind

"I tried, trust me, but striving to match your speed pushes me back" - Body

"When will we work together? When will you match my pace?" - Mind

"I can't think about matching your pace right now. All I want is peace." - Body

"Let me give you some peace." - Heart

"Come here," - Heart whispers, wrapping Body in a hug

"Mind, you can come too!" - Heart

I took Naxdom (NaNaproxen and Domperidone) a night before my hormonal test. I was experiencing severe migraine and vomit at night so I took the med and went for the tests in the morning. All my other hormones were normal except Prolactin. When I told my doctor that I took med, she said nothing happens with a single tablet. My prolactin was 58.3. I am not any med for it. I was dubious back then but as the doctor said it doesn't interrupt the accuracy, I was like OK

Now, after 10 months during an eye check up, the doctor said you have scratches in your eyes basically corneal SPK+ he asked 2 years back to get autoimmune tests done and now he asked about hormonal tests. I said prolactin was high. He told me to get Brain MRI done.

I don't know what is happening. I am planning to get my prolactin checked again. Right now, I am on my period but I have migraine again so I didn't go for the tests. But all this is so confusing.

I am 24:)

I sat there all alone,

wondering why I was staring at that child.

I jerked as the child came near, held my hand,

asked me to get up. 

I rose.

We entered a place called Mind.

The child disappeared.

I wondered how I would ever find my way out of the maze.

My compass stopped working. 

But then a Heart  appeared in the maze.

I wondered - How could a heart exist in such a place?

I curiously entered the heart.

I discovered it was the child's mind.

I saw the child again.

They held my hand and we moved out of the maze.

Yay, I am feeling good after so long.

But why?

I don't know. I just feel good.

What is the reason?

Why does there always have to be a reason?

Because you didn't do anything special to feel good.

I see... But why did I do to feel bad? And why didn't you ask me that then?

(A pause.)

(Complete silence.)

Then just keep feeling good.

Imagine waking up with the noises of your parents fighting, abusing each other. Then due to their bad mood they shout on you and you get angry. You say something, they say something and you wre hurt. Then you see them fighting again and hitting each other. You stand there and remain unbothered. But later you cry and shout at the parent who hit first. Then the other parents shouts at you for shouting at thrir partner, telling you to remain calm while their partner starts verbally abusing all of the family. They emotionally blackmail claiming that they will die because of you. They blame their partner that their kids turned out like that. Then you have to work on top of that but you are getting a migraine as you haven't had anything since morning and all you did was cry. This isn't the first time! It happens again, again and again. You blame yourself for not earning enough to move out and start feeling guilty. All you are left with is a clenching jaw, tears and your destiny that threw you into such a dysfunctional family.

I met my ex-bestfriend in 2018. We went to the same college in 2020. Our friendship got stronger in covid over phone calls. In 2022, I was preparing for something and feeling burdened and burnt out. Several times I asked my friend to go out. She refused. When we met at a college function after a month, she was like she had to go home in half an hour. I was angry, I decided to leave before her. However I forgot that she had kept her car keys in my bag. I went without saying bye. She humilated me on phone call. I went back gave the keys, learned she had blocked me. Cried in front of another friend, later went out to sort out things.

2022 - aaked her to go one a one day clg trip refused saying the place wasn't good

2023 - last semester exams. Cheating was going on, but before this someone tried to cheat from me and the teacher took my answer sheet. Then next day she wanted to cheat, came to me to copy, I didn't shift as I was fearful. I just said that you could move in near window seat. Someone told her that everyone was laughing. Lol everyone was busy cheating. She stopped talking to me claiming I had humilated her. Stopped talking after grad over. I called after a month to sort things out.

During my clg she talked to someone I didn't like and chose that person again and again.

2025 - she didn't ask abt my health despite telling her that I was having typhoid, asthma, sinus, congestion, migraine and Electric zaps.

She told me to move on from a covert narcissist, dismissing my feelings, told me my salary was same as her pocket money. I felt hurt. When I met her, I didn't talk and removed her from Insta. Later she blocked me. Then unblocked me. Jan end I sorted out things again this year.

2026 - March she met me her look was changed. I told her to go to a place she refused saying it was too far. Later that day went to a nearby place. I called her asking this. She said I just keep on complaining. That day she informed me that she was seeing someone like the arrange marriage rishtas. She was doing it from past 1 year. Then she removed from Instagram and then snap

April - it was her birthday. I called her despite all this. Wished her at 12. She didn't pick my call, so the next day when I called she indirectly told me her fiancé was bringing the cake. I was shocked and couldn't process. Said congo, then she said that she would talk later. The thing is she informed me abt this indirectly and got engaged just 6 days after we met. I was too hurt called her at night. She didn't pick. When she called, I wasn't there. Then I blocked her. It's been more than 2 months. Today I am feeling so much angry. I just wanna say shame on you!!

When all the bad things happened, I was the first one to know but good things nope I don't deserve.

Some of my past experiences were bad.

Okay! So you want to rely on your past.

Nope. I am just saying that some of my past exerperiences were bad.

Why are you focusing on them? Come back to the present.

Why is my present so bad? Where are my efforts going?

Calm down. It will be okay.

I am tired!

Ok! Give up then!

Some of my past exerperiences were bad.

Why are juggling between your past and present?

My past reminds my present about my bad experiences, adding that they ENDED someday.

Ok, so you can skip this as it's not a happy post. I had an argument with my mother due to my father. She was crying due to his lies and I went to console her. But instead of consoling her, I told her today you are crying and tomorrow you will start worrying for him again. Then I told her that you keep telling me, HE IS YOUR FATHER. Like what should I do then. Then came the blow, "Ok, if he dies tomorrow, will you be able to feed the family at (Quoting my income)." Wow! Thank you! That number keeps rotating in my mind everyday. I know how I am working even I don't want to. I didn't want to brag this but I have been working pretty hard this month - 8 hours job, 1 hour job search, 1-2 hours on assignments. Physically I am exhausted enough to quit everything. This isn't the first time she said this. She has asked earlier, would you be able to feed yourself and me if I leave your dad.

Yeah! You know what I wanna tell her that you deserve what you are getting. I am so done with you. You keep telling me to leave the home thinking that I won't be able to leave. But I leave alone. Because you deserve your narcissistic husband. I never asked you to give birth to me. When you know that your child is already pressuring themselves enough to pass every single day along with migraine attacks and Electric zaps, isn't it enough for them to go through this bullshit. Then you add your comments so that they feel more ashamed.

The person with whom she was replacing me was unemployed for 7 years after his marriage. He was in depression and married lying that he was financially and mentally stable. He was 27 when he got married. For God's sake, his father opened him a stationery and bags shop. Then he was also relying on his father's pension. Now, after his death he is relying on his mother’s pension as he can't earn much from his small business. Wow! And you are comparing me to him. He is 52 and I am 24. Just have some shame! My migraine attacks started on May 20 and the symptoms still exist. They keep coming and going. Today, I was a bit relaxed but now my migraine attacks are back. It's been a month. I have never had them for this much duration. Thank God! I didn't clear CAT. You would have burdened quoting MBA fees daily.

It's never a child's job to keep peace at home,

It's never a child's job to stop their parents' fight,

It's never a child's job to cry seeing the HOUSE environment,

It's never a child's job to find their own safety when they are being bullied,

It's never a child's job to absorb the toxic home environment,

It's never a child's job to heal their parents,

It's never a child's job to listen to their parents complain about each other separately,

It's never a child's job to see their mother cry in front of them because of her in-laws and her husband,

It's never a child's job to bring happiness in a house which can never be a home,

It's never a child's job to be so afraid of their parents that they have to deal with everything on their own,

It's never a child's job to be academialy so good that it conquers the toxicity at home,

It's never a child's job to be beaten when their mother is angry with her in-laws,

It's never a child's job to get bullied by their own parents because of their weight or looks.

It's never a child's job to think at a small age that marriage is hell,

It's never a child's job to pray to God to break their parents' marriage,

But it's an adult's job to unlearn all they learned as a child,

It's an adult's job to heal their inner child, making them feel safe, seen and happy!

(A TOUGH JOB I KNOW!!)

My mind moves like a ping-pong ball,

bouncing in the past,

and sometimes in the future.

Skipping the beats of the self-care song,

making other body parts ache.

Sometimes it berates the heart,

yet the heart whispers, "Pause, breathe and treat me as your friend"

It's ok to bow,

when the mind doesn't know

how to keep running the show.

What happened there was one cup of tea and a plate There was a box. My father tried to take the box from my mother and he spilled tue tea on the plate. Now what he did as usual was started blaming my mother and showed his elbow to hit her but didn't hit.It was quite disturbing. I called mother and asked her that why u came into my room with this man

Then that incident kept revolving around my mind

My father was busy blaming my mother and they were fighting. I went to him and held his arm to repeat and portray what he did but he kept blaming my mother and even tried to hit her again. So I just started hitting my father and then as he can't hit me, he hit my mother and then I hit him again and then he hit her again now I hit him so much that my hand is blue like there is no strength and my mother was like why did u come here that wasn't so big issue that u made out if it. Yes, I told her that why didn't you die if you couldn't go back to your parents' house.

Day before yesterday this man started shouting for no reason and I held his mouth to stop the verbal abuse.

He was diagnosed with depression before getting married and even after marriage he was in depression for many years. I don't know why has he started showing those elbows. He used to verbally abuse not physically. Blame shifting has been a part of his identity and tolerating bullshit has been a part of my mother's identity. Showing the people outside that they are a happy couple gives them satisfaction.

Idk maybe I am turning to a monster. But this house is no longer a place to live. I have my savings but I was saving money for something else. But I think it's high time to move out otherwise I will never be able to heal. Fuck the salary, work from home and fuck the job. I will keep on doing it till I get a good one. 

I just despise both of them. You people gave me a roof, good education, clothes and freedom to do whatever I want to pursue in career but I can't tolerate this and these are illiterates. This is one of the biggest reasons I don't wanna marry.

Everything will be normal in a day or two and then after two or three days or max a week they will start the bullshit again. It's very easy to say put your headphones when they are fighting. But when you hear the noises you will run to see wtf is happening and you will feel like take the knives and kill each other forever. Their fights have been disturbing me from a long time. Those exact scenes make me cry under a blanket. 2025 was the breaking point and I cried in front of them but they didn't stop and they will never. This is the 3rd continous night of the migraine today but who cares. I puked thrice day before yesterday due to migraine but who cares. Then they say why are u letting it impact you. Really!! I want my body to get sick. Then they say they love you. Love and care are different. Both of them are bloody toxic and the moment I start loving myself a bit and start enjoying my company they ruin it. My nervous system is ruined - I have been experiencing electric zaps. They work very hard to feed their children but what about love, respect, being real.

I am currently in my rahu Mahadasha amd ketu antardasha. It started Nov end last year. My rahu md started in 2015 when I was 14 years old. Now I am 24. I have worked too hard. I was a brilliant student but I have faced many other issues including bullying, jealousy and insecurities. However later I transformed myself internally and externally. My internal transformation has been quite intense since Ketu ad began as I have lost all my friends. I have been feeling betrayed. I guess Ketu is doing its work.

But there is one thing I can't understand. The career transformation has been confusing. From commerce to abroad cancelation to MBA prep to writing. The journey has been baffling. Some circumstances pushed me to this. But I have been working hard and I am still underpaid and having health issues despite my previous transformations. Maybe another one is on its way. But the journey is quite lonely. I enjoy my company but as a social being sometimes I need people. But working from home has made it more difficult and the health issues is the add on

My rahu is with jupiter in 2nd house gemini

Ketu in 8th Sagittarius

Saturn moon 1st Tauras

Mercury venus 5th Virgo

Mars 9th

(If anyone can tell the reason please do)

I have been working as a full time writer in a media house. When I switched from internship to full time, I wasn't given the offer letter. Infact they ended up giving me the increment and promotion letter which wasn't signed. There was no employment contract or offer letter. They just mentioned in the letter that I have been promoted to junior writer.

P.S. they gave me the increment letter so that they could keep the salary low, so I am underpaid. I don't even get the salary slips. It's been a year.

I am confused, ashamed of my mistake that I didn't ask them. But I mailed them today. Idk even know whether I exist in their company.

It is a wfh job.

What to do now? How to get the documents soon?

I work as a content writer in a media house. This is my first job. I did a huge mistake by underselling myself in the salary expectations round. It's going to be a year. The annual review will take place soon. I am significantly being underpaid compared to the listed salary for a fresher in the company I work. Now it's been a year and I want my salary to align with the market rate. What if they end up giving up salary that they should given me in the start. I'll be still underpaid this year. I am stuck. I am 24 and I have been feeling ashamed due to my salary. Now, I know why as others were getting much more doing the same work. Now, I am regretful. How to tackle this?

P.S. I work from home, the work environment is good, I like my work.