u/Frawg_Vermayne

I know it sounds like I've already relapsed. I was so depressed and felt the full weight of what my life is. I feel like even if I stay sober forever, my life feels so hopeless and financially impossible to climb out of my situation despite making good money.

I feel like I'll never finish my last year of my bachelor's degree. I'll never fix my credit. I'll always be too socially broken and inept to succeed meaningfully.

Yesterday I went to my old dealer's place and bought a gram of my DOC.

I brought it back to my apartment and had it ready to go. But I didn't use it. I began to feel sad at the thought of how much my family has helped me recover this far. How they helped me get to the 71 days I had yesterday.

I kept going back and forth between, "Can't use yet because I have chores to do." And "I can't relapse because too many people helped me get to where I am and I can't betray them!"

I ended up not using but also not throwing the drugs away. I locked them in a box and shoved it under my bed.

I know the answer is to toss them but I feel like what I've already done is a relapse without using.

I have 72 days today. I'm at work away from the drugs. But they'll be there when I get home tonight.

I feel so hopeless. But I felt hopeless before I picked up.

I'm gonna go to a meeting ASAP, but does this count as a full relapse even without using?

I'm so tired. I went to the doctor and found my hormone levels are fine, no diabetes, or any medical reason to point to.

I feel like I'm so tired that meetings can't help me at this point. I go to at least 1 in-person meeting per week, but I'm so tired that it's a miracle I'm able to get to that one.

I never had that "pink cloud" of early sobriety. I was just happy to stabilize and get a new job that wasn't the hell of my last one.

Now I'm making money hand over fist but I'm so exhausted after work that I sleep as soon as I get home. I work a desk job, so my employment doesn't even explain the extreme exhaustion.

I'm not repulsed by the program, but I haven't gotten a sponsor because I suspect I'll get sucked into the program deeper than I can handle right now. If someone told me I had to go to more meetings, I'd spiral and quit just to sleep more.

I wish I could sign up for a medically induced coma for a year. Anyone else feel this tired early in recovery?

My life is so boring and meaningless. This isn't because of the drugs or sobriety, but rather due to decades of depression causing me to waste opportunities and develop a life not worth living.

I'm stable now. I have an apartment, a high paying job, and I've been sober for 2 months now.

But I'm exhausted. I have nothing to look forward to. I hate going to meetings because I don't feel like I gain anything from going. I sleep whenever I'm home. I could sleep 16 hours a day if I could.

I got sober because I was laid off and needed to get a new one. Now that I have a new job, I am obsessed with getting back into my old lifestyle.

I haven't drank in nearly 2 years, but I love Weed, LSD, and Ketamine. I'm literally having dreams about acquiring and using these substances again.

I'm making so much money that I could easily drop $1k in an instant and buy back into my old habits. Nothing else is exciting or occupies my mind. Planning on relapse is what brings my mind the stimulation I crave.

I'm holding off because I have family and friends visiting soon, but I've basically already decided to jump back in as soon as they leave.

I keep thinking, "What if I just held off until 90 days? I'd have more money saved for more important things AND the drugs."

But I don't know how much longer I can hold off. I barely care about sobriety right now and dream of tripping again.

Hello all! Thank you for being here today!

I recently learned I am ASD at 27.

I've been out to myself and friends for years but I didn't realize that my social impairments were genuine ASD and not just poor socialization growing up. I thought I was just so anxious that I was missing social cues.

I came out to my parents today over the phone. I moved out and away 10 years ago now and am several states away.

They were weirdly accepting after years of being homophobic when I came out.

"We always knew. Please just don't cut us out of your life!"

I needed you to be there for me when I was younger. But I am finally allowed to take responsibility for things I actually do wrong instead of just *being wrong* for being Bi and ASD.

I feel sorry for my family, but they are still anti-community. I told them they can't be in my life unless they work on their toxicity.

I won't hold my breath because I'm not anti-community, and I'm ready to be free now. Not later. And no longer hiding ever again.