u/GainObjective987

bhai inko kabhi samajh mein kyu ni aata ki sb hostel mein ni rehte, subeh 9 baje nikalne ke liye 6 baje uthna padta hai, raat ko pehle se chize tayyar karke rakhni hoti hai...it's so frustrating jab inki koi accountability nahi hoti ki kab aayenge aur kab chutti lelenge. Batayenge bhi to ek ghante pehle batayenge bhadwe.

fuck you du

Hi, I haven't cried for 6-7 years, I have held back everything in for so long that I can't cry even for the saddest or the happiest moments. I feel this burden and void in my life rn. I thought maybe this would help.

I was an 11 year old kid when these things happened and I just forgot about it like it never even happened. My whole family with my mausi's family went for a religious pilgrimage. It's a huge temple of Shiva with thousands of visits per day.

We were there in line for quite some time. Got the job done and were just chilling and roaming here and there in the temple courtyard. I was with my brother, he'd gone to drink water, when a guy maybe in his 30s passed me and touched and rubbed my genitals and after that I was completely blank, couldn't process what had just happened. My brother came, and I was just staring blankly at the guy, couldn't think of anything.

After a while, i thought of telling my mom about it but shrugged it off because I thought they would make fun of me like they always did back then, because I was a quiet and introverted kid who was bullied and beaten up in school and everybody in my family thought of me as weak and dumb...often ignored by most of my family members. My own sister used to make fun of me in front of everyone, and she still does to make herself look more strong and funny and a better kid among our family members.

But meh, I couldn't care less, I've always been stayed away from my family matters. Kon kya kar raha hai...kisne kisko kya keh diya, kiska jhagda hua kisne kya kharida, jitne lafde inn sab se dur rehne ki koshish ki hai. And that's much better.

Also I think when I was in school, from 4th to 8th, I was molested by my own classmates, I don't know if I can call it molestation. What do you call it when some kids your age try to touch and rub themselves to your body and genitals. I don't know why they did this. Maybe I got into the eyes of everyone.

Why do I always always feel like I'm missing something out!!!!! Whenever I see someone do anything, I always get this feeling that why can't that be me. Most of the time, I'm just happy and content. But this feeling of emptiness never goes away.

I feel like a backup for everyone. I see someone at a party, travelling to different places, meeting new friends, having fun, laughing and jokes and all that and then feel like I'm missing out on everything in my life.

I look at myself. I know I'm not a loser, I have a purpose, I am disciplined (somewhat). I know a few people in my college that I may call my friends, but I don't think we are really friends. I also want some people in my life that I can call sometimes and just talk. Why am I surrounded by selfish people!!! It's just eating me inside.

I'm too fearful of missing out, severe fomo you'd say. I don't want to miss out on anything.

I crave people, I crave talking to different people. Yet i can't do anything about it. Every one of the people that I talk to has this sense of superiority complex....kyuuu bhai kyuuuu, mai itni curiosity se unke baare mein jaan na chahta hu, puchna chahta hu, why isn't that reciprocated kabhi bhi...sabko non chalant kyu banna hai yaar.

Maine apne college mein itne saare logo se baat karne ki koshish ki, but sab ke sab machine ho rakhe hain, yeh assignment karlo, wo karlo, ye padhlo, ek baar bhi genuine baat nahi hoti hai kisi se...even I tried to be a non chalant guy but at the end of the day mujhse nahi hora hai...mujhe sabko call karke baat karna accha lagta hai....whyyyyy.

Even after trying so so hard, I always end up alone.