Did I imagine this? Psilocybin microdose, thoughts please?
Hello everyone. Thank from the bottom of my heart for your thoughts and advice. Thank you for reading all this and answering the questions at the bottom.
Yesterday I was deeply depressed and anxious, as I pretty much have been my entire life.
So for the first time ever in my life; I took .010 grams (that’s only a 10 milligram microdose) of ground up Golden Teacher (I know many are laughing right now).
Starting around 6 hours after taking this incredibly small dose I felt like my depression and anxiety got noticeably worse.
No trippy images, or any sort of trippy feeling. The only way I can describe it is my depression before the dose felt 1 dimensional and flat as always.
But at around the 6 hour mark, I felt like I became heavily aware of my depression, I felt completely enveloped by my depression, I became deeply reflective, it was incredibly sad to me how much life it has robbed me of; and then a greater level of anxiety took over as well.
At this point, this all felt very uncomfortable and I wish I hadn’t taken the microdose as my depression and anxiety felt noticeably worse at this time. It felt like, if I go any further and deeper into this, it’s gonna start to get unbearably scary, and I’ll mentally lose control.
I then went to bed, and slept actually better than usual. After sleeping about 4 hours, I woke up still feeling very down and frighteningly the same, but quickly fell back asleep and slept another solid 5 hours.
When I woke up, I felt the enveloping fog of depression had lifted significantly, and I felt back in a slightly better way, not healed but slightly better. So roughly 16 hours after the dose, I don’t feel completely relieved of my depression, but I do feel noticeably lighter, and my anxiety has lessened tremendously.
Currently my level of depression feels much more manageable than before taking the microdose.
I was actually faced with a stressful situation upon awakening, a situation that normally would cause me quite a bit of anxiety, but I was amazed, as was the other person, as to how easily I handled it and sailed through it with no anxious residuals, nor ruminating thoughts, nor replaying the event in my head.
Questions / thoughts please ->
. Did I imagine all this? Is .010 grams too low to experience what I described?
. Should I try it again? I ask this because at one point last night I felt like if I had gone any deeper into this sort of enveloping depression that it could’ve gotten quite scary. And of course, my anxiety went crazy in the moment, and had me thinking that any higher of a microdose may trigger some sort of mental health issue, that I’m not aware of such as BP etc.
. Do you think this very small microdose was some sort of warning sign to me, from my brain basically saying “hey buddy don’t go any further with this; it’s not going to go well with even slightly higher microdoses“? (I once tried smoking marijuana in my 20s and felt extremely paranoid).
. Should I try again when I’m not so depressed?
. Any thoughts, advice, etc…?
Thank from the bottom of my heart for your thoughts.
Some background about me:
. 56 yr old male, 143 pounds, amazing shape. Exercise 6 days a week eat healthy
. I don’t have any past experience with mental health “episodes”; the only thing that would somewhat represent an episode for me was around 16 years ago, I was going through an incredibly stressful, ongoing life event. The ongoing event had me so stressed out, that I was unable to sleep more than 2-4 hours a night. During that time, I didn’t do any sort of grandiose purchases, no delusions of grandeur, or anything looking like mania; I was just so damn stressed, it was like my mind wouldn’t shut off until I had this hard situation resolved. Once the stressful life event got resolved, my sleep returned to a better place.
. Super sensitive to meds. I don’t drink alcohol, but on the occasion of maybe having one drink a year, that one drink makes me feel drunk.
. Been depressed / anxious entire life
. Can’t do SSRI - was on 10mg Lexapro 2005-2014. Didn’t help; horrible side effects.
. Not on any SSRI or meds (just dabbling with things intermittently, at very low doses, trying to overcome this depression). Been trying meds such as: low dose nasal ketamine spray, Naltrexone, various supplements). I was not on any of those when I tried the low-dose psilocybin. All of those listed had been out of my system for quite some time.