u/Glad_Pepper8255

I’ve only been on t for seven months (technically two real months because I was low-dosed before, fuck doctors) and one of the biggest reasons I don’t leave my house is because I am CURVY down there. I’m a pretty skinny guy overall, I count my calories, used to be underweight until I gained a few pounds in T, but nothing crazy. Still, my bottom half looks so girly and I want to cry.

I realized this when I was at work. I was feeling pretty okay about myself. I have a hard time finding pants that fit my hips that aren’t too big around the waist, but I found a comfortable pair that are straight legged. Then I passed by a mirror. HOLY HELL, IS THAT WHAT EVERYONE SEES?! I’m like that stupid pooner meme on 4tran with the giant baby birthing monstrosities. Now I’m incredibly self conscious and it doesn’t help that I’m constantly misgendered everywhere I go. I’m cutting off my ass with a knife.

naive little poon scrolling through: that settles it. nobody would ever date a tranny because u/iloverealcockandtranswomen said so

the subreddit:

I’m sick of people acting weird about phallo. Sure, you can’t ejaculate with it, can’t get hard ‘naturally’, but I’ve seen some very good, realistic looking dicks that get me (a gay ass) sweaty as hell. Ya’ll need to chill and respect other people’s decisions.

The more tops the better!

I should be happy that I’m getting my first full-time job, but I’m really not. It pays me just enough to disqualify me from Medicaid and SNAP, but not enough to keep up with rising costs. Plus, I’ve only ever worked part-time before because that was manageable for me. I can’t imagine spending 40 hours of my life in a work environment surrounded by people.

I want to cry just thinking about. I have no car and was never taught to drive by my parents, so I can’t venture too far or move. The job market is shit. I’m terrified that I won’t be able to keep the job without burning out and being fired or something. I’ve been in therapy for years and no longer live with my asshole family, but they’ve left a permanent scar on me that has made it extremely difficult to function as a “normal human being”. If I want to go to college, I’ll have to save up with money I don’t have, but rent comes first. Same with driving lessons. Same with buying a car. I’m so exhausted.

I never asked to be born. I’m only here because my parents were bored two years before a recession and then treated me like shit. I’ve done practically everything people have told me to do in situations like this and little has worked out. Antidepressants aren’t working. I’ve even grown a resistance to my anti-panic attack medicine. Every day I go to work, put a stupid smile on my face and pretend I like other people, then I go home and cry myself to sleep. I don’t have friends or family to lean on. I’m alone.

I have no desire to do much. Every time I think about the future I’m stuck in decision paralysis. How can anyone dedicate years of their life to an education in the hopes of getting a job that wont immediately make them want to kill themselves? I didn’t even think I’d live this long.

I have a customer service job. All day, because I cannot afford to get a haircut, nor do I pass on 2 months of adequate T (I was low-dosed for 4 months before that, had no idea until the bloodwork came back), I get ma’amed and she all day. It drives me bonkers. My voice also pitches up because of the hellscape of customer service, and I hate it.

The comments:

> Be me

> Have social worker set me up with another person to talk to weekly because I have no friends

> Show up shaking and sweaty

> Person yaps and yaps

> I talk for a total of five seconds the entire hour, every time I think they’re done they have something else to say

> they never stop yapping and I have the tism that says I must not utter until they stop talking or else I will INTERRUPT AND EVERYTHING WILL EXPLODE!!

> at the end they say they hope I “get out of my shell”

> leave the call teary-eyed because I didn’t get to ask anything I wanted to

Chat, I’m so sad :(

THERE ARE NO JOBS. NOBODY’S HIRING. THEY SAY THEY ARE BUT THEYRE LYING. THEY WILL KEEP THE JOB POSTINGS UP MONTHS AFTER THEY REJECTED YOU TO GIVE YOU FALSE HOPE. HIRING MANAGERS ARE SOUL SUCKING DEMONS WHO WILL TELL YOU THEY LOVE YOU AND YOU’RE PERFECT FOR THE JOB BEFORE CRUSHING ANY LITTLE BIT OF HAPPINESS LEFT IN YOUR BODY AFTER TWO WEEKS WITH A COPY PASTED REJECTION EMAIL. THATS IF THEY RESPECT YOY ENOUGH AS A HUMAN BEING TO GET BACK TO YOU AT ALL!!!

“OH, YOURE SO LUCKY TO HAVE A JOB IN THIS ECONOMY-“ MY PART TIME JOB DOESNT EVEN PAY ME ENOUGH TO MAKE RENT!!! I GIVE HOURS OF MY LIFE TO A COMPANY DRIVING ME TO HOMELESSNESS!! I HAD TO FIGHT FOR A POSITION AT A STUPID GIFT SHOP FOR MINIMUM WAGE AGAINST 50 OTHER PEOPLE SO THE COMPANY COULD GRACIOUSLY BESTOW ME 3 HOURS A WEEK PAYING ME LITERAL PENNIES!!! BOOTLICKERS ON THIS SUBREDDIT WILL TELL ME TO BE GRATEFUL. IM NOT GRATEFUL FOR ANY OF THIS SHIT!! I DIDNT ASK TO EVEN BE BORN!!

WHY DO I HAVE TO DO ANY OF THIS WHYYY!!!

dying in an Amazon warehouse would be a gift at this point.