u/GlitchObserver

My behavior isn't avoidant behavior at all. It’s a healthy, firm boundary.

​Giving people repeated chances shows patience, but completely shutting the door when your threshold is reached just means you value your self-respect over endless second chances. People who rely on your flexibility often label it "avoidance" simply because they're shocked when you finally stop tolerating their behavior. Reaching my limit with their behavior and cutting those ties is actually a classic sign of secure functioning. Being secure means recognizing your self-worth, identifying toxic patterns, and setting firm boundaries, even if it takes a while to hit that breaking point.

​Once I realized most of my relationships are consistently one-sided or drainingly manipulative, walking away permanently was the healthiest choice I could make for myself.

My rage spirals were due to the conditions I was being asked to live in. Bed bugs, cockroaches, dog chit and pee on the floor, and dirty fricking dishes for 2 years, that for some reason, he kept pouring food grease on, so every time I would go to clean a dish it was just covered in a layer of greasy nasty food... So I would Go off into rage spirals, because I was so fricking disgusted with the bugs, and nastiness, and the fact that he never threw his garbage away until it was the last dam minute, and then he'd sit there and talk chit about me, not scooping the cat litter box every goddamn day... You know what motherfucker, you don't want to get me started...

See, I thought I was doing better. I thought I was cool. Until I posted that last post, and like 26 fricking people had the audacity to open their big fat flippin mouths like they know what the heck's going on in my life. Well you know what bitches? I got a wish a bitch would attitude, and a leapfrog mentality, so you need to go back over all the things that I have posted. Read that chit, gather some context for yourself, and then maybe, with some clarity, you can say something to me about how I ended things with my ex, but otherwise? Sit the heck down. Shut the frick up, because I don't want to hear it Flex/Felicia! I don't pay you for therapy, but I do have a therapist, and last time I checked, it wasn't any of you.

How many sane, intelligent women have been painted as unstable just because they threatened to pull the mask off someone else’s bullchit?

Too many to count.

She asks one question too many in the meeting and suddenly she’s emotional.

She sets a boundary and suddenly she’s difficult.

She tells the truth about what happened and suddenly she’s crazy, bitter, dramatic.

It’s an old trick.

When you can’t argue with the facts, you attack the woman delivering them.

Call her unstable so people stop listening to what she’s saying.

Call her too much so she learns to be quiet next time.

But here’s the thing: clarity makes people uncomfortable.

Accountability feels like an attack to people who benefit from silence.

And a woman who sees through the lies is dangerous to systems built on them.

She isn’t unstable.

She’s awake.

She’s done pretending.

She’s done smoothing it over.

And the world would be a lot safer if we stopped labeling honesty as hysteria.

And started calling it exactly what it is: courage.

By, Keishara Yinqen

My rage spirals were due to the conditions I was being asked to live in. Bed bugs, cockroaches, dog chit and pee on the floor, and dirty fricking dishes for 2 years, that for some reason, he kept pouring food grease on, so every time I would go to clean a dish it was just covered in a layer of greasy nasty food... So I would Go off into rage spirals, because I was so fricking disgusted with the bugs, and nastiness, and the fact that he never threw his garbage away until it was the last dam minute, and then he'd sit there and talk chit about me, not scooping the cat litter box every goddamn day... You know what motherfucker, you don't want to get me started...

See, I thought I was doing better. I thought I was cool. Until I posted that last post, and like 26 fricking people had the audacity to open their big fat flippin mouths like they know what the heck's going on in my life. Well you know what bitches? I got a wish a bitch would attitude, and a leapfrog mentality, so you need to go back over all the things that I have posted. Read that chit, gather some context for yourself, and then maybe, with some clarity, you can say something to me about how I ended things with my ex, but otherwise? Sit the heck down. Shut the frick up, because I don't want to hear it Flex/Felicia! I don't pay you for therapy, but I do have a therapist, and last time I checked, it wasn't any of you.

My rage spirals were due to the conditions I was being asked to live in. Bed bugs, cockroaches, dog chit and pee on the floor, and dirty fricking dishes for 2 years, that for some reason, he kept pouring food grease on, so every time I would go to clean a dish it was just covered in a layer of greasy nasty food... So I would Go off into rage spirals, because I was so fricking disgusted with the bugs, and nastiness, and the fact that he never threw his garbage away until it was the last dam minute, and then he'd sit there and talk chit about me, not scooping the cat litter box every goddamn day... You know what motherfucker, you don't want to get me started...

See, I thought I was doing better. I thought I was cool. Until I posted that last post, and like 26 fricking people had the audacity to open their big fat flippin mouths like they know what the heck's going on in my life. Well you know what bitches? I got a wish a bitch would attitude, and a leapfrog mentality, so you need to go back over all the things that I have posted. Read that chit, gather some context for yourself, and then maybe, with some clarity, you can say something to me about how I ended things with my ex, but otherwise? Sit the heck down. Shut the frick up, because I don't want to hear it Flex/Felicia! I don't pay you for therapy, but I do have a therapist, and last time I checked, it wasn't any of you.

My rage spirals were due to the conditions I was being asked to live in. Bed bugs, cockroaches, dog chit and pee on the floor, and dirty fricking dishes for 2 years, that for some reason, he kept pouring food grease on, so every time I would go to clean a dish it was just covered in a layer of greasy nasty food... So I would Go off into rage spirals, because I was so fricking disgusted with the bugs, and nastiness, and the fact that he never threw his garbage away until it was the last dam minute, and then he'd sit there and talk chit about me, not scooping the cat litter box every goddamn day... You know what motherfucker, you don't want to get me started...

See, I thought I was doing better. I thought I was cool. Until I posted that last post, and like 26 fricking people had the audacity to open their big fat flippin mouths like they know what the heck's going on in my life. Well you know what bitches? I got a wish a bitch would attitude, and a leapfrog mentality, so you need to go back over all the things that I have posted. Read that chit, gather some context for yourself, and then maybe, with some clarity, you can say something to me about how I ended things with my ex, but otherwise? Sit the heck down. Shut the frick up, because I don't want to hear it Flex/Felicia! I don't pay you for therapy, but I do have a therapist, and last time I checked, it wasn't any of you.

I would get yelled at for experiencing trauma responses, which my ex labeled as rage spirals. Because I didn't want to yell directly at him, I would just yell about things in general that I considered unacceptable. All the gross things I was being asked to live with...

He would threaten me with the police. I guess they would come and take me to the hospital, to fix me 🤷‍♀️? I already have a doctor, already in therapy, already medicated. I was literally suffering from trauma responses. I'm never dating anyone else again! I'm done with people gaslighting me into believing my reactions to abuse are ridiculous. No one will DARVO me ever the fuk again! 😤

My rage spirals were due to the conditions I was being asked to live in. Bed bugs, cockroaches, dog chit and pee on the floor, and dirty fricking dishes for 2 years, that for some reason, he kept pouring food grease on, so every time I would go to clean a dish it was just covered in a layer of greasy nasty food... So I would Go off into rage spirals, because I was so fricking disgusted with the bugs, and nastiness, and the fact that he never threw his garbage away until it was the last dam minute, and then he'd sit there and talk chit about me, not scooping the cat litter box every goddamn day... You know what motherfucker, you don't want to get me started...

See, I thought I was doing better. I thought I was cool. Until I posted that last post, and like 26 fricking people had the audacity to open their big fat flippin mouths like they know what the heck's going on in my life. Well you know what bitches? I got a wish a bitch would attitude, and a leapfrog mentality, so you need to go back over all the things that I have posted. Read that chit, gather some context for yourself, and then maybe, with some clarity, you can say something to me about how I ended things with my ex, but otherwise? Sit the heck down. Shut the frick up, because I don't want to hear it Flex/Felicia! I don't pay you for therapy, but I do have a therapist, and last time I checked, it wasn't any of you.

To break it off. To walk away. I didn't owe you an explanation then, and I don't owe you one now. I'm done with you and all of the other people who are just like you. It doesn't make me an avoidant it doesn't make me someone who is afraid to face the other person what it makes me is somebody with firm boundaries in place that refuses to budge on them and the fact that my ex would like me to budge on them just proves how much I need to stick to my guns.

I have officially started EMDR, and I really believe that this is the answer I've been searching for my whole life... I'm ready to finally receive the help I've been searching for forever❣️

Loving people has hurt me way more than, keeping to myself ever has. After the past few months of solitude, just me and my two cats, and keeping my grandson from time to time, I am so at peace. I don't have to think constantly, "what did I do wrong now, and if I'm so horrible, why is he even with me, if I'm the same person he fell for when we were 15? Why doesn't he want me to be myself?" He said his ex called him the narc word, and now, I can't unsee it. No dude has ever had me so confused about my own mind as he did. Just because someone says that they have loved you for over 30+ years, doesn't mean any of that shit is healthy... I had to have an actual therapist tell me he's DARVOing me. Apparently I am a magnet for narc's. I think it's normal considering I was raised by two of the best, the world has ever known... It makes sense though that I keep ending up with men like them.

Now that it's just me, I feel like I can finally think clearly for the first time ever. I'm not having to manage someone else's happiness, especially when I don't even know what happiness is or feels like. Learning how to regulate my own nervous system isn't as hard as I was always led to believe it was. An ice cold towel on the back of the neck, or even just cold water on your face, or squeeze ice in your hand, it really is that simple. I'm low-key mad I wasn't spoon fed this information since I was 5, but I digress 🤷‍♀️

I'm glad he hates me though, at least now his words match his actions. I'll NEVER be taking by anyone's words, without proof ever again, cause I didn't feel very loved, that's for sure!

​I’m used to it by now. All of my exes blame me for the decline of our relationships because I was the one who walked away. I’ve been cast as the monster in everyone else’s story for so long that it no longer bothers me. If I’m really as "horrible" as they say, I have to wonder: why can’t they stop bringing me up?

​The truth is, these men couldn’t handle someone ending things on her own terms. Because I didn't stay to be controlled, I’m labeled an "evil witch." That’s fine. I’ve been the black sheep my whole life. I’m constantly accused of lying, but I’m finally speaking my truth. It doesn’t have to match an angry ex’s version of reality. There is his side, my side, and the actual truth somewhere in the middle.

​I loved him, and I tried. But true love should not require me to bleed out just to prove its worth. I’ve spent my entire life doing exactly that. I’m tired of hearing complaints about the "sacrifices" made just to be with me; it only made me feel like a burden and pushed me further away.

​I tried to wait for a mediator to help us communicate, but he made unilateral decisions before we could even sit down. Out of guilt, I briefly agreed to try dating again, but I realized almost instantly how wrong that choice was. I have spent years feeling guilty for my own existence because I was told I’m "hard to love." In reality, he didn’t understand, or didn't care to understand, how to love someone who has survived lifelong trauma. He didn't want to meet me on my level, he only wanted to trigger my old insecurities.

​I am done letting others dictate my feelings. I am choosing peace. It’s wild how much my peace disturbs people, but I realize now they are just angry they lost access to their supply. I’m tapped out. If protecting my soul makes me the "bad guy," then I’ll gladly take the title.

​The Shift Toward Peace

​I have finally reached a stage where patterns are visible before they become problems. For a long time, I moved through life reacting to the noise, but now I am learning to listen to the quiet signals of my own intuition.

​Recognizing the Cycles

​The "Glitches": I’m noticing the synchronicities and recurring themes that used to feel like coincidences.

​Energy Awareness: I can feel the immediate physical shift when an environment or a conversation doesn't align with my frequency.

​Decisive Boundaries: Choosing peace isn't about being "nice"; it's about being honest about what I will no longer tolerate.

​My Current Path

​I am prioritizing my space and my mental clarity above all else. Whether it's the geometry of a new day or the simple quiet of my home, I am finally honoring the things that give me a sense of order and calm.

​I am no longer guessing; I am knowing. I'm actively cutting a lot of people off. If my nervous system isn't calm around them, then I don't have the energy for any of it now. Before I was so desperate to be loved, that I tolerated all kinds of insanity, which only ended up driving me insane too, but I would over react, so I always looked like the crazy one, not knowing what it took to get me to that point in the first place. I haven't had an argument with anyone in a while, and I'm getting used to it just being me and my two cats. I love my ex, but I respect myself more than I can deal with him. He breaks up with me, the a week later wants to date me, but stresses he can't be with me until I get fixed... But, I'm not broken, only to him am I impossible, only with him do I stay triggered the entire time I was with him. I am a one upper. Defense mechanism learned growing up. You get aggressive with me, well you just got my attention, now I puff up my chest, raise my voice a few octaves higher, and if you compensate buy doing the same, I will just keep trying to get bigger and louder. Unfortunately we yelled a lot in our house growing up. I've been merely in survival mode my whole life, not once just living it, and honestly enjoying myself. I crave affection so desperately, but can go a long time without it. I've been with men I never should have ever been with, all because I've been begging to be loved properly my whole life. It's impossible for others to do, cause I hardly feel loved, after the very first fight about me reminding him that the alarm he set is going off, so take out your dog. But nope, what I get is screamed at, and Basically left to sit in Amazon's parking lot, cause it was the safest place I knew of, my son worked 3rds there at the time. I knew at that moment we were doomed, but I tried to be wrong, I really wanted to be wrong, but my nervous system knew from the first fight! And I stayed trying so hard to make things work, but he never knew how to deal with me, he would get offended at my trauma responses, thinking I had malice or ill intent behind any of it. When all of my responses, everything I say, everything I think, everything I do, is a literal knee-jerk reaction to the things people say and due to me. I'm not in control of my emotions, because I was never taught how to be, so all of this is new for me. I got people angry with me, because I chose myself, and my calm nervous system over their chaos... And I know I'm supposed to feel bad about it, but I don't. I need to break old patterns, and habits, and that's what I'm doing.

​Stripping Away the Noise

​For the longest time, I thought I knew what "healthy" looked like. I thought it meant keeping the peace, pushing through, and managing everything on my own.

​But therapy has a way of holding up a mirror and completely changing the definition of the word.

​For the first time in my life, I’m actually learning what is truly good for my mentality, and what absolutely isn't. It turns out, a lot of the things I used to tolerate or misinterpret as "just the way things are" were actually draining my peace. Learning the real difference between a healthy boundary and an unhealthy pattern has been eye opening, to say the least.

​It’s not always easy to unlearn old habits or change how you look at connections and choices, but there is so much power in finally seeing things clearly. I’m trading the old noise for real peace, and honestly, it’s the best investment I’ve ever made in myself.

​Here’s to learning, growing, and prioritizing the things that actually keep our minds quiet and our souls steady. 🥂✨

​"Hello everyone. I’m joining this group as a survivor who is currently in the process of rebuilding my life and focusing on finding true peace. I’ve recently set firm, no-contact boundaries to walk away from the past and protect my well-being. While starting fresh and reclaiming my life is a journey, protecting my mind and my spirit is my number one priority now. I’m here to share my story, find a safe space, and connect with people who truly understand."

I do miss, and love you, that's never going to change, but you know this breakup was about other things as well. I'm so much more at peace now, doing shadow work, and learning that I don't have a few triggers. For me, EVERYTHING is a trigger. This is NOT a character flaw, or a personality trait. This is how I've survived for as long as I can remember. I have never been living a life. I've always just been surviving it. It's exhausting... You treated me as if I weren't any better than your exes. I don't appreciate all the ways you handled me poorly, especially when you know my history. The way I literally had to yell at you for crossing all of my boundaries, as if I wasn't being serious when I set them. Politely at first, but it ended up with me having to scream at you to stop doing certain things that made me extremely uncomfortable, do to my history. You don't listen when I'm trying to ask/give you serious information. Blamed me for my friend getting SA'd. Never trying to help me to regulate or diescalate my rage attacks. You said you wanted to be in a dating relationship, to see how it goes, yet I literally felt like I was doing all the relationship work, I tried to make plans with you, and you assumed I wanted to get some of my things. Now why would I get mad? Because you were definitely not listening to anything I said, and I'm completely done explaining myself to you, or anyone. I don't have to. I ghosted you, because I started to notice your patterns, that were triggering my nervous system constantly. I literally cannot handle that type of stress anymore. I told you, "I can't do this with you anymore." and blocked you out, because you were treating me bad, and then would call me crazy when I would become reactionary abusive. You're not good for me, I'm not good for you. It is, what it is.

I walked away from our agreement to date again because the communication had completely failed. Living together proved impossible, not just because of our different needs for pets and lifestyle, but because your verbal treatment of me became unbearable. You used threats of the police and hospitalization to control me, and you blamed me for things you don't even have the capacity to understand, including a traumatic event involving my best friend.

​Our history since we were 14 makes this even harder to process. The person you became at the end—the one who moved the woman from Texas to my hometown after she caused our first breakup—is not the man I knew for over 30 years. I acknowledge my own cruel words and the pain I caused you; I am truly sorry for that and hold myself accountable. I reacted poorly because I was being verbally attacked, responding with the survival instincts of a child because that's who showed up to defend me.

​I am a changed person because of you, and not for the better. I need years of therapy to recover from your intentional cruelty and the trauma you projected onto me. We are done, and I don't need your permission to move on. Keep my name out of your mouth unless you are speaking to a professional, and get the help you clearly need to stop this cycle of hurting people.