u/Glittering_Elk8090

I’ve posted a few different times related to this so you might recognise some details.

I (24m) recently got blackout drunk on holiday with some friends and feel I came close to betraying my relationship and making a move on one of my friends.

This disgusted me when I looked back on it and realised. I’m thankful I didn’t do anything, but ever since I’ve been stuck in a rumination loop about it. What if I’d done it? what if I get that drunk again and do it in the future? What if I’m not drunk but a girl approaches me and I don’t turn it down? Can I ever be trusted? All of these questions endlessly playing in my mind, convincing me that I am absolutely destined to cheat on my girlfriend, and I’m not worthy or trustworthy enough to be in a relationship because I ‘could’ mess it up.

The biggest risk factor is definitely alcohol, is it is with many people. I am impulsive, and alcohol only makes that worse and increases the chances of something bad happening (I’ve never actually cheated by the way, even though this is my fear) As a result, I’ve already committed to ‘moderating’ my drinking, and have been successful so far. At first I thought moderating would alleviate my fears, because now I can be ‘sure’ I won’t lose control in those circumstances.

Funnily enough, as is typical with OCD, I still don’t feel better, because the goalposts have now moved. I’m still worried I will cheat even if I’m sober and somebody comes onto me, and I’m still worried that even with moderate drinking, it will one day snowball and I’ll end up getting way too drunk again, and just that one occasion will ruin everything.

So to gain more control, I’m now considering going fully teetotal, then I guess ‘accepting’ the possibility that, even sober, I could fuck up, and learning to live w that if possible.

I also don’t really WANT to stop drinking. I do feel like I enjoy it if I can moderate, and I like being young and spending time messing about w my mates etc. basically I think I might be gaining temporary (maybe more permanent?) relief if I decide to quit, but I think it’s a compulsion of sorts, because I don’t actually WANT to, it’s just the only thing that’s giving me a sense of control and solace right now.

May sound mad, may be controversial, but I feel I’ve recently realised that, whilst I don’t think it’s okay and would hate myself for it, there are probably some circumstances in which I could be unfaithful and become a cheater.

My main worry really is impulse control, but there are a few other things. The reason I ask is because I don’t want to do this, I’m just scared of my capacity. Is there some kind of therapy that could work on this?

You may have already seen one of my many posts. I’m convinced I would and will cheat on my girlfriend. I don’t want to, I wish I could click a button to say I never would do it. I’m not even sure it’s OCD at this point.

I don’t think I have control over urges and opportunity. I genuinely think i should be alone forever. Nobody deserves the risk of being with me, especially not my amazing girlfriend. I haven’t slept properly for over a month, medication and therapy aren’t helping.

I think I’m a bad person, I think I’m somebody who shouldn’t be in relationships. The fact it’s even possible that I could do this isn’t okay. It’s not the man I want to be but I can’t change it.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve never felt more trapped, life feels meaningless, I’m going to hurt the person I love.

I love her, I don’t know if there’s something wrong with me. I’m 24 years old, been with her for a year. Recently got way too drunk and had some drunken thoughts/felt like making a move on a different friend who was present… I worry I was close to acting, or what I would have done if she/another attractive girl had approached me.

I’ve shocked myself. I don’t want to be this person, I don’t want to be a cheat. But I don’t trust my impulse control and horny mind not to distance the consequences and morality. It sickens me to even admit that.

You can criticise me if you want, I would understand. I’m not proud of this. I don’t want to hurt her, I do love her and want a life with her.

I guess people will say ‘simply don’t cheat,’ and I get that, but I’m just worried that one mistake will undo everything. I feel like such a piece of shit, I don’t know how to be confident that I won’t fuck up.

I don’t even know if it’s OCD at this point. My impulse control is low, my emotional regulation is poor, I do things I regret and hate myself for.

Every time I speak to a woman I panic about it the next day. I’m constantly monitoring what I would do if they made a move or tried to seduce me. I’m terrified of getting drunk in case I lose control, I’m too tired to work, I’m sick every morning.

This was triggered by a real event where I was too drunk and almost made a move on a friend despite being in a relationship. I’m a piece of shit, I’m not a safe partner and I’m so close to just breaking up with my girlfriend to let her be happy with somebody decent. Why can’t I be confident I wouldn’t cheat, I’m not a good man.

My mental health is so so bad right now. I may need to rethink my entire life and ability to be in relationships to avoid hurting somebody. I am in therapy, but I don’t know what to do, it doesn’t feel like it’s getting better.

I’ve got a really bad cheating OCD theme, it was kinda triggered by a real event in which I was way too drunk and felt I was close to making a move on a female friend I have whilst I’m in a relationship (thankfully I didn’t).

I’m very glad I didn’t but the thought that this was/could be possible is filling me with fear and guilt and anxiety all day every day. Part of my coping has been to say I’ll work on drinking in moderation and avoiding getting to blackout states. Obviously, even though OCD is causing me to ruminate and catastrophise the situation as well as turn it into an entire moral verdict about myself, I do not want to cheat and cause harm to myself and particularly my girlfriend.

This morning, I watched a video from the OCD recovery YouTube channel about cheating OCD, and the approach of this video (and other ones ive watched) seem to be very ‘forgiving’ of cheating as a concept, and even say you shouldn’t avoid heavy drinking and having close relationships with people you’re attracted to etc whilst you’re in a relationship because avoidance is a compulsion etc (I do understand this).

I’m really struggling with this. I don’t want to cheat, I don’t think cheating in a monogamous relationship is ok, I DO think it’s wise to reduce my risk factors (within reason) and be more careful to avoid hurting somebody so badly. I understand the concept of reducing the extreme negative attachment to a concept in order to help the mind detach from it and stop obsessing so much. But it’s very hard for me to start to kind of say ‘well I will continue to drink heavily and put myself in these risky situations to avoid giving power to the OCD.’

Any thoughts on this would be much appreciated. I’m a young man (24), I want to be able to build a happy life with somebody I love. I understand I need to accept that I’m not perfect and something *could* happen one day, but I don’t want to just accept the risk as it is.

This may be controversial, but I’m hyper-aware of my ability as a human/individual to make mistakes and I’m kinda concerned/scared of messing up and ruining my relationship and hurting my partner.

I’ve (24M) been in this relationship (with 22F) for a year, and this is ideally the person I want to settle down with. I find myself being attracted to a lot of different people (I know this is normal to an extent), many of whom are platonic friends and I don’t actively want to have anything with.

I want a monogamous relationship with the person I love, but I’m feeling very guilty about noticing attraction, especially to people I spend more time with like friends and coworkers. The guilt isn’t about the attraction alone, more that I’m not sure if I would/could act on it then regret it.

I just don’t know how to navigate this. I can’t just cut off everybody who I notice some sort of attraction to, because many of them are friends, but I also don’t want to jeapordise my relationship as well as my general self-image.

Maybe this is wrong to say or makes me a bad person, but I am worried I could mess up in some scenarios. Not because I want to or think it’s ok, but because I sometimes lack impulse control and have a strong sex drive, especially if alcohol is involved (which it often is for me). I’m sorry if your opinion of me is bad as a result of this. I’m really struggling because everything feels quite daunting, I’ve only really recently become conscious of this ‘danger.’

Thanks

Tl;dr: Concerned about noticing attraction to other women and messing up my relationship. Looking for advice on how to manage this.

I’ve got a really bad cheating OCD theme, it was kinda triggered by a real event in which I was way too drunk and felt I was close to making a move on a female friend I have whilst I’m in a relationship (thankfully I didn’t).

I’m very glad I didn’t but the thought that this was/could be possible is filling me with fear and guilt and anxiety all day every day. Part of my coping has been to say I’ll work on drinking in moderation and avoiding getting to blackout states. Obviously, even though OCD is causing me to ruminate and catastrophise the situation as well as turn it into an entire moral verdict about myself, I do not want to cheat and cause harm to myself and particularly my girlfriend.

This morning, I watched a video from the OCD recovery YouTube channel about cheating OCD, and the approach of this video (and other ones ive watched) seem to be very ‘forgiving’ of cheating as a concept, and even say you shouldn’t avoid heavy drinking and having close relationships with people you’re attracted to etc whilst you’re in a relationship because avoidance is a compulsion etc (I do understand this).

I’m really struggling with this. I don’t want to cheat, I don’t think cheating in a monogamous relationship is ok, I DO think it’s wise to reduce my risk factors (within reason) and be more careful to avoid hurting somebody so badly. I understand the concept of reducing the extreme negative attachment to a concept in order to help the mind detach from it and stop obsessing so much. But it’s very hard for me to start to kind of say ‘well I will continue to drink heavily and put myself in these risky situations to avoid giving power to the OCD.’

Any thoughts on this would be much appreciated. I’m a young man (24), I want to be able to build a happy life with somebody I love. I understand I need to accept that I’m not perfect and something *could* happen one day, but I don’t want to just accept the risk as it is.

I’ve got a really bad cheating OCD theme, it was kinda triggered by a real event in which I was way too drunk and felt I was close to making a move on a female friend I have whilst I’m in a relationship (thankfully I didn’t).

I’m very glad I didn’t but the thought that this was/could be possible is filling me with fear and guilt and anxiety all day every day. Part of my coping has been to say I’ll work on drinking in moderation and avoiding getting to blackout states. Obviously, even though OCD is causing me to ruminate and catastrophise the situation as well as turn it into an entire moral verdict about myself, I do not want to cheat and cause harm to myself and particularly my girlfriend.

This morning, I watched a video from the OCD recovery YouTube channel about cheating OCD, and the approach of this video (and other ones ive watched) seem to be very ‘forgiving’ of cheating as a concept, and even say you shouldn’t avoid heavy drinking and having close relationships with people you’re attracted to etc whilst you’re in a relationship because avoidance is a compulsion etc (I do understand this).

I’m really struggling with this. I don’t want to cheat, I don’t think cheating in a monogamous relationship is ok, I DO think it’s wise to reduce my risk factors (within reason) and be more careful to avoid hurting somebody so badly. I understand the concept of reducing the extreme negative attachment to a concept in order to help the mind detach from it and stop obsessing so much. But it’s very hard for me to start to kind of say ‘well I will continue to drink heavily and put myself in these risky situations to avoid giving power to the OCD.’

Any thoughts on this would be much appreciated. I’m a young man (24), I want to be able to build a happy life with somebody I love. I understand I need to accept that I’m not perfect and something *could* happen one day, but I don’t want to just accept the risk as it is.

Struggling really badly with cheating OCD. I’m utterly convinced I’m going to become overcome by lust and desire then cheat on my girlfriend. I feel like I can’t control myself when activated and I’m just terrified about what I could/might do.

Every day I go through the motions, but kinda end the day after a lot of meditation/rumination in the mindset of ‘I just need to let it go and see what happens.’

Every morning, without fail, I wake up at 5/6am absolutely sick to my stomach and really tight chested. I try to meditate to clear my head but my body is completely in fight or flight and my mind is going absolutely crazy, I basically feel physically sick/wretch every time I stand up. This gradually subsides throughout the day, but as I say, completely resets any progress I’ve made the previous day.

This has been going on over a month now, I’m on SSRIs and in therapy, but nothing is changing the fact I wake up feeling this way. This is completely consuming my life right now. I’ve not been calm or relaxed or happy for over a month.

I’m a 24 year old man, have been in a relationship for a year now and really hoping to settle down with this person and build something meaningful.

I’ve never been the type to sleep with lots of different people, but now things are getting serious in my relationship I’m starting to get worried about whether I might cheat or not.

This may sound ridiculous to some people and maybe many will criticise me for this, but I recognise that I can be lustful, and I worry at some point that an attractive girl will/could be very forward with me and my brain may prioritise the short term gain over my actual morals and beliefs. I am struggling to trust myself. It’s not something I want to do, and I’m not finding myself seeking it out or anything, but I know my lustful mind can cloud my judgement seriously.

I have quite an active social life, which often involves drinking (sometimes heavily), and hanging around with friends(including attractive women), and for me this is the biggest danger zone. I am committed to drinking in moderation moving forward, and I’m hoping to get to a point where I can drink and have fun socially without getting to the more dangerous/risky level of drunk. However, my dedication to this is making me feel guilty, because it makes me feel as though I’m accepting that I would be a cheater in those circumstances, I wish I could trust myself that I simply just wouldn’t do it, even if women were throwing themselves at me.

To clarify, I don’t find myself ‘flirting’ or being forward with women, and if I’m ever flirted with I generally just respond neutrally or divert things. I basically just have this idea that a moment of madness or low self control will cause me to think with my dick instead of my brain, because I’ve often found (like many young men), I struggle to resist urges.

Any wisdom or kind words would be appreciated. I know for a fact that I would despise myself if I ever made this mistake, but I can be impulsive and self destructive at times. I’m just somebody genuinely trying to treat this girl right, or I would (reluctantly) end things with her if I realised I can’t be trusted. Thanks

I’ve made a few posts so far but, in short, I’m terrified that lust will take control of me and I’ll cheat on my girlfriend. This was triggered by a recent drunken event where I had strong lingering thoughts about a friend and caught myself saying ‘what are you thinking.’

It felt like a wake up call of sorts, like I’ve been walking around all this time as somebody who ‘would’ or ‘could’ cheat in the right circumstances.

My brain is using past self destructive behaviour to become convinced that I am ‘destined’ to cheat, and that I’m not a strong or good enough man to resist an urge and remain faithful (I would hate myself even more than I already do if I cheated).

The intensity of my anxiety and stress at the moment is incredible. At times I can’t even see straight because I’m so stressed, I’ve been in fight or flight for about a month now, with very little relief from this.

I’ve been trying my best to ‘allow’ thoughts, or change my relationship with them. For example saying ‘this is a prediction’ ‘this is black and white thinking.’ Letting the thoughts exist without fighting them etc.

But my brain just carries on, and I spiral and spiral and end up ‘remembering’ all the things which make me convinced I actually am just a bad person, or not suitable for monogamy (I’ve never cheated before, but I am convinced I would have on some situations).

At this point, I don’t know if it’s OCD or that I’m genuinely just noticing a very serious problem with myself. Maybe it’s a bit of both, but I can’t let it go and it’s consuming my life.

Over the years, i (23M) guess starting from teenage years, I’ve engaged in many sexual behaviours I’m far from proud of.

This includes things like keeping nudes beyond break ups, stealing underwear, watching extreme/intense porn, struggling to quit porn, lusting over friends, using AI porn etc.

I’m not at all proud of these things, and I’m concerned about myself as a person. I strongly believe these things to be wrong, but I feel like at times I’ve been out of control or somehow mentally justified or okayed this behaviour because I’m not ‘hurting anybody’ directly.

I’m overall a functional person, I’m in a relationship, I have a reasonable job. But I’m in a state of constant stress and panic at the moment. To clarify, most of these behaviours are in the past, but occasionally I’ll slip up again, and it makes me feel dangerous and disgusting. I’m not really worried that I’d ever physically harm somebody, but I also want to comfortably be able to say I won’t do any of these creepy behaviours again.

I appreciate many will judge me for this, I want to reiterate that I strongly regret anything like this and actively want to change. I’d describe the main issue that in the moment my brain is not at all focused on morality/decency/repercussions and is solely focused on meeting my needs. I know this is disgusting and I’m sorry. Can anybody give any pointers?

This has been going on for almost a month now, I’m exhausted and hating myself more and more each day. I’m seeing a therapist but I can’t break out of this.

An event where I was incredibly drunk and I had some lingering thoughts/feelings about a friend who was present triggered this whole thing. I woke up the next day and realised ‘I was way too drunk, in theory I could have cheated.’

Since then, I’m terrified of myself. I’m thinking I’m the ‘type’ of person who might cheat, and that im inevitably going to hurt my girlfriend.

Obviously I don’t actually want to cheat, but I don’t at all trust myself, and I can’t even work out whether this is actually OCD or if I just know I’m a shitty person with a lack of self restraint. I’ve never cheated before, but I’ve taken part in some sexual behaviours I am NOT proud of (nothing abusive or directly harmful, just stuff that I shouldn’t have done). Because of this, I see myself as ‘out of control’ and ‘controlled by lust’ etc.

Please somebody help me. I can’t go on like this. Every day im considering breaking up with my girlfriend, not because I don’t love her, but because she doesn’t deserve to be with a bad person who may hurt her.

I’m scared of getting drunk around women, or even just having friendships with women, because I often notice they are attractive and have thoughts about them. I don’t think this is inherently wrong but I’m so scared of acting on those thoughts/asking what would I do if they initiated something sexual with me?

Please help, I really need help

Edit: I should also add that in the lead up to this event, I already had a passive worry that if I was really drunk and somebody attractive came onto me, I might not have the strength to turn it down. Now I feel really irresponsible for having this fear and not addressing it, but how do I even address this?

Im struggling a lot with a cheating OCD theme (the idea that I will cheat - particularly whilst drunk).

I recently had what I’d describe as a ‘close call,’ in that I was hanging out with some friends, and I was very very drunk, and I had some lingering thoughts about one friend which I *feel* (but can’t fully remember) I was considering acting on.

This horrified me, and since then I’ve felt so guilty and sick. The idea that I could have done this is always on my mind, and now I’m convinced that this is the ‘type of person’ I am and that I’m destined to end up cheating one day (even though I love my girlfriend and it does go against my values).

I’m also remembering other scenarios from the past, almost always whilst drunk. Things like being at a concert and imagining getting off with a certain girl there or whatever. I’ve never acted on anything, but my worry is that if somebody made a move on me in the wrong moment, I would go along with it.

Professional help, and people close to me are telling me this is OCD. I’m worried that there is also a genuine danger there, particularly around my behaviour whilst drunk. But it’s hard to accept that, because it makes me feel like a genuinely shitty person to acknowledge that I could do these things in any state.

I’d just like any judgement-free thoughts. To clarify, I’ve thankfully never cheated, and I hope I never do, but this is an endless cycle of pain and worry.

I understand the concept of allowing thoughts to exist and allowing uncertainty to exist (in my case: am I going to cheat on my partner if temptation arises?).

But I don’t understand HOW. I tried saying in my head like ‘this is just OCD’ ‘these are just thoughts’ but then I heard this can become a compulsion in itself? How do I weaken my OCD over time by just ‘allowing’ thoughts?

I don’t feel I have this much control over my mind, I feel I can’t help where my mind goes. Is simply distracting yourself good/worthwhile? As in playing a video game to block out the thoughts? I’ve also heard this isn’t right because you need to ALLOW the thoughts.

Please help

Not sure if this is normal: I have an intense fear of cheating at the moment, but I don’t even feel confident that I could say I won’t do it/that I don’t want to…

My emotions feel so messy it’s like I don’t even fully understand right or wrong now. I know I don’t actively want to cheat, but I also feel like maybe I kinda do? Idk, I’m exhausted

Recently I (24m) had an event whilst on holiday with friends (girls and boys). I was way too drunk and had an emotional chat with one of the girls who I’ve been long term friends with. The chat itself was fine, nothing inappropriate, but after I went to bed I remember (vaguely) having some roaming sexual/emotional thoughts about her, I can’t remember exactly what because my memory is fuzzy, but I remember having one moment of clarity during which I thought ‘you CANNOT think that.’ From the start I treated/am treating it as a genuine ‘close call’ to doing something bad/stupid, but I don’t actually know if it was.

This was a couple of weeks ago, and since then I’ve been in basically an endless spiral. It began with endless rumination about the event. ‘How close was I to cheating?’ ‘Did I get lucky that my drunken mind returned to me in that moment before I tried something?’ Etc etc. endless. I don’t actually know how much of my recollection of the event is real and how much is my brain making the worst case ‘true.’ I’ve explained (maybe ‘confessed’?) the situation to some friends/family members who have been understanding, and my parents said they think it might be OCD (I’m undiagnosed but I’m very sure this is an OCD issue). ‘Confessing’ to them has brought me some relief, but only temporary because my mind obviously finds other reasons to justify that I’m definitely going to do this.

It’s still going, though it’s evolving/deepening. I found some relief by committing to work on moderating alcohol, considering being blackout drunk is probably my ‘highest risk’ state in terms of being a cheater as I feel I may be out of control in this state. This made me feel like I had some control, ok I may make a mistake in future one day but I’m actively mitigating a big risk factor (I’ve convinced myself that cheating eventually is quite likely whilst blackout drunk - I’m not sure how true this even is). This spiralled a lot into other intrusive thoughts too: what if I raped somebody? What if I did something with a family member? Just everything disgusting.

Now, I’m overthinking everything. I have attractive female friends. Sometimes I think about them sexually. What if one of them randomly comes onto me one day? Will I be able to resist? I can’t even reliably answer what I’d do right now if somebody came onto me (even though morally I would not want to cheat). Especially if I’m even a little bit drunk but even if not. I’d lose my relationship, my friends would be disappointed, my job/life/everything would take such a hit. I am convinced I might be the ‘type’ of person to cheat, I feel I am quite impulsive, and not that great at controlling sexual urges etc (I have issues with porn addiction and lust). I genuinely believe right now that I am the cheating ‘type.’

This risks severely impacting my relationship right now. My girlfriend is away at the moment, so thankfully I’ve managed to hide this from her so far. But speaking to her fills me with guilt, because I believe I am inevitably going to cheat on her one day, so staying with her is irresponsible/unkind. This is impacting my sleep, my job, my social life, and I’m not eating enough bc of anxiety.

Overall, I think the chance that I COULD do this is something I can’t live with (figuratively, I’m not in danger). The fact that I can’t reliably say I WONT cheat makes me feel disgusted and guilty. Even if I tell myself it’s OCD, I then think I’m just using that to cope with being a shitty person/I still have issues to address because I am the cheating ‘type.’ I don’t feel I can trust myself. I also feel like ‘well, I can’t work on this because if I actually ever do make the mistake and cheat, I will have been so irresponsible to play off this worry/intuition as OCD.’

Sorry it’s a long message, I’m hoping somebody can give me some advice. Thanks in advance, I’m seriously going through it right now.