u/Global_Pianist4575

Fair warning upfront that this is going to be long, but the context is important in this case.

After searching for a full-time job for two years, I not only got one but it's career track and working for my home state with amazing benefits. I'm currently waiting on the final offer letter, but my background check is complete and the HR rep I've spoken to ever since last week is just waiting for his manager to approve it before it gets sent to me and I sign off on it. I've also worked with vocational rehabilitation in my state ever since December 2024 so now they can close my case for good once August rolls around.

A bit about me since this will be highly relevant. I have ASD level 1, ADHD-I, and dyspraxia. I also have quite a few mental health conditions, notably PTSD after I had an awful experience with what I now realize is an ableist PhD advisor. Fortunately, when I switched advisors after my qualifier for candidacy (aka the point in the program where failing qualifiers twice means I can't get my PhD from that program if that happens), he was awesome. Unfortunately though, I had to take outside jobs the last 3 years of my PhD since there were funding issues, which was the reason my first PhD advisor was going to leave before our falling out anyway albeit projects with her were dropped so that impacted my research progress. I was done with my classes, but I did poorly on those jobs and didn't maximize my internship experiences due to the cognitive issues I developed after I developed PTSD and my MDD at the Moderate level came back. I got through the program, defended my dissertation, and was awarded my PhD anyway, but it was not a typical PhD experience by any means. Usually, even for the poorest PhD performers, networking gets them an amazing job anyway, but that wasn't an option for me since my program wouldn't get any grant funding. So, no collaborations in industry who could look out for me.

As fortunate as I am to have an offer on the horizon soon, I'm in talk therapy, neurological rehabilitation, and am on a schedule for a full set of TMS treatments. For medication, I experimented with varying dosages and other medications and found a combination that works and gives me steady energy (albeit I still need to power nap after my current part-time data entry job with my home state as well). I am also on Medicaid in my state that's paying for all but the talk therapy (heavily discounted rate though) and am living with my parents rent and utility free (shoutout to them).

As for the job itself, it required a Master's but not a PhD and I would do data analyses in their health department to determine areas that should be targeted for medical interventions and improve health outcomes in those areas. I'm not concerned about my ability to do the job despite my cognitive issues since I took a pre-screening test for a similar job with my state in summer 2024 that had me use real data from the past two decades to determine interventions I should do and make the argument. I wasn't able to get my final score or know how many took this test (even though I asked for those), but I was told I was one of three who passed and that was when my cognition was in a way worse state. I have work to do still since I need to be consistent with my neurological rehabilitation exercises, but there's a noticeable difference. The flexibility of my schedule and duties of the job were also the ideal outcome I wanted on paper so I want to capitalize.

For my schedule, I need to be 4 days in the office and am allowed one work from home day each week. They told me my schedule is flexible as long as I hit 40 hours so that's good news because I don't need to worry about conflicts with my weekly neurological rehabilitation, weekly talk therapy, and every weekday TMS appointments. However, I know myself well enough to know that I get exhausted if I tip the scales too much so I'm wondering how I can manage all of these at once?

It's worth noting that I'm even having difficulty doing one somatic exercise in the morning and evening and getting in 30 minutes of the other workouts. I had consistency at the start, but it was when the demands ramped up that the issues began. How can I stay consistent and juggle everything?

P.S. - In case anyone is also wondering, I don't have a partner and haven't dated in over 7 years. I wanted to start again after I graduated with my PhD back in August, but I know that's one more busy thing I can't add on at all so I genuinely have no interest in a partner at all right now. When my mind will change on that? I don't know and it may be never. Just thought it'd be worth bringing up here.

Edit: I should note that I don't know my start date yet but I expect it'll be June 15th since that's the next viable orientation date once I sign off on that offer letter after I get it and then put in my two week notice at my current part time position.

I'm a neurodivergent adult who is currently undergoing a background check before I get my formal offer letter to work for the state. I have no concerns since I work part time for the state right now and did the process before. They'd have to check the last 5 months but nothing changed at all so I just need to play the waiting game.

I'm posting because I've been on MAGI Medicaid for the year and a half I searched for a career track full-time job and finally will get an offer soon. There's a couple of variables I need to consider though and they're not related to my work schedule since they're flexible as long as I work 40 hours each week. I'm currently in neurological rehabilitation until my last appointment on July 27th and will be getting my brain mapped at the end of this month for regular TMS appointments at some point this coming summer.

How long can I be on MAGI Medicaid when my new job starts? My primary concern is my new insurance and how coverage will look for those treatments going forward. If my MAGI Medicaid can contine to cover me for at least 3 months though then I'm not worried. Thank you for the responses I got around 2 months ago as well! They were super helpful.

I'm currently undergoing screening for a full-time job offer with the State of Ohio and was told that I would get the results next week and my formal job offer letter afterwards. I'm not concerned since I had to do so for my job through the state as well and the only new stuff they'd have to screen is within the last 5 months and there's nothing that's changed at all.

I was told there'd be a 365 day probationary period stating out, which is normal and expected. However, how do evaluations work? I tried to see if a PDF or some other file outlining the process was publicly available but that doesn't appear to be the case at all. I should note that I have multiple invisible disabilities as well so if etiquette or something similar is involved, I'd like to know so I can disclose accordingly via ADA accommodations. I've done ADA accommodations for my current job as well and it was seamless but I could see differences for full-time employees.

As a brief aside, I'd like to know about projections as far as departments that'll be stable in the near future and more. I know the upcoming election will be a huge variable, but if the budget is already set I'd like to know how long that'll last as well.

I've been on here before after I've had what could be called a hectic history on this website, which is an understatement. This has led to others (well, one other person who did then shared those with others) archiving my posts after misinformation about me spread before the original post was finally taken down after Reddit admins stepped in to do so on a (still) unmoderated thread given that targeting users is a TOS violation, regardless if that awareness is well intended or not.

Even if saying this comes across at the expense of sounding paranoid, I've had to keep an eye on others with accounts who've followed me and my posts to make sure there isn't any more drama around what happened 3 months ago. Fortunately, that hasn't been the case since I quickly found out most who were adamant on stalking my activity on this website are middle aged autistic men who are almost or fully retired. The autistic piece is only relevant since I am one myself and they found me in neurodiverse subreddits before making attempts to say and do things voicing their dislike of me. Turns out they've done this not just to me, but to many other autistic adults who are around my age and have troubles right now or are much younger. Seems like they get something out of doing it and I'm not sure quite what, but it doesn't bother me anymore given they have no pull to affect anything in my real life nor should I let their dislike bother me like it used to over the years I've been on this website and just more engaged online in general since not everyone is going to like me and that's true for every person ever.

Even the misinformation, which I still dislike, is something I need to let go given that explaining myself and clarifying things multiple times just made things worse given that many never engaged with me in good faith. I'm also confident they knew I disliked the half-truths they'd bring up sometimes to bait me into responding at first. I explained once and will only explain things that upset others once in the future and leave it at that for good.

With that context out of the way, what's happened with the API this past week and what will happen with it in the future? I ask since I can't exactly use Arctic Shift to pull up post history of those who followed my activity and would hide their post history unless I used Arctic Shift. I'm not saying it should come back or anything since my need to check every other day can be let go knowing this isn't an issue within my control.

A tangential question, but is this at all related to what's happened with archive dot ph (I can't put the link here I believe) and Wikipedia taking down archives of its own website as well? It seems weird to me given that I grew up on the whole notion that "once it's out on the internet it's forever," but now that's less and less true it seems. I can selfishly wash my hands clean of my past drama on my end, but losing informative stuff is just plain odd to me.

Note that most of the medical info in the first paragraph is skippable if anyone is pressed on time since it was required for me to have my post go live on AskDocs.

I'm a 32M, 5 feet 9 inches, white, and I don't drink or use any recreational drugs. As for my current medical issues, my physical ones include mild asthma, mild sleep apnea (I am on CPAP), a 7.5 cm liver cyst that's benign (and its checked yearly), hyperlipidemia, unspecified fatigue, emotion dysregulation, dental issues, and dyspraxia. For neurological, they're ASD level 1, ADHD-I, and borderline processing speed. For mental health, it's generalized anxiety, social anxiety, PTSD, and MDD - Moderate - Recurrent. My psychiatrist prescribes me 300 mg of Wellbutrin XL, extended release Ritalin (as of about two weeks ago), and 20 mg of Lexapro. I'm also on Rosuvastatin (5 mg minimum dose) and Zyrtec (5m) too. I also take Vitamin D, Vitamin B Super Complex, and a multivitamin.

I'll be receiving TMS treatments that will stimulate part of my frontal lobe after my brain is mapped at the end of this month to make sure they've targeted the proper area. I don't recall the exact name of that area but it "talks" to emotion regulation areas of my brain. Given that it's a frontal lobe area as well, I imagine it also helps the cognitive piece, which is the most important to me given that what I now realize is severe depression and more that contributed to my most severe attention issues and other cognitive issues such as not focusing while driving (resolved now thankfully), low reading stamina for complex tests (important for my field), and more that I won't list for now.

The overarching piece is that its meant to increase neuroplasticity. Other than my mental health conditions slowing down pruning, I'm aware that autism also slows it down to a crawl as well. I'm extremely treatment resistant to medication (confirmed by my psychiatrist) so it should help there too.

What can I reasonably expect as far as effects go (both positive and negative)? One of my only major concerns is how the effectiveness of my treatments will change for me. I'm on 20 mg of Lexapro amongst a bunch of other medication and I'm primarily concerned about whether those side effects will be massive again amongst other things like headaches and whatnot that I've read about too. For the headaches, I can't expect to "sleep them off" either because I will go to work after I get them given the clinic hours will require me to do and I'd like to know how to deal with those headaches as well and if taking Ibuprofen is even advisable since I imagine that headache is there because the brain is rewiring itself. If I start a new job that I interviewed for last Friday at the same time my TMS treatments are happening then that will be a concern as well.

Note that most of the medical info in the first paragraph is skippable if anyone is pressed on time since it was required for me to have my post go live on AskDocs.

I'm a 32M, 5 feet 9 inches, white, and I don't drink or use any recreational drugs. As for my current medical issues, my physical ones include mild asthma, mild sleep apnea (I am on CPAP), a 7.5 cm liver cyst that's benign (and its checked yearly), hyperlipidemia, unspecified fatigue, emotion dysregulation, dental issues, and dyspraxia. For neurological, they're ASD level 1, ADHD-I, and borderline processing speed. For mental health, it's generalized anxiety, social anxiety, PTSD, and MDD - Moderate - Recurrent. My psychiatrist prescribes me 300 mg of Wellbutrin XL, extended release Ritalin (as of about two weeks ago), and 20 mg of Lexapro. I'm also on Rosuvastatin (5 mg minimum dose) and Zyrtec (5m) too. I also take Vitamin D, Vitamin B Super Complex, and a multivitamin.

I'll be receiving TMS treatments that will stimulate part of my frontal lobe after my brain is mapped at the end of this month to make sure they've targeted the proper area. I don't recall the exact name of that area but it "talks" to emotion regulation areas of my brain. Given that it's a frontal lobe area as well, I imagine it also helps the cognitive piece, which is the most important to me given that what I now realize is severe depression and more that contributed to my most severe attention issues and other cognitive issues such as not focusing while driving (resolved now thankfully), low reading stamina for complex tests (important for my field), and more that I won't list for now.

The overarching piece is that its meant to increase neuroplasticity. Other than my mental health conditions slowing down pruning, I'm aware that autism also slows it down to a crawl as well. I'm extremely treatment resistant to medication (confirmed by my psychiatrist) so it should help there too.

What can I reasonably expect as far as effects go (both positive and negative)? One of my only major concerns is how the effectiveness of my treatments will change for me. I'm on 20 mg of Lexapro amongst a bunch of other medication and I'm primarily concerned about whether those side effects will be massive again amongst other things like headaches and whatnot that I've read about too. For the headaches, I can't expect to "sleep them off" either because I will go to work after I get them given the clinic hours will require me to do and I'd like to know how to deal with those headaches as well and if taking Ibuprofen is even advisable since I imagine that headache is there because the brain is rewiring itself. If I start a new job that I interviewed for last Friday at the same time my TMS treatments are happening then that will be a concern as well.

Note that most of the medical info in the first paragraph is skippable if anyone is pressed on time since it was required for me to have my post go live on AskDocs.

I'm a 32M, 5 feet 9 inches, white, and I don't drink or use any recreational drugs. As for my current medical issues, my physical ones include mild asthma, mild sleep apnea (I am on CPAP), a 7.5 cm liver cyst that's benign (and its checked yearly), hyperlipidemia, unspecified fatigue, emotion dysregulation, dental issues, and dyspraxia. For neurological, they're ASD level 1, ADHD-I, and borderline processing speed. For mental health, it's generalized anxiety, social anxiety, PTSD, and MDD - Moderate - Recurrent. My psychiatrist prescribes me 300 mg of Wellbutrin XL, extended release Ritalin (as of about two weeks ago), and 20 mg of Lexapro. I'm also on Rosuvastatin (5 mg minimum dose) and Zyrtec (5m) too. I also take Vitamin D, Vitamin B Super Complex, and a multivitamin.

I'll be receiving TMS treatments that will stimulate part of my frontal lobe after my brain is mapped at the end of this month to make sure they've targeted the proper area. I don't recall the exact name of that area but it "talks" to emotion regulation areas of my brain. Given that it's a frontal lobe area as well, I imagine it also helps the cognitive piece, which is the most important to me given that what I now realize is severe depression and more that contributed to my most severe attention issues and other cognitive issues such as not focusing while driving (resolved now thankfully), low reading stamina for complex tests (important for my field), and more that I won't list for now.

The overarching piece is that its meant to increase neuroplasticity. Other than my mental health conditions slowing down pruning, I'm aware that autism also slows it down to a crawl as well. I'm extremely treatment resistant to medication (confirmed by my psychiatrist) so it should help there too.

What can I reasonably expect as far as effects go (both positive and negative)? One of my only major concerns is how the effectiveness of my treatments will change for me. I'm on 20 mg of Lexapro amongst a bunch of other medication and I'm primarily concerned about whether those side effects will be massive again amongst other things like headaches and whatnot that I've read about too. For the headaches, I can't expect to "sleep them off" either because I will go to work after I get them given the clinic hours will require me to do and I'd like to know how to deal with those headaches as well and if taking Ibuprofen is even advisable since I imagine that headache is there because the brain is rewiring itself. If I start a new job that I interviewed for last Friday at the same time my TMS treatments are happening then that will be a concern as well.

I'm an early 30s adult with ASD level, ADHD-I, and recently got diagnosed with severe dyspraxia as a few months ago when I started neurological rehabilitation. I'll start off with a good thing, which is that this was something that I knew I needed, but I never got the extent of how much I needed it until I got the test results and more feedback from my neurological rehabilitation therapist. Turns out that my 9 hole peg test (a coordination activity) was in the 10th percentile or somewhere lower (I'd need to check the norms again). Fortunately, my 9 hole peg test times dramatically improved to the point that my neurological rehabilitation therapist was extremely impressed (I never got the new score though). This improvement ultimately happened due to an exercise I learned that helped me with what I now know is severe emotion dysregulation.

Fortunately, she helps with emotion dysregulation in addition to dyspraxia since she studied how mental health trauma affects the physical nervous system for her doctoral capstone. I said from the start that cognition was a big focus for recovery since, when I was at my worst last summer and last fall, I couldn't even watch a YouTube video for more than 5 before I would zone out and not catch myself until 15-20 minutes later.

This has also led to other consequences relevant for my line of work that I'm trying to full time right now, which would be research assistant, clinical research assistant, or scientist roles (I'm interviewing for one this Friday morning in fact) since reading academic journal articles, learning, and more requires huge reading stamina that I don't have in my current state. Thankfully, my part-time job is data entry and it's entering in what I see so it's not demanding for me, especially since they're not timing each of my records or anything at all.

Where I want more motivation and feeling less overwhelmed comes from my lack of consistency with the physical workouts. Last week, I'll admit that I fell of the wagon for the emotional regulation piece too. Although there's a net improvement, what inspired me to make this post was when I had to get my blood drawn before my next physical in June last Friday. I had to make a round trip back to my home to pick up my physical lab order since their servers couldn't access the one I sent to them beforehand. When I got back to the parking lot, I yelled in my car and noticed that I didn't feel any new physical sensations.

Prior to last week, I would use an exercise she gave me that calmed my nervous system down when I could. I even did it in my car regardless of whether I could dedicate to 20 minutes to it since, compared to other meditations I've learned in my lifetime, has something about it that works with me. The first day after I did it was one I never forgot since I noticed my heart jump when someone came up behind me. Prior to this, I'd notice I would get spooked if someone up came up to me like that but I never felt my heart jump like that ever in my lifetime. Turns out the reason why my physical body is "numb" to those physiological reactions beforehand and now (albeit to a lesser extent than before I learned this was an issue with me) is because my body is in constant "fight or flight mode" (I know fawn and freeze are a thing too) so it doesn't prioritize that awareness of noticing those subtle physical changes. Once I realized that, it contextualized a lot of my behaviors and why I thought I was "calm" during certain events (e.g., harsh arguments with others online, conflicts with family or friends, etc.) when I wasn't at all.

To conclude my thoughts on the motivation piece, another big component is that a big part of me doesn't want to keep doing these exercises for the rest of my life. If I get the full-time job I'm interviewing for this Friday for example, I wouldn't want it to eat up my entire mornings and evenings that would result in me not seeing my friends again, etc. Although these workouts aren't long by themselves necessarily (1.5-2 hours a day and I work part-time 5 hours each weekday with a 30 minute trip one way), my fatigue I have after work (and even before work since emotion dysregulation is a huge energy drain), morning routine taking a while (e.g., brushing my teeth is like 6 minutes instead of the recommended 2 minutes and longish showers too), all add up and I take a 30 minute power nap after work. After I floss my teeth carefully given my history of severe dental issues, I only have 2-3 hours left in the day to do those workouts.

The overwhelmed piece comes from my tendency to go "all-or-nothing" when it comes to plans and initiatives. In this case, I was all in when I learned the emotion regulation exercises given the tremendous difference I noticed physically. Now that the exercises have been introduced to strengthen my core and reduce tension in my shoulders? Not so much. I also realize those aren't cognitive necessarily, but I was told that my tension is stored in my shoulders and that making them relax would help my cognition more than it's already helped right now because that "fight or flight" state is a huge cognition drain for no good reason right now (unless I was chased by a bear or something lol).

So, what can I do to stay motivated and less overwhelmed?

I'm an early 30s adult with ASD level, ADHD-I, and recently got diagnosed with severe dyspraxia as a few months ago when I started neurological rehabilitation. I'll start off with a good thing, which is that this was something that I knew I needed, but I never got the extent of how much I needed it until I got the test results and more feedback from my neurological rehabilitation therapist. Turns out that my 9 hole peg test (a coordination activity) was in the 10th percentile or somewhere lower (I'd need to check the norms again). Fortunately, my 9 hole peg test times dramatically improved to the point that my neurological rehabilitation therapist was extremely impressed (I never got the new score though). This improvement ultimately happened due to an exercise I learned that helped me with what I now know is severe emotion dysregulation.

Fortunately, she helps with emotion dysregulation in addition to dyspraxia since she studied how mental health trauma affects the physical nervous system for her doctoral capstone. I said from the start that cognition was a big focus for recovery since, when I was at my worst last summer and last fall, I couldn't even watch a YouTube video for more than 5 before I would zone out and not catch myself until 15-20 minutes later.

This has also led to other consequences relevant for my line of work that I'm trying to full time right now, which would be research assistant, clinical research assistant, or scientist roles (I'm interviewing for one this Friday morning in fact) since reading academic journal articles, learning, and more requires huge reading stamina that I don't have in my current state. Thankfully, my part-time job is data entry and it's entering in what I see so it's not demanding for me, especially since they're not timing each of my records or anything at all.

Where I want more motivation and feeling less overwhelmed comes from my lack of consistency with the physical workouts. Last week, I'll admit that I fell of the wagon for the emotional regulation piece too. Although there's a net improvement, what inspired me to make this post was when I had to get my blood drawn before my next physical in June last Friday. I had to make a round trip back to my home to pick up my physical lab order since their servers couldn't access the one I sent to them beforehand. When I got back to the parking lot, I yelled in my car and noticed that I didn't feel any new physical sensations.

Prior to last week, I would use an exercise she gave me that calmed my nervous system down when I could. I even did it in my car regardless of whether I could dedicate to 20 minutes to it since, compared to other meditations I've learned in my lifetime, has something about it that works with me. The first day after I did it was one I never forgot since I noticed my heart jump when someone came up behind me. Prior to this, I'd notice I would get spooked if someone up came up to me like that but I never felt my heart jump like that ever in my lifetime. Turns out the reason why my physical body is "numb" to those physiological reactions beforehand and now (albeit to a lesser extent than before I learned this was an issue with me) is because my body is in constant "fight or flight mode" (I know fawn and freeze are a thing too) so it doesn't prioritize that awareness of noticing those subtle physical changes. Once I realized that, it contextualized a lot of my behaviors and why I thought I was "calm" during certain events (e.g., harsh arguments with others online, conflicts with family or friends, etc.) when I wasn't at all.

To conclude my thoughts on the motivation piece, another big component is that a big part of me doesn't want to keep doing these exercises for the rest of my life. If I get the full-time job I'm interviewing for this Friday for example, I wouldn't want it to eat up my entire mornings and evenings that would result in me not seeing my friends again, etc. Although these workouts aren't long by themselves necessarily (1.5-2 hours a day and I work part-time 5 hours each weekday with a 30 minute trip one way), my fatigue I have after work (and even before work since emotion dysregulation is a huge energy drain), morning routine taking a while (e.g., brushing my teeth is like 6 minutes instead of the recommended 2 minutes and longish showers too), all add up and I take a 30 minute power nap after work. After I floss my teeth carefully given my history of severe dental issues, I only have 2-3 hours left in the day to do those workouts.

The overwhelmed piece comes from my tendency to go "all-or-nothing" when it comes to plans and initiatives. In this case, I was all in when I learned the emotion regulation exercises given the tremendous difference I noticed physically. Now that the exercises have been introduced to strengthen my core and reduce tension in my shoulders? Not so much. I also realize those aren't cognitive necessarily, but I was told that my tension is stored in my shoulders and that making them relax would help my cognition more than it's already helped right now because that "fight or flight" state is a huge cognition drain for no good reason right now (unless I was chased by a bear or something lol).

So, what can I do to stay motivated and less overwhelmed?

Edit: TL;DR at the bottom. I just wanted to get this post out ASAP.

I'm someone who has previously posted every now and then on here since I've dealt with individuals stalking my posts and activity on this website in general. I've ceased the posts asking for advice on my personal situation (I'm AuDHD and have dyspraxia among other nervous system and serious mental health issues) as those were contentious and would often lead to the trolls finding them ASAP to derail the discussions. Secondly, even my serious posts somehow had others interpret points the opposite of what I tried to get across or approach it thinking that there's some other outcome I wanted but didn't explicitly state in this case.

The most recent example was that I'm in neurological rehabilitation for what I now know is serious dyspraxia that was previously dysgraphia, but turned out to be far worse than dysgraphia and I was concerned about how I could balance my appointments plus a potential full-time job if I get an offer after I interview later this week. Most of the comments were hostile since I floated not taking the job as a possibility, and not something I set in stone in other words, even though I clearly stated the ideal outcome was continuing those appointments until my last session on July 27th (unless it gets extended again) while I worked full time. I eventually DMed someone who I was in touch with in the past and he told me that ADA does protect recurring appointments for serious medical issues like my severe dyspraxia. Either the folks leaving those comments knew about this ADA accommodation and chose not to tell me to focus on bashing me or, and what I think is going on, which would be writing genuine sounding advice that would sabotage me. I didn't pick up on this until a troll who keeps making burner accounts after I block whatever their latest one(s) is/are that day read my post with this concern and said I should tell my parents that I don't plan on getting a job this year and that I should get my coach involved too. That was clearly an attempt to convince me to sabotage myself in real life.

Unfortunately, after I made a post asking for interview tips and ways to mitigate an ADA accommodation request after I get hired, this one guy with the burners left a comment within the first hour my post went live despite me not making a post like that in 11 days and the tone isn't what it used to be at all. The only posts I made in between were one related to a game, a basic medical question related to blood and urine analyses, and another asking about the ADA accommodations process for ADA requests that involve frequent medical appointments. Those trolls don't bother leaving comments on those posts given that they're straightforward questions and content they don't acknowledge since they're biased towards the things where they can try and get a reaction out of me.

At first, I thought it was the case that it was just a bunch of lone actors who'd recognize my posts and swoop in to leave a comment if it was a loaded topic, but I'm starting to think otherwise. When I search through online servers, websites, and more that are the "usual suspects" as far as stalking others and logging their activity to gossip about them goes (similar to how many do so for controversial YouTubers or content creators so they can send content to potential sponsors and sabotage them), there wasn't anything at all. I even made sure that the most popular and active archive website, Arctic Shift, removed all content related to me from their archives (I made this account unarchivable though hence I'm keeping it for now). The owner of PushPull hasn't archived anything new in a year and a half and he didn't take my request to remove all of my content despite DMing him personally and sending him the police report (only way he said he would go out of his way to unarchive old content too) since he can only remove them manually for now.

So, what are other places where its archived and/or others can discuss others' activity? The irony of me making this post and the risk I'm taking is not lost on me either. However, at this point, it's a net gain if I'm aware just so I know what to expect in the future from others who don't have my best interest in mind and, if they escalate the way I expected they will in the future, I have a sense of how to take action. I can't control my reputation at this point and will probably always be seen as "that guy who had years long issues with emotion dysregulation" even after I'm rehabilitated successfully a decade or more from now, but I can at least control how I respond to it and focus on my immediate irl circle who welcomes me.

TL;DR - Despite not making posts in 11 days asking for advice about a personal situation other neurodiverse individuals (medical appointments, juggling a full-time job, and interviewing as a neurodiverse person), one troll who has followed me for years made a burner account with a comment that looked like genuine advice but would sabotage me if I followed through with it. I reported the burner, as I usually do, and their comments got removed by a moderator shortly after the report. The fact that happened within the hour of my post going live in that subreddit leads me to think that there might be a dedicated tracking effort rather than a bunch of lone actors like I previously thought in this case. The "big heads" of websites that usually do this, which I won't say publicly since I don't want to give any ideas, don't have a page or anything related to gossip I could find. I know the risk I'm taking by making this post, but I at least won't be blindsided once I'm rehabilitated from my emotion dysregulation issues and (ideally) be working full time if someone else is keen on sabotaging me to bring me back down to where I used to be.

I (31M) am someone who recently learned a new meditation called "restoring homeostasis" this past Friday from my occupational therapist who specializes in cognitive rehabilitation. To say it was incredible is an understatement. I ended up achieving a level of physical relaxation and peace of mind that I didn't know was even possible at all for my body. The biggest thing I learned about myself after the onset of my PTSD from early 2022 is that my body was never physically calm at all. For example, when I went to work after the occupational therapy appointment where I was taught the meditation, I could feel my heart jump when I saw someone come around the corner of my eye and surprised me. When similar situations happened, I knew I would be surprised but thought I was "calm" when I wasn't at all in reality. The irony is that many folks who've spoken to me throughout my life have noted that I "sound stressed" quite often. Since I'm neurodiverse (ASD level 1, ADHD-I, and recently diagnosed dyspraxia) and have generalized anxiety, social anxiety, PTSD, and MDD - Moderate - Recurrent, I thought that how I expressed myself like that was just my baseline. Turns out that wasn't the case. When I brought up my experience to a family friend, she compared it to those who need glasses and put them on for the first time and are just blown away by the clarity of their vision. That analogy is spot on here.

When I did the meditation last night, I repeated some "mantras" to myself to remind myself that I'm safe and don't need to pay attention to threats at all. One of them my occupational therapist brought up since I mentioned I'd focus on what I'm doing next for the day during my meditation (groceries in the case of the day I learned it) was just to thank my brain and just watch those thoughts go by and be observant. The other one I did last night was reminding myself I was safe after some negative thoughts came up.

What were those negative thoughts? Outside of thinking about what I had to do later that day that I hadn't done yet, I would think back to when I used this site to make negative posts about myself and others would bash me. I'd think about some of the most negative feedback I had in my case. I'll admit I still re-read those old comments sometimes and I did so this morning, but that was to relieve an impulse more than anything else. In hindsight, I can observe that now and not take it super personally.

These thoughts happened the most whenever I'd remind myself I was safe, which created a loop of telling myself that I'm safe before some negative thought popped up in my mind. I know that acceptance is a huge part of meditation practice. However, I don't exactly have the skills to address those thoughts as they come up right now. That won't stop me from doing this meditation once a day as she asked me to do, but its something I'd like to try and resolve rather than wait it out. It may be possible that my occupational therapist will teach me the skills to treat them at some point, but that hasn't happened yet.

So, what should I to address the negative thoughts that I notice?

I previously posted this on the talktherapy subreddit, but the reaction to my post on there was divisive. A recent comment on that subreddit introduced me to this one since it'd be more supportive of these discussions so here I am now!

I'm a neurodivergent adult (ASD level 1, ADHD-I, and recently diagnosed dyspraxia by an occupational therapist focused on cognitive rehabilitation) who also has a slew of anxiety issues, PTSD, and major depression at the moderate level. All of these have messed up my cognition in particular after the onset of the incident in spring 2022 that enabled my PTSD. I got re-diagnosed with my neurodivergent conditions and newly diagnosed with the mental health conditions two years ago when I was 29 at the time. The big reason I did it was because vocational rehabilitation needed up to date evaluations.

I'm posting because I am officially enrolled in occupational therapy (OT) and will do my third session next Friday. I still need to practice my contact points meditation and learning what might be able to bring my Vagus Baseline from 1-3 or 7-10 down to a 4-6 (where it ideally should be. Google it if you don't know about Vagus Baseline either since explaining it would make the post longer). I found her after months of searching for someone with her specialty. She also did her doctoral capstone project on trauma and how it affects daily living, which is doubly amazing.

Something she told me that blew my mind when it came to talk therapy is that she told me that standard talk therapy targets the frontal lobe of the brain so someone can learn coping mechanisms to treat their overactive emotional areas of the brain that would influence the frontal lobe to make potentially poor decisions that are impulsive or otherwise. However, my OT told me that her approach is the opposite and that she's going to target those emotional areas so that way, once information goes to my frontal lobe, I can process clearly. The concept of the emotional parts influencing the frontal areas is called "flipping your lid," hence why she taught me the Vagus Baseline as well.

Furthermore, I'm going to do TMS consultation on Monday and that treatment will target specific areas of my brain that need increased neuroplasticity so they can work properly again. Luckily for me, my Medicaid renewal got renewed and expires February 2027. Since my state also did a Medicaid expansion under the previous governor, I don't need to worry about asset limits or anything like that either.

Given that OT and TMS are targeting different areas and, even though I've been in therapy for 3.5 years ever since the onset of the incident that led to my eventual PTSD diagnosis, mistrusting others greatly, and loss of faith in the academic system (this was during my PhD program), I'm wondering when its time to consider whether standard talk therapy isn't enough at all. I've had some discussions with therapists over the years (in person and online) who are convinced I'm not doing enough or am applying what they've said incorrectly. However, I truly believe that something deeper is going on a physical level that precludes talk therapy from working and that I'm going to need both OT and TMS in addition to my current talk therapy to truly turn things around for good.

Finally, why is it that therapists don't admit when their plan isn't enough? When I had my first therapist as a kid, they at least had the foresight to say I needed a psychiatrist and Lexapro. Even my previous long-term therapist, an autistic DSW who worked with me for two years until he retired, admitted when I nearly had a self-harm issue that things wouldn't improve until things are worked out medically. No other therapists have done this in my lifetime for me.