You know you are. You know why you are, and leaning into it ironically or in a self deprecating manner is just your defense mechanism.
Now, fuck off.
After 11 years in central Texas my spouse and I (BMWW) think it’d be best to sell our home here, move back to and buy a home in my wife and I’s home state Maryland - Baltimore. Reason, our son will be around a more diverse group of kids, not be far from either racial side of his extended family (knowing both roots), have easy access to schools with much better ratings.
I feel staying in Texas is fine but he’ll have so much more exposure growing up in the northeast like we did. Sure it’s cheaper here, but I think it’s the right choice.
Not here to build anyone’s confidence. You’re going to have to do that yourself.
Asking others on Reddit to validate whether you have value in the dating world or will ever find someone should be your sign that you need to be alone until you build self respect and confidence in yourself.
For example, I may not find you attractive because of your race, this is not racism (or me hating my own race), this is not me saying you have no value to anyone or that I’m better than you…But if that’s where you mind goes when someone says they aren’t attracted to you (or you become defensive) it’s your own issue and you need to work on it.
True confidence is not needing someone else to tell you that you’re allowed to feel secure in yourself.
That is all.
I’ll start…I have no picture of how anyone looks because I cannot see you, nor will attempt to jump to conclusions or imagine how you look. I simply know we all vary in age, race, social status, gender, etc…I know enough people of just about every type to have a well rounded understanding of them.
Internet sub culture replays some very common behaviors. Example:
“I’m upset with you, so you must be some fat basement dweller who doesn’t go outside. Thinking this is dopamine for me.”
Or
“I agree with you, so I have no picture in my mind of you. Because you are giving dopamine by validating me.”
Now add MBTI and people that legitimately touch 0 grass:
Suddenly (to them) every IXFP is some emo girl or femboy. Every INXJ (to them) is some asexual neckbeard in all black hiding from society.
Anyway
You get it….I think it’s funny…I see the frame of it. Some people even adopt whole personas based on these stereotypes.
[question is the title]
I was raised by very broken and violent people. My father (an intelligent engineer) a very violent drunk beat up my mother (outspoken and ambitious) in front of me if he wasn’t beating me in random fits of rage.
One day he threatens to kill her but actual holds a gun this time, fast forward, Divorce, mom gets full custody, she’s a narcissist with PTSD though. Broken/insecure woman, verbally physically and psychologically abusive. Mom loves attacking egos to build herself up.
But I’m thankful for what they’ve taught me with their constant abuse…
I learned very early that I had to stay calm, stay aware, stay grounded to survive the adults around me. Detach from chaos by knowing exactly where its source is, naming it, understanding it, living with it, controlling it and establishing my boundaries.
Their rage, their instability, their beatings, had nothing to do with me. It was all about their own unresolved issues and brokenness.
I learned to become a man, friend, brother, husband and father that my father has no hope of becoming. Truly authentic, highly protective, and steady.
My fear of vulnerability is my refusal to be a victim dependent on others for comfort. Getting comfortable with uncomfortable as it comes my way, to protect my people.
Feel free to share.