u/Hanoi_d

I (22F) broke up with my ex (22M) after a 4 years relationship. I broke up in october 2025. We had some issues; he cheated on me several times with the same girl almost 3 years ago. It was an emotional and physical cheating. I forgave and giving him a second chance, he cheated a second time. I discovered. He kept lying for 3 months, he saw her behind my back with their friends group even if i said no. He cried and won me back after months of crying. Then 3 months later “she” sent me a message saying they met each other again and he kissed her but he chose me. He denied. And i believed him. That’s it. We never spoke about it again. They never had sex but made preliminaries one time.

I promised myself i would never forgive him. I fell into depression. It was so mental draining that i lose myself. I loved the life i had with him so i stayed and i couldn’t stop loving him sm.

Time went by and i refell in love. We went on vacations together and life was going well. But each time it got “too well” i reread all the screenshots i kept from the betrayal. I trusted him again but i always wondering if he was gaslighting me again, if he meant everything he said.
I started flirting with other men and wanting to enjoy my youth. I didn’t care about him, i didn’t want to invite him to parties, to my birthday. I could spent some months without seeing him and i couldn’t care less. We made a promise to reconnect after our studies as we were long distance. When i broke up i thought we needed to live our life before we get married, that time will heal and i was convinced we will reconnect in a few years.
But i didn’t want to continue this relationship rn as i will obvisously regret it later. I was so afraid to divorce later because we never get to experience our single life before.
After, we still saw each other with friends, never alone but kept hooking up sometimes. I didn’t want to spend time with him alone, yet it was always a great time. But when he left i didn’t miss him. At some point when he came i couldn’t bear his touch anymore and scratched my arms.

In january i met a guy on hinge and we got together quickly. So i stopped everything with my ex. The first month was amazing, it was like real love, i wanted to spend all my time with him. All of my friends said it just was a “rebound relationship” and i didn’t believe them. In march i started to regret, all i was thinking of was my ex, i regretted everything. Why was i feelingless at the end, why didn’t i want to see him ?
Today i don’t care if i don’t see him for months, i don’t think about him, i take hours to reply.

I don’t know why i am like this, i feel like a bad person. It’s the same pattern as in my previous relationship and i am asking why. I don’t talk to other guy and i don’t want to but i dong even know it it’s love. I thought everything was perfect. Why regretting it all now ?
I wonder if i made a mistake and if it was just me the whole problem… And it makes me sick.

Moi (22F), j’ai rompu avec mon ex (22M) après une relation de 4 ans. J’ai rompu en octobre 2025. On avait des problèmes ; il m’a trompée plusieurs fois avec la même fille il y a presque 3 ans. C’était une tromperie émotionnelle et physique. J’ai pardonné et lui ai donné une seconde chance, mais il a trompé une deuxième fois. Je l’ai découvert. Il a continué à mentir pendant 3 mois, il la voyait derrière mon dos avec leur groupe d’amis même si j’avais dit non. Il a pleuré et m’a reconquise après des mois à pleurer. Puis, 3 mois plus tard, “elle” m’a envoyé un message en disant qu’ils s’étaient revus et qu’il l’avait embrassée mais qu’il m’avait choisie. Il a nié. Et je l’ai cru. C’est tout. On n’en a plus jamais reparlé. Ils n’ont jamais eu de rapport sexuel mais ont fait des préliminaires une fois.

Je m’étais promis de ne jamais lui pardonner. Je suis tombée en dépression. C’était tellement éprouvant mentalement que je me suis perdue. J’aimais la vie que j’avais avec lui donc je suis restée et je n’arrivais pas à arrêter de l’aimer autant.

Le temps est passé et je suis retombée amoureuse. On est partis en vacances ensemble et la vie se passait bien. Mais chaque fois que ça allait “trop bien”, je relisais toutes les captures d’écran que j’avais gardées de la trahison. Je lui faisais à nouveau confiance mais je me demandais toujours s’il me manipulait encore, si tout ce qu’il disait était vrai.

J’ai commencé à flirter avec d’autres hommes et à vouloir profiter de ma jeunesse. Je ne me souciais plus de lui, je ne voulais pas l’inviter aux soirées, à mon anniversaire. Je pouvais passer des mois sans le voir et ça m’était égal. On avait fait une promesse de se retrouver après nos études puisqu’on était en relation à distance. Quand j’ai rompu, je pensais qu’on devait vivre nos vies avant de se marier, que le temps guérirait les choses et j’étais convaincue qu’on se retrouverait dans quelques années.
Mais je ne voulais pas continuer cette relation maintenant car j’allais évidemment le regretter plus tard. J’avais tellement peur de divorcer plus tard parce qu’on n’aurait jamais vécu notre vie de célibataire avant.

Après ça, on a continué à se voir avec des amis, jamais seuls mais on continuait parfois à coucher ensemble. Je ne voulais pas passer du temps seule avec lui, pourtant c’était toujours des bons moments. Mais quand il partait, il ne me manquait pas. À un moment, quand il venait, je ne supportais même plus son contact et je me griffais les bras.

En janvier, j’ai rencontré un gars sur Hinge et on s’est mis ensemble rapidement. Donc j’ai tout arrêté avec mon ex. Le premier mois était incroyable, c’était comme un vrai amour, je voulais passer tout mon temps avec lui. Tous mes amis disaient que c’était juste une “relation pansement” et je ne les croyais pas. En mars, j’ai commencé à regretter, je ne pensais qu’à mon ex, je regrettais tout. Pourquoi je ne ressentais plus rien à la fin, pourquoi je ne voulais plus le voir ?

Aujourd’hui, ça m’est égal de ne pas le voir pendant des mois, je ne pense pas à lui, je mets des heures à répondre.

Je ne sais pas pourquoi je suis comme ça, j’ai l’impression d’être une mauvaise personne. C’est le même schéma que dans ma relation précédente et je me demande pourquoi. Je ne parle pas à d’autres gars et je n’en ai pas envie mais je ne sais même pas si c’est de l’amour. Je pensais que tout était parfait. Pourquoi est-ce que je regrette tout maintenant ?
Je me demande si j’ai fait une erreur et si le problème venait juste de moi… Et ça me rend malade.

Moi (22F), j’ai rompu avec mon ex (22M) après une relation de 4 ans. J’ai rompu en octobre 2025. On avait des problèmes ; il m’a trompée plusieurs fois avec la même fille il y a presque 3 ans. C’était une tromperie émotionnelle et physique. J’ai pardonné et lui ai donné une seconde chance, mais il a trompé une deuxième fois. Je l’ai découvert. Il a continué à mentir pendant 3 mois, il la voyait derrière mon dos avec leur groupe d’amis même si j’avais dit non. Il a pleuré et m’a reconquise après des mois à pleurer. Puis, 3 mois plus tard, “elle” m’a envoyé un message en disant qu’ils s’étaient revus et qu’il l’avait embrassée mais qu’il m’avait choisie. Il a nié. Et je l’ai cru. C’est tout. On n’en a plus jamais reparlé. Ils n’ont jamais eu de rapport sexuel mais ont fait des préliminaires une fois.

Je m’étais promis de ne jamais lui pardonner. Je suis tombée en dépression. C’était tellement éprouvant mentalement que je me suis perdue. J’aimais la vie que j’avais avec lui donc je suis restée et je n’arrivais pas à arrêter de l’aimer autant.

Le temps est passé et je suis retombée amoureuse. On est partis en vacances ensemble et la vie se passait bien. Mais chaque fois que ça allait “trop bien”, je relisais toutes les captures d’écran que j’avais gardées de la trahison. Je lui faisais à nouveau confiance mais je me demandais toujours s’il me manipulait encore, si tout ce qu’il disait était vrai.

J’ai commencé à flirter avec d’autres mecs et à vouloir profiter de ma jeunesse. Je ne me souciais plus de lui, je ne voulais pas l’inviter aux soirées, à mon anniversaire. Je pouvais passer des mois sans le voir et ça m’était égal. On avait fait une promesse de se retrouver après nos études puisqu’on était en relation à distance. Quand j’ai rompu, je pensais qu’on devait vivre nos vies avant de se marier, que le temps guérirait les choses et j’étais convaincue qu’on se retrouverait dans quelques années.
Mais je ne voulais pas continuer cette relation maintenant car j’allais évidemment le regretter plus tard. J’avais tellement peur de divorcer plus tard parce qu’on n’aurait jamais vécu notre vie de célibataire avant.

Après ça, on a continué à se voir avec des amis, jamais seuls mais on continuait parfois à coucher ensemble. Je ne voulais pas passer du temps seule avec lui, pourtant c’était toujours des bons moments. Mais quand il partait, il ne me manquait pas. À un moment, quand il venait, je ne supportais même plus son contact et je me griffais les bras.

En janvier, j’ai rencontré un gars sur Hinge et on s’est mis ensemble rapidement. Donc j’ai tout arrêté avec mon ex. Le premier mois était incroyable, c’était comme un vrai amour, je voulais passer tout mon temps avec lui. Tous mes amis disaient que c’était juste une “relation pansement” et je ne les croyais pas. En mars, j’ai commencé à regretter, je ne pensais qu’à mon ex, je regrettais tout. Pourquoi je ne ressentais plus rien à la fin, pourquoi je ne voulais plus le voir ?

Aujourd’hui, ça m’est égal de ne pas le voir pendant des mois, je ne pense pas à lui, je mets des heures à répondre.

Je ne sais pas pourquoi je suis comme ça, j’ai l’impression d’être une mauvaise personne. C’est le même schéma que dans ma relation précédente et je me demande pourquoi. Je ne parle pas à d’autres gars et je n’en ai pas envie mais je ne sais même pas si c’est de l’amour. Je pensais que tout était parfait. Pourquoi est-ce que je regrette tout maintenant ?
Je me demande si j’ai fait une erreur et si le problème venait juste de moi… Et ça me rend malade.

I (22F) broke up with my ex (22M) after a 4 years relationship. I broke up in october 2025. We had some issues; he cheated on me several times with the same girl almost 3 years ago. It was an emotional and physical cheating. I forgave and giving him a second chance, he cheated a second time. I discovered. He kept lying for 3 months, he saw her behind my back with their friends group even if i said no. He cried and won me back after months of crying. Then 3 months later “she” sent me a message saying they met each other again and he kissed her but he chose me. He denied. And i believed him. That’s it. We never spoke about it again. They never had sex but made preliminaries one time.

I promised myself i would never forgive him. I fell into depression. It was so mental draining that i lose myself. I loved the life i had with him so i stayed and i couldn’t stop loving him sm.

Time went by and i refell in love. We went on vacations together and life was going well. But each time it got “too well” i reread all the screenshots i kept from the betrayal. I trusted him again but i always wondering if he was gaslighting me again, if he meant everything he said.
I started flirting with other men and wanting to enjoy my youth. I didn’t care about him, i didn’t want to invite him to parties, to my birthday. I could spent some months without seeing him and i couldn’t care less. We made a promise to reconnect after our studies as we were long distance. When i broke up i thought we needed to live our life before we get married, that time will heal and i was convinced we will reconnect in a few years.
But i didn’t want to continue this relationship rn as i will obvisously regret it later. I was so afraid to divorce later because we never get to experience our single life before.
After, we still saw each other with friends, never alone but kept hooking up sometimes. I didn’t want to spend time with him alone, yet it was always a great time. But when he left i didn’t miss him. At some point when he came i couldn’t bear his touch anymore and scratched my arms.

In january i met a guy on hinge and we got together quickly. So i stopped everything with my ex. The first month was amazing, it was like real love, i wanted to spend all my time with him. All of my friends said it just was a “rebound relationship” and i didn’t believe them. In march i started to regret, all i was thinking of was my ex, i regretted everything. Why was i feelingless at the end, why didn’t i want to see him ?
Today i don’t care if i don’t see him for months, i don’t think about him, i take hours to reply.

I don’t know why i am like this, i feel like a bad person. It’s the same pattern as in my previous relationship and i am asking why. I don’t talk to other guy and i don’t want to but i dong even know it it’s love. I thought everything was perfect. Why regretting it all now ?
I wonder if i made a mistake and if it was just me the whole problem… And it makes me sick.

It’s going to be long so i hope you are ready.

I (22F) met my now ex boyfriend (22M) in high school, we were 17.

We had a wonderful relationship, our mutual first ever love. When we both went to college at 18, i had to pass an important medicine exam which took 8 months to succeed. During that time i managed to see him at least twice a week but my studies were my absolute priority.

Anyway i finally passed and wanted celebrate with my bf. He confessed cheating with a friend of his swimming club. (Let’s call her T)

I was so upset and overly reacted. I told him we could make it work if it was just a kiss in a night club and he was drunk. But the condition was he never speak to her again. Long story short he didn’t want to. He finally blocked but was talking to her behind my back, seeing her with their friends without telling me. It lasted at least a month.

They weren’t doing anything but he just kept hiding and lying to me. I was telling him how i felt and he seemed to don’t care, he said “if i knew you would react like this i would have never told you”.

One day i gave him a break up letter i was supposed to give in september. We talked about it all night, then we had the best weekend ever, like nothing ever happened, but never spoke about this again.

On saturday night i left earlier to meet some friends for a girls night, he was home alone. But i had a weird feeling. I cried all night long.

Another time i saw on his insta he was invited to T’s birthday party, he accepted even though he knew i wouldn’t agree. He then told me he was going on a weekend with his family.

Summer came, and this weird feeling won’t go, i cried, he didn’t care and went to sleep.

The next day i texted T to know what’s happening.

She then proceeded to explain me everything, it wasn’t just a drunk kiss at a club, it was an emotionally and physically cheating that lasted for months. First it was cuddle, then kissing at her place, wanting to go further (she refused), and that club night. She said he wanted her to stay with him, that he would leave me for her if she’d stay. (she wanted to study abroad). And that night where i had that feeling the second i leaved he asked her to come and watch a movie together. She told me they didn’t had sex, just kissing and romantic moment.

When he went home i looked at his snapchat, it was months of “i love you” “i miss you” “you told me you would have chosen me”. I even saw “don’t worry i didn’t tell her about preliminaries”.

He told her he wanted to win me back but still sent ilu??

His last message was “can u unsave the message pls?”

When i confronted him he wasn’t responding. I was so furious i cut all his clothes.

We were together for 2 years now, i had 19.

All of my friends were his, my summer, parties and all that weee gone because of him. So i swallowed my anger and pretend to forgive. I then broke up as he went to vacation in august.

He spent the entire summer trying to “win me back”, crying over the phone, making huge promesses, writing me every time.

Then he showed up at my new college city in september with flowers and we got back together(i know).

I then became depressed for a few months (because of this and this new city).

2 weeks after we got back i asked him if he saw her again since summer, he said yes. I was like why ? and why did i had to ask to know. He said nothing happened it just was to have a last conversation and let her know he chose me.

A week after that i received a message from T to let me know they met up as he told me but it wasn’t just “a last conversation” She said “He held my thigh all evening, told me he didn’t want to lose me, then kissed me”

I confronted him and he denied everything, saying she was crazy in love with him and wanted to do us apart.

So i took her number and pretended to be my bf, she told me the exact same thing thinking it was him. So i made sure she wasn’t lying. She said “why would i lie ? Everybody saw us, u were completely drunk”

In college i met a few guys, i slept with one as a revenge and kissed some others…

In december we were on vacation together and i saw a notification of T on his phone, i was speechless. He said their discussion was platonic and asked if they could be friends again. Like wtf.

We never spoke about it again, he blocked her from everywhere. It was in 2023.

I promised myself that even if i forget, i would never forgive.

Time passed, everything was wonderful, like a deeper connection. I even thought it became a stronger relationship.

I stopped my revenge, i convinced myself i forgave him. At one time i didn’t even think about it at all. He seemed to make effort, as far as i know he never started again.

We went on vacations togethers, had wonderful times with friends etc… We had perfect chemistry.

In 2025, so 2 years later. I received from a friend a video of him hugging and going inside his apartment with a girl. He was really drunk.

He told me it was nothing, she just walked him home safely. I didn’t trust it. Then the girl told me the same and i believed her. It was nothing, but idk it reactivated something in me and i needed the girl to tell me to actually believe it.

I had to numb myself in case it happened again, so I wouldn’t suffer anymore, but it worked so well that I started not feeling anything for him anymore.

He had also some serious problem with alcohol, at the end i was nervous as he drank. One time i refused to make sex because i got too drunk too and he said “okay ? so go fuck yourself” and smashed the door. Each time he drank he was dreadful and mean.

I thought i forgave him about what happens years ago but last year a friend of mine made a joke about his previous affair and i broke down in tears.

I deeply wanted to make it work, to forgive him. I thought everything was alright now. But each time everything was ok i reread every texts, every screen i kept from 2023. To keep the hatred alive.

I don’t know why i did this, i just did.

I soon started to think i needed to live my youth, that i couldn’t marry someone i met in high school or i’ll regret it later. I didn’t miss him, didn’t invite him to my college parties anymore, didn’t want to see him. I even repulsed him when he touched me. I couldn’t bear his touch. I started to talk to other guys on tinder, never wanted to sleep with them, just want the attention and ego boost. But it made me feel so good.

He discovered when he went through my phone and confronted me about it but only when i was drunk, in a party or ill or in the middle of the night. Only when i was weak. In the day he wouldn’t say anything and act normal, it was only when he drank. Trust me he is a wonderful person but this specific trait is so annoying about him.

Anyway, i broke up in october.

I hadn’t any regret, i was feeling free.

We still kept contact for friends, and still hooked up sometimes. He cried all the time, said i was the love of his life, and made me promise we would meet each other again in 2 years when we will finish our studies. (He kept telling me this for 2 years)

In january i met a guy on tinder, it went serious quickly. So i definitely stopped with my ex.

I was feelingless, i thought i finally moved on. Seeing him crying didn’t affect me anymore.

In march he broke no contact to tell me he made the promise lightly, that he was seeing someone else. I started to regret it deeply. That’s when i finally began to grieve.

2 days later he recontacted to tell me he “believe in destiny” but we couldn’t promise to be together because we don’t know the future and also asked if it’s necessary that i blocked him everywhere.

1 week after that i said i wanted to get back together. He told me no, said i was so mean with him at the end he doesn’t know if we could get back together one day, that i chose to break up and asked me to “delete the last saved messages” The one were he talked about the promise. Maybe for his new girl not to see ig ???

Now we are in april, i’m 22. I can’t sleep, can’t study, i regret everything, i keep telling myself it’s for the best, but i’m just lost. 4 years of my life. I don’t know what to do or to feel. I never felt this drained before.

I m afraid i won’t be in love like this again.

What do you think ? What am i supposed to do ? Why every emotions are going back to me rn ? I didn’t even think about the affairs anymore but my body just started repulsing him out of nowhere ? Why ?

TL;DR : Several cheating 3 years ago, i tried to forgive him, miserable communication so we never spoke about it again. One day i woke up and réalise i didn’t care, i could bear his touch too and he annoyed me. Yet i miss him so much today that he moved on and it’s crushing my soul.