u/HeTy_NHTEPECA

I'm already exhausted — my life is just beginning and I'm already tired of living. Nothing works out for me. I try, it doesn't work. I try something new, same result. Constant failures, constant losses. I'm a kind person by nature, but for the last 4 years I've had no friends. Why? Because I can't trust anyone anymore. Some people lied, others only talked to me for their own benefit, then just dropped me. I feel like I'm not meant to be happy. In my 19 years I've never had a girlfriend. Why? I'll tell you — I'm not attractive, I'm closed off, shy, and socially anxious. You might say looks don't matter, but I'd call that nonsense. I had stage 4 acne and I tried to connect with people anyway. The longest I ever talked to a girl was 2 weeks — she blocked me after we went for a walk. That's when I realized it's better not to try, because it always ends the same way: getting blocked or ignored. I'm a boring guy who goes to work and the gym. My life is home, work, gym — just routine. I feel like it would be better if I hadn't existed, that everyone would be better off without me. You might say 'you're young, everything is ahead of you, don't give up' — I don't believe any of that anymore. I just want to hide somewhere quiet where no one would touch me and everyone would forget about me. I simply don't see my future. I'm starving for connection. I've already worn out everyone at work with my need to talk — one person even told me off. I don't know what to do.

I'm already exhausted — my life is just beginning and I'm already tired of living. Nothing works out for me. I try, it doesn't work. I try something new, same result. Constant failures, constant losses. I'm a kind person by nature, but for the last 4 years I've had no friends. Why? Because I can't trust anyone anymore. Some people lied, others only talked to me for their own benefit, then just dropped me. I feel like I'm not meant to be happy. In my 19 years I've never had a girlfriend. Why? I'll tell you — I'm not attractive, I'm closed off, shy, and socially anxious. You might say looks don't matter, but I'd call that nonsense. I had stage 4 acne and I tried to connect with people anyway. The longest I ever talked to a girl was 2 weeks — she blocked me after we went for a walk. That's when I realized it's better not to try, because it always ends the same way: getting blocked or ignored. I'm a boring guy who goes to work and the gym. My life is home, work, gym — just routine. I feel like it would be better if I hadn't existed, that everyone would be better off without me. You might say 'you're young, everything is ahead of you, don't give up' — I don't believe any of that anymore. I just want to hide somewhere quiet where no one would touch me and everyone would forget about me. I simply don't see my future. I'm starving for connection. I've already worn out everyone at work with my need to talk — one person even told me off. I don't know what to do.

I messed up. I just went up to talk to a girl I really liked, started the conversation but couldn't keep it going because I had nothing to say. Now I feel like I have zero chance of meeting anyone. I'm not exactly good-looking, and I don't have anything interesting to talk about since my whole life is just home–work–home, the same thing every day. I want to die 😭😭😭

People who struggle with loneliness or have struggled with it — what did you do in your free time to keep from dying of boredom?

I feel like I’ve lost interest in everything, and lately I don’t even feel like living.

I don’t want to do anything anymore — not talk to people, not eat, not sleep properly. I just want to shut myself away and avoid everyone.

Has anyone been in a similar state where you felt this empty? What actually helped you get out of it, even a little?