u/Head-Aioli209

I constantly see my friends miserable over a lost relationship, in love in a new relationship or anything in between. Everybody my age seems to have some romantic stuff going on.

And then you have me: Nothing. Emptiness. Never loved, never had a crush and nobodys ever been interested in me. Just an absolute void for anything to do with romance.

But I WANT it. I WANT to be obsessed. I WANT someone who is obsessed with me. I want these strong emotions, the ups and downs. But it just doesnt happen.

Not sure if this even fits here but whatever.

I am a 20 year old dude and have never fallen in love, had a crush or anything like that. I want to fall in love but at this point I dont even know how thats supposed to work.

It might be that I just havent found "the one" yet but that explanation feels a bit lazy.

Many of the women I know are beautiful, intelligent and nice but I just dont (romantically) care about them. Sure some of them are my friends and some are acquaintances I like and can enjoy spending some time with. But thats kind of how far it goes. I dont know what it is but I just never get any romantic feelings towards anybody.

In highschool I had little interaction with girls my age. Only really with the ones from my class and there were only 8 of them. Many of them were and still are really good looking and nice to talk to. I never had a problem with hanging out with them. But again thats just how far it goes. I feel like besides the fact that they would look worse nothing would really change if they were just dudes (I am not into men btw).

I went to college hoping that I would find someone there but its just more of the same. Although I have met quite a few women who are good looking and nice I still havent caught feelings for anybody.

So, how does this stuff work? Am I doing something wrong?

Welcome to my rant.

For the last few weeks I have just been feeling terrible. I know that its stress induced but that doesnt make it better. I am lonely and constantly feel glum. Theres just a grey shade over everything. Normally I have maybe a few suicidal thoughts a day maybe I sometimes even go a day without, idk I dont really keep track. In the last few weeks it has just been constant. Every time I dont do something where I have to focus I just think how much easier death would be.

Just today while driving, half the time there was a tree on the side of the street or oncoming traffic I was imagining what exactly I would need to do to end it quickly. It was so bad that I could barely focus on driving.

I think that these thoughts are just me being self indulgant. I feel like it comforts and calms me down when I think of killing myself. I often do it when I do something embarassing or think of a time where I did (god that happens often). I know that its not really healthy but at this point it has just become a reflex.

I doubt that I am ever going to do it. My family really wouldnt take it well. Nevertheless it just sucks to have this dream/hope of what could be knowing that I will never do it.

I feel like I am starting to hate myself and the world. Everything just sucks. Sure there are some brighter moments but even those are dim and insignificant compared to everything else.

I am also procrastinating horribly again (hence me writing this). I always do that, its never good, I always know I am doing it and I know that this is one of the main reasons I get into these holes.

Gore sometimes calms me down. I usually watch ukranian drone footage. Idk what it is about it, I know that it isnt healthy but idc. Maybe it helps me put into perspective just how insignificant my life is and that comforts me.

Rant over.

Hi, I am a 20 year old introverted biotech student looking for someone with similar interests 🙃.

Dont worry if our interests arent the exact same. I am happy to get into new stuff and happy to tell you about my interests.

I would describe myself as a chill guy who tends to nerd out on specific topics. I can be quite the social butterfly if I want to but only for a short time😅. Occasionally I get the urge to learn new stuff like spanish, immunology, simple math tricks and a bunch more useless stuff. Most of the time I am in my room following my hobbies though.

My hobbies include various games (lol, Factorio, Isaac and more) on which I spend way too much time🫠. If I dont game then I mostly read Fantasy books, Manga, Manhwa and Webnovels. This combined with the fact that I still occasionally watch TV series or Anime has led to me knowing an ungoldy amount of useless lore🧐. The settings I am the most familiar with are WH40K, Supernatural and Brandon Sandersons Cosmere but I am also very familiar with a LOT of other stuff. Currently watching The Mentalist btw I really like it, can recommend👍.

Irl I am strongly interested in Biology, Microbiology and Chemistry but I do go in for a lot of other stuff. (If you like bio I would also highly recommend "The Thought Emporium"😁)

Besides that I also like to hang out with my friends in the rare case that I find the energy to leave my room😅.

If it matters, I would say that I am quite fit. Not buff gym fit, more like skinny but good at sports fit (trust, I beat almost anybody at calisthenics). Actually I have recently learned that I can climb over a 2 meter fence in like 2 seconds (if you want to know how I found that out you have to write me😉, I promise I wasnt doing anything bad)

If any of that sounded intersting to you then feel free to dm me and maybe we can have a nice chat or even game together🙃.

Hi, I am a 20 year old introverted biotech student looking for someone with similar interests 🙃.

Dont worry if our interests arent the exact same. I am happy to get into new stuff and happy to tell you about my interests.

I would describe myself as a chill guy who tends to nerd out on specific topics. I can be quite the social butterfly if I want to but only for a short time😅. Occasionally I get the urge to learn new stuff like spanish, immunology, simple math tricks and a bunch more useless stuff. Most of the time I am in my room following my hobbies though.

My hobbies include various games (lol, Factorio, Isaac and more) on which I spend way too much time🫠. If I dont game then I mostly read Fantasy books, Manga, Manhwa and Webnovels. This combined with the fact that I still occasionally watch TV series or Anime has led to me knowing an ungoldy amount of useless lore🧐. The settings I am the most familiar with are WH40K, Supernatural and Brandon Sandersons Cosmere but I am also very familiar with a LOT of other stuff. Currently watching The Mentalist btw I really like it, can recommend👍.

Irl I am strongly interested in Biology, Microbiology and Chemistry but I do go in for a lot of other stuff. (If you like bio I would also highly recommend "The Thought Emporium"😁)

Besides that I also like to hang out with my friends in the rare case that I find the energy to leave my room😅.

If it matters, I would say that I am quite fit. Not buff gym fit, more like skinny but good at sports fit (trust, I beat almost anybody at calisthenics). Actually I have recently learned that I can climb over a 2 meter fence in like 2 seconds (if you want to know how I found that out you have to write me😉, I promise I wasnt doing anything bad)

If any of that sounded intersting to you then feel free to dm me and maybe we can have a nice chat or even game together🙃.

Edit: Ohh I am also quite the night owl as you can probably guess from the fact that I posted this at around 2 in the morning😅.

Hi, I am a 20 year old introverted biotech student looking for someone with similar interests 🙃.

​

My hobbies include various games (lol, Factorio, Isaac and more) on which I spend way too much time🫠. If I dont spend my time gaming then I mostly read Fantasy books, Manga, Manhwa and Webnovels. This combined with the fact that I still occasionally watch TV series or Anime has led to me knowing an ungoldy amount of useless lore🧐. The settings I am the most familiar with are WH40K, Supernatural and Brandon Sandersons Cosmere but I am also very familiar with a LOT of other stuff.

Irl I am strongly interested in Biology, Microbiology and Chemistry but I do go in for a lot of other stuff.

​

If any of that sounded intersting to you then feel free to dm me and maybe we can have a nice chat or even game together😁.

Life sucks. I am just stumbling from exhausting stuff to trying to regain energy to just doing more exhausting stuff. It all just feels like work for no reward. At this point only the knowledge that it would hurt my family is what keeps me going. If my parents and sibling would die today then I would be dangling somewhere before the day is over.

​

Have any of you felt the same and found a different reason to live?

Every time when people rant or ask for advice because they cant find someone they get the same answer. "You are still young" or something like that. That seems to imply that everybody eventually finds someone which is simply not true. I know at least 2 dudes off the top of my head that are well beyond the dating age (50s and 60s) and they are still alone. So no not everybody finds someone and I feel it is absolutely reasonable to fear that I will end up like that. It is not really helpful to tell me or anybody for that matter that "it will happen eventually".

I of course know that people also give other advice but I just see it so god damn often that I just wanted to say this. Rant over, thanks for reading.