u/HelloIAmMacintosh

I’m asking this because I am someone who faced physical abuse, and other forms of abuse, every time I made a mistake

Most of the times, I made a mistake because I was neurodivergent, immature, I did something on accident or I had a boundary. Yet I was treated like Lucifer

I turned to the Lord thinking He would rescue me from this abuse

Now I’m hearing that He commanded that abuse this whole time, with the verses in Proverbs about physical discipline

It shattered everything I knew about God and safety

I have very shitty social skills not just because of autism, but because my parents made it impossible for me to develop socially (it’s a long story. It goes back to when I was 4 1/2, and got worse when I was 13)

Because I heard how a Christian man demanded his wife to go somewhere with him, and when she said she was too tired, he said “disobeying me is disobeying God”

So is laying boundaries disobedience?

Basically my issue is that my brain pictures the devil as this soft, gentle, feminine being and that’s where my intrusive thoughts come from. I hate these intrusive thoughts because they are keeping me from actually worshipping God

What do I do

That sounds as if the Bible is saying “don’t think about anything in this world that isn’t related to God”

Is it saying that? What is it actually saying

That command is just so vague and could mean anything

Sorry i just have very black and white thinking

My parents are ethnic Serbs from rural central Croatia. They were each born in the early 1960s. They expect me to be passive and firm (if needed) when laying my boundaries. I am never allowed to raise my voice or sound aggressive. Basically, I have to be like Padmé Amidala from the Star Wars prequels

Here’s the thing, my parents don’t always respect my boundaries. I might say “no” politely and they will go on and on and on. So of course I will eventually snap. It’s just part of having a nervous system. Then when I do snap, my parents will scold me. They will say “if you want to lay your boundaries do it in a polite and firm way” when that’s exactly what didn’t work. So basically, passivity is ignored and assertiveness is condemned

And it’s not just with my parents. My parents expect me to be passive with everyone. Even if they ignore my boundaries, I still need to be super polite. Anything more than that is not allowed.

Does anyone else have the same experience?