u/Helpful_Lion1611

I’m a woman in my 20s and I feel like the past two years have just been one painful experience after another. I’m starting to notice a pattern and I genuinely don’t know if it’s the type of women I’m attracted to, something I’m putting out, or both. Looking for honest outside perspective.

It started with someone I had known for six years. We had developed feelings for each other over time but she was always back and forth about actually choosing me. Every time I was available and wanted her she was either in a relationship or unavailable. Then the times she wasn’t in a relationship that’s when she would want me. When I finally moved on and started seeing someone else that’s when everything changed. She became manipulative, gaslighting me, harassing me, making threats, triangulating me. When I finally got out I also ended up losing my entire friend group because I didn’t feel safe around people who were still close with her. She tried to reach me through mutual friends multiple times. So overnight I went from having a social circle to having almost no one.

After that I tried dating for the first time properly. I’m demisexual so I don’t develop feelings quickly, but I got on the apps and met someone. It started okay but she became emotionally manipulative, pressuring me into things I wasn’t comfortable with, questioning whether I loved her when I said no, laughing at my insecurities. It eventually ended but it left a mark.

Then I met two people at an event and we clicked really fast. One of them I eventually developed feelings for over time. I never told her directly but I think she figured it out. She went from warm and friendly to condescending, usually when it was just the two of us or around strangers. She would push my physical boundaries and I noticed she’d constantly try to make me jealous. One night at an event she saw me glance at someone else and completely turned on me. She shoved me and was cold to me the rest of the night. When I brought it up she wouldn’t acknowledge it so I blocked her. She then reached out to a mutual friend asking why and I just let it go. I didn’t want more drama with someone who wasn’t willing to take accountability.

I’d known this person for about a year before any feelings developed and she felt like the first genuinely safe person I’d met in a long time. There were small things over time that made me think she might feel something too. She would compliment my physique, we would glance at each other quite a bit, and I felt like at times she tried to subtly let me know she might be into girls. But I eventually realized she was probably just using me for validation and attention. When she started meeting other people it felt like she became almost disgusted by the idea that I had feelings for her. Her and a mutual friend would talk and glance over at me and it seemed like they were talking about me. I felt like she treated my emotions like a joke and I feel pathetic for liking her. I thought she was genuine the whole time. They made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. And that really messed with me because I had genuinely opened up to her and trusted her.

So my question is this. Why do I keep ending up here? Is there something about the type of women I’m attracted to that creates this dynamic? Or is there something I’m putting out that attracts women who want my validation but don’t actually want me? I’m genuinely trying to understand the pattern so I can break it.

If you’ve been through something similar or have perspective on this I’d really appreciate hearing it.

TLDR: Four painful experiences over the past two years with women who were either back and forth about choosing me, manipulative, or used me for validation before making me feel disposable. I keep ending up here and I want to understand why so I can break the pattern.

I’ve experienced a good amount of emotional trauma and mistreatment in recent years. I but inn really trying to figure out to how to move forward? I have cried more times I can count, I’ve been going through all the emotions, anger, sadness, all of it. But I just feel really stuck.

How do I move forward from all this? How can I heal and progress from this. For context I am in my 20s

I'm a woman in my 20s and I feel like the past few years have just been one painful experience after another, and I don't think I've ever properly healed from any of them. I'm not really sure where to start rebuilding.

It started with getting out of a really toxic friendship: manipulation, gaslighting, triangulation, harassment, threats. When I finally got out, I also ended up losing my entire college friend group because I didn't feel safe around people who were still close with her (she tried to reach me through mutual friends multiple times). So overnight I went from having a social circle to having almost no one.

After that I tried dating for the first time. I'm demisexual, so I don't really develop feelings quickly, but I got on the apps and met someone. It started okay, but she became emotionally manipulative, pressuring me into things I wasn't comfortable with, questioning whether I loved her when I said no, laughing at my insecurities. It eventually ended, but it left a mark.

Then I met two people at an event and we clicked really fast. One of them I eventually developed feelings for over time. I never told her directly, but I think she figured it out. She went from warm and friendly to condescending, usually when it was just the two of us or around strangers. She would push my physical boundaries, and I noticed she'd constantly try to make me jealous. But she always considered me a friend, and called me such. One night at an event, she saw me glance at someone else and completely turned on me. She shoved me and was cold to me the rest of the night. When I brought it up she wouldn't acknowledge it, so I blocked her. She then reached out to a mutual friend asking why, and I just let it go. I didn't want more drama with someone who wasn't willing to take accountability.

The most recent one hit the hardest. I'd known this person for about a year before any feelings developed and she felt like the first genuinely safe person I'd met in a long time. There were small things over time that made me think she might feel something too. She would compliment my physique, we would glance at eachother quite a bit, I feel like at times she tried to subtly let me know she was possibly into girls. But I eventually realized she was probably just using me for validation and attention. When I think she started meeting other people, it felt like she became almost disgusted by the idea that I had feelings for her. Her and a mutual friend would talk and glance at me while they were talking, and it seemed like they were talking about me. I felt like she treated my emotions like a joke, and I feel pathetic for liking her. I thought she was genuine the whole time. They made me feel like I wasn't good enough. And that really messed with me, because I had genuinely opened up to her and trusted her.

I wouldn’t say I’m unattractive. People have approached me when I’ve gone out, I've gotten matches on dating apps when I was on there. But after all of this I feel like I've completely lost trust in my own instincts and in other people. I keep ending up around people who take advantage of the fact that I'm someone who actually tries to be genuine and open.

On top of all of this, I've also been working on myself physically: skin, hair, teeth, style. I'll be honest, I think the emotional weight of the past few years caused me to let some things slide, as well as health issues I’ve gone through these past few years. Also, I'm in the earlier stages of that process so I'm not where I want to be yet. But I'm trying. The thing that gets to me though is feeling like no matter how much I work on myself, it's never quite enough. The last few people I've had feelings for seemed to place a lot of value on conventional attractiveness, status and wealth, the "optics" of a partner. And I have a career in stem I'm building and real ambitions, but it never seems to register as valuable to the people I'm drawn to. It makes me wonder sometimes if I'm only worth people's attention, but not actually worth their investment. Like I'm good enough to receive feelings from, but not good enough to be chosen. I'm tired of feeling like I have to overcompensate just to be seen as worthy. I’ve felt like I’ve had to be taller ( and I’m almost 6ft as a woman), more muscular, wealthy, and just overall more attractive to be considered not even just romantically. But even just for basic treatment from others. And if it helps for context, I am more masculine presenting, hence why I feel like I have to overcompensate in those areas. I just want to heal from all of this, figure out how to trust again, and actually grow. Not just glow up on the outside, but feel like I'm enough on the inside too. If you've been through something similar, I'd really appreciate hearing what helped you move forward.

I am seeing a therapist. I’ve been seeing her throughout these years but I’ve been thinking in if I should find a new one? She has helped me during these years but I’m just not sure how productive our therapy sessions are anymore.

\*\*TLDR:\*\* Escaped a toxic friendship two years ago, lost my whole friend group in the process, had a manipulative first relationship, and then had two more painful experiences with people I developed feelings for who either mistreated me or used me for validation. I've been working on myself but I'm exhausted from feeling like I'm never quite enough. Looking for advice on how to actually heal, rebuild trust, and move forward.

I'm a woman in my 20s and I feel like the past two years have just been one painful experience after another, and I don't think I've ever properly healed from any of them. I'm not really sure where to start rebuilding.

It started with getting out of a really toxic friendship: manipulation, gaslighting, triangulation, harassment, threats. When I finally got out, I also ended up losing my entire college friend group because I didn't feel safe around people who were still close with her (she tried to reach me through mutual friends multiple times). So overnight I went from having a social circle to having almost no one.

After that I tried dating for the first time. I'm demisexual, so I don't really develop feelings quickly, but I got on the apps and met someone. It started okay, but she became emotionally manipulative, pressuring me into things I wasn't comfortable with, questioning whether I loved her when I said no, laughing at my insecurities. It eventually ended, but it left a mark.

Then I met two people at an event and we clicked really fast. One of them I eventually developed feelings for over time. I never told her directly, but I think she figured it out. She went from warm and friendly to condescending, usually when it was just the two of us or around strangers. She would push my physical boundaries, and I noticed she'd constantly try to make me jealous. But she always considered me a friend, and called me such. One night at an event, she saw me glance at someone else and completely turned on me. She shoved me and was cold to me the rest of the night. When I brought it up she wouldn't acknowledge it, so I blocked her. She then reached out to a mutual friend asking why, and I just let it go. I didn't want more drama with someone who wasn't willing to take accountability.

The most recent one hit the hardest. I'd known this person for about a year before any feelings developed and she felt like the first genuinely safe person I'd met in a long time. There were small things over time that made me think she might feel something too. She would compliment my physique, we would glance at eachother quite a bit, I feel like at times she tried to subtly let me know she was possibly into girls. But I eventually realized she was probably just using me for validation and attention. When I think she started meeting other people, it felt like she became almost disgusted by the idea that I had feelings for her. Her and a mutual friend would talk and glance at me while they were talking, and it seemed like they were talking about me. I felt like she treated my emotions like a joke, and I feel pathetic for liking her. I thought she was genuine the whole time. They made me feel like I wasn't good enough. And that really messed with me, because I had genuinely opened up to her and trusted her.

I wouldn’t say I’m unattractive. People have approached me when I’ve gone out, I've gotten matches on dating apps when I was on there. But after all of this I feel like I've completely lost trust in my own instincts and in other people. I keep ending up around people who take advantage of the fact that I'm someone who actually tries to be genuine and open.

On top of all of this, I've also been working on myself physically: skin, hair, teeth, style. I'll be honest, I think the emotional weight of the past few years caused me to let some things slide, as well as health issues I’ve gone through these past few years. Also, I'm in the earlier stages of that process so I'm not where I want to be yet. But I'm trying. The thing that gets to me though is feeling like no matter how much I work on myself, it's never quite enough. The last few people I've had feelings for seemed to place a lot of value on conventional attractiveness, status and wealth, the "optics" of a partner. And I have a career in stem I'm building and real ambitions, but it never seems to register as valuable to the people I'm drawn to. It makes me wonder sometimes if I'm only worth people's attention, but not actually worth their investment. Like I'm good enough to receive feelings from, but not good enough to be chosen. I'm tired of feeling like I have to overcompensate just to be seen as worthy. I’ve felt like I’ve had to be taller ( and I’m almost 6ft as a woman), more muscular, wealthy, and just overall more attractive to be considered not even just romantically. But even just for basic treatment from others. I just want to heal from all of this, figure out how to trust again, and actually grow. Not just glow up on the outside, but feel like I'm enough on the inside too. If you've been through something similar, I'd really appreciate hearing what helped you move forward.

TLDR:Escaped a toxic friendship two years ago, lost my whole friend group in the process, had a manipulative first relationship, and then had two more painful experiences with people I developed feelings for who either mistreated me or used me for validation. I've been working on myself but I'm exhausted from feeling like I'm never quite enough. Looking for advice on how to actually heal, rebuild trust, and move forward.

I'm a woman in my 20s and I feel like the past two years have just been one painful experience after another, and I don't think I've ever properly healed from any of them. I'm not really sure where to start rebuilding.

It started with getting out of a really toxic friendship: manipulation, gaslighting, triangulation, harassment, threats. When I finally got out, I also ended up losing my entire college friend group because I didn't feel safe around people who were still close with her (she tried to reach me through mutual friends multiple times). So overnight I went from having a social circle to having almost no one.

After that I tried dating for the first time. I'm demisexual, so I don't really develop feelings quickly, but I got on the apps and met someone. It started okay, but she became emotionally manipulative, pressuring me into things I wasn't comfortable with, questioning whether I loved her when I said no, laughing at my insecurities. It eventually ended, but it left a mark.

Then I met two people at an event and we clicked really fast. One of them I eventually developed feelings for over time. I never told her directly, but I think she figured it out. She went from warm and friendly to condescending, usually when it was just the two of us or around strangers. She would push my physical boundaries, and I noticed she'd constantly try to make me jealous. But she always considered me a friend, and called me such. One night at an event, she saw me glance at someone else and completely turned on me. She shoved me and was cold to me the rest of the night. When I brought it up she wouldn't acknowledge it, so I blocked her. She then reached out to a mutual friend asking why, and I just let it go. I didn't want more drama with someone who wasn't willing to take accountability.

The most recent one hit the hardest. I'd known this person for about a year before any feelings developed and she felt like the first genuinely safe person I'd met in a long time. There were small things over time that made me think she might feel something too. She would compliment my physique, we would glance at eachother quite a bit, I feel like at times she tried to subtly let me know she was possibly into girls. But I eventually realized she was probably just using me for validation and attention. When I think she started meeting other people, it felt like she became almost disgusted by the idea that I had feelings for her. Her and a mutual friend would talk and glance at me while they were talking, and it seemed like they were talking about me. I felt like she treated my emotions like a joke, and I feel pathetic for liking her. I thought she was genuine the whole time. They made me feel like I wasn't good enough. And that really messed with me, because I had genuinely opened up to her and trusted her.

I wouldn’t say I’m unattractive. People have approached me when I’ve gone out, I've gotten matches on dating apps when I was on there. But after all of this I feel like I've completely lost trust in my own instincts and in other people. I keep ending up around people who take advantage of the fact that I'm someone who actually tries to be genuine and open.

On top of all of this, I've also been working on myself physically: skin, hair, teeth, style. I'll be honest, I think the emotional weight of the past few years caused me to let some things slide, as well as health issues I’ve gone through these past few years. Also, I'm in the earlier stages of that process so I'm not where I want to be yet. But I'm trying. The thing that gets to me though is feeling like no matter how much I work on myself, it's never quite enough. The last few people I've had feelings for seemed to place a lot of value on conventional attractiveness, status and wealth, the "optics" of a partner. And I have a career in stem I'm building and real ambitions, but it never seems to register as valuable to the people I'm drawn to. It makes me wonder sometimes if I'm only worth people's attention, but not actually worth their investment. Like I'm good enough to receive feelings from, but not good enough to be chosen. I'm tired of feeling like I have to overcompensate just to be seen as worthy. I’ve felt like I’ve had to be taller ( and I’m almost 6ft as a woman), more muscular, wealthy, and just overall more attractive to be considered not even just romantically. But even just for basic treatment from others. I just want to heal from all of this, figure out how to trust again, and actually grow. Not just glow up on the outside, but feel like I'm enough on the inside too. If you've been through something similar, I'd really appreciate hearing what helped you move forward.

**TLDR:** Escaped a toxic friendship two years ago, lost my whole friend group in the process, had a manipulative first relationship, and then had two more painful experiences with people I developed feelings for who either mistreated me or used me for validation. I've been working on myself but I'm exhausted from feeling like I'm never quite enough. Looking for advice on how to actually heal, rebuild trust, and move forward.

I realized someone I opened up to in good faith and trust, and someone I developed feelings for. Although showing interest ( constant glances, alluding she was possibly interested in girls, complimenting my physique and me in general, etc). Never really cared. My feelings were a joke to her, and apparently something she shared even though she promised she wouldn’t). And as a demisexual, it takes me a long time to really find someone I connected with. She genuinely felt like the first safe and healthy person I’ve met in a long time. We confided in eachother.

But I soon realized I was used for validation, and I guess once she saw who she could pull, treated me and my interest in her as something that grossed her out. Even though she would want my attention. ATP I am at a loss. My self esteem is tanked, I find myself comparing myself to others and tempted to prove I’m desirable. But I just need to move on. She genuinely doesn’t care how she treated me. Yet she seemed so friendly and caring. If anyone has any advice. I would appreciate this.

I’m also trying to heal from previous toxic relationships and friendship losses as a result of these relationships. I genuinly feel alone. I can’t talk to family as they don’t know about it my sexuality. I have a therapist but can only afford to see her one a week or once every two weeks. Like I feel alone, and unsure how to cope with the mistreatment I’ve experienced. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m unattractive people think how they treat me doesn’t matter? But I’ve had girls approach me in person and when I was on dating apps I got matches. I wouldn’t say I’m a model, but this girl and her friend made me feel like I was undesirable.

I’m trying to glow up I guess ( working on my appearance but currently in the beginning/ middle stages of it all) , but the past few years have sucked out so much from me and I haven’t been looking the best. And the past few months have been brutal. I really just want to heal.

I had this friend I knew for about 6 years. We became very close and eventually developed feelings for eachother ( both women and 24 years old when this happened). But I recall the time she kissed me ( pecked me a few times on the lips) I felt nothing each time. Like I didn’t feel anything major feeling. Just felt like two lips touching eachother. I was confused because we had an extreamly deep emotional connection. She was someone I genuinly felt I liked because of our emotional connection. And someone I truly had feelings for.

We aren’t friends anymore, but often times I wonder why I didn’t feel anything? There were times we cuddled and stuff and I got super turned on. But I was confused why I felt nothing when I kissed her. Even when she tried to make a sexual advance on me I declined it? I had a thought in my mind that she was my friend when that happened, which was why I pushed her away. But I thought I wanted it, we both liked eachother and she was someone I considered safe and emotionally close and bonded to.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Why did this happen?