u/Hopeful_Reindeer7128

My spouse (F29) and I (M32) have been married for about 10 years, and recently I’ve been struggling with serious doubts regarding our marriage. My partner and I are currently on a three month separation due to ongoing marital issues. Over time, I lost the will and motivation to continue giving so much effort to what has felt like a one sided relationship.

My spouse was l diagnosed with ADHD. I was aware of this before marriage, but at a much younger age I didn’t fully understand how significantly it could affect daily life over time, especially after having a child. I’m a neat freak and also love things to be organized and tidy. The primary issues we’ve struggled with is her organization skills, taking care of our child (M5), being on time, keeping the house clean, and cooking. These responsibilities have largely fallen on me, and honestly, it has become so one-sided that I no longer feel like I can continue carrying everything alone. I also work full-time and have been the primary provider for our family. I don’t mind all this work to be honest but I get no time for love, affection, and appreciation.

The separation happened because I genuinely needed a break. In many ways, the break has actually benefited me. Over the last three months, I’ve lost 10 pounds, got lean, earned two certifications, and even received a promotion at work.

What I’m asking for is advice and perspective. Being in a relationship with someone who has ADHD has not been easy, and over time I’ve found myself losing care, patience, and emotional connection in ways that concern me. At the same time, I still want to be there for my spouse and our child. However, the marriage has felt deeply one sided.

What made things worse, and ultimately sparked the separation, was when she expressed that she needed to focus on herself and our child, and that she no longer had the capacity, time, or emotional strength for me. In response, I created distance and stopped showing affection and care because I no longer felt (I know) those things were not being given to me either.

Obviously, that reaction was not constructive, but nonetheless, that is what I decided.

I’m simply looking for thoughtful advice on what I can do moving forward. Thank you all for your assistance, empathy, and mindfulness regarding this delicate situation.

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Spouse (F29) and I (M32) are separated and I’m seeking advice on how to better navigate the situation?