u/Hot-Homework8256

Thanks for explaining my life, I tried to protect my little brother from my angry mom from doing something that could potentially go wrong, because he acted up in school (I’m protecting him, not excusing him, there’s a difference) I know he’s 14 and should know better but he’s also non Verbal autistic and reactive and acts younger mentally most of the time. She thought I was possessed by the devil (I’m a black man autistic and Christian but mentally turning into an atheist slowly because of the way I acted, I’m no longer allowed to stay home from church on Sunday, I’m 21 years old I prefer staying home from church as an option but after that I’m I have no choice because I’m possessed by the devil and was after my mom for years) for protecting my little brother and before this she told me to get my belt, I had to hide it and pull my little brother away from the situation, I know it’s probably an empty threat, but empty threat still has the word “threat” and she also told me I can’t tell the difference between “Discipline” and “Abuse” and assume I was going to call it cops (who are not really friendly towards black people) on her and they were going to “take her babies” and the best I could do is record her yelling, she claimed it was to prevent my brother and I from ending up in jail (there’s probably a reason why so many black folks especially black men are stereotyped as jerks and assholes) I was nice because I wanted to, not because I was getting beat and was conditioned to, I avoided bad grades like the plague not wanting to get yelled at or beat, but she claimed me getting beat was the reason why I ended up being good in school because it was “discipline” but I was doing out of fear of being hit and she makes so hard not punch her because that’s letting her win and I’m not dealing with that crap and she did a lot of stuff to me in the past like wanting check my book bag and my privacy and is none of her business, it’s my own book bag, got upset with me because I could lift stuff properly or hold heavy things, which is more discouraging than you think and thinks I don’t respect authority. I know how do basic chores but don’t know how to pay bills, drive, I’m jobless, broke, and want to live on my own. I’m know my mom is hardworking, tired, in poor health, getting old, the real world is shitty as hell, and want to make sure there’s  a roof over our heads and yes I’m spoiled I not going to deny that, but that’s not an excuse for her behavior and it’s going to cause me anger issues, stress, anxiety, and depression and making the world sound shittier than it is right now and can’t take it anymore, and planning to go to CCAD in a dorm room and going low contact after graduation, getting a job, start driving, and moving into my own place, and I don’t want to have kids anymore after those events and want to date whomever I want regardless of gender, use the money for whatever I want to use it for, and live free without restrictions anymore.and I am unable to respect her anymore