u/HungryMeower

Hi everyone, Im looking for a good location to study in, that is also open till late (and had parking available would be nice)

Good luck to everyone with exams rn!

this is the first time ive ever written something like this somewhere, i hope it gets burried beneath the other replies. but then again i kind of wish i could be seen or understood by someone, whoever that is. its been a while, before my last relapse i was clean for 3 years, now its been 1 and tbh it never gets easier. i started to realise things that im still too weak to accept. i wish i could feel loved, wanted, needed by anyone the way i love, want and need people. or atleast did. i lost hope for myself. i know that after all these years, things like that are just not meant for me. i don’t know if god even made a plan for me. sometimes i feel like this is even harder because i believe in god. cause that means that good things do exist, just not for me. i dont know what i did to not deserve those good things, i dont know if god doesnt see me as worth those things. maybe even he doesnt love me. i hope that one day i can make peace with this, that i can accept all this, and that it happens before my death. cause if i dont, that will mean that this feeling will continue and probably be the end of me.

There is something wrong with me, so wrong that I can’t see what it is. which makes it so much worse. My normal way of life is harming others so much that they all ghost me for it. Everything I told u is my side but if all of this were true, than I wouldnt have lost everyone. I’m lying to myself but I don’t know the truth. I can’t see the truth. I regret making mistakes that I don’t know, but I clearly did otherwise I wouldnt be here.

Hi, f20 and i’m pretty depressed. I have been my whole life.
my childhood was really rough. I got raped when I was a child and I grew up dirt poor. much of my teenage years were me coping with that. I just started college and I hit a new low.

Last year at highschool I wasnt doing the best mentally but I had a decent support system, my friends and my boyfriend were really there for me and I was for them. But through the year I lost every single friend I had. Every single one. The “school” friends (the ones u never make plans with outside school iykyk) started talking behind my back cause they found me too intense. (for context, im middle eastern living in an european country, and they found my accent “ghetto and agressive” when my word choices were good.) When I found out about this I tried to talk to them about it but they just acted like I was attacking them. I felt guilty for making them feel that way, even asked around if i really was attacking them, but again it was “my way of speaking” so I gave up on that.

I have 2 cousins that I used to be very close with. One of them got jealous of my boyfriend and I and started to tell my secrets to my boyfriends’ friend, who then started going around asking my cheating ex if “the rumours are true”. That guy tried to convince every friend of my boyfriend that I was the devil, basically. ofc didn’t work but I miss the cousin that I though I had.

My other cousin is a junkie and I used to be one too. I stopped before it got too bad around age 18. I tried to push her in every way to do something more than smoke weed all day. I went to schools to get her in (she dropped out at 16) got het job oportunities that she all messed up, and even saved her life once from an overdose that she planned that has left me traumatised asf (climed from one balcony to another to reach her room). I love her to death but the way she is makes it so hard for me to be close with her. She arrives with weed always on her, never let’s u know that she’s high/ wants to get high when she asks me to come over and gets annoyed when I don’t smoke with her even tho she knows I used to be addicted. after refusing to smoke a couple of times, she just stopped talking to me all together. I never attacked her when refusing, always made a bullshit excuse like “I have to study” or sum and never made her feel bad for smoking but still the silence is deafing.

My best friends, all 3 of them, chose boys above me every single time. my closest friend was in a really bad abusive relationship which I could see through from day 1. She always lied about everything, told people to lie to me aswel and even admitted later that she started to hate me because the boyfriend brainwashed her into thinking that she was getting abused because of me. Their relationship lasted 2 years and it was also my hell. I had days where i would beg her to tell me why she was being mean to me, only to hear bullshit excuses and no change. I stayed knowing that she was getting abused, but in results I got burned too. After their breakup she had apologised and we were so close again, but my mental health was declining fast and she never asked me what was up when she noticed me getting distant. Ofc I don’t expect someone to “sense” that something is wrong but when u have been begging for answers for 2 years, (which she thanked me for never giving up on her) u would expect atleast a “whats wrong?” back. she instantly gave up on me.

other 2 of my best friends chose boys before me aswel. one of them cheated on my friend, which is why I wouldnt aprove. she kept being in denial and i tried to be so gentle with her, never focussing on him but more about self love and stuff, and she got annoyed with me for never accepting him. mind u they never got together cause he was talking to the person he cheated with still. The other boy used to bully me when I was 16 for not being white. im not kidding. my friend ( u guessed it, white) didn’t see a problem with this. she kept defending him saying that he changed when theyve never even spoken about this subject. Both of their relationships failed, but ig their ego keeps them from replying to my messages.

All of this happend in the span of a year, at the start I was so happy. but now I don’t know whats wrong with me. I can even feel my boyfriend pulling away from me and I don’t know what to do. I try to be self aware as much as I can. Always ask what I did or said that was wrong and nobody can answer me. I don’t know if there is something wrong with me, or if I’m jist super unlucky and God is testing me.

This has become very long and I’m sorry for that. I know there are many typos but I know that no one will see this.
I haven’t been this depressed in a long time, At work all I’m thinking about is how I could die without it being classified as suicide. I pray at night to not wake up. I’m having nightmares every single night so I avoid sleeping. My past trauma is resurfising and I don’t know if I’m strong enough this time. I’m the most insecure I have ever been. I’m trying so hard to not harm myself but it’s so tempting. My boyfriend recently admit that he found me less attractive than when we first met. Well his words were “U barely take care of urself anymore” but I know what he really meant. I know I got ugly. I can’t look into the mirror without feeling awful about what I’m seeing. I don’t wanna die. please I hate living like this, I hate avoiding mirrors and being so alone. I wish I was different, I wish I didn’t go through what I did, I wish I wasnt so hard to love.

don’t mind my way of typing, english is not my first language and i honestly dont care about anything anymore.
i dont remember anything from my childhood besides getting raped and being poor as fuck and it keeps haunting me.
the woman that shouldve protected me didn’t notice me getting ripped to shreds by wolfs.
every connection i have is haunted by my past.
i cant stand intimacy of any sort.
every form of love feels like danger.
every physical touch feels like an attack.
and no amount of money will give me enough security to persue anything.
being in my collage classroom with no recollection of how i survived highschool.
all i remember are the days i would relapse and all i do is fantasize about them when i should be working on my chemistry lab assigntment.
i havent slept properly in days.
not because i cant but because my brain is punishing me in my sleep.
the things i see in my nightmares make me go crazy.
how do i relive my worst moments at night but forget everything about them when i try to heal in the morning.

its been a year since i last saw blood pouring out of me but im aching for more ever since.

Hi guys!!

I’m planning on eating out with my boyfriend tonight, and we were wondering if you guys know any restaurants where we can pay with maaltijdcheques.

Thank you sm!

Hi everyone, Im a student in Leuven that is seeking professional help.
I don’t have much money at all and I want to keep it from my parents (they never took my problems seriously). The places I have found have fees up to 100 euros per session which I can’t afford. Im not a student at kuleuven so I can’t use their resources. I have had suspicions of having ADHD aswel as depression but by the time I started looking into it, I was already 18+ so the cost of researching it was too much for me. Ive become desperate now tho.

If you know a therapist or a psychologist, could you please send some details and the price. How much would it cost to get diagnosed?

Thank you.