u/Illustrious-Fall-909

I’m just sitting idle, and these random thoughts started shuttling through my mind. I just wanted to share them, that’s it.

"There’s nothing much we can really do except hope and pray that we return home safely without facing any accident, abuse, murder attempt, rape, theft, or any other kind of harm. These days, even being safe inside our own homes feels like luck.At this point, all we can do is hope and pray to stay safe, because beyond that, there’s very little in our control."

Childhood trauma

​I am a 27 year old woman. We are a family of five; I have an elder sister (four years older than me) and a younger brother. My parents are not highly educated, yet they are very broad minded and understanding. I belong to an upper middle class family and have lead a comfortable life since childhood.

​As a young child, I was very extroverted and playful. During those days, my sister and I shared a room. While I was sleeping, she used to kiss me, hug me, and touch my private parts. At the time, I didn't know it was wrong or that it was called abuse. After she finished the 10th standard, my sister moved to a hostel to continue her education. At the age of 12 (7th standard), I attained puberty. My mother counseled me about staying safe and told me I should inform her if anyone ever misbehaved with me. Around the same time, I learned about good touch and bad touch at school.

​It was then that I came to the full realization that I had been abused by my elder sister. That understanding broke something inside of me. It became permanently engraved in my mind, I began to hate my sister and grew averse to her touch. From that point on, I became completely introverted and reserved. I stopped playing with the neighborhood children and buried myself in my studies. Until then, I had been a happy, playful child, but after those incidents, I became a different person.

​I fell into a rigid routine; wake up early, get ready, eat breakfast, go to school, return, freshen up, study, eat, and sleep. I became a no-nonsense person, often misunderstood as rude, and built an invisible wall around myself for protection. My parents and teachers thought I had simply matured with age, they were actually happy that I had become so studious and disciplined. Nobody knew it was a defense mechanism to project myself as someone who wouldn't tolerate any shit.

​When my sister came home from the hostel, I would sleep in the hall on the diwan cot, using the excuse that I had to wake up early to study and didn't want to disturb her. I even intentionally developed a habit of tossing my arms and legs over people while sleeping. I wanted my family and cousins to believe I was a restless sleeper who was difficult to sleep next to. It worked in my favor. Whenever we visited relatives or they visited us, separate sleeping arrangements were made for me because my cousins refused to share a bed with me owing to my sleeping habits. Surprisingly, I am not averse to the touch of others but only hers. But to avoid my sister, I had to avoid everyone.

​I never discussed this with my parents, and I don't think even my sister realizes I am aware of what she did to me. I have never confronted her. I know both of my parents would support me and question her if I ever confessed my pain. Even now, they would stand by me if I opened up, but I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to disturb the normalcy of our lives or cause them undue stress.

​My sister is now married with children. I am also married and very happy with my husband. He is a wonderful man who supports me in every situation. We have been married for almost two years, and even today, he asks for my consent before initiating intimacy, beyond just hugs and kisses. I haven't shared my past trauma with him, and I feel extremely guilty about it. I know he would understand, but he wouldn't stop there; he would definitely tell my parents, confront my sister, and cut ties with her. This would surely cause trouble in my sister's marriage and life. I also don't know how my in-laws or other relatives would react. Because of this, I am convinced I will never reveal it to anyone.

​For my entire childhood, I locked these memories in the deepest corners of my mind, trying to lead a normal life through coping methods like stargazing and gardening. But to this day, I suffer. I have never confronted her, but I feel that one day before either of us dies, I want to look her in the eye and tell her that she spoiled my childhood and brutally killed my inner child.

​On the surface, I have everything; a high paying job, supportive parents, a loving husband, a home, and financial security. Yet, I lack complete peace of mind. I have never shared this before, but I was triggered after reading a post about childhood trauma in this community yesterday.

​My intention is not just to share my story, but to alert parents about child sexual abuse. Anyone can be an abuser, regardless of gender, age, or relationship. We often think only boys abuse girls, but in reality, girls abuse girls, girls abuse boys, and boys abuse boys too. Even blood relatives like sisters can be abusers. Please protect your children. Don’t think it can’t happen to your child; it can happen to anyone, and it traumatizes them for life. Some may speak up, but others, like me, suffer in silence.

​When abuse comes from an outsider, we can fight back with everything we have. When it comes from within the family, the impact is 100 times worse because you feel you cannot fight back without losing all your close relationships. Please take extreme care of your children. Never blindly trust anyone, and always observe even the smallest changes in your child's behavior.

Childhood trauma

​I am a 27 year old woman. We are a family of five; I have an elder sister (four years older than me) and a younger brother. My parents are not highly educated, yet they are very broad minded and understanding. I belong to an upper middle class family and have lead a comfortable life since childhood.

​As a young child, I was very extroverted and playful. During those days, my sister and I shared a room. While I was sleeping, she used to kiss me, hug me, and touch my private parts. At the time, I didn't know it was wrong or that it was called abuse. After she finished the 10th standard, my sister moved to a hostel to continue her education. At the age of 12 (7th standard), I attained puberty. My mother counseled me about staying safe and told me I should inform her if anyone ever misbehaved with me. Around the same time, I learned about good touch and bad touch at school.

​It was then that I came to the full realization that I had been abused by my elder sister. That understanding broke something inside of me. It became permanently engraved in my mind, I began to hate my sister and grew averse to her touch. From that point on, I became completely introverted and reserved. I stopped playing with the neighborhood children and buried myself in my studies. Until then, I had been a happy, playful child, but after those incidents, I became a different person.

​I fell into a rigid routine; wake up early, get ready, eat breakfast, go to school, return, freshen up, study, eat, and sleep. I became a no-nonsense person, often misunderstood as rude, and built an invisible wall around myself for protection. My parents and teachers thought I had simply matured with age, they were actually happy that I had become so studious and disciplined. Nobody knew it was a defense mechanism to project myself as someone who wouldn't tolerate any shit.

​When my sister came home from the hostel, I would sleep in the hall on the diwan cot, using the excuse that I had to wake up early to study and didn't want to disturb her. I even intentionally developed a habit of tossing my arms and legs over people while sleeping. I wanted my family and cousins to believe I was a restless sleeper who was difficult to sleep next to. It worked in my favor. Whenever we visited relatives or they visited us, separate sleeping arrangements were made for me because my cousins refused to share a bed with me owing to my sleeping habits. Surprisingly, I am not averse to the touch of others but only hers. But to avoid my sister, I had to avoid everyone.

​I never discussed this with my parents, and I don't think even my sister realizes I am aware of what she did to me. I have never confronted her. I know both of my parents would support me and question her if I ever confessed my pain. Even now, they would stand by me if I opened up, but I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to disturb the normalcy of our lives or cause them undue stress.

​My sister is now married with children. I am also married and very happy with my husband. He is a wonderful man who supports me in every situation. We have been married for almost two years, and even today, he asks for my consent before initiating intimacy, beyond just hugs and kisses. I haven't shared my past trauma with him, and I feel extremely guilty about it. I know he would understand, but he wouldn't stop there; he would definitely tell my parents, confront my sister, and cut ties with her. This would surely cause trouble in my sister's marriage and life. I also don't know how my in-laws or other relatives would react. Because of this, I am convinced I will never reveal it to anyone.

​For my entire childhood, I locked these memories in the deepest corners of my mind, trying to lead a normal life through coping methods like stargazing and gardening. But to this day, I suffer. I have never confronted her, but I feel that one day before either of us dies, I want to look her in the eye and tell her that she spoiled my childhood and brutally killed my inner child.

​On the surface, I have everything; a high paying job, supportive parents, a loving husband, a home, and financial security. Yet, I lack complete peace of mind. I have never shared this before, but I was triggered after reading a post about childhood trauma in this community yesterday.

​My intention is not just to share my story, but to alert parents about child sexual abuse. Anyone can be an abuser, regardless of gender, age, or relationship. We often think only boys abuse girls, but in reality, girls abuse girls, girls abuse boys, and boys abuse boys too. Even blood relatives like sisters can be abusers. Please protect your children. Don’t think it can’t happen to your child; it can happen to anyone, and it traumatizes them for life. Some may speak up, but others, like me, suffer in silence.

​When abuse comes from an outsider, we can fight back with everything we have. When it comes from within the family, the impact is 100 times worse because you feel you cannot fight back without losing all your close relationships. Please take extreme care of your children. Never blindly trust anyone, and always observe even the smallest changes in your child's behavior.

​I am a 27 year old woman. We are a family of five; I have an elder sister (four years older than me) and a younger brother. My parents are not highly educated, yet they are very broad minded and understanding. I belong to an upper middle class family and have lead a comfortable life since childhood.

​As a young child, I was very extroverted and playful. During those days, my sister and I shared a room. While I was sleeping, she used to kiss me, hug me, and touch my private parts. At the time, I didn't know it was wrong or that it was called abuse. After she finished the 10th standard, my sister moved to a hostel to continue her education. At the age of 12 (7th standard), I attained puberty. My mother counseled me about staying safe and told me I should inform her if anyone ever misbehaved with me. Around the same time, I learned about good touch and bad touch at school.

​It was then that I came to the full realization that I had been abused by my elder sister. That understanding broke something inside of me. It became permanently engraved in my mind, I began to hate my sister and grew averse to her touch. From that point on, I became completely introverted and reserved. I stopped playing with the neighborhood children and buried myself in my studies. Until then, I had been a happy, playful child, but after those incidents, I became a different person.

​I fell into a rigid routine; wake up early, get ready, eat breakfast, go to school, return, freshen up, study, eat, and sleep. I became a no-nonsense person, often misunderstood as rude, and built an invisible wall around myself for protection. My parents and teachers thought I had simply matured with age, they were actually happy that I had become so studious and disciplined. Nobody knew it was a defense mechanism to project myself as someone who wouldn't tolerate any shit.

​When my sister came home from the hostel, I would sleep in the hall on the diwan cot, using the excuse that I had to wake up early to study and didn't want to disturb her. I even intentionally developed a habit of tossing my arms and legs over people while sleeping. I wanted my family and cousins to believe I was a restless sleeper who was difficult to sleep next to. It worked in my favor. Whenever we visited relatives or they visited us, separate sleeping arrangements were made for me because my cousins refused to share a bed with me owing to my sleeping habits. Surprisingly, I am not averse to the touch of others but only hers. But to avoid my sister, I had to avoid everyone.

​I never discussed this with my parents, and I don't think even my sister realizes I am aware of what she did to me. I have never confronted her. I know both of my parents would support me and question her if I ever confessed my pain. Even now, they would stand by me if I opened up, but I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to disturb the normalcy of our lives or cause them undue stress.

​My sister is now married with children. I am also married and very happy with my husband. He is a wonderful man who supports me in every situation. We have been married for almost two years, and even today, he asks for my consent before initiating intimacy, beyond just hugs and kisses. I haven't shared my past trauma with him, and I feel extremely guilty about it. I know he would understand, but he wouldn't stop there; he would definitely tell my parents, confront my sister, and cut ties with her. This would surely cause trouble in my sister's marriage and life. I also don't know how my in-laws or other relatives would react. Because of this, I am convinced I will never reveal it to anyone.

​For my entire childhood, I locked these memories in the deepest corners of my mind, trying to lead a normal life through coping methods like stargazing and gardening. But to this day, I suffer. I have never confronted her, but I feel that one day before either of us dies, I want to look her in the eye and tell her that she spoiled my childhood and brutally killed my inner child.

​On the surface, I have everything; a high paying job, supportive parents, a loving husband, a home, and financial security. Yet, I lack complete peace of mind. I have never shared this before, but I was triggered after reading a post about childhood trauma in this community yesterday.

​My intention is not just to share my story, but to alert parents about child sexual abuse. Anyone can be an abuser, regardless of gender, age, or relationship. We often think only boys abuse girls, but in reality, girls abuse girls, girls abuse boys, and boys abuse boys too. Even blood relatives like sisters can be abusers. Please protect your children. Don’t think it can’t happen to your child; it can happen to anyone, and it traumatizes them for life. Some may speak up, but others, like me, suffer in silence.

​When abuse comes from an outsider, we can fight back with everything we have. When it comes from within the family, the impact is 100 times worse because you feel you cannot fight back without losing all your close relationships. Please take extreme care of your children. Never blindly trust anyone, and always observe even the smallest changes in your child's behavior.

Edit: Thank you all for your understanding and kind words. I am fine, and I understand all of your concerns. However, my intention was not only to share my experience, but also to create awareness about child sexual abuse among parents, especially Indian parents who often believe that “Everything will always be fine in their fairytale world.” Finally, to clear all your doubts, I was around 10–12 years old, and my sister was around 14–16 years old when I was abused. It might have continued if I had not taken action, or it might not have. I don’t know.

I am going to delete this post in a few days.

What’s your take on extramarital affairs in a marriage? Why would someone cheat on their partner without considering their spouse and children?

Some even go to the extent of harming or killing their partner and kids to be with their affair partner. In certain cases, even when the marriage seems completely satisfactory financially, physically, and in terms of comfort, one partner still strays. What is the psychology behind such decisions?

EXPECTING ANSWERS FROM BOTH MEN AND WOMEN.