u/ImpossibleRead4200

**My boyfriend says he doesn’t believe in prioritizing romantic relationships over friendships. Am I being unreasonable?**

I’ve (32F) been dating my boyfriend (40M) for 8 months. He’s only ever had monogamous relationships, but he’s skeptical that lifelong monogamy is realistic. He says attraction to other people is inevitable and isn’t convinced choosing one person forever is necessarily the right model. I told him attraction is inevitable for me too, but commitment is choosing your partner anyway. He wasn’t sure he agreed, but said he’s ‘willing tk explore it with me’ and that so far, I’m the healthiest relationship he’s been in.

He’s also friends with several ex-lovers. The one I’m struggling with is a woman he friend-zoned just before we met. She admitted she had feelings for him, and I’m fairly sure she still does. He insists he has zero romantic interest in her and that ‘if he had a crush on her, he’d tell me.’

This week I’m about to leave for three weeks, and my visa situation is uncertain, so I told him I’d really like our last few days together to feel intentional. Instead, on our second-to-last evening together, I didn’t hear from him all day. I checked in at 8 pm and he said he was just now walking into a lecture and performance and that i should join him after at the bar.

I later found out that he had gone to that performance with this woman who has feelings for him and didn’t tell me. I blew up his phone and spiraled — I’m so embarrassed. He got defensive and didn’t comfort me. When I called to talk about it the next day, be he was open about telling me he ‘met her at the lecture’ but insisted he did nothing wrong and if i wanted to see him i could have reached out.

When I told him I felt hurt and deprioritized, he said he doesn’t believe romantic relationships should take priority over friendships - he doesn’t like traditional hierarchal relationship statuses. He also said telling him I felt anxious about him spending time with her made him feel controlled.

For people who lean poly or relationship anarchist: is this a common philosophy? Or are we just fundamentally incompatible?

Is it unreasonable to expect your partner to prioritize your relationship, especially when you’re about to spend weeks apart, or is that just a monogamous assumption?

me (32) and bf (40) had a serious talk today. He started by saying that every now and then he wants to open communication in our relationship to make sure we’re on the same page.

Today, in his blunt honest way, he said he questioned if we were compatible long term. He said there are certain things about our relationship that make him question it.

He also said he wants to let me in more, emotionally and sexually, but he’s worried I won’t be able to handle him because he sees himself as complicated and difficult. But he said he does want to let me in emotionally.

The part that stung is that the whole conversation was framed around his doubts and whether I’m “enough” to handle him, and he didn’t name a single thing he loves about us or about being with me.

He also said he wonders if we ‘elevate’ each other.

I am a words of affirmation girl, so this shattered me. He was just being logical and pragmatic, i know. I feel he loves me….a month ago he told me he ‘sees a future with me’ and that im the healthiest relationship he’s ever had.

Now his pragmatic ‘check in’ conversation has left me feeling unloved and shattered. We spent 5 days straight together…i just left his place to spent a few days alone.

My boyfriend (40M) and I (32F) have been dating for about 8 months.

He’s one of the smartest and most socially connected people I know. A few months ago we met an affluent couple together - at my boyfriend’s friend’s party - who are creating an interdisciplinary residency in Switzerland that brings together artists, technologists, writers, philosophers, founders, filmmakers, and other creative people working on interesting projects.

**This isn’t a formal residency and my bf is not being paid. This couple is just bringing together creative innovative thinkers and offering them spots in their estate**

They later invited my boyfriend to participate and help curate attendees because he has connections to another iconic estate in Switzerland that they want to incorporate into the program. He’s since been inviting friends and collaborators to join. One artist friend he invited even asked me directly, “Why aren’t you coming?”

What hurts is that my boyfriend never once considered inviting me or even asking if I could join. When I brought it up, he said he sees it as work, feels weird asking to bring his partner, and that if it’s very “discourse-heavy,” it’s not really my discourse.
The thing is, I’m a writer. Long-term, I want to build exactly the kinds of communities that sit at the intersection of art, technology, philosophy, environment, and culture. I’m not a founder or technologist, but I don’t feel completely outside that world either.

There are also other couples attending, including people collaborating on creative projects together.

I brought it up to him the other day and he said he ‘feels a bit bad about Switzerland’ and he ‘hopes I understand that he feels weird asking them to bring his partner since they just invited him’…but it still hurts and I can’t let it go. But…What an incredible missed opportunity to connect on an extraordinary estate on a lake subtended by mountain peaks….my heart and ego is shattered. And I feel unseen by my boyfriend.

My question is: am I being unreasonable for feeling hurt by this? Is this simply a professional opportunity where partners shouldn’t expect inclusion, or would most people be bothered by their partner essentially saying they don’t really belong in a community they aspire to be part of?

What are some signs you’re in love with someone?

Open to all ENFPs but particularly for an ENFP, that’s only 52% F, right on the cusp of T. So Enfp leaning Entp.

I’m INFP and I have a hard time understanding my cerebral, avoidant enfp boyfriend.

My boyfriend (40M) and I (32F) have been together for about 7 months. We’re in a committed relationship, have traveled internationally together, I’ve met his family, and we’re discussing a future together.

One of his closest friends is getting married. She’s also his ex from years ago, though they’ve been platonic friends for a long time. I met her briefly for all of 5 minutes when we were visiting nyc about 2 months ago and we didnmt really vibe, but also barely spoke (we were in a group setting).

My boyfriend received the wedding invitation and assumed I would be attending as his partner. Flights were booked, and he mentioned me to the bride. That’s when she told him I was not invited to the ceremony or reception because of guest count limitations and cost (she says it’s around $1,000 per guest). She did say I could attend the after-party.

Thennn things escalated. the bride’s position was essentially that she never offered him a plus-one, doesn’t know me well, and that plus-ones are generally for people who have ‘been together longer, live together, and whom she’s spent time with.’ But then again…bf said a lot lf their mutual friends are bringing plus ones as guests..

My boyfriend pushed back and said he’d never been invited to a wedding where he couldn’t bring his partner. The bride accused him of being rude and immature for assuming I could attend.

I’m not angry at anyone, but I’m genuinely curious about the etiquette here.

If one of your closest friends had been in a serious relationship for 7 months, had traveled with their partner, introduced them to family, and considered them their official partner, would it be normal to exclude that person from the wedding? Or is the bride within her rights because weddings are expensive and she doesn’t know me personally?

Who is socially out of line here, if anyone?

The past 24 hours something has been off bw me (32) and my bf (40). We have been dating for almost 7 mos now. He has felt distant and is moody and self deprecating about his career and finances. I tried not to take it personally.

Then this morning, we biked to a workout class together and missed it by 1 minute and they refused to open the doors.

He blamed me and said i was taking my time leaving the apartment, but it was actually both of us moving more slowly that morning. I also had a bad rental bike and his was faster.

We went for a coffee and I asked him after his mood stayed sour toward me “A month ago in LA at that grocery store, you told me that you saw a future with me and this is the happiest relationship you’ve ever had. Are you still happy, just checking in?”

He shrugged and said ‘sometimes’. And said he’s not happy in our relationship now and wonder if there’s something unhealthy in our dynamic that keeps us from moving forward and being successful- using the missed workout class as an example.

I was looking for reassurance. Anything to make me feel safe. And he gave me a pragmatic ‘sometimes’. I starter to cry and left the coffee shop before he could see my tears. He texted after ‘apologies for bad mood’. But nothing else.

Should I break up with him? We haven’t even said I lobe you to each other yet, but I adore him. I feel he loves me too, other than when we have bad moments like this.

Also, at the coffee shop, I said that i don’t write anymore and have been struggling to write and he said ‘well maybe you’re not a writer’ which was blunt and hurtful.

He struggles with emotional processing (he told me this) and sucks with words of affirmation.

My bf and I have been together about 7 mos. I’m 32 he is 40.

Before we met, he briefly dated a woman from Hinge and they slept together twice but never became a couple. Around the time we started dating, she told him she was in love with him and spiraled when he told her he was dating me - he was shocked because they hadn’t had sex or kissed in months and assumed they had silently agreed they had just become friends. obviously, he didn’t reciprocate and told me in shock what happened the day after.

They rarely see each other, but she’s part of his creative/art world. She’s working as his graphic designer for a creative project in switzerland and TONIGHT he told me that they’re grabbing a drink, Also, she recently invited him to an artist residency she’s part of later this summer…where they’ll be for a few days together.

I trust my boyfriend and don’t think he’d cheat. He was transparent about seeing her and says he has no romantic feelings for her (also I met her and she’s not very pretty but very cool and smart and interesting)…But am I crazy for feeling uneasy about a friendship with someone who confessed love for him less than a year ago?

I’m also a bit triggered because i haven’t seen him for three days and had to text him to check im about sleeping over tonight. He said that I am welcome to sleepover but he’d be back late because he was grabbing a drink with this girl after therapy.

I am hurt that he didn’t tell me in advance. But he didn’t hide it either…

—

We JUST returned home after 5 weeks of travel together where he met my family in nyc. He told me on that trip he ‘see’s a future with me’ and that i’m ‘the happiest relationship he’s had’.

I also struggle from anxious attachment and distrust of men in general, so I wonder it i’m self sabotaging by being jealous or suspicious of their relationship.

My bf and I have been together about 7 mos. I’m 32 he is 40.

Before we met, he briefly dated a woman from Hinge and they slept together twice but never became a couple. Around the time we started dating, she told him she was in love with him - he was shocked because they hadn’t had sex or kissed in months and assumed they had silently agreed they had just become friends. obviously, he didn’t reciprocate and told me in shock what happened the day after.

They rarely see each other, but she’s part of his creative/art world. She’s working as his graphic designer for a creative project in switzerland and TONIGHT he told me that they’re grabbing a drink, Also, she recently invited him to an artist residency she’s part of later this summer…

I trust my boyfriend and don’t think he’d cheat. He was transparent about seeing her and says he has no romantic feelings for her (also I met her and she’s not very pretty)…But am I crazy for feeling uneasy about a friendship with someone who confessed love for him less than a year ago?

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We JUST returned home after 5 weeks of travel together where he met my family in nyc. He told me on that trip he ‘see’s a future with me’ and that i’m ‘the happiest relationship he’s had’.

I also struggle from anxious attachment and distrust of men in general, so I wonder it i’m self sabotaging by being jealous or suspicious of their relationship.